AUNTY BELLA – B-Dilemma

Hello Aunty Bella,

I need to get this issue off my chest immediately.
I have decided to get breast augmentation after many years of low self-confidence, teasing and insecurity. Some people might find this funny, silly or trivial but is very important to me. I am crippled my shyness and at 25, I have never been in a relationship.
When I was a teenager and I waited and waited for my breasts to grow with no avail.
I would get teased incessantly at school and come home crying. All the other girls were growing while I was left behind. I have tried push-up bras and all the other tricks. They don’t work. I just look awkward and disproportionate.
Aunty Bella, I recently found out that the NHS offers free breast augmentation if a psychiatrist can prove your physique has affected your psychologically and socially. I have passed this stage and had been given a date for the operation. I have even chosen the size, type and all the other details.
Now to my present predicament, on the day of the surgery, I couldn’t bring myself to go. I started having second thoughts. Is this really necessary, how will I explain to my parents, what will people say?
People, please help me. What should I do.

Miss B-Dilemma

Wow…I dont know what to say.
I really feel for her. She obviously has self image issues.
Advise?

43 Comments on AUNTY BELLA – B-Dilemma
  • naijagal November 16, 2006 at 5:51 pm

    FIRST! to B-Dilema
    how about taking self esteem classes or actually buying not push up bras but out silicon breast inserts

    you have to love yourself first body parts will not matter when you meet the right partner who would see more in you than the size of this and that.

  • Jumoke November 16, 2006 at 6:02 pm

    Coming from someone in the same shoes, I would say that this is not an easy issue to deal with…all through high school i had people make incessant fun of me…8 years after leaving high school, I’m not as bothered, because I choose to look at myself as being special. God wanted me to look this way, that is why he created me like this. I would encourage you to not look at this as a sort of deformity that you have to correct. God does not make mistakes, and he certainly did not make any mistakes when creating you. A guy who says he can’t be with you because of what you may or may not have on your chest is not worth knowing, and you are better off without him. You will meet the right guy for you who will appreciate you and your shape, just the way you are. At the end of the day, I trust that you will make the right decision as regards the surgery. chin up ;-)

  • Anonymous November 16, 2006 at 6:39 pm

    I think push-up bras are false advertising. How many of us have seen a nice dress in the store with a certain price – only to get to the cash register to discover that it’s beyond our budget?? I think this applies to potential mates too.

    Look, people spewing all that self-esteem bullshit about loving urself should shove it. If getting big boobies will improve ur outlook on life…go for it, kid. That said, I’m all for nipping, tucking, tweaking, lasering, lipo-ing, botoxing and lifting the hell out of every physical imperfection.

    Just make sure you know what u’re in for – Oh, make sure u get the best plastic surgeon…and know the risks…TWO WORDS for you – STELLA OBASANJO…

  • Beautifully Human November 16, 2006 at 6:44 pm

    hey girl!
    having small boobs can be a good thing too. Just think of all those low cut tops and stylish dresses you can wear, without looking like something out of page 3!

  • Thoughts November 16, 2006 at 6:49 pm

    Isn’t it a funny world.I know of someone who sometimes wishes she had smaller boobs because she feels her size 36 sometimes limits her to certain dresses and here you are wanting to augument yours.
    Fine you may feel uncomfortable with it, but dig around, I’m sure you have some fine characters that make you stand out.Build on those and watch your self stand and forget about what you used to think a disadvantage.Pls keep us posted.

  • PSB November 16, 2006 at 7:04 pm

    I say..Go for the girls! You have to do it for you! NOT for anyone else

  • Everchange November 16, 2006 at 7:11 pm

    I think this is a decision only you can make. I also agree with the other people who pointed out that your breast size has no bearing on whether you will be successful with guys or not. It may have to do with self-esteem issues, but in my view, there’s really nothing wrong with you bcuz you haven’t yet dated anyone at 25. I have friends your age or older who haven’t been in a relationship either, but they run in such social circles that nobody cares about that stuff, and when they do meet good guys, they have no hang-ups.

