Aunty Bella: Mrs. Waiting on the Lord
Posted on Tuesday, March 10th, 2009 at 7:22 pmBy Bella
Sometime last year, I was at an event and got talking to a group of ladies. As the conversation trailed on, I and one of the ladies in the group clicked and drifted apart from the group. She told me about her newly launched business and she had heard of Bella Naija so it was quite an engaging conversation. We exchanged numbers and kept in touch over the months…Last week, we finally had a chance to catch up for drinks. She had told me over the phone that she wanted to discuss something relating to BN and I had assumed that she wanted us to work on a piece on her business venture but I was wrong. It was something much more personal and she wanted to share it with BN. Please read on and offer your advice and prayers – The ‘Aunty Bella’ story is Mrs. WOTL’s story as related to Bella Naija.
Dear Aunty Bella,
I am in my twenties and am married to a great guy. My husband and I are one of the lucky few who met each other early and maintained the relationship all through the years. We met in secondary school (he was my prom date!), dated all through uni and finally got married about 3 years ago. You can say that I have led a blessed life. Graduated on time, got married on time (yeah yeah, there is no perfect time to get married but you know Nigerian standards now). Well, it has been a great ride so far. My parents are supportive, my husband and I have a very good relationship and I have a newly launched promising business. Now to the issue, as you probably guessed from my ‘name’, I am waiting patiently on the Lord. When I got married, I swear I didn’t even give a second thought to the possibility of not getting pregnant immediately. I didn’t even think about it! I just assumed it would happen. Hubby and I were so excited that we will finally ‘shed the rubbers’ LOL. See us strategizing our honeymoon and things! Well, honeymoon was lots of fun and I was convinced that I was carrying my honeymoon baby. Afterall, I had that glow when we got back to Nigeria. Imagine my shock when I saw ‘red’ that month! I still did not fret though. Hubby and I just carried along our business as usual and each month, ‘red’. After a couple of months, I finally confided in my mom. She just said I should relax and that it would come. That I was simply overthinking things. Once, my marriage clocked one year, my mom just called me one afternoon and told me to meet up with her. One of our close family friends is a renowned gyno and she had booked an appointment for me with him. We both went to see him and we had a chat as well as some tests. Test results came back and they were fine. Therefore, I had to have that very difficult discussion with hubby. We had never discussed the fact that I hadn’t conceived all through this while so it was kind of difficult bringing it up. We talked and he was ok with doing the tests. He got tests done and all was fine. The doctor just told us to relax, improve our diet and exercise regime and also gave us some practical tips (it was cringeworthy listening to my old family friend giving me intimate tips but the man was just doing his job)! We put all that into practice but months later. Nothing! All through this time, you know the deal, others got married then pregnant, many more got unexpectedly pregnant, then all the questions and comments from people around us. Finally decided to get try assisted conception. Most of the doctors told us to be patient as we were both young, had no medical issues and had ‘only’ been trying for about 2 years. I understood their point but I was the one going through the pain. We got a good doctor decided to go with the IVF option. You know people throw terms like IVF around and you think since its commonplace, it is painless and seamless. It is not o. The whole process is painful and invasive even for the man, it is mentally tasking. During the IVF journey, I became closer to God and met so many women both in person and online. Some of these women had been trying for over 10 years! I even felt guilty because I had been married for a short while.
Well the IVF didn’t take and I was still not pregnant. The whole thing exhausted me mentally and previously jolly me found myself being eying pregnant women and turning down baby shower invites. I tried to be cool about it but I couldn’t help it. For the first time in my life, I just felt like a failure. After the first IVF, the doctor just told us to relax and keep trying naturally. He said that as a young couple with no proven fertility problems, we should be able to conceive naturally soon. At that point, I quit my job, dragged hubby on a holiday and when we got back, I just decided to let be and let God. That is the point I am at now, I am just praying and waiting on the Lord while pursuing my passion and growing as a person. For anyone on this journey with me, please keep the faith! You will not believe the rotten advice (e.g. to go to one ‘prayer house’ or the other!) and comments that I have received from the most unlikely quarters. Ignore! Yewande Zaccheus’ books ‘God’s Waiting Room I & II’ have been invaluable and open communication with hubby has helped us. For any young ladies out there, I will just advice that you take your reproductive health very seriously. Use protection, go for regular pap & STI tests and report any oddities to your doctor. You know your body better than anyone! Through my journey, I have met so many women carrying huge amounts of guilt. Please do not blame yourself for any perceived ‘wrongs’ that might be causing infertility! Even if it is true, being depressed about the past wont change the present. For me, my mom thinks I should try another round of IVF and sometimes I do get panicky and scared but I know God is in control. I will still love to hear feedback from women, any advice and stories of hope and trying.
