Comments on: Things My Mother Never Taught Me

By: koko brown

koko brown — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 10:58:25 +0000

hi lola
i think you just have to forgive and forget cause the truth of the matter is that when you do that you are not only doing your mum a favour but also yourself.
life is too short……..learn to move on fast

By: Jade82

Jade82 — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 18:24:58 +0000

My dear your story is very touching, and sad. But what I must say is find a place in your heart to forgive and try to learn things about her. It’s easy to write but I know it’s hard to do.
When you sit down and think about it; except your brothers she is the only parent you have now. Your Dad is remarried; so basically he waited till all of you became teenagers to get his life back on track again. So don’t drown in anger because guess what he is happy again, and could careless if you will find love or not.
The time he used to cater you and your brothers was his way of healing and getting over your mother. He became NUMB too, pushed her away, and never answering questions about her should give you a reason to talk to her and make her your best friend.
Prayer is key, go to church and seek advice, stay around positive people. Because, if your father kept her away from contacting you and your brothers what exactly would you want her to do? Talk to your mother you will find out the truth about everything.
Trust me if your mother didn’t care she would never show up. My sister when you forgive it is easier to love her, exclude blaming anyone now it’s too late for that, make do with what you have it will only make you a much better person now and later. You have one life to live; live it being happy and never sad….
Stay blessed!!!!!!

By: Abdul

Abdul — Sun, 03 May 2009 21:27:34 +0000

i wish i could write somethin meaningful to advice u, but i guess my story could ease ur pain a bit. My mother, my world, my heartbeat, my soulmate……my everything. My world seemed meaningless without her love yet sometimes i think i didn’t do enough to reciprocate her love for me. I wish i could turn back d hands of time to say mum i really do love n appreciate all ur effort to make me who i am today. Babe ur case is quite hard to swallow but a listening ear to her could mark d begining of ur joy. There is nothing compared to mothers love wen u r furtunate to have her around u.

By: oma

oma — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 15:14:10 +0000

If it is neither her mother’s fault nor her father’s, is it her fault that she was borne? Its time we stopped being evasive when it comes to apportioning blames.There are people who live in the same society and have managed to keep their family together. Why could her parents not have done the same?
I also believe you should think about getting married if all is well. You don’t want to regret things in future. It is not all marriages that assume the picture painted in her story. There are good men out there who can love you more than your parents do…yeah more than your parents! Such men know you are a better half and not a lesser being.

By: Gbollymac

Gbollymac — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 14:32:11 +0000

People! is it wrong that Lola chose to rise up to the occassion rather than wallow in the tragedy…its like black people blaiming under-achieving on slavery, lets give her a chance

By: tarisai kanyama

tarisai kanyama — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 13:48:40 +0000

i’m really sorry to hear about what happened to you but believe u me people have been through the worst of situations. i can relate to you cos i grew up without both my parents, i didnt konw my father until high school. my mother and i never really bonded because i spent my childhood with my grandparents. but what i can say to you is that “what determines our strength as people is how well we rise after a fall.’ you may play the blame game all you want but u’ll hurt yourself more, the first step to happiness is forgiveness and by doing that you free yourself from emotional bondage.. i see myself in you girl!!! i was once mad at my mother, my father, at the world until i realised that i had to keep my head above the sand.. be strong.. we were born to strive and endure, open your heart to love and everything is going to be ok.

By: Titi Jane

Titi Jane — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 10:28:23 +0000

You are too AFRAID to stand up to your father.

You better get over it now before it’s too late. Did you ask your dad why he kept her letters from you? I bet not! You know Nigerian men are good at that horse dudu. Your dad sent her packing and kept her away from you. If you have to blame someone it’s your dad……better yet, just move on…..believe me I have been in your shoes.