    I suggest working on building ur self-esteem. how many guy friends do you have? do you hang out with guys the same way you hang out with girls? have you developed interests that you can share with guys who like the same thing? Once you start befriending guys and getting them to respect and appreciate you as a person (as a good female friend would), you will attract all and sundry, and wouldn’t feel shy around them because you are used to focusing on ur mind and ur personality, rather than your looks/body. Good luck sha.

  • Anonymous November 16, 2006 at 7:24 pm

    B-Dilema,

    Tough issue especially in the day and age of “extreme makeovers.”
    The key concern for me is your lack of self confidence.

    If there’s is anything I can tell you, it has to be that men love a woman with confidence. Also, the other thing I can also tell you is that some men have a high preference for small breasted women, trust me I know this :)

    In fact really, all that is needed with small breast is a mouthful for men. Tell whatever guy that wasting breasts i.e. breast milk or whatever is highly discouraged! So, the small breast fit just right.

    Now let’s talk about YOU. Dating is not a determining factor of your self worth. When it comes it comes. People have dated forever and they are still hopeless and miserable.

    Why do you need implants to validate you? You will have implants and still have the same set of self estem issues.

    However, I do know what it feels like to think a certain body part does not work right for you. Be confident in who you and then try less intrusive methods that enhance your appearance.

    There are lots of natural ways with no side effects that can help with bigger breasts. It will take longer to see your breast develop but it is worth trying.

  • Icy November 16, 2006 at 7:46 pm

    hmmm.. this is not such a toughie.. Fact is a lot more ppl are more uncomfortable with their bodies than you would ever imagine. So rather than wallow day to day on your size.. Take a step and do something about it. If you believe it will make you feel better please I say go for it. My rationale is this:

    PPL are quick to judge when someone is having surgery for personal/vain/just because reason but if someone was a cancer patient or a burn victim they are more sympathetic and actually ask you to go for Surgery… Wut is the difference? Nothing I say… They are both trying to fix a physical “flaw”. If you really want to do this. Please be clear on all the facts and go for it babz and flaunt that sexy bod when ya done abeg.. o wa aiye anybody ( you didn’t come to this world for anyone but you)

    As per formilik they will get over it..You just have to be ready for the gossips that will linger for a while.. If you can manage ya set o!

    I say go for it.

  • Belle November 16, 2006 at 8:12 pm

    smaller breasts rock…!
    i say take what you perceive as a physical flaw, and embrace it. Remember doubt means dont!
    think of the ongoing maintenance once you get the implants, and also, if you decide to get them out, think of the stretched skin….

  • Anonymous November 16, 2006 at 9:15 pm

    you’re spending too much time on people and what they think of you and your lack of breastage. what do YOU want for YOURSELF? at first, you listened to them taunt you…now, you’re burdening yourself with what people will say about you post-surgery. not worth it. make a decision and stick to it. if you’re leaving your chest as is, do so and don’t look back. if you’re going down the silicone route, do it and don’t look back. once again, what do YOU want?

  • Overwhelmed Naija Babe November 16, 2006 at 10:24 pm

    Miss B-dilemma:usually people that make fun of you do so because they too are insecure about certain shit on themselves and feel better by putting others down… so i think the first step is to look inward.. I mean you sound like a nice person… build your confidence… love yourself… appreciate you… and trust me all the other stuff will come… I don’t think you not having dated any dude really has much to do with the shape of your breasts cos there’s beauty in all different body shapes… I mean not all guys like pamela anderson’s…

    Love yourself first… and if you really think that your life as it is is incomplete with a c-cup.. go for it… It’s your life babe… and no one can live it for you.. you don’t owe anybody an explanation… go out, meet boys, get a hobby, smile more, laugh more, dance when you can, admire your body, listen to Robin Thicke’s sexy voice, watch some porn, wear a sexy ‘freakum’ dress when you’re down and invest in a sexy pair of red heels.. everything else follows when you start taking care of number 1!!! Be well sweetie

  • koshie November 16, 2006 at 11:07 pm

    I don’t see the reason why you should fuss about your chest as longs the nipple has volume.

    But if you believe cosmetic surgery is the only solution to your self-esteem issues… then I’d say go for it.

