FRIDAY TRACK: The Orisirisi in Dating

Kilon Sparkles!

Why is it that we all love eating out yet we don’t derive the same level of joy when it comes to paying the bill at the end of the meal? All of a sudden, people want to use the bathrooms; they want to make phone calls or forget their wallets in their cars.

There aren’t many wholesome things to call a greedy person – so let’s just put it out there – grrobido, long throat, FFF friend for food, oni je wuru, or indeed wobia! These are some of the titles I’d like to bestow upon some of the ladies that have been taking the piss with nice guys who just enjoy being friendly.

Repeatedly, I have been hearing horrid stories of ladies taking the piss whilst on a date – I’m talking really stretching their limits – I’m talking ordering lobster in a 2-star restaurant, I’m talking only ordering strictly from the bottom of the menu list, I’m talking ordering a bottle of Petrus when you don’t know the difference between Merlot and Pinot Noir grapes, I’m talking (to add insult to injury) inviting a friend along.

I find all this quite amusing cause put on any of Destiny’s Child’s 90s classics and you’ll have every woman in the room run to the dancefloor, ready to claim their independent woman status, happily “…throwing your hands up at me” with all the honeys who makin’ money and the supposed mommas who profit dollars.

But at the same token they don’t want to pay their ‘bills bills bills’ either it be telephone or their automobile, it is generally more desirable to have some clown pick up the tab despite what Oluwabeyonce once taught them.

Dating a.k.a. won go out or won jade or befrnd ara won, is not only crap for a fresh divorcee but crap for anyone with an open mind to meet someone interesting.

Before Lagos had a restaurant in every corner and the only options were Tribes and Atlantic Bar – a date to the original Mega Plaza (before the burn down) to eat shawarma was a top date.

Today, it’s no longer just okay for a guy to take a lady on a date – first, he must pick the restaurant carefully depending on whether the date is classified as ‘runs’ or not, he must pick her up irrespective of whether he lives in Lekki and she likes in Ajao Estate. He must watch her take a menu from a waiter without saying thank you, he must sit in silence as she orders expensive, uncoordinated dishes, then, listen to her chat about the joys of being a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding as if that was not enough, she will then bat her lashes and ask with audacity “…can my friend join us...?”

So whilst the guy is coming to terms with the fact that he’s just been cornered and there will be no kisses down there tonight, the supposed ‘date’ turns into an open mouth, spitting discussion about Lanre Da Silva’s sewing machine and the ill-mannered Yinka Bodyline staff.

As the ‘date’ goes on, neither the ‘date’ or ‘friend’ notice that the man who will be picking up the tab at the end of the night hasn’t said a word in an hour and his sporadic chuckles are a result of his BBM alerts not their precious chin wag about Femfresh.

But really ladies – is this fair?

Why would you do everything in your power to make him x you the moment he drops you back in Ajao Estate.

I mean, lets step out of the dinner scene and focus on some behavioural patterns for a moment. Why do some ladies play the high maintenance card yet don’t want to be seen as a gold-digger? Why would you ask a man what’s his seat number on a plane that you’re not even on? Why would you suggest going shopping with a man to see what types of shop he goes to? Why would you struggle to get a table at Nobu even though you don’t know the cuisine served just because he’s paying?

And then you complain your ololufe, the sugar-in-your-camomile doesn’t understand you.

Why? Why? Why?

And ladies you may also need to ask yourselves – why after the initial 3 months of showering before he comes over and frequenting the girl’s room for touch-ups comes the rearrangement of his flat, the adoption of his t-shirts as your preferred nightie, the freakish desire to share his toothbrush, the wearing of your weave skull caps (a.k.a. scarf) in bed.

And if he resists any of the above, he is suddenly accused of having ‘intimacy issues’.

I have plenty of friends with good hearts and an appetite for pleasing women who persistently get the piss taken out of them? Let’s get one thing clear – it’s a privilege that a man chooses to pick up the bill, not a right! The same way I believe it’s a privilege a woman cooks for her man, not a right!

The idea that just because he took you out to dinner does not mean you should leave your GTBank card at home. He probably wasn’t expecting you to pay but there’s comfort in knowing that she offered to pay for her plate of concoction and please I beg you ladies don’t ever ask a guy if you can invite a friend along.

Show some respect.

This week’s Friday Track is from the Teflon Don, this is Rick Ross featuring Drake & Chrisette Michelle and this is the banging laid-back “Aston Martin Music”

Enjoy!

98 Comments on FRIDAY TRACK: The Orisirisi in Dating
  • chi August 27, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    enjoyed reading this post…..nice 1

  • Jay August 27, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    Preach bruv!!

  • YAYA August 27, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    Hmmm.dis is one nice article but i know you will get a num of shots 4 ds article.BE PREPARED

  • Alfie August 27, 2010 at 3:16 pm

    Pls….where is Ctrl+C abeg, let me send this directly to my Cuckoo ex… So it is official…I am not mad… Some of the ladies out there are. Imagine the rubbish… and then they had the audacity to talk rubbish to me. It’s my fault sha…I listened.

    Nice 1

  • Faith August 27, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    very nice one

  • Kloi August 27, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    I hate the awkward part at the end where im ” wondering should i pay , should i let him pay ,should i offer to pay , should i form independent chic and pay for both esp since he paid for the movie we just watched ,is he testing me to see if i would offer, he recently got laid off so should i pick up the bill( even though he invited me out) SIGH … so much thinking goes on during the last couple of minutes ….:(

  • DU August 27, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    bobo omotayo.this is too much on ladies part.U could be right or wrong but u can nt judge all ladies in this aspect.I believe we have right thinkable n dependent ladies who can not behave in such manner.

  • gbegborun August 27, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    hmmmm, but Bobo, this is a very complex issue and I think you need to investigate and write and article on girls like me.

