Addicted to Love

Posted on Monday, September 13th, 2010 at 11:50 AM

By Glory Edozien

So there I was minding my own business, half listening to the radio and half consumed by my own random thoughts as I drove in to work one morning. When the radio presenter on Inspiration FM, announced that one of Tiger Woods alleged mistresses, Rachel Uchitel, would be taking part in the hit US reality TV series, Celebrity Rehab. The TV series, which shows how different celebrities overcome various addictions, is one that has captivated the American audience for 3 seasons and has had among its housemates, celebrities such as Janice Dikinson, Keisha Cole’s mother and Daniel Baldwin.

I waited to hear what Rachel’s addiction was. Heroin, cocaine, marijuana, cigarettes maybe??? No! It was none of the above. In fact, although the show’s producers claim her addiction was to prescription drugs, sources from US tabloid magazines say different. According to the tabloids, her addiction is apparently to….wait for it,…. LOVE. Did I hear you hiss? Well, I doubt if your hiss could be louder than mine. Even as I type this article I find myself still hissing at the very idea of it all. Addicted to love, such nonsense! While I am not prepared to discuss her alleged relationship with the golf supremo Tiger Woods, I do find it a tad bit ridiculous that anyone could be “addicted to love”.

Now don’t get me wrong, I too used to have my head caught in the clouds. The butterflys, the side glances, the stolen kisses. Been there, done that and sold my personally made Tshirt. But now, I believe that reality puts a slightly different perspective on things. But can anyone really blame me ? Almost everyday, I hear stories about so many horrible relationships it has become impossible for me to have a positive outlook on love. Personally, I think when it boils down to it, human beings are incapable of love. We don’t know what it is. Instead we equate chemical and hormone reactions in the body to love. I put this argument to my girlfriends over the weekend and off course they all disagreed!

Maybe I should be a bit specific about the kind of love I am talking about. I believe the love between parent and child is the purest form of human love there is. The look on the face of any parent as they cradle their new born is enough to make the hardest of hearts melt. It is the best and possibly the only form of human love available today. Anything else, especially between man and woman, is an adulterated, Hollywood influenced imitation. How else do you explain the rate of divorce and infidelity in marriages today? How else would you explain the high amount of both women and men in abusive relationships all over the world? How else would you explain the amount of broken men and women who have dared to believe in love. The explanation is simple, human beings are incapable of love.

Case in point. A few years ago, a close friend of mine got married. She was the first among my group of friends to get married. So you can imagine the excitement. They were one of those couples who looked like they couldn’t breathe without holding each other. I remember shedding tears as I watched her and her husband exchange vows. The way they both lovingly looked into each others eyes, the way they danced ever so slowly and tightly, like time stood still only for them. It really did look like a match made in heaven. I won’t even bother lying, I envied them. I remember looking up to the heavens and asking when my own time would come. Little did I know what the future held. Today both my friend and her husband are remarried (need I say to different people?).

Apparently it was only after they got married that they realized they had only one thing in common, their dislike for each other. They seemed to fight over everything and anything. Then came the abuse. First it was verbal, then physical. Then the cheating, the children he fathered outside the home, the mistresses that showed up at her home whenever they felt the need to torture her. You name it, she went through it. I remember asking her why she stayed with him for so long, her reply was simple. It wasn’t because she loved him and she thought he would change. No, it was because she couldn’t imagine starting all over again. She couldn’t imagine coping with the shame of being a ‘divorcee’. Today she is remarried to a far older man who she ‘cares’ for a great deal, it has nothing to do with love.

So given my cynical view, what then is my advice to the unsuspecting love birds out there. I think we all should be careful what we label as love. We need to make sure what you term as love mirrors closely that of your partners, or else, you might be due for a rude awakening. As for me, I think I have become jarred by it all. Maybe I have to do a bit of soul searching and reflect more on the positive side of life instead of the negative.  But right now my definition of ‘love’ is someone who has the same outlook on life and someone who is both ready and willing to walk the walk, not just talk about it. Some may choose to call that love, I choose to call it common sense.

Photo Credit: www.askmissa.com

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  • 46 Comments on “Addicted to Love”

    Comments
    • Oyesola September 13, 2010 at 12:31 PM

      Love has become purely a ‘head’ affair and not a ‘heart and head’ affair!