    While thinking that this is the best option for you, you must bear in mind that there is a universal problem associated with plastic surgery which 95% of its patrons find hard to kick. And what I’m I referring to… ADDICTION

    Plastic surgery patient are never satisfied with the results. They believe that a little nipping and tucking in the ass, stomach, thigh etc will give them the perfect look they’ve always desired.

    But the truth is that one may end up looking like this http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/archives/000351.html if not careful.

    Think it through before you go for it. If you need psychological/emotional support, check out http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com . Looks are not everything.

    Rather than worry about your physical appearance, you should focus on your greatest asserts.

  • ANGEL123 November 16, 2006 at 11:21 pm

    I think the girl should go ahead with the surgery. This has nothing to do with self esteem.. i bet 90% of the girls talking about esteem don’t have little tiny breast.

    this girl wants to date; wants to feel like a real woman and you all are posting scary pictures and discouraging her. shame.

    Get yourself a decent cupsize, be proud of it. there is nothing wrong with it.

  • Adaure November 16, 2006 at 11:57 pm

    YOU WANNA TRADE…TAKE MY 32 D AND GIMME THE B…. I HATE BREASTS!!!!At least for now.
    The good things is that there are options. May be when my boobs start heading south i’ll go pump them up a little bit more. I say go for it if it makes you happy, but only do it for yourself, not because other people’s opinions forced you into making the choice. At the end of the day you alone will live with the breasts and whatever consequences arise.

    Make sure they are some HOT RACKS if you do get them. ;)

  • Anonymous November 17, 2006 at 12:03 am

    you are insecure about your breasts but do not want anyone to know you are insecure about them.

    probably there are a million adjectives you can imagine them attaching to you.
    the problem is 1. its still your imagination. 2. your happiness is not less important than opinions and judgements.
    im not a fan of cosmetic surgery (i prefer what not to wear over extreme makeover) but i think you should go with what you want. the 10% of the time your with the “jugders” hehehehe….will pale in comparison to satisfaction. ITS YOUR BODI!

    PAM

  • tatafo! November 17, 2006 at 1:12 am

    damn i’ve been trying to post for weeks…hopefully this post makes it through.

    Miss B. It’s tough being a small breasted chick and there are certain outfits that look better with a little more cleavage. I read an article once about a lady who decided to get implants. She was so worried about what people would think, how she would feel afterwards, she actually didn’t leave her place for two weeks out of ‘shame’. I’m happy to say at the time she wrote that article she was happy, confident and loving her new girls.

    I don’t care what anyone on here says, obviously you’ve lived with yourself all these years and you have done all kinds of self esteem boosters i imagine. If you can get the opportunity like you have, please go for it!

  • teekay November 17, 2006 at 1:44 am

    Girl, id say if it helps u feel better about yourself go right ahead, but thats just me, as soon as i pop those kids and i see some flabs, im off to get it fixed. But what id say is that, if u get the augmentation without sorting out ur self esteem issues first, it wouldnt really help. Hope all goes well.

  • ABBEY November 17, 2006 at 2:03 am

    B-Dilemma…self image is a tough thing to deal with. I have always been skinny and I remember back in high school people used to make fun of my big head and small body. It used to tough but with time, I have gained a bit more weight and do feel a bit more confident about myself. So yes body change can help your self image, but I have realized that no matter how beautiful you are, if you are not confident or you don’t feel beautiful no one else will notice your beauty.

    I’m a 34B myself but I know a few girls that have smaller boobs than me, and the way they strut their stuff, all the guys fall over them. So if its a guy you’re looking for, like others have said its confidence you need.

    I’m a bit worried that even after you get the surgery, it might not help your self-image much. You might now be worried that the people that used to know you before will tell the whole world your boobs are fake, then if you even get a guy, then you will be thinking about what he will say if he finds out your boobs are fake, if he likes you for you or for the boobs, etc. So it might not be the ultimate solution.

    Remember TLCs song:Unpretty? Speaking of them…Chili got Usher(at least for sometime) with a relatively flat chest right? Its possible sweetie.