    Oluwabeyonce is my mascot oh! and i’m a true follower of her word ie, my visa is out of my bag as soon as the bill approaches, However! this did me little to no good back in my uni days. I had guys saying stuff like “you are a big babe abi?” “oh, na was for you oh” even one guy got really upset and went “oya pay!” and got vexed leaving me to foot the whole bill!

    My mum then told me that apparently I was being a “ball buster” (direct quote from a 45 year old mummy) and that I should let guys treat me.

    Whats a girl to do?

    Luckily, the current Mr Gbegborun is not too fussed about such things, he’ll pay most times but let me pay whenever I insist”. Dude…”Rethunk” the sitiiiation, speak to some girls like me and let us know what you find.

    ps: you never got back to me about our date? still waiting with my fingers crossed

    • niyoo August 27, 2010 at 7:52 pm

      ah ah, thot u already had a mr. gbeborun. Leave fine boi 4 me now :)

  • missmiss August 27, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    i bellieve it’s all these undergrad kindergatens dat do this “rubbish”…no right-thinking young girl or arrongant (pride-full) working-class lady would bring herself so low…I am married and I remember when i had just met my husband, there was never a question of who should pay at any point in time…we were both generous with making payments…infact, at some point, i trusted him enough to have my debit card because he was having problems with his (he didn’t believe a lady could do dat)…he still is the most generous person i know…

  • There i said it….Rant over August 27, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    Well edited…Mr. Sparkles

    I am waiting for the floodgate of self-righteous and defensive comments from multitude of girls in retaliation to this article. Every one of them will no doubt claim that she is not the type of girl described in above write-up, and will go further to claim that she offers to go dutch on dinner dates.

    Truth is, and i dont gave a boeing 747 fk about the backlash, that most Nigerian girls dont have anything to offer. You take them out on dates, they are too stuck up or shallow to have a decent conversation. They are either bad-mouthing other ladies’ dress sense, or talking about their marriage plans ; how they would order the latest Vera Wang dress, have the reception at Oriental or 4 seasons, or babbling materialistic and vain tripe. They order food like they have no regard for orphans in Haiti, they are either overdressed or underdressed for the occasion. Some girls would never meet up with you for a date even if they had a car themselves – they would rather let you “suffer”, and drive 4 hours in Lekki traffic to damn Ajao Estate or Magodo.
    When they take a break from boring your eyes with their simple-minded drivel, they would invite their kindred spirit, in the name of their bestie, who is always their prototype – materialistic, greedy, stingy and full of herself.

    You cant win. No wonder some Nigerian girls struggle to get boyfriends or dates, when they go abroad to school or live. Come on man, this has got to change.

    Most girls believe they should not split the tab or pick the bill unless the guy is their steady boyfriend. Na wa o! It begs the question, what about self-respect for oneself. Why do most girls make it seem like if a guy is “toasting” them, then he must put in work both financially and logistically. Really?

    Its no wonder that when you watch Nollywood movies, the impression any foreign would have of Nigerian girls is that they are money-obsessed, cold-blooded vixens

    • Dr Dee August 27, 2010 at 5:06 pm

      Well said sir!

    • douuble 2 August 27, 2010 at 5:58 pm

      I read your write- up and I can’t help but wonder ‘what kind of ladies has this guy been mixing with?’ or maybe the more apt question is ‘what kinda guy is he really?’ because you generally attract the kind of person you are and besides you’re probably going out of your way to look for these so-called ‘high maintenance chicks’ just to prop your own status so don’t complain about what they put you through – you asked for it. check yourself dude

      • Keyshia September 3, 2010 at 3:36 pm

        My guy, you just took the words right out of my mouth….good talk

      • Toun November 15, 2010 at 4:29 am

        Correct mehn!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, it’s a two way street!

    • Naija August 27, 2010 at 11:49 pm

      Easy now! Cold-blooded vixens? I believe you do type as you think…don’t you?

    • ladyinwaiting September 9, 2010 at 10:49 pm

      u sound broke, dats why its painin u so much haha.

    • Ready October 29, 2010 at 10:25 pm

      Wow dude….you really let it rip on your rant. I can’t take offense with what you wrote since you were referring to “most Nigerian girls” and I’m not one of them. I don’t know if most Naija women are like that, but hey, you’re the guy who’s been dating so…Perhaps you should do something different from what you’ve been doing; the moment the chick asks you to come pick her up despite a 2 hour drive from your place to hers, it should be deuces.

    • bluebirdie February 21, 2011 at 2:47 pm

      brosieeee!!!!!!! haba!! You need to change your environment if those are the only types of girls you date. seriously! didn’t you read what gbeborun wrote? there are Nigerian girls me included who have spent 5 to 10 minutes before a date ends thinking ‘ to pay or not to pay.’ when you do pay that is how you’ve saddled yourself with paying at all dates or your gist will spread that your pompous. seriously its like there’s no pleasing you guys!!

  • Dr Dee August 27, 2010 at 4:59 pm

    Somebody knight this guy!!!! Brilliant piece of work here Mr. Omotayo. The truth is that this selfish and unreasonable behaviour cuts across their ages, class or earnings. They claim to be independent yet expect a guy to ALWAYS pick up to the tab. I guess its not totally their fault anways, its just what the naija society has taught them to believe is right.

    • madam August 27, 2010 at 7:27 pm

      Haba Dr Dee!!!! You said ‘they believe it is their right’….allow now! If the girl sweeeeeet you tire you wont mind…but again there are girls and there are girls…

  • Bola August 27, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    lol @ “…the supposed ‘date’ turns into an open mouth, spitting discussion about Lanre Da Silva’s sewing machine…”

    So… is the new rule that you offer to pay for yourself OR you offer to pay half OR what.
    It’s honestly soo awkward to me….