    • onthesubject September 13, 2010 at 12:36 PM

      ‘I believe the love between parent and child is the purest form of human love there is. The look on the face of any parent as they cradle their new born is enough to make the hardest of hearts melt. It is the best and possibly the only form of human love available today. Anything else, especially between man and woman, is an adulterated, Hollywood influenced imitation.’

      I concur.

      An objective/balanced take on love. Very well written.

      Well done

      • Alero September 14, 2010 at 3:17 PM

        I totally agree with u.

    • Judith September 13, 2010 at 12:43 PM

      Glory pls chill now.Love will come to u and at the right time.

    • chi September 13, 2010 at 12:45 PM

      me likey….

    • omogekofo September 13, 2010 at 12:46 PM

      @onthesubject, its only new born parents love…….now that am 25years older, my parents dont love me neither do dey care, they only care for wat i can give them….my health iz not their concern…..so it would b right to get addicted to love from any one who wishes to give me the needed love.

    • adenike September 13, 2010 at 12:57 PM

      Nice article but subjectively written. I know quite a good number of people who are married and are still happily in love with each other;those are my prototypes and not those whose marriages failed(due to one reason or the other). I’m from a broken home and i pray every single day of my life to have a man who’ll not resemble my dad in any way. Gloria,it’s obvious y6ou’ve been hurt but I

    • adenike September 13, 2010 at 1:03 PM

      *sorry couldn’t finish up before my system messed up*
      Gloria,it’s obvious you’ve been hurt but i think it’s high time you opened your heart. We still have good men out there and i know for sure that”LOVE STILL EXISTS”…… My late ex used to say this “Nike,learn to love with everything and never expect much in return”. It sounds pretty odd but honestly it’s been working for me… What am I on earth for if i can’t love?
      Do have a nice week ahead!

    • Rick Flair September 13, 2010 at 1:12 PM

      Well i dont know if i will go as far as saying true love doesnt exist. There are different types of love, no doubt and parental love can be pure; but there are instances where parents dont feel for their kids.

      Regarding your friend’s first failed marrage, it is unfair to blame it solely on love. People get married for the wrong reasons – economic, society, to have kids. Sometimes people confuse their quest for love with a need to be married. Sometimes people want to be in love by any means, and get married.

      I read a Naija blog recently with short quirky article that talks about reasons why some people get married. You should check it out http://woahnigeria.wordpress.com/2010/09/12/marriage-or-carriage/

      People are still making the same mistakes with love and marriage. Both require huge sacrifices. Most fairy tales end with “and they lived happily ever after” but life is different.

      Just my two kobo

    • F September 13, 2010 at 1:19 PM

      It’s as if you took the words right from my mouth. I have had this conversation OVEWR AND OVER AGAIN. The only groups of people I believe typify the true meaning of love as unconditional and sacrificing are God and mothers. End of. The things that African mothers face on behalf of their children in their husband’s houses are enough to serve as evidence for my argument. Romantic love is more of a mixture of infatuation, lust and sometimes (when it is good) respect. Only rarely does it mature into something more. Most people are just obsessed with each other and think they are in love. It is annoying to see the way the word is thrown around, only to see the so-called lovebirds fold under pressure. I really liked this post, very well written.

      • lovebird October 2, 2010 at 11:57 PM

        true i agree wit u on the way pple assume dey r inlove bt the mother tin…hmm nt quite koz my mother will nt stand up to my dad for us…we actually heard her say she loves him more than us…wat du u have to say bout dt

    • lola September 13, 2010 at 1:23 PM

      My dear Glory
      I couldn’t agree more with you…
      Love sha- Like most certainly.

    • TJO September 13, 2010 at 2:30 PM

      There is still true love in marriage; I can boldly say am happily married (9 years). But one thing the singles should take note before marriage is why do I want to marry this person. Some felt age is not on their side again, so they marry anyone that comes their way. Some marry base on selfish interest, knowing fully well that their partner love for them is low compare to theirs (i.e. forcing yourself on a man). Some will notice that the man they are engaged to do not have good husband qualities and they will still go ahead with the wedding for the fear of where are they going to start from or he will change. Any courtship that lack trust cannot produce happy home. Our singles should always rely on God and not always give God standard, every woman and man want somebody that is good looking, though beauty is in eyes of the beholder, and rich. If you desire somebody that is tall and a short person has the qualities of a good husband and he is showering you with true love why not go for him than a tall man who you know is a casinova. Before, i got married, I told God that any man that will make me to endure and not enjoy my marriage the almighty God should separate us even two seconds to my saying the Big YES I DO at the altar, it may sound crazy, but it works for me, because almost to my wedding day God exposed who my Fiancee really was and I disengaged rather than facing divorce.

