Making Your Relationship Work – Part I
Posted on Wednesday, March 18th, 2009 at 12:00 amBy Ife Komolafe
So many women lament that ‘it never seems to work’…’something always goes wrong’ etc…
Maybe you think you don’t know how to establish a good relationship with that special somebody. But you can! It’s a give and take thing.
OK, let’s try a few things. Some of these might seem simplistic but sometimes basic advice is best!
Commit
Can you claim to be in a relationship and not be totally committed? I think not. If you don’t chose to “commit” to the other person, then it’s time to get stepping. We live in a society where we constantly hear advice like ‘you better have a backup in case he messes up!’. If you feel you need a ‘backup’ then that relationship is not worth being in. Genuine commitment is always a number one priority. Make up your mind to give your all to that special one and everything else follows and begins to fall in place. Being in a relationship is a serious affair. Like, it’s no joke and it‘s heartbreaking when one person is not investing in the simple act of commitment. Total commitment is a sign of mutual respect and responsibility. If it’s not there, you may need to start re-evaluating your relationship.
Quit Fronting, Be You
What is a relationship without freedom? A solid and meaningful relationship is the ability to express yourself. Seriously, you just need to quit playing Ms or Mr. Perfect. What is that? BE YOU!!! I beg of you. Fart because you can. Be free because you can’t afford not to! I know one married couple that the wife swears that her husband has never seen her without makeup. Seriously! Fake partners who can’t express the freedom to be themselves should not be in a relationship. Folks, enter into a relationship with the right to be yourself. Think about it like this, how can you choose to confine yourself? Your relationship shouldn’t feel like prison now. C’mon peoples! Shake it off and do you. This stuff really does happen. You’ll be pleasantly surprised by how much people lack the freedom to express their true self.
Trust
Arghhh! Sounds cliché? I know but what is a relationship without trust? Let’s see, you don‘t trust your partner and you expect your relationship to work? Yea, sure. I think we underestimate the importance of trust in a relationship. It is vital and it’s creates peace. Women especially need to start letting go of the ‘men can’t be trusted’ mindset. It’s just draining. Don’t be a mugu, and don’t be super gullible either. Let yourself trust, and if you get burned, learn your lessons. Good news is trust and karma go hand in hand. You know what they say, karma is a b*t**. Did you trust your loved one and they let you down? You just relax and let karma handle it.
One last thing…
People’s Democratic Relationship
Gossip! People love to hear about other people’s relationship. If someone wants to dish to you about her relationship, then it’s cool. Just fine! But don’t let that someone be you! I know it’s super tempting to want to dish out to your home boys or talk to your girls but just don’t do it. I’m telling y’all. This is one thing that can actually save your relationship. It’s called the power of mute. Think about it like this, when ’wahala hits the fence. You want to know that it’s only you and him that contributed to the success or failure of your union. But what happens when you always seek a fifth and seventh opinion? What happens you call Titi and you vent, and Titi gives her two cents, and then Seyi comes over later at night and then you dish out to her again, tomorrow right after church, Tolu comes over to hang out and she starts talking about her man and dearest you added your own story too. Now that you have lamented, and Titi, Seyi, and Tolu have donated their opinion. Has it solved your problem with your man or your chic? I’m just saying…
Even if you don’t do “new year resolutions,” it’s 2009 and I urge you to do this one thing for yourself and your partner. If anything I think it’s sexy. There’s just something about y’all when nobody knows ‘jack’ about your relationship!
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That’s it for now, I bet we’ve heard all this before but do we sincerely apply them? We’ll love to hear from you, feel free to share any of your own ‘home truths’ and any other practical advice.
Tags: advice, Ife komolafe
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Nice article Ife. Does your friend sleep with make up?? that’s just wrong. If she’s been with her man for long then make up or no make up should be the last of her worries.
At Esty, most women are scared of their mother in-laws, we always pray we have a nice one that would love us but sometimes they r not. If she thinks your taking her son away(his already a mama’s boy), you just have to warm up to her and let her know one day, her son is gonna leave her and start a family of his own. You cant drive her out the house. You have to make her see that its not like that. At least ur own is ok, most in-laws do not like the woman because of her tribe… What would do we do?
How do you deal with a extremely controlling man or a cheating man?
hi there i have a big question about mother in-laws what if your boyfriend’s mom hates you to the core because she thinks you are taking her son from her what do you do?how do you make such a relation ship work and to add the boy lives with his mom and is so close to her .and has no dreams of moving out yet .
there is no way u will not discuss ur relationship issues with ur “friends”,no matter how u try it.but know the type of friend u discuss ur relationship issues with and the kind of relationship issues dat u discuss with ur friend…above all make God ur best friend.remember that He knows ur future more than u know ur past.HE WILL HELP U.