    • A August 28, 2010 at 12:14 am

      Smart Alec or Alexis, lol….The idea is to pick up the bill once in a while, not only your own half. Perfect definition of selfish

    • no time October 30, 2010 at 9:48 pm

      my sister i thot i was the only one ,its so awkard
      No guy should expect me to pay especially for a first date

  • Mariaah August 27, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    Oluwafineboy pere!!!lol..You just they speak your mind abi??
    If only all women were like me, the world would be a better place and b4 u ask I am taken.. All these cheap bbes are the reason why guys think good women are no longer available.WTH! Why will you ask if ur friend can come and join??!Err its called a DATE!!

  • P.E.T August 27, 2010 at 5:13 pm

    Im with Gbeborun on this. I offer to pick my bills or even both of ours everytime, thats just the way im wired. Some guys think its insulting, but thats their biz. On one occasion, the dude got angry and that was our last date! I’ll never take a friend on a date… why? 2 is company, and 3… except its a double date offcourse!

    I think its only proper to be considerate, if he pays for meals and movie ticket, get ahead of him and pay for fuel! That way, he knows u’re not selfish and i’ll even take us out when he’s broke!

    • duduyemi August 29, 2010 at 12:45 pm

      Let us get this straight: I have two first degrees and a doctorate.

      I have never ever believed in equality of the genders, I will never believe in it. Biologically, spiritually, physically, psychologically, etc, we are different. He was given the brawn so as to be able to look after me- that is his reason for being alive – to provide for me and look out for me. I am the weaker sex. There is no need for confusing jingoism in trying to define ‘weaker’. Weaker is weaker. Everybody can see that the typical woman is weaker than a typical man (why do we stress ourselves with improbable contortions?!). My own raison d’etre, is to soothe my man, make his life comfortable – physically and psychological, to de-stress him in any which way he wants.

      So it isnt a privilege for the man to pay on a date. It is my birthright to expect that. It is his duty, his birthright (lol).

      As for bringing a friend on a date with you – I think Mr. Omotayo exaggerates. I have never seen that happen. (Funny. A friend on a a date!?).

      • Speaking plainly August 31, 2010 at 8:41 am

        Yes dear! i totally agree with you. We r supposed to split the bills? Do we split the authority u guys supposed have over us? Do we split the other duties tht woman r supposed to have? get real!!

      • trutalk September 2, 2010 at 9:56 pm

        True talk gal. When i was single, i didnt like going to restaurant, movies etc with guys i didnt fancy, who wanted to b more than friends. D few times i did, i offered to pay. Now, with my exes, i expected them to pay. I was generous with my homemade delicacies, gifts ……………. and they certainly didnt offer to pay for my time n effort.
        dont drink alcohol, didnt care that much for clubbing n spending ridicoulous amount of money at any establishment, so i definitely didnt not order from d “BOTTOM OF THE MENU”.
        now to sistas who do all these stuff, and i do believe there r some giving the rest of us bad names, u need to stop. stop taking d mickey when a gentleman ask u on a date n almost cause him financial ruin. And what’s with inviting a friend to join u? Not sure i believe this bit but u just never know. If u like this bobo u r on a date with n u jeopardise d potential thang with ur greed, its ur loss in d end.

  • Saying_It_Like_it_is August 27, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    and the poor ones complain.

    • all in the mind August 29, 2010 at 4:11 am

      Hahahahahaha! very funny statement

  • anonymous August 27, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    lol.LMAO@ the article and comments. guess we all still have alot to learn about being in a relationship.pl what is so wrong about lanre de silva…the bebe just appreciates good style..common! but its so nasty when girls bitch about other women’s outfit esp when you dont know them…so low.what to do when dating?….this should be individualized no set rules just a few guidelines. Women just want to be pampered i guess a sign one can take care of them..lol.still LMAO

  • Noe August 27, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    Guys need to get something straight. IF YOU ASK A LADY OUT ON A DATE, YOU PICK UP THE TAB! NO QUESTIONS ASKED. She didn’t ask you out now did she? I don’t understand why a lady should pay any part of a date bill if she did not request for the date. If I asked a guy out on a date or asked him out to drinks, or movie the bill would be my responsibility and only otherwise if he insists.

    If ladies want to eat Chinese, they know where to go. These days there is even affordable (as opposed to cheap…lol…) Chinese so …no excuses. Why should a guy who lets a lady take advantage of him come back out and cry foul? It makes no sense because you ALLOWED her take advantage of you. What stopped you from telling her upfront “the lobster here is really pricey and I can’t really afford that right now?

    I’ll tell you what…it’s your ego! You want her to think you are more than you really are, so you let her get away with it then you come here to vent. P-U-L-E-A-S-E! Vent when you have a real issue like why we don’t have constant power supply in our country but our government can spend approx. N10b on Independence Celebrations that wont even affect 1% of the Nigerian population or why South Africans can come to our country and mistreat Nigerian workers so much so that when they complain they are fired and new people hired without any repercussions whatsoever.

    We all know that the reality is if a lady really wants to be with you, it doesn’t matter that you don’t have the finer things of life…she will choose to be with you inspite of your lacking status. And if she doesn’t…then WALK AWAY!!! She doesn’t deserve you.

    Respect is earned not instructed. If you put yourself out there you need to understand that certain people (male and female) will always push the boundaries. You owe it to yourself to set them straight. The dynamics between man and woman is a very complex matter. My motto is “Be yourself, only do and accept that which you are comfortable with”. At the end of the day it’s your face you have to deal with in the mirror.

    Just for my info…is there a Nobu restaurant in Lagos…or Nigeria? I sure would like to know. Thanks.

    • DOREMI August 28, 2010 at 12:16 am

      GBAM!!!! WELL SAID.