      Also, ability to tolerate, learn how to pray for once husband weakness in marriage and be closer to God will always sustain a marriage. It is only TRUE love and not pretence between partners that can produce happy home.

      • DUDU September 13, 2010 at 4:22 PM

        It’s a relief to hear a great marriage stoty. We need so much more of this on bella naija. Me i’m tired of all these failed marriage tales o! I know quite a number of people who are happily married. I implore more happily married people to post comments. We need to know that there a quite a number of you out there.

      • kokoletnumberone September 14, 2010 at 9:00 PM

        Clap for her!

        TJO, you have hit the nail on the head, GBAM! You r fantastic…May God continue to bless your marriage.

      • jojo September 17, 2010 at 11:12 PM

        I love your message.God is the true provider of true love.We should always ask for His guidance.I almost missed out on true love beacuse of social standard but I remember praying constantly to God to reveal who my future is and thats how my eyes got opened.Today I am happily engaged w/out a doubt that I am marrying my God-sent. Today he is doing well for himself and definitely meets all my needs.

      • Purpleicious babe October 2, 2010 at 5:03 PM

        Wow…. nice way of putting it. I do agree, in additon to your point. I would recommend everyone to indulge and read 1st Corithians Ch13. Trust me that is what real love is about most importantly should be about. And I must say to demonstrate the love that isnt polluted it is very imporatant to love God.. Cos God is love and allow yourself to believe and flow in that love, only then are you able to love yourself and understand what true love is when u see one. I believe that we don’t have any problems, human beings have created own problems and it started when poeple stop choosing to follow God’s will and doing the contrary. Or people misunderstanding the will of God and choosing to do some and leave the rest… All in all, I can honestly say love is a decision not a feeling… it is never a feeling and will never be, if it was then most parents will get rid of their kids at the first mistake they make. And Jesus would not have been able to bear the pain because he decided, he chose to love us regardless of our faults, insecurities, doubts, selfishness, rudeness, bad attitutudes, malice, blasphemy, hater of God, stubborn etc. the lists are endless.

        Never the less, I must encourage every woman and man out there, if you want to enjoy the perfect union and celebrate love, open your heart and recieve the love of God by faith and he will teach you and endow with grace to uphold the love in your marriage. You must first chose to serve him wholeheartedly and seek his ways, it is challenging but that is the best results and do not defile the bed. In addition, a man can only learn how to love his wife just as Christ loves the church if he realises his potential in God and identifies he needs an helper. Until then he will not and can never change…….. Renew your mind, True love is from God still exists…. love is the greatest gift given to man… but it has been polluted. So do your part to make it better for the next generation, chose to love on anyone no matter what……….. GOD IS LOVE. And I pray the grace to understand the concept he will grant to us… Gloria keep the faith, u will be amazed when pure love comes your way…

    • Princess September 13, 2010 at 2:49 PM

      Nice article Gloria but I reckon your opinion about love is based on all the negativities. True love exists and im a witness of it. I am happily married to my best friend and he treats me like a goddess. Even when I wrong him, we talk about it and im forgiven. If you are not opened to love, you can never have one…….
      Goodluck on your search for the most amazing gift life can offer, which is TRUE LOVE….

      • Blossom September 13, 2010 at 4:45 PM

        I love you for this, Princess! :)

    • Myne Whitman September 13, 2010 at 3:32 PM

      I agree with all those who insist there is true love, I live it everyday after all. Still, we should be careful how we make out love-based choices. That love must be a full love, I always refer to the bible Corinthians passage on what love is. If it’s not, then wahala dey!

    • Yt" Boss" September 13, 2010 at 3:35 PM

      I find it hard to beleieve in love myself but i still find myself wishing i could fall in love. Oh, the irony of it!

