Comments on: Where my girls at?

By: Laface

Laface — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 17:00:35 +0000

Am a Lil curious here: If all the ladies here are commenting on how gossipy(hope such words exists?) and envious and bla bal sheep there female friends are, does it not mean that we ourselves are natural gosips et al? Cos, if i complain i dnt like my female frnds cos they are too mouthy and you also complain too abt the same issue-female friends, then who are these ‘bad-betrayed us-in-the-past’ gossips/galfrnds? Go figure.. It is still Us!
If you are a lady here and have’nt gossiped or run down another female cum bestfriend, hands in the air. I dont seem to be seeing any hands or is there?
The way 4wad is for ya’all to stop complaining on how bad ur galfrnds are and try to focus on improving Gurl-Gurl relationships by keeping ur mouths shut most of the times and respecting the confidence ur galfrnds placed in u by sharing their life issues with u….Moi inclusive!

It cant be that hard, innit? Afterall, our so called male-bestfrnds are doing it…
For those who have great female best frnds..I envy you! Wld trade that for anything…

By: babalwa

babalwa — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 14:48:47 +0000

Nice one Ekene. Well i suppose most of us sisters have at some point or the other experienced ‘toxic’ friendships. The biggest lesson though is to recognise such friendships and walk away from them. I must say though that i am blessed to have the kind of friends that i have. You know what, I have come to a realisation that old friendships ( friends that you’ve grown up with or you have known since you were little)are the always the ones that remain rather that friendships started in your older years.

By: PET

PET — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 13:35:34 +0000

Alero, i think we’re on the same chapter, probably different pages. In my case, girlfriends have been burdens all thru school, in secondary school they were always borrowing my things and gossiping about how my parents spoilt me with gifts (was it my fault that i had a little extra?), in university they all simply dumped their burdens on me, which i gladly bore, however, when i had the simplest of issues, they were never there to listen let alone help, i ended up feeling so used and decided to make do with being my own friend!

Growing up, i had been taught to find answers from within and thats what i do till date. I know its good to have a support group (same sex friends) but if the right ones arent forth coming, life goes on.

My best friend in Uni is this wonderful guy, with him i have a ‘verbal intimacy’, one that allows us discuss many issues, making it easy to sustain our friendship even when he had a crush on me. He’s married now and im friends with his wife too. I understand there are boundaries and i respect them.

so in summary if you can, have trust worthy girlfriends. if its not happening, live you life and love the ones who are around (male or female).

By: Alero

Alero — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 12:47:28 +0000

Girls,girls,girls…well what’s my take on ds?I am from a family of 3 guys.In all my 20 something years on planet earth,I ve realised that girlfriends are not really 2 b trusted 100%.When u tell dm ur secrets,its so mind blowing that they feel they would xplode if they dont share it wit some1.While I was a student in d Uni.,I had a couple of friends but it was always 1 issue or d other ,envy, being the bane of d issues.I decided 2 stay off 4 a while.My Mom encouraged me 2 have friends as no 1 came around to visit me after my grad and while waiting 4 my NYSC.Wen I got to Port Harcourt 4 my service,I met some good looking chap n we hit it immediately.I also met ds gurl dat I tried 2 b friendly wit since I realised dat I couldnt continue 2 b a loner.To my greatest surprise,”My gurlfriend” was trying to flirt with my man.@ 1st I was suspicious,and my suspicions were proved right.The guy complained that while we were giving my friend a ride 2 her house one hot Saturday afternoon,he noticed she was staring @him thru d rear view mirror n each time their eyes met,she gave him a sexy wink & smiled. wat a g’friend.Apart from that,she was so curious about him,wanting 2 know where he worked,how we met,if I spend d night @ his place,etc.My resolve?To ensure that there is never an avenue 4 any meeting whatsoever btw any of my so called g’friends and my man.QED!
Trust me ,it has worked marvelously well!

By: raindrops

raindrops — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 12:05:46 +0000

i don’t think the point of the piece by ekene is for us to share all with anyone or to all go out and forcefully acquire girlfriends. one of the points is that girlfriends have their value and love should rule.

my experience has been a good one with my two besties. we are not always in our faces and will never intrude, but we share and laugh and pray together.

thank God for them. they are one of my thanksgiving points in this lifetime.

By: Debo Ade

Debo Ade — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 11:30:55 +0000

I totally agree with you. Am from a family of 4 girls and even my sisters don’t know everything about me. Then I have to very close friends from way back who also do not know half as much about me. Plus a friend at work. All in all, girlfriends are the best one can have. I have more guy friends but when it comes to some thingys, girls just really need their friends. Life is all about risks. You just watch what you tell them at all times. And like you said, you still gatta keep some to yourself

By: GamGam

GamGam — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 01:59:10 +0000

I almost thought i was the one who wrote this piece. I have more meaningful male friends, and i am totally ok. Sometimes we need to just grow up, life is not a shoping spree or jamboree.