    • oju August 28, 2010 at 7:23 am

      beautiful!!!u spoke my mind!!!

    • Autoprincess August 28, 2010 at 2:59 pm

      I wonder o!!!! So a guy asks you out on a date, and then in his mind, he is thinking “she should pay now!” That is not happening o. Afterall, when she mentioned that restaurant, you should have told her you could not afford it. And when she asked, “can i bring a friend?” what stopped you from saying “no”. But Nigerian men and their egos, always trying to show that they are ‘big boys’, only for them to complain later!!!

    • becca August 29, 2010 at 5:00 pm

      WORD!!!!

    • Straight talk August 30, 2010 at 2:34 pm

      You are so right..Even in abroad here,When you are being invited on a date, the person that makes the invites pays the bill..

  • Yt “Boss” August 27, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    I believe you all have been harsh with your words (Bobo and commentators alike). For you Bobo: you should not measure every female by that yardstick. Good men meet their matches everyday and vice versa.
    The men that are quick to concur: Put your meetings with such girls down to experience, you’ll know how to weed them out next time. Good-luck! :)
    As for the ‘that’s not me ladies’, they have to exist for the men to be so passionate about the subject. Some of these females are selfish, while others are just plain ignorant. We all know this, so no; dunno what you are talking about please.
    Now advice for me: which am i? erm,erm… i have no idea! ;D

  • busola August 27, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    bobo has killed me oo….lmao….I think it bothers down to the kind of person you’re dating. A well mannered and cultured lady will know how to cut down excesses on date. I just think it is the extremely local girls that will order and order just because the guy is paying. There was a time I went on a date with my boyfriend, I left the house with my bank card with the intention of paying for the food since he bought the cinema tickets. When we got settled in the Chinese restaurant, I told him I was going to pay but he didn’t let me because he thinks it isn’t right. I didn’t abuse the privilege and even asked for a free glass of water when he ordered a drink for himself. To those that know the true meaning of a relationship, they would tell you its a two way thing…giving and receiving…You shouldn’t aim to be at the receiving end all the time even if your other half has a lot of money..

  • lilbee2k August 27, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    i see some grammatical errors. Bros it is concoction and not concussion. She doesn’t eat brains and skulls now does she? By the way this makes sense, though some guys deserve this treatment when they wan chop chicks mugu.

  • niyoo August 27, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    lol @ femfresh …… Bobo!!!!!!!! :>
    i always offer 2 pay or split d bill when i go out with a guy, but i’ve neva actually paid b4. Guys just appreciate when a girl offers. as for babes that eat like we r on the eve of famine, i tire o! its just grubbido runs.
    If e’ry1 was a tad considerate, all this who ate what, who pays wont b an issue. or better still, go to Mr Bigs, the priciest item is rice n fish =800 buck or so … any1 can pik d tab on dt :D

  • capricornDee August 27, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    I agree with Gbeborun, towards the end of the meal, my card is out and willing to be used to pay. I’m not trying to be wonder woman o, just being considerate. I have had guys eye me like pele o, so you want to form big girl abi? I just let it roll off my back and bounce to the left jare.

  • youngmoney August 27, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    if he invites me on the date why should i pay???

  • D-girl August 27, 2010 at 10:17 pm

    @Noe, agree with u 100%. LMAO

  • youngmoney August 27, 2010 at 10:19 pm

    some nigerian guys dont deserve a lady to spilt the bill thats the reality, if you’re on a date and a girl is taking the piss its probably because youre giving her the impression that you can handle the bill… shine some red eye instead of bitching behind her back

  • Naija August 27, 2010 at 11:45 pm

    Hahahaha!! Funny, but straight to the point write up.

  • omada August 28, 2010 at 12:27 am

    men say we don’t know what we want, but i think its men who don’t know what they want.

    you meet a babe who lets you pay for everything, you complain.
    you meet a babe who takes care of hers and offers to take care of yours, you say she’s too independent, ‘i don’t feel needed’ bla bla bla…..

    our nigerian guys have a lot of issues, i swear. i know some babes are evil, but some men deserve what they get!

    NOE i agree with you 100%

  • Toyin August 28, 2010 at 12:36 am

    Mr. Sparkles, you too gbaski! Chop knuckle!
    As a lady, I think it’s unfair to expect a guy to foot the bill for every date. The woman should offer to pay every now and then…especially in this difficult economic times.

  • dami August 28, 2010 at 12:47 am

    lol ah mr writer wat up with this “oluwabeyonce”? and @ neo you right dear. Me personally i dont see why a woman has to pay for a date? what happened to being a gentleman? to me asking to offer to pay for dinner is kinda like embarrassing the guy and it will make me feel somehow but i always have my bank card just incase cos i’ve heard stories how men walk out in the middle of dinner or at the end leaving the lady to sort the payment out so i always have that phobia it might happen to me lol if am in a relationship yeah me and the guy will split the cost but not on a FRIST date….

  • gorgeous August 28, 2010 at 6:10 am

    Sorry, but I never pay for my date.Chivalry aint dead with me.I love to be treated nice by my date, although I am classy enough to be sensible with the price tag.I also don’t go out with people that can’t afford to take me out anyway, why bother? I aint a gold digger, but I know my comfort level.Men want to be treated like men right? Pick up the tab and stop whining.If we didn’t have an understanding before getting in the restaurant, I expect he is paying.Seems like a lot of naija’s do the movie before the dinner.rotflmao. Its dinner and a movie. Dinner comes first.lmao.

    • zaizai March 23, 2011 at 1:20 am

      says who?who formulated this order?its a matter of choice, many pple r uncomfortable watchin movies wiv a full belly, my friend always falls asleep….so i dont think any is right or wrong

  • Noe August 28, 2010 at 8:12 am

    @ There i said it….Rant over

    Its either you need to change your crowd or you are a bad-date magnet! Either way it’s up to you to make a change.