      • dami September 13, 2010 at 11:06 PM

        lol like D’BANDJ said “love is a beautiful thing”

    • miss moe September 13, 2010 at 3:45 PM

      while i agree that true love has been distorted in so many ways in our generation, i still believe that true love between 2 strangers can still exist. i have known it, i have lost it but i know i can find it again. i believe in true love without any physical relationship…. although it is still part of it. true love is seflessness, when you find that person that makes everything else look irrelevant, the person that you know you would rather die than see them hurt, you know your close, but most of all when you find a person who shows you the “God” in you, its priceless. On another note Glorie, without a doubt, i believe God made our heart big enough to love more than one person. its possible so don;t settle for less. it will come to you!..nice article though!

    • Kemi September 13, 2010 at 3:46 PM

      I totally agree with love being a common sense thing.

    • Oluchi September 13, 2010 at 3:56 PM

      Sometimes it pays to ask God to allow to be in the presence of happily married for 20-something years couple. When you see that these type of couples are still in love with each other, you will think differently about love. I was sitting next to an older couple in church yesterday. I notice how the husband is touchy feely with his wife; and then during peace offering time, the wife kissed her husband, touched his head in an adoring manner, the husband accepted all of it and returned it too. This 2 couples are igbo and speak fulent igbo. I am not used to seeing older nigerian (let alone igbo) couples that show affection like that to each other in public. So I was delighted to be in their presense and I appreciated the love they have for each other and asked God for mine to be similar. I am sure that a lot of work went into where this couple is now with each other in terms of love. I prayed for the strenght to put forth the effort that is required.
      You see, I saw all the bad relationships out there just like you; I heard all the ugly stuffs about marriages, especially Nigerians, just like you. I even heard about how some husbands kill their wives out of jealousy and other things. But because in my heart I have made up my mind that I wanted to be married, I choose to pray that God show me beautifull relationships, as to help me think softer towards marriages and relationships. I can imagine myself in true love marriage because of the beautiful ones I see that have lasted for years. Don’t allow all you know to be just the bad ugly relationships. Expand your horizon so you can see things differently. I have seen a couple get back together after almost 10 years divorce. yes, expand your horizon, you will be amazed at what you will discover.

    • Uchechi September 13, 2010 at 4:01 PM

      Sure glory, you have a point. My opinion is that some people have been unfortunate while others have been fortunate with love. Dont know what to blame the former on, perhaps the people fell in love for the wrong reasons. I believe true love exists to those who diligently seek it just as TJO and princess have both shared.

      I do wish you find true love glory…

    • adenike September 13, 2010 at 4:05 PM

      @Rick Flair;thanks for the link!

    • Smarty September 13, 2010 at 4:14 PM

      Is there anything like pure love?if it is pure love then it is no love, because,there is always a reason to love. you rather say:A true or sincere love.people fall in love and people fall out of love.when the reason or value why they are in love depreciate, it is either people fall out of love or they patch up a relationship. we need to know why one and the other partner is in love and if it could be maintained and substained. Ask yourself, ‘why do i love him, do i truely love him’

    • Jay September 13, 2010 at 8:54 PM

      Glory abeg chilll.. Your lover is coming soon. Are you depressed or something? Its really getting to much. I like your writing though :)

    • Molicious September 13, 2010 at 9:19 PM

      Nice article, a little negative or realistic, depending on the perspective one chooses. It’s funny how people get all fired up about the topic of love, yet the article is saying love = common sense. If love is just common sense and is not even slightly addictive, why do we make such a big deal out of it; I mean, why would one write and we comment on an article about common sense like really, what’s the point…oh well, to each his own…

    • g September 14, 2010 at 10:09 AM

      True love exists if u believe. Whatever you believe is what comes to you…if u believe ur marriage will be successful, it will be.

      • Yours truly September 14, 2010 at 11:38 AM

        errrrrrrrrrr, no one ever believes their marriage will be unsuccessful na

        • Judith September 14, 2010 at 4:16 PM

          TRUSt some pple know but still go ahead.

    • james September 14, 2010 at 12:26 PM

      glory u always blow my mind with ur piece all the time…, I hope those that have ears, hear this.