  • beautyinbaltimore November 17, 2006 at 7:17 am

    Small breast are nice, they stay upright longer. Paris Hilton(I only like her for this) is flat, but she does not allow that to stop her from enjoying life, and neither should you.
    That said, if you really want implants at the end of the day, you should make yourself happy, but think long and hard about your decision.

  • Angie November 17, 2006 at 7:31 am

    OWNB spoke my mind. the people that tease u r obviously insecure abt themselves and envious abt the good qualities u possess…so they had to tease u abt something u don’t have and they have.
    I don’t think having bigger boobs attracts guys. The girl with no breast back in my secondary school was the first to get married!
    If u don’t feel good about urself, then how do u expect anyone else to, i m sure those teasing u sense ur insecurity that is why they capitalize on it.(u probably don’t believe people when they tell u that u r perfect the way u r).
    I m just wondering is it that guys don’t ask u out becos u have small boob(which i find unimaginable!!!) or u feel insecure with them??
    But u hav to realize something, if u get implants EVERYBODY is going to know that they r fake and the teasing will only be on a whole new level.So u need to start loving urself for u and u don’t need people around u, who can’t accept ur UNIQUENESS!!!

  • azuka November 17, 2006 at 7:50 am

    This is actually where I get a lot of flak.

    I don’t usually talk about this because people think I’m abnormal when I say I prefer small bust and rear sizes [don’t ask me why!].

    My point to the lady in question is that no matter how you look, there’s always someone out there who’ll appreciate you.

  • Anonymous November 17, 2006 at 10:37 am

    Bella Naija,

    U r good. Just when I was feelin’ like it’s time for another Aunty Bella, you read my mind and provided it!

    Thanx suga. Omo u r d best!

  • just some cat November 17, 2006 at 11:05 am

    If people tease you now coz you’ve got some physical ‘flaw’, they’ll probably do the same when they can see you’ve had ‘corrective’ surgery. Its your decision to make, but make sure you do it for YOURSELF, not for anybody else…especially not some guy. We ain’t worth it!

  • Suzy Peaches November 17, 2006 at 11:47 am

    Hi Honey,
    I have been through most of the comments that have been put up so far and I must admit a lot of good points have been made. I therefore proceed by echoing a few.
    I would say go for it if you think it is the right thing for you. You have had 25yrs to familiarise yourself with your body and if you don’t like it – then do something about it. I am all for change – permanent change! As you already know implants are not permanent and you will need to undergo several surgeries to maintain them. Is this something you are willing to put yourself through. As long as you aware and can deal with the financial, emotional and physical implications of your decision then you are good to go.
    I’ll briefly address the issue of “what would people say or think” – well who cares? All they can do is talk and if you are at peace with yourself – there is no reason to pay an audience to glib insouciant murmurs.
    And last but not the least “boy” issue. Well all I can say is there is nothing wrong in striving to look presentable. This is not to say that an augmentation is not a bit extreme (compared to changing your hair colour/style and wearing fancy cloths). But are they not all a means to end – they end here being landing yourself with the gorgeous man. Take it or leave it human beings can be fickle and although we like to pass ourselves of a deep soul seeking individuals we are almost always drawn to pulchritudinous winsome natured people.
    Honestly how many of us will give anytime of day to a suitor you were not physically attracted to?
    Lots of Love,
    Suzy . . .
    P.S.: Don’t rush into anything – take timeout to pray and seek counsel from your parents. I trust you will do the right thing! Good Luck.

  • LondonBuki November 17, 2006 at 11:58 am

    Think about it HARD… I have watched too many horror stories about breast implants gone wrong SO PLEASE if you decide to do it, maybe you shouldn’t do it on the NHS…

  • Anonymous November 17, 2006 at 2:50 pm

    Do not get implants. There are alot of things that could go wrong. Things most doctors dont tell you about.i know it’s not easy accepting what you have, especially with all the teasing, but you’ve got to try. Breast augmentation is like band-aid. If you dont deal with the insecurities tht stem from within, then fake boobies are gonna do very little to change the way you feel about yourself.