    So according to you, your sisters/ female relatives have nothing to offer as well??? Oh I guess that’s why you said MOST Nigerian girls; your female relatives make up the other portion. Now I understand :D.

    The issues you have listed above are not tied to Nigerian ladies alone, there are guys and non-Nigerians who are guilty of these things, are they acceptable? No! But it boils down to whether or not such things matter to you. If you didn’t like it…you should have walked.

    Please note I am not defending anything or anyone, (it’s such a waste of time). On the contrary I think it’s your perspective/”magnet” that needs to change. Btw on all your dates with these vixens…were u chained there? If you didn’t like it, why didn’t you leave?

    As for “struggling to get a boyfriend”…errmm…is it an accomplishment??? I don’t get it.

    Another thing I don’t understand is this: did the ladies come to you to say they wanted to go on a date with you? I don’t think so (but if they did, then you have a case). If not, why is she expected to contribute to the payment of the bill? You step up to a lady, invite her/ask her out on a date to get to know her better and you EXPECT HER TO PAY??? Don’t you think if she really wanted to go out she would take herself out?

    Self respect is going home to eat dinner and getting on with your life or deciding to take yourself out for dinner NOT paying for a meal that someone invited you to. There are many options, if you invite a girl out on a date, take her to a place where you can conveniently cover the tab for 2. If she doesn’t like it then maybe you shouldn’t be taking her on dates.

    Nollywood movies…are not quite the right yardstick unless you don’t have an idea of the amount of research and attention-to-detail that goes/DOESN’T GO into their production.

    @douuble 2 – Spot on!
    @D-girl & omada – Thanks.

    • nuella September 3, 2010 at 11:23 am

      the thing is: how will you know if the lady is “wellmannered and cultured” if you don’t spend time with her, which is what the early dates are all about???

      girl please everyone is entitled to their opinion. I think u’re taking it waaaaaayyy too personal, citing someone’s family. The guy has his opinion. you made yours earler. move on.
      AND nollywood movies reflect real life to some degree. nothing is new in this world. if you can imagine it, it has happened,is happening or will happen. I know and have seen girls behave that way, irrespective of where they live, classy or not. He didn’t say ALL girls, i know i’m not. so why the advocacy?? abeg..

  • ogefierce August 28, 2010 at 8:15 am

    lol…good one…chin wag about fem fresh lollllzzzzz

  • Smiles August 28, 2010 at 9:38 am

    Haha. Excellent. Kept me laughing.

  • ogg August 28, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    it’s simple. if d guy invites d girl 4 a date, then he shud pay and vice versa. if it does progress into a relationship and they’re together, then they shud take turns paying or better still share d check. d girl or guy don’t have to be broke and yet still eat like they’re a truck. both parties shud just take their bank cards and come to a compromise. i believe it’s just to lay d matter on d table to avoid any complications. nice article btw :)

  • There i said it….Rant over August 28, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    @Noe
    Where do i start from; and how much time do u have. Maybe u should read my comments again.

    I think you will find that it is quite common for girls in Naija to suggest that you take them out and still expect to pick the tab. The reason is cultural, as most Naija girls are taught that fellas should do the chasing and that includes paying for everything. It takes an exposed or confident girl to suggest paying or splitting the tab. There are also economic reasons no doubt. It hasnt been uncommon to hear cases of girls asking a guy chatting them up to buy them recharge cards so that she can call him or chat on BBM, but alas i digress.

    Back to your questions, my comments here are based on experiences other chaps, friends, colleagues, mates have had or stuff i heard from general lad talk. They dont have to have happenned to me, though i have seen my fair share, so quit that bad date magnet bs.
    The funny thing is every girl will try to be defensive, and claim that they have offered to split every tab, and they probably know all the lyrics to Destiny’s Child’s hit “Independent Women” but we all know what happens in Naija.

    As per the Nollywood comment, I agree that some of the scripts are based on the warped figment of the producer’s imagination, but trust me Art imitates Life in many circumstances. Most Naija girls are materialistic, greedy or both. That may include my ex-girlfriend, bootie call, removed cousin in the jungles of my village or your grandmother, beloved sister, fiancee or wifey. Thats my opinion. The economic climate doesnt help and some mothers and friends (usually the ugly one) push girls to squeeze every dime out of chaps trying to date or chat them up.
    Naija chaps have their own wahala and indiscretions, and I would be the first to throw my hands up and admit, but Kilonsparkle’s article is about lassies and not fellas.

    Getting a boyfriend or a guy who would be blind enough to marry you is not an accomplishment, as you asked, but you get the gist of what i was trying to say. Naija girl’s sometimes struggle abroad to have relationships with non-Nigerians due to some indiscretions that only Naija guys can stomach. Just do the research, i am just saying it as i see it.
    A girl offering to pay is different from her paying or splitting the tab. Most lads would be happy if a girl offered, even though they would politely decline the girls offer.
    As someone pointed out, a girl could offer to pay for gas, while the chap gets the food, drinks and entertainment. Remember that this is Naija, we dont have the Tube or Double Deckers. Most dates are really expensive as the chap would drive down in bad traffic. Offering is a nice gesture especially if you are into the guy. Naija girls complain about how guys flip on them, sometimes little things change a man’s impression of a girl in a jiffy. Potential wifey may just become bootie call.

    Well i hope i schooled u there. If you didnt know, now you Noe.Lol

    • nuella September 3, 2010 at 11:26 am

      i’m a girl and i’m IMPRESSED! Well said (or written)… :)

  • mike August 28, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    “…can my friend join us…?”………NO its not my birthday.i cant stand some girls

  • Geekgirl August 28, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    @ young money & Noe, i totally agree with you.