    • nonye September 14, 2010 at 1:09 PM

      Pls lets not attack Glory, whether her views on love are negative or not, they are still her views. We can only help shed light on the good sides of marriage and relationship like some people here have done already. Personally I had an experience that almost wrecked my emotions; my friend’s boyfriend of 3yrs got married to someone else two weeks ago and she heard on the morning of the wedding! he didnt break up with her, nothing! (story on http://nonyeanike.blogspot.com/) This got me really scared as a similar thing had happened to my older cuz and here I am engaged to be married, questions had a merry -go -round in my head, was I the only one in his life? would same thing happen to me etc. I didnt realize i had started acting strange until my fiance took me for a ride one night, looked me in the face and said ” i know how u feel abt this whole thing with ur friend but i’m never goin to leave u, even if i stray, u’ll always be my number 1.” the next day he organized a suya and baileys spree for my friend and I.
      My point is we all know there are unworthy people out there but we still have men and women who are naked and unashamed….Glory sweetie, long after we are long there’ll still be successful relationships as well as unsuccessful, AS LONG GOD EXISTS,LOVE EXISTS!

      • Omada September 15, 2010 at 1:25 AM

        ”even if i stray, u’ll always be my number 1”’ for real? seriously? he told you that? so he’s telling you to have it at the back of your mind that he can or will stray?

    • Titi September 14, 2010 at 4:57 PM

      “even if he strays” listen to your self

    • Chantel September 14, 2010 at 7:22 PM

      Guys c’mon!! why are we all so cynical?? yes, love exists and we all know it….a few bad experiences peeps have had but to judge all experiences by it is just plain wrong!!

      Yes, horrible things have happened..my sister’s best friend did not show up on her wedding day after her husband spent millions on trad in the village, relocated to nig from the US for her and had been lodging his friends in Eko hotel for about a week prior to the wedding…Im talkin really close friends like she used to crash at ours and all….that experience ate at me for a while but I just decided it is HER life…Im not gonna be jaded cuz someone else has chosen a wrong path!!

      I have been in beautiful, loving relationships and Im in a totally fulfilling, great, fantastic one now and we are headed for the big ‘M’…(and no, we are not having sex!!)so c’mon!!

      Ours is just one of millions of great relationships…please let’s get it right and be hardworking enough to make it work!!And let us not forget the great times in it too..ahn ahn…guys!! Relationships are a lot of work and you need to appreciate that enough to have a good one!!

    • DaBreeze September 15, 2010 at 11:30 AM

      Dear Glory,

      WORD!!!!!

    • Lola September 16, 2010 at 1:31 PM

      Thats my girl finally a nigerian woman with common sense

    • Keyshia September 16, 2010 at 4:04 PM

      I love this…….especiallly the comment “love’ is someone who has the same outlook on life and someone who is both ready and willing to walk the walk, not just talk about it”

    • Eliza Benson September 17, 2010 at 9:25 PM

      I love this so much! I couldn’t agree with you more… We ladies need to think with our heads too not just our hearts.

    • jojo September 17, 2010 at 10:32 PM

      I see this suthor has never fallen in love before or must have been heart broken so many times she can’t even believe in love.I find this article too biased.

    • jojo September 17, 2010 at 10:50 PM

      @chantel:You make a lot of sense and I so concur with your message.How can the author compare the same love between a parent and child to that between man and woman and you go further by saying your friend ended up marrying a far older man….C’mon,if you look deep enough you will find out that sometimes our very superficial nature makes us all follow the wrong paths in relationships,choosing to marry the wealthy chap cos he will make our lives comfortable over the average,hardworking common guy because he doesn’t meet social standard.We lose out on love for a lot of reasons but the most common reason is our blindness towards seeing that true love is right in front of us.

    • Toun November 15, 2010 at 4:16 AM

      It’s definitely a mixed bag with this article but I have to agree that I share the same sentiments as Gloria. The past few years of let downs and disappointments with broken down relationships has left me pretty jaded. I’m definitely a believer in the kind of love that my parents have for me and the one which I have for them and my siblings and some of my very close friends but honestly, outside of that, I really would be careful in tagging that feeling which people of the opposite sex have for each other as “Love”. Yes, that feeling may be intense and maybe even has an element of patience and long suffering a times but overall, it is quite selfish, with so much of give and take involved. Show me a guy or girl that would decide to love someone unconditionally regardless of what he/she looks like or what their social status is. People always make a decision to enter a relationship or get led to the altar for what they believe they will be getting out of it- e.g. security, companionship- these are things that we want for OURSELVES!! That doesn’t necessarily make it bad but if Love is meant to be a SELFLESS act then maybe we