Mrs. WOTL
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My wife and i have been married for over three years without a child and i can really relate with how you are feeling.But you know what?God is on the throne and i pray and know one day he will definetely do it for all of and other couples looking up to him.Pls keep the faith and be strong
Lady, don’t worry. I got married in April of this year, and I have been tryin’ ever since. My parents and inlaw are already bugging about us having kids. We are trying but I kno God has a purpose 4 everythin. When He decides to give, it’ll be 4 gud cuz God’s gift addeth no sorrow 2 it. Be patient, keep on looking 2 Jesus who is the author and finisher of your faith. He’ll definitely do it. I’ll put u in prayers.
I suggest that you take these steps, it might help
1. Think back, have you sone anything u tink might have caused this. If yes, report to ur doctor immediately. If NO, then;
2. Meet your husband at the right time (you know wat i mean)
3. Dont give up. Patience is a virtue.
Daughter of Zion…it’s well with you,I am a young man and has gone through lot’s which has helped me to see and understand the Omnipotency of God.I virtually lost my mind for one whole year but God still stepped in to deliver me.I am so sure He can for you.But I must tell you that the mind is the battle ground for anything you desire in life including babies…Your Mind!What you accept and believe in your mind consciously or unconscoiusly co-ordinates your life.So what then is the solution? You must consciously renew your mind with the “TRUTH”,many of our fears are facts,many of the insinuations,reports are facts.Facts may fail but TRUTH never fails.You are a believer I know,but you must take a step further by renewing your mind daily with the word of God,pulling down those little doubts,fear and double mindedness.As you renew your mind daily with the truth(the word of God),your confidence and faith is built up to believe what He says…”that none shall be barren in thy Land” Exo23:26.As you read this I see every hindrances to your fruitfullness destroyed in Jesus Name.
My dear sister, there is nothing God can not do. I believe, this is just one of those times God is teaching patience. I tried for a child for one and a half years. I had countless doctor’s appointments but there was nothing wrong with me, neither was there anything wrong with my hubby. We were both healthy young adults. At some point, I just decided to stop worrying about it and continue doing the things I wanted to do while I still had the free time. My last obgyn referred me to a specialist but i kept postponing because I kept believing there was nothing wrong and that I would conceive on my own. anyway, I succumbed and decided to see this fertility specialist. The guy ran tests to start the process and found out that I had already conceived. God had done His job without anyone’s help. Just leave everything to Him, He knows no impossibilities. I will recommmend this book as well…’Taking care of your fertility’…arming yourself with information makes a world of difference. I conceived the month after i read this book.
Take care.
my aunt has been in those shoes for up to 22yrs now, sometimes i look at her and i am wondering what she thinks, but God hass been on her side, cause her husband has never for once strayed, so only God can do it at the appropriate time, remain steadfast in him, pray against temptation and being at the wrong placeand watch him do the best. wait on the lord
Ppl go thru waiting in every aspect of our lives,it could be for a job, life partner , financial breathru or the fruit of the womb like you.What is important is ow we make use of the wait. Trust God and His word completely. Keep yoursef busy, do things you always wanted to do and sooner than you tink you will have a miracle.He has done it for others, you are no exception.Read this book ‘GOD’S WAITING ROOM.
One thing I am happy about your story is that you got closer to God. Absolutely nothing can undermine the importance of His prescence in our lives cos it makes all the difference.
My dear, it will come, sooner than you expect but you have to BELIEVE that it will. The simplicity of believing makes it seem elusive especially if one is fighting against all odds which you are not. NEVER allow fear to creep in. Your thoughts, words and actions must show your expectation of your babies.
It is well with you! I remember you in my prayers.
I pray God bless you with what you desire soonest Amen
my dear dont panic, am in the same shoe with u., but i ´v vow nothing on earth ´ll separate me from the love & JOY OF THY LORD. deut 7 vs 14 said there shall be no male or female barren among us,GOD is not man that he should lie. he is a covenant keeping GOD .my parents had us 4girls & the other 3 had finished giving birth in their husband house, but my own case is different despite the fact that i was among 2nd to last. GOD has a special assignment with me, HE want to lift me to a certain level. so right now am in my wilderness expectig my peculiar children. so my sister cast all ur trust on GOD not on man understandings that fails. ask GOD to grant u grace to carry the cross till his appointed time 4 ur childrens. dont murmur , dont faint it must surelly come to pass. u must multiply in JESUS NAME AMEN.