    Some Nigerian men will boast so tey about the money have and even use the money to chook ur eyes.And i see why some girls will order the most expensive thing.It’s either she knows the guy does not have money but he is fronting and she wants to play along and teach him a lesson for lying or “shebi since he has money and is flaunting it i might as well chop on his neck”.If the food the babe is ordering is too expensive, tell her right away…dont go and bitch about it to your friends when you know that thing called ‘male ego’ stopped you from saying anything right then and there.

    Also, i think its our culture, “the guy is the hunter and thereby the provider” that comes into play here.Even though culture is changing and women are becoming more independent,some do not want that aspect of culture to change.YES! i agree some women can be greedy.Haba, it is totally messed up to invite your friends and all your village members to come eat on the guy’s bill.My philosophy is ;whoever initiated the date should foot the bill.Though all the times i have tried to pay the bill or split , guys always have ALWAYS refused to let me pay.

    Also, not all women are like that, it is so unfortunate that you should generalize and speak as if there is not one good Naija girl out there.Maybe all d girls in your lives have that messed up mentality.I am definitely not like that, i have friends that are not like that, my sisters are not like that, so you probably need an alfa to wash your head for you so you can stop meeting women like that .

    BTW, why the reference to Ajao estate and Magodo with such disdain?Abi na goat dey live there, abi na everyone fit live for Lekki?

  • Geekgirl August 28, 2010 at 10:42 pm

    My last statement was directed @ There i said it….Rant over

  • wateva! August 28, 2010 at 11:33 pm

    ‘There i said it….Rant over so’ sounds like a bitter, stingy, tight and greedy ugly man. If you invite a girl out, why should she pay?!! Are you dumb or just tight? If you cant afford it then dont ask!! what nonsense! If i invite someone out I damn right expect to pay unless the guy says otherwise, but trust me if the guy asks me out he better be paying. Also whats a girl to do on a date when your not sure if the guy can afford it, do we ask ‘whats your budget’ before we order? Na wa o for all the stingy Nigerian guys out there!! Thank God the guys i’ve met are nothing like you. Tight git!”

  • Judith August 28, 2010 at 11:54 pm

    mr kilonsparkles see how u just dissed the two places i have lived in when i was in naij, Ajao estate and Magodo.
    my own take is if u ask a babe on a date pay but when she starts taking the piss by inviting her kindred spirit flip on her.

  • Proudly_Naija August 29, 2010 at 12:30 am

    I find it quite disturbing that it’s either 9ija men are complaining about 9ija women or 9ija women complaining about 9ija men. Abeg make all of una go marry or date non-9ijerians (the grass always looks greener on the other side). Have an uncle who said he can not marry a Nigerian woman as they are too materialsistic, too razz, too this and that; well he married his foregin lady and has alimony to show for it, before we could say Oluwabeyonce he found a Nigerian lady in the UK and remarried. My candid advice is that men in general should look for quality and not quantity when dating or marrying a lady and vice versa to avoid ending up with a thorn in the flesh. From my little experience with my brothers and male friends guys tend to look at a girls outward appearance and not the heart or character and then complain when they have a gold digger in their hands; your dating should be holistic in approach you can have points for things such as character, family background, level of education or exposure, religious inclination, beauty, dress sense and so forth add them up and have her be at least 50% or more.
    Lastly to Mr Bobo Omotayo when you point a finger at someone the rest point back to you :)

  • all in the mind August 29, 2010 at 4:43 am

    This shouldn’t be a topic of discussion at all but sadly it is.
    1) Before a woman (a sensible woman) agrees to go out on a date with a man, she has already done the math. as in how much does he make, how deep is his pocket, what can or can’t he afford. Now, if you as a man (big boy status wanna be) ignorantly take this woman out to an overly expensive restaurant..why are you mad if she is ordering “expensive food”? you took her there in the first place abi?
    2) When you ask someone out on a date, there is an invisible rule that you will be paying. If arrangements/agreement has been reached prior to the tap being presented, then that is a different case.
    3) If you have been dating someone for a while and every time you are expected to pick the tap even after she is aware of you are financially handicapped, then the channel of communication is disconnected or she just doesn’t care.
    4) personally before i go on a date with a guy, i already know what he can or cannot afford. I will even mention it to him just in case he “mistakenly” pulls into a 5 star restaurant when he has a 2 star pocket. And after one or two dates, best believe i will pick up the taps or make arrangements for me to return the favor by taking him out.

    it is all about how you as a man put yourself out there. You can’t take a girl to an expensive restaurant and be mad because she didn’t order water plus chicken and chips. Lastly, if you take a girl out and she is inviting her friends along, it doesn’t take a child to see she doesn’t enjoy your company enough to want to be with you alone.

  • Blossom August 30, 2010 at 9:11 am

    LOL @ “and the poor ones complain”… So true.

  • Munira August 30, 2010 at 9:32 am

    i love this write up! hehe.. i have the same conversations all d time.
    though am a chic, i totally agree with this guy… claim ur independent status well.. dont fall hand abeg.
    i have this principle though
    Invite me to dinner—ure paying(am not even offering because u didnt know the state of my pocket before deciding we were eating out)
    I invite u to dinner(am paying and dont even think about paying)
    we jam and decide to go for dinner(u pay, i pay, or we both pay.. doesnt matter.. and here i would be offering to pay)

    I do practice all these thank you very much.