Personally, i feel you could share your relationship issues with people but know the friend you disclose this to and most importantly have an open mind to other people’s opinion cuz other people see things you don’t see atimes. Always remember that God is the ultimate above all friends.
i have been with my boyfriend for over 8yrs now, we are in love and he talks about marriage everytime, he really treats me well, makes me feel special and all…..but the problem is his anger he gets really aggressive and acts psychotic soemtimes when he is angry, and i am really scared for my life..he hasnt yet but he is capable of hiting me one day and i am scared he is waiting till we catually marry before he does this…and what annoys him is the fact that he wants me to be more submissive, i am not that sort of girl and he knows that, i respect him and all but i am not what he reallywants and we have spoken about this, he still says he loves me….im scared he may kill me one day but yet he loves me…he disrespects me on the phonesometimes and shouts at me abusively then he calls back and apologises…do u think i should run for dear life before its too late, or do u think i can stick with him and help him chnage, so u thinnk its unfair if i live?
RUN!!! You can help me from a distance. People hardly change and you might be saving yourself by running now instead of staying and living in danger.
RUN FOR YOUR DEAR LIFE!!! Why be in such a relationship? You need a man that makes you not to be afraid of anything, a man that will protect you in any situation NOT a man that scares you.
YOU NEED TO LEAVE, because first and foremost if a man has to yell at a women to get his point across he is a coward. Secondly is you know hw has a temper like that you need to rethink your life with him because know women deserves that or need to be treated like that. Thirdly and most importantly you CAN NOT CAN NOT CAN NOT CHANGE ANY MAN, thats not your job in this relationship, its his to recognize that he has a good woman and learn how to treat her. SO LEAVE MY DEAR QUICKLY.
I think you should run, leave him alone, cuz once ur married and he shows u his true colors there is no going back o…………..
what other word can be used asides from RUN…. i’ll let u know when I find out!
All u’ve said points to the fact that this guy wants a slave and im sorry to say but i think u’re making your self just that!
First you stick with a guy for 8yrs and he’s not thinkin of pickin a date to put a ring on it?! lemme guess, you cook, clean and caress him!
If so, he has a wife and he hasnt even paid the dowry.
I’ve been there, you think it will get better but then the years roll by and trust moi, he wont change, not now, not ever. Marrying him would be suicidal. End it now, take time out for personal development, you’re better than what he’s handing out so MOVE OUT and MOVE ON! Make friends that’ll help you identify your strenghts, boost your self esteem and meet real men that will treat you right.
Dont hang on to the fact that he’s your first love or that he’s romantic or you gave it to him (virginity), all that is crap. A guy who abuses you either verbally or otherwise is not worth it!
Love BN
My own case is deferent I meet this guy and he shown me love and I also love him though I am no nonsense person but when I meet this guy I summated to him I do everything he asked me to do I treated him like a king though I have never seen him with another person he is honest with me and me too but what surprised me most is that he has change for the past view week to me thing he use to do when we just meet he has stopped doing them and I have asked him several time he refused to talk and I don’t want to tell any body about it I have only been praying to God to change him for me because I loved him so much but if he refused to change this is my decision.
I will leave him and I will tell me him to leave me alone then I will wait till I see another person.
Thank you.
Rose
i agree with bella, about let ur relationship be between u and ur man but sometime as a human we cant control ourselves wen sumtin happened and u want to share it wit ur friends or for example: maybe u went to visit sade and she said my husband has dis bad habit and u too we be like yes…mine too does the same thing, from there one topic leads to another. Again u have to know ur friends but the best thing i can say is leave everything to God or else people we give u different advise and in the end u urself will forget abt ur own want in a relationship. About d fart business lol pple always say fart in front of ur man to be comfortable….i think since wen i was young i have been brought up to know fart as a bad manners in front of someone so i still cant do it in front of anyone even my dad or sister..
Don’t talk about your relationship, you kill it when u do. This is out of the suubject, but if he has no money dump him. No jokes. I’m not a gold digger. My professor once said “Only stupid girls date broke guys.” LOl
Lool,
I tru sey make one soji b4 they enter the relationship, but omo…
rich today doesnt guarantee future wealth
and some not so rich guy today, might be rich tomorrow.
not true in all cases sha, but u get my flow…
Those broke guys also deserve to be loved.
Naa it’s not that the girls are stupid to date broke guys but it turns out to be a stupid decision if, of many instances, he develops an unhealthy dose of inferiority complex and starts acting up on you. Then abeg first watch and pray. If all else fail, cut that rod and start fishing in fresh waters, hopefully better off.
What if you dump and tomorrow he turns out to have enough even more, what will you do?Life is like a ball, it rotates, don’t look down on somebody bcos he has nothing today.
some may even wish to spend but bcos of the responsibilities they have or they don’t have to money.
Remember, tomorrow is pregnant!
PLS PARDON MY ENGLISH,TYPING ERRORS.
Well at sometimes in life we want to have how cake and eat it.Have learnt my lessons and thats why am advicing those who cares to listen.
PO.