Although I strongly believe that what you did in you past is yours, and your past partner’s, info to discuss as you see fit, I would caution you to make your peace with the potential wahala that might result from having something to do with a guy whose friend you have been with (sexually?).

Most guys (and even girls self) have not evolved to the level of accepting that. It is a very complicated issue and that is why most people go to great lengths to avoid dating a friend of an ex.

In addition, I don’t know if you are Nigerian but if you are … You should also be aware of how small our community is and how very quick we can be to pas judgments (esp. on females). You and your friend-whose-friend-you-have-already-been-with-in-the-past might just be talking now but is that what other people will see? How comfortable are you with being the topic of discussion or worse “the-girl-we-all-give-the-side-eye-to-and-tell-our-friends/sisters/brothers-to-stay-away-from”?

For now it is all innocent between you and your friend-whose-friend-you-have-already-been-with-in-the-past, and it might always be, but seriously …. is it worth it to be “the-girl-we-all-give-the-side-eye-to-and-tell-our-friends/sisters/brothers-to-stay-away-from? For what? For why? For whom?

At the end of the day, it is your own comfort level that will determine how far you go and how much you tell.

Even when I had not done the deed, any guy that asked me “Are you a virgin” got an EMPHATIC NO but I always followed up with a question of my own which was (and still is) “Why are you asking” (you will be amazed at how much information that answer reveals). If he asks me “How many partners have you had” he gets told that it is frankly none of his business/I don’t want to disclose that information to you yet/ever (depends on if I think I can trust him enough to respect my person). And this is because for me, not only is there no shame in my game … but also my being a virgin or not tells you nothing about how comfortable/uncomfortable I am with my sexuality (which is one of the most important things I look for in a partner).

The only way you can gauge how much info to spill is by getting to know who the wo/man is. Some people (born again Christians or not) have double-standards while others hold others to the same standard they hold themselves. If you are interested in always being yourself (esp. in your love relationships/marriage) … you will invest the time early in your friendship/courtship to find out how s/he treats others.

Na the kind wo/man and the kind marriage way you need na him go determine the kind person you go date … not the other way around. You don’t meet a person before deciding for yourself what kind of union/friendship/marriage you need in your life, you decide all that information as you journey through life and then you keep your eyes open for the folks that complement your goals.

If you need a man who is your partner, your friend, and will always uphold and honor you, you set the standards and let the chips fall where they may. I believe that if you do this, you will not end up with a person who constantly uses information you entrusted them with to get a dig at you. S/He might slip once or twice, in moments of anger, but not always.

Better keep your greatest secrets to yourself . . .

Ara l’amo, a o mo’nu