  • adenike August 30, 2010 at 10:04 am

    @Judith and Geekgirl;I don’t think Mr Sparkles was dissing Ajao Estate and Magodo;he was referring to the distance between Lekki and those two areas. We all know Magodo is a classy area o!
    Back to the topic,i think it’s a two-sided issue. Some dudes have had encounters with the hungry-pay-for-all kinda chicks and at the same time encountered the considerate ladies. Just like someone rightly said,if you’re inviting a girl out on a FIRST date,i think it behooves you to pick the tab after all you invited her out. On the other hand,some girls are just plain annoying;I’ll share this with you.
    I was at Sweet Sensation in Abeokuta and a dude came in with a girl;the girl ordered Porridge,dodo,Catfish,2 Bottles of Coca Cola(which didn’t seem too bad) only for her to order 2 extra packages to which the guy calmly asked who those were for and she replied cheekily that her friends at home asked her not to come home empty handed(like the had AK47s waiting at the door). The guy then told her he didn’t budget for that and she angrily told him that “you know you can’t afford me,why did you bring me here? In fact i go to expensive restaurants,instead of you to be thankful that i even followed you down here. Shiow”. She hissed loudly and stormed out of the eatery. I couldn’t help but laugh at the “expensive lady”. This happened before my very eyes and I was almost embarrassed at being a lady. Taking a friend along on a date is common unless some ladies don’t want to admit it or you don’t live in Nigeria. I know people who do it very well.Some dudes won’t complain and some say it outrightly.
    But sorry it’s not a PRIVILEGE for a guy to pick the tab when he invites me out please. It’s a RIGHT! Though most ladies always have spare cash because of Mr Sparkles kinda guys..Lol
    All in all,nice write-up Mr KilonSparkles!

  • Rhoda Ebun August 30, 2010 at 10:30 am

    LMAO….I thoroughly enjoyed this.

  • sola August 30, 2010 at 11:04 am

    That’s what guys get for dating little kids……go with the grown ass woman!

  • Uchechi August 30, 2010 at 11:30 am

    Na wa oo! You men sef, una sabi complain..lol

  • Nezed August 30, 2010 at 12:23 pm

    I read this piece and rolled on the floor tumbling……Hilarious and over exaggerated post.

  • Straight talk August 30, 2010 at 3:04 pm

    @Bobo-Is like you have gotten your own fair share of the all dating shenanegans..lol..Good job..

  • bcgeorge August 30, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    i tuk my tym to read the article and the lengthy comments and i must admit that much as the writer was very on point( a very large percentage of naija gurls wanna turn date into some avenue to milk him dry) but it doesnt apply to all the gurls……..na all dis I NEVA CHOP GURLZ DEY DO AM PASS…

    men are not dumb and just like some peeps pointed out here, offering alone shows you care…simple..no one reali wants you to pay afterall na JEJE YANGA SIDDOWN WEY TROBU GO WAKE AM…
    if a guy takes u on date, he’s expected to pay..fine but be considerate when palcing order, take the cheap things(we knw u dnt tak baileys afta evry meal nor do you eat popcorn wen watchin african magic @ home)..it’s at his discretion to say, it’s ok you can av woteva u wana…my 2cent

  • Lohi August 30, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    I say this every week…My fave column on Bella Naija…

  • Molicious August 30, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    LMAO @ the comments. Kilon sparkles, you’ve opened Pandora’s box oh…
    Nice article but pls, this is a very hilarious and embellished single story (remember the danger of the single story), any ladies to rebuttal this article… some dudes too are gold diggers, no? They exist in both species, the thing is shine your eyes and speak your mind (politely), because sometimes we all try to put on our perceptions of the best versions of us and end up screwing things up. Be real, be you whether its razz or quirky or crazy ;)

  • deebaby August 31, 2010 at 8:34 am

    I agree with u missmiss…i would do the the same for my fiance..on our way to the altar soon and he is def. the most generous man i know…when we dated, I would offer to pay or split the bill, but he will kindly but graciously decline..sometimes i did tho..would be my treat! a
    Ladies, men love to be treated kindly with respect. Does not mean you have to ALWAYS pay but at least offer to sometimes…it becomes routine in your courtship…I just took him out on a surprise date just yday, bills fully paid by ME & he loved every min of it!!!!..after 4 yrs of being together, it sure keeps the romance alive!!!

  • evera September 1, 2010 at 10:27 am

    @noe i agree with u.

  • evera September 1, 2010 at 10:27 am

    @noe i agree with you

  • gflex da rapper September 2, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    WHAT CAN I SAY we are the men, our GUTS is what dey want… BUT if me i mean gflex find anytin fishy im not only gone i will buy all for her and ex-her AT WILL. SORI FOR SAYING THIS LADIES

  • GUYS ! Stop ranting and got to hell!!! September 2, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    GUYS GUYS GUYS!!!!!!!! How many times did i call you……
    what on earth is this world turning into?? how the hell can you invite me on a date and expect me to pay?? who invited who to start with? Ridiculous!
    On the other hand, you dont have to take a REAL WOMAN on a date/ to a restaurant for her to love/ like you! A mature woman would follow her heart irrespective of your financial situation. So i would say… select ur women carefully!

  • tell it like it is September 3, 2010 at 12:16 am

    errr @missmiss undergrad kindergarten that do this “rubbish” ? no self respecting bla bla bla…yadi yadi yada. I think a huge rock fell on your head. There is nothing wrong with a guy paying if he is willing to, my bf takes me out all the time and he pays, if i try to pay he gets upset so i’ve stopped try. i digress, that’s not the point. ur comment made no relation to the article, it seems like u just have personal beef with undergrads, who the heck gives a hoot whether u and ur partner can hold on to each others debit cards *yawn* pls move on that’s nothing special.

    ladies almost always automatically expect a guy to pay, yeah it is taking the piss when she invites her friend or is inconsiderate when she’s ordering, but what is stopping you from saying no? there is nothing wrong with saying oh we’re gonna split this bill, or something. but if u are there to impress the stfu and endure. if not dont be scared to voice ur opinion and remain true to urself.
    i mean if all u want to do is brap her then u have nothing to lose saying no seeing there is another girl where she came from. but if u want a relationship well u have to score brownie points with the friends and her by making her feel special or that ur ready to make sure he has a good time. no girl wants a broke guy and thats a way to show ur not, just like guys like fine girls.