By: Afribabe

Afribabe — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 01:16:57 +0000

Its a NO No 4 me…me n girls dont get along kuz ol they like 2 do is gossip bout other peep or even their close friendz…i have 2 close friendz in my life n i thank god 4 them kuz when 1 of us is sad we try makin each other feel better…both of them are moe than a thousand friend

By: ameriewest

ameriewest — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 20:36:04 +0000

i can’t trust any one of my friends…no point even trying…women are just prone to envy, its one of our natural flaws… the only girl i thought was different..i just realised is even worse..just recently i noticed that she frowns when am happy and rejoices when am sad…now what sort of friend is THAT?

By: Tokunbo

Tokunbo — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 10:07:28 +0000

Friendhip with fellow sisters have not worked for me really, your best friend is another person’s best friend so you see there is no point confiding in somebody that will spill it the very next minute to another best friend. I agree that relationships are potent currency, I’ve learnt to confide in my Maker, He alone understand my deepest needs, my hurts and my aspirations.

By: Bea

Bea — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 16:57:55 +0000

I’m all for girlfriends. In as much as i’m a social butterfly and i know a gazillion people, i have very few female friends. Two actually. I call them my sisters. We go thru everything together and have no secrets. I confess that it hasnt been easy, but we’ve worked hard at the relationship.

Nothing like a sisterhood.

By: Nneka

Nneka — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 16:01:53 +0000

I’m all for the girl power, sister power thingy but here’s some truth some of you should be aware of before you go off spilling your histories to some girlfriend….
….Most girlfriends have other best friends we are not too fond of in one area or the other. So if you are thinking your stuff isn’t getting spilled during their alone time, you are freeeeaakkkyyy kidding yourself. The point is NOT that your ‘besto’ is gossiping abt you. The point is she knows it’s shit you don’t wanna share with anyone but her and the other bestos in your life.
I have 4 best friends at the moment, 5 that are extremely precious to me. But not one of them can brag about knowing everything about me. If you put all the ‘me’ knowledge the 4/5 of them have together, you have figured 95% of me out. Funny thing is 2 of the 4 have never met or spoken the other 2. The 5th one knows all 4 to various extent and is like the freelancing piece in my besto puzzle. Go figure.

I’ll be keeping my 5% to myself. Somethings are just not worth sharing with any soul. That’s the best ‘secret keeping’ advice you can get. It’s not like I don’t trust my Precious 5. The point is that I trust myself enough to keep it within. Get it?

By: cococj

cococj — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 21:02:26 +0000

Tears as i read this, i can so relate to you, am not alone. thnx

By: niyi

niyi — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 20:35:17 +0000

Thank you so much Ekene, not just for the write up, but for putting the movie Beloved into perspective for me. I have been going through life wondering what the essence of the movie was, and refusing to accept that the theme of “evil spirit” dwells in America.

By: isitjustme

isitjustme — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:19:51 +0000

Beautiful write up…like “uguysramazn” said, I have a plethora of girlfriends that add flavor to my life. However, I must confess that the older I’ve become and with marriage, the number of my girlfriends have steadily decreased. I’ve kept them to a minimum few bcos my priorities and values in life have changed. Besides, I can’t keep up with all of them like I used to. Every woman needs a few, solid girlfriends that can pray with them, stand with them and motivate them to be their best. That’s what I have now and I’m ever grateful to God for my “3 musketeers.”

By: Toyo Si

Toyo Si — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:08:35 +0000

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

Thanks for the post. Yay to the power of sisterhood!!!

Ekene should pls write more

By: brownsugah

brownsugah — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 15:47:49 +0000

I don’t trust anyone period. I go into any relationship with a 100% and always get hurt. I like having friends but i also hate the fact that i can’t trust any of them. I am trying to learn but i have been stabbed in the back so many times that i don’t want to risk feeling that again. i’d rather tell a stranger my secrets than someone i know or that knows the same people i know.

By: uguysramazn

uguysramazn — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 08:35:45 +0000

I am one person with girlfriends n i must say,they all come in different packages,the one u call to talk about real isues,the ones who just wanna say hi n bye,the one u pray with,the one u can relate with,friends come in different packages i must say n yeah its easier to relate to them than the dude..much love to them dudes tho!

By: MiaJadore

MiaJadore — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 04:23:15 +0000

Good one! I am one of those lucky to still have very close friends from high school, college and work. Good girlfriends are indispensable, they make the world a fun and happier place to live in.

By: KK

KK — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 02:49:30 +0000

only trust if you have no secrets.
remember, a secret is that which is only known by one.