  • zaiprincesa November 17, 2006 at 5:27 pm

    hhmmm, sister B, where’s our weekend luv now?

  • Bella Naija November 17, 2006 at 6:27 pm

    Thanks for all the comments!
    I hope Miss B-Dilemma has gained some more food for thought on the issue…
    Weekend Luv will be up later

  • Anonymous November 17, 2006 at 6:31 pm

    Pls dont get implants..they look & feel fake.. your breasts are supposed to be soft whether small or big, so getting a large ‘strong’ chest is not worth it.. speaking of not loving your body remember most women have that problem.. there would always be a complaint somewhere..Tyra banks complains that her forehead is too big & halle berry wishes she had smaller boobs!

    I wish I had longer legs, bigger butt, smaller waist, longer hair & bigger boobs..but guess what I dont! this is just a wish, but then i’m real wit my self & I love & work with what I have…

    Just my 2 cents..

  • Chesty Anderson November 17, 2006 at 8:39 pm

    Have breast implants and they hurt like hell when I first go them done.
    I felt like I was going to die from all that pain.

    But I like them now.

    It is a personal choice and they look and feel fabulous not hard like some people think. My man calls them funbags (blush) but seriously you have to get informed about who gets to augment you. God has made us all as perfect as he can and all they do is tweak Gods work. You will stll remain spineless if you were before the implants so understand that you will attract all types of men because of your new look and may or may not find the one who likes whats on the inside. My ex loved my body and would show me off to his buds but when I opened my mouth he never listened to my point of view. But that was then now I am happy within and without.

    Dear make sure you are happy with you first! Those fun bags are the Chicken and the assorted meat on the jollof rice!

  • jadedKiss November 17, 2006 at 9:47 pm

    models are sexy with their flat boobs babe, no need to go under the knife. plus if u plan to ever have kids u wont be able to breastfeed.
    but do what works for yu babe.
    wont it be horrible tho, if implants dont solve your esteem issues?

  • Anonymous November 17, 2006 at 11:46 pm

    Okay Okay so wetin you go do? advice do!

  • NIGERIA POLITRICKS November 18, 2006 at 12:17 am

    Well, the young lady needs some counselling and prayers. I am sure there are a lot of men out there who likes women without boobs!
    So, she needs to chill out and raise her head up!

  • boorish male November 18, 2006 at 1:40 am

    As far as I am concerned, anything more than a handful is a waste of flesh. It is really nothing to worry about, I am a red blooded Naija male and i prefer my women small chested.

  • Anonymous November 18, 2006 at 2:07 am

    Man I have to have boobs !

  • UnNaked Soul November 20, 2006 at 9:59 am

    Do whatever makes you feel comfortable… and if you regret it later then you didn’tr think it through or you were only trying to please someone or something, and not you… First rule of humanity SELFISHNESS!

  • Anonymous November 29, 2006 at 8:27 pm

    small breasts are great…not like i would know…but u can wear sooo much more with or without a bra depending on ur mood! annd ure not in as much danger as having them droop to ur knees!

  • Anonymous June 21, 2007 at 11:54 pm

    A boob job will not solve all your problems!
    Stop whining, you are blessed!
    Focus on more important aspects of your life.

  • oyenike Alliyu June 5, 2009 at 1:03 pm

    you can go for it,big breast is the bomb it fits

  • oyinkansola July 6, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    din’t they teel people it increases your chance of getting breast cancer? why are people still doing this i went to coco’s in newyork last year and i thought i was dreaming everyone had it done, something is wrong somewhere eventually it will grow, you hit a stage it will seem as if they grew overnight

  • WALE ADENIJI September 18, 2009 at 12:28 pm

    Hey! What’s the problem with this lady. None, i think. I wish i could just meet her. If i love her,i will marry her with her situation which i don’t consider as anything. I perfectly understand how she feels but all she needs now is an assurance from a loving man who would let her know breast or no breast,she looks perfect. I wish Aunty Bella would just connect us both. What’s the big deal about breast?

  • FirstIWantToDanceWithYouPere September 18, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    abeg do it and if you dont like it go take off the silicone!!!

  • Post a comment