  • nuella September 3, 2010 at 11:07 am

    i think it’s simple: if the guy asks you out/chooses the date: he pays. if YOU suggest it, brandish the wallet. If he says he’ll handle it, insist on paying at least some part. My own tactic is to smile and say “at least i enjoyed your company tonight a little too much. allow me to show appreciation…” (only works if u plan on seeing dis guy again oh, and he was REALLY that fun). after a couple of dates, a pattern will emerge. usually if i eat more or order more things, wen d waiter comes with the bill, i stretch out my hand for it, quickly slip in some money and den slide it across to the guy 2 add the balance. if he complains, i just say it’s a tip for the waiter. simple. i understand wher Bobo is comin from…
    And girls who bring friends on dates? y’all shud be ashamed of urselves. If YOU DONT LIKE THE GUY, WHY GO AND CHOP HIS FOOD???!!! The only time i think it’s KINDA appropriate (not dat i’ve done it recently) is going 2 visit a guy in his house for the first time. D friend is just there as a preventive tactic in case d guy is just trying to lure you into bed. But on a date DATE? just tacky.

  • jennietobbie September 5, 2010 at 5:57 am

    hilarious but sharing toothbrush?…that’s just weird.!

  • missy September 5, 2010 at 6:50 am

    get dis straight wen u luv and care for a gal u do 3 things…profess,provide,protect…if u cannot pick d tab on d first date u nid 2 go recheck urself i am so sry …d same way guys dnt like a gal dat cannot carry a smart convo d same way gals dnt like a man dat cannot provide for her …honestly i dnt support d idea of a gal bringing her bestie on a date or ordering d mst imp item on d menu dats jst unreasonable….so if u want 2 stop being d man sure we can start spilting d bill on d first date lol

  • Hilda September 10, 2010 at 10:16 am

    Waoh! We’re indeed nigerians, some things never change in us home or abroad. I for one, don’t see anything wrong in picking up the next tab after several dates. On your way to wherever, just say to him, you know i would love to pay for this date if that’s ok with you. You’re of course, giving him a chance to opt out now not while you’re enjoying your food and lovely conversation with him. If you’re already smitten by him, paying for an outing shouldn’t be so awkward. My one cent.

  • COCOLETTE12 October 3, 2010 at 11:54 am

    @writer, abeg abeg abeg … make we hear word jo! next time i invite a guy to have lunch at my place, make him sef carry onions , pepper, salt come nah abi? Men shd act like the gentlemen that they claim to be and pick up the damn bill!! na me send you make u come ask me on a date? msheeew!!, i can only assist or offer to pay if u are my boyfriend already.., if not OYO!

  • Mariamah November 2, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    I for one have always believed that wen on a date, never order wat u can’t affored to pay for.And as a babe i agree wit u whole heartedly

  • kunle thomas November 8, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    Your article is not well written.Too many grammatical errors, typos etc. Not impressive

  • not a bee November 13, 2010 at 11:07 am

    First of all, i realise I am late to this but I just realised recently that BN was not only to look at wedding pictures :p so I am catching up on missed times…

    PErsonally. on a first date.. I always go prepared. In fact, if i am broke I won’t go out on a first date, I will arrange it on a day I know I will have some cash to spend on the food. Why? Well I adopted this mentality while I was at university.. I realised that thse guys trying to be all macho parents sent them to school plus they do not have a job and they will be taking me on a date with their pocket money. As such I decided to alway offer to split the bill equally.

    lol @ all your exams of plane seat numbers and the ordering of stuff they might not even enjoy… but why do we women do this? It is really appalling to say the least. I can’t even blame guys for generalising any more. Why does the strength of a guys love you stem from how much he is willing to pay on a date? You joke!

    I don’t believe asking me out on a date means you are going to pay. It would be nice if you did but I would still offer to or split the tab (and genuinely have money in my bag). I have been in situations where the man felt emasculated when I offered to pay and I have been in a situation where he didn’t even bring out his wallet to pay.

    Now in the latter situation where in this situation dude was broke and he made no mention of it before we went for dinner.. lol what would the ladies that ‘expect’ the guy to pay all the time do and leave their atm cards / cash at home do? You’ll both wash plates na ni.

    in conclusions be prepared for any situation…

  • not a bee November 13, 2010 at 11:11 am

    and finally… i am still yet to understand why friends are invited on dates… when it is not a double date? I am sorry but if that’s the situation the babe is just using you to feed herself and friend and possibly using you as a driver as well… except you have a mutual understanding.

  • Toun November 15, 2010 at 5:11 am

    Exaggerate much?!! It’s all well and good for you to unleash your anger on here and generalise that naija women are all sorts of evil and conniving! I guess if we are going to play the blame game, then I should also chip in my two cents as a naija woman who has quite frankly had enough of these growing breed of pompous, high maintenance brothers who think it is ok to list off all the qualities they want in a woman- qualities they themselves don’t have! If you care to know, there are lots of women out there who can hold their own and don’t need a guy who will take them out just to end up giving them the once over… and I’m not sure I understand which one vexes you more- is it the fact that your agenda of taking her home after you’ve reluctantly paid for her meal has been hampered or the fact that she was clever enough to know that all you wanted was to ‘clean and chop mouth’ and she was able to beat you at your own game? The fact is USERS attract USERS… nuff said!!

    • Toun November 15, 2010 at 5:33 am

      Chop and clean mouth rather!! Vexing no gree me write well!!

  • zaizai March 23, 2011 at 12:52 am

    lol, i live in ajao estate…..and better believe, if he lives in ajah, he gasta come n pick me up!

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