By: mimz

mimz — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 23:21:18 +0000

i am so feelin lola…we are in naija, not jand or the UK or some european nation, i dont mean to belittle the piece but i think we do not have to rationalise our behaviours or our problems, the onus is on us to choose how to live our lives and not allow the sour grapes of our parents to set our teeth on edge. u can choose to love ur momma, ma folks r separated and believe me it was terrrible with a lot of mudslinging between them but i jus tried not to take sides and love them despite their faults as God commanded and i think im better of for it

By: myalteregoisayanna

myalteregoisayanna — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 22:25:45 +0000

Indeed I was moved by your story. My mum never left, she was there and still is but she could very well not have been there cos even though she and my dad never separated, I never knew her. She never taught me anything and I wondered a million times if she was truly my mother. Having said that, the choice was mine to let her affect me so or to move on. Sadly I don’t have lovely stories about my mum like most people do but I am SO determined to NOT be like her because usually, we become that which we fear the most…..

Determine to start living!

Best wishes..

By: CONSCIOUSNESS

CONSCIOUSNESS — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 05:05:43 +0000

Lola, how blissful the solitary island of ignorance must be aye…?

By: Tolu

Tolu — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 20:58:04 +0000

That’s a sad story, and it makes me think, “that did not inspire me at all!” Stories like these are better suited and should be addressed in a different section. I would love to be inspired when I come to this section, not dismayed.

Awesome website by the way.

By: nony

nony — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 13:05:16 +0000

my bad….waz meant to write it under kpakpando’s comment

By: nony

nony — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 13:03:34 +0000

true dat

By: nony

nony — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 13:00:26 +0000

u hit d nail on d head

By: nony

nony — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 12:58:39 +0000

well said

By: Yemi

Yemi — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 12:12:41 +0000

I know exactly where youre coming from as my dad took me from my mum when i was about 5, i live with my mum now but hings arent the same cos sometimes i hate her for not coming to get me…I know its not her fault but because of them my childhood was messed up…just try to love her as best as you can but dont rush things as it could have adverse effects..

By: Kpakpando

Kpakpando — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 17:49:51 +0000

My laptop contracted ogbanje spirits apparently… continuing on.

We are all shaped by our childhoods, it’s unfortunate that some parents cannot see past themselves to think of what their decisions today will mean for the next generation. Many of us have grown up in less than ideal situations and somehow manage to adjust ourselves to “normalcy”, but certain insecurities, decisions, fears and issues we have are rooted in the foundation that our families provided.

The good thing is that healing is an option, so we’re not bound by our past circumstances, whatever they may be.

By: mary

mary — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 16:28:52 +0000

Oh my its so obvoius you are affected by your childhood just with this little write up my own advice to you is too see a shrink who wuould help you with all these your inbuilt aggression which I can tell stems from your childhood!

By: Eva

Eva — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 16:28:15 +0000

I understand where you are coming from. In your case it was your mom who left, in mine, my dad. But we cannot continue to prevent ourselves from living life to the fullest.

The situation in Nigeria where everyone thinks the man is the household has led many homes broken where the woman has to pack her bags and live. If we have and could sustain the belief that marriage is a partnership not one where an individual is the commander and the other individual is simply a tool to carry the commandedr’s goals and ambitions. We, women, choose to be made a fool of and we also have to bear the consequences. Choosing to be a housewife or a househusband is a choice, but it should not be when there is a possibility that there might be a fallout in a relationship.

It is the mentality that we have that I have decided not to get married. Not because I cannot find love or I am afriad to, but I do not want to be made a lesser being for the sake of a union.

My dear it is not your mother’s fault and not your dad’s either. They were brought into an environment that praises and uplifts chauvinism and as a result, they simply play their gender roles that has been laid out to them. Give your mother a chance, just as I have given my mother has. And also give yourself a chance. Because like the first commenter claimed, you only have one life to live.

By: Kpakpando

Kpakpando — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 16:16:02 +0000

Perhaps you’re more affected by your “times and days gone past” than you would care to admit, because if I were the psycho-analyzing type, I might say that the (unwarranted) aggresiveness in your response is proof positive.

We’re all shaped by our childhoods, in