Comments on: Once a Cheat, Always a Cheat

By: Obie

Obie — Fri, 17 Dec 2010 09:49:21 +0000

“Somehow the idea of fidelity or monogamy has become old fashioned. Like a dead dog kicked to the curb, being faithful has become distasteful in today’s society”
Glory, U get it wrong when U imply that cheating & stuff is ‘new fashioned”. These acts have been around us for a long long time. What has changed is the people speaking openly about it, the media & its relative proximity.. thank God 4 d Internet & telecomms. Personally, I think it cannot be tagged as a trend because trends phase out & can them said of to be ‘old school’ or obsolete.
Cheating as it is, can only be combated by the individual in question, by enforcing self-control & discipline with ‘super-human’ powers. For those yet to cheat,; Once U pop, U dont stop.. so I guessU guys are d hope of yet-to-be broken homes.. ball’s in ur pitch, or do I say “in between ur legs”..

By: FIFI

FIFI — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 10:40:33 +0000

Kem,i personally dont believe in dat term”once a cheat ,always a cheat”,is it that we now doubt the power of God in our lives and day to day activities??,what your man did to you was very bad but there is always forgiveness,i advice you to go with your heart,this site is not even the best of places to get advice on what you want to do with your future,there could be people asking you to leave the man becos he once cheated on you and they probably have their own relationships but theyre not even aware of the what their men have in their closets,so why would you not marry him just because he cheated on you once?????some men never cheated on their girlfriends when they were dating but once theyre married they automatically begin to cheat like its a race for life.

If the guy is truly apologetic and loves and you are very sure from inmost part of your heart that you love him just the same way,then please leave the rest to God because there is nothing impossible for him to do……If you decide to marry the guy,i wish you happiness,peace and Joy,and the best marriage you can ever imagine!Cheers!!

By: Ademola

Ademola — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 07:47:55 +0000

Hi everyone. I just came across this website. Is it abt relationships? Anyway am a single undergraduate. Looking 4 a beautiful lady. 07029779545

By: WALE ADENIJI

WALE ADENIJI — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 08:46:23 +0000

Kem, the bible says “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God”. The simple meaning of this is that no one is a saint. It is only God that is infallible. We are all prone to commit one sin or the other. Satan is out there tempting each and every one of us. Someone here should cast the first stone against this man if he/she has never cheated on his/her partner and would never do it. Cheating is bad but we must learn to forgive. Talk to him, Kem and let him realise how you feel and the fear you have that he would still repeat what he did. Let him give you his words to allay your fears. Talk to God to assist him and take his mind off those stuffs. God is ever able to assist us if we ask Him to. I have said this knowing you love this man genuinely. God will take absolute control.

By: kem

kem — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 13:32:56 +0000

Amen Bola!! I’m not saint either but HE does speak. Thanks again. I LOVE ALL OF YOU

By: Bola #1

Bola #1 — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 03:41:16 +0000

omo, this is deep.
Kem, i’m no saint, but just talk to God like you would speak with a friend. He hears you even when it seems like there’s no headway. He has his way of working things out.

If you’re in doubt, don’t rush into it.
May God guide you, and bless you with an original vase, not a broken one…

By: Kemi

Kemi — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 20:19:03 +0000

@ Copina: God bless you…Don’t start off with a broken vase, when you have the choice to pick a whole one.Shikena

By: kem

kem — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 17:22:07 +0000

thanks tomi, i understand that i can never trust anyone to make decisions for me. however, as a young girl/naive/inexperience i need a wide breath of opinions from people from others esp females. i’ll not make my decision based on one opinion but there’s one theme going accross all the response i’ve received so far “trust” pls keep sending your advice. its well appreciated & needed. God bless!

By: kem

kem — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 17:13:29 +0000

Oh Copina!!! i’m so sorry to hear about your divorce. what i love most is your comment is to at least get someone who will cheat on me after 5yrs of marriage. that struck home for me. Currently I do not fully trust him. the only thing i’m holding unto is whether God can intervance and change him? HE is the only that can totally transform him. Every man out there that is not with God is certainly going to cheat again & again & again. Its only by the grace of God and the power of His Holy Spirit can these men resist the temptation. please continue sending your advice & i promise to give you a feedback. thanks you so much

By: kem

kem — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 17:01:31 +0000

thanks a whole lot for the very long comment!!! its well appreciated and I promise to give you a feedback of what happens next. He had shared that same bed with his Ex before I came along….saw pics of her on the bed) I was not suppose to be in that bed at all (as a Christian) I knew much better but my flesh was ruling over me. Nnenna dalu!!! if you have any more advice pls feel free to share am also an igbo

By: Copina

Copina — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 14:11:12 +0000

Don’t do it. My situation was almost like yours. Only I chose to forgive him,accepted his proposal, had a fantastic huge wedding and 2 years later we are divorced.

1) You can never trust him again
2) He can only bend over backwards for you for so long
3) He will expect you to get over it and stop holding his misdeed over your head
4) He will eventually get resentful
5) You don’t respect him any more and he really can’t handle that deep in his heart
6) You will drive yourself crazy, and it will take you a very long time to find peace of mind if you stay
7) He will cheat on you again and only get smarter and sneakier about it
You will constantly feel something is wrong but you will not be able to place your finger on it
9) You will now be labeled as the paranoid one, and he will start making you think you are crazy for imagining he is cheating again

I could go on and one sister….

Marraige is tough and people try less and less as the marraige progresses. Don’t start off with a broken vase, when you have the choice to be pick a whole one. For real, dont do it. I wish to God I had not. Breaking off it tough, but divorce is like a small death.
And screw the people that tell you to stick to him because all men have their issues. At least pick one that will cheat on you after at least 5 years of marraige
Good luck…

By: Nnena

Nnena — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 22:04:38 +0000

KEM..
My dear,i think deep within you,you STILL do NOT trust this guy.BUT only you know why you had to accept getting engaged to him.
That thing “once a cheat” and all rings true most of the time…if he was not smart enough to put into the balance what he could lose initially(YOU),what makes you think that he has thought that deeply, when he has you hook line and sinker and he KNOWS that societal pressures will make you look the other way IF he cheats again when you guys get married?

My own harsh question would be WHY are you setting yourself up for an inevitable fall?
I come from a family where majority of the kids are women,our age range fall within 17(youngest) to 45(eldest)–21 GIRLS in all..and i have heard it ALL.
99% of the time when my sisters husbands/fiances/partners/baby daddys/boyfriends or what have you have cheated…they have all gone back to cheat again..ALL BECAUSE THEY FEEL THEY WOULD BE FORGIVEN.

To me forgiving a love rat is like enabling them…like a junkie and his next hit been provided an avenue to go for that next hit and next hit…all because he knows that when he comes back all he has to do is wear that “oh i am so sorry” face and then he gets handed more cash..and he is back to square one.

This guy had NO iota of respect for you or your feelings when he so brazenly brought another woman into the bed you share with him.

He hasn’t even paid your bride price so to speak and he has already treated you like sh*t.
All that demo/showing of banging on the door in the freezing cold..so flipping what?
Can you compare that to the way your heart must have dropped in temperature when you saw what you saw?

Nobody can tell you what to do as it is,we humans already know deep within what we want to do.

BUT KEEP IT AT THE BACK OF YOUR MIND THAT HE WILL CHEAT AGAIN..AND ONCE YOU ARE WILLING TO ACCEPT AND LIVE WITH THAT,THEN GO AHEAD…

But sometimes,we ladies deserve so much better than we accept.

As for me,i have been there done that,and the day i kicked the sucker out of my life and KNEW THAT I DESERVED THE BEST,AND AS GOOD AS I WAS GIVING,was the day my relationship became better.
I met someone else who treats me like such a rare gem that one day sef,i had to ask him if he was like gay or something and just been so nice to me because he wanted a beard to satisy societal obligations–because me i never jam this kind love before.
I am happier,more positive,more trusting,and totally in love with a dude who loves me equally,if not more.And he has NEVER made me doubt him for a day-his yes is his yes,and his no is his no.
He never hides his phone from me,i can pick up his calls,within a month of dating i got the spare keys to his flat,so much so,friends asked if i “jazzed” him.

Bottom line,with the rubbish i settled for in the past all in the name of “wanting to save face and have man”–if anyone had told me that love like this existed or that a man like my present man was for real,i would have been the first to say SHARRAP THERE,NA LIE..

But it is true..

Think deeply kem—think deeply.

By: tomi

tomi — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 02:01:38 +0000

hi kemi..take this from me,ive had my own fair share of relationships.i understand your doubt and your lack of trust but truth is you can never trust anyone to make your decisions for you.i get ur confusion and mayb y u felt u had to come to bella naija for help but dis is a decision u nid to make on ur own.ask urself if u can trust him again,people deserve second chances and thats wat u should offer.mistakes or not,love would alwayz be hard u just have to make up ur mind if its worth it or not.please.trust me.take advice from nobody…
i wish u well
take care

By: kem

kem — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 00:30:30 +0000

i wish i know what happened to these beautiful qualities

By: kem

kem — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 00:27:38 +0000

thanks Bola, please tell me how to hear from God? because I know He speaks!

By: kem

kem — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 00:24:54 +0000

i wish i have an answer for you. this may be why i accepted: i believed he was destined to be mine and if i could forgive him by asking God for help& guidance there could possibly be a way….also for true repentance in his heart

By: kem

kem — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 00:16:20 +0000

thanks tbn, the trust i had for him has been broken but its gradually/very slowly building up. i’m sure he truly loves me. but i need help to fully trust him again and i do not know how to do it. i’ve left it all to God

By: kem

kem — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 00:08:36 +0000

thanks, the probability is 100% with the exception of Gods own transformation in his life.

By: wannabewriter

wannabewriter — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 06:40:16 +0000

ok…my 50kobo…for me ehn…i believe two wrongs don’t make a right at all…but who knows, sometmes people push people to the lmt by comitting same crime over and over again without thoughts for the other persons feelings…so this is my thing…if you are dating him dump him or rather drop him like it’s hot because like sugarbelly said the probabilty of him repeating it…is about 90%…but na wa o!

By: Bola #1

Bola #1 — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 03:04:11 +0000

You shouldn’t marry out of pity… cuz you’ll end up regretting it, no matter how hard it may be to break uo an engagement now.
My advice: PRAY, talk to God (is this the partner he wants for you), and wait until you’re SURE you really want to spend your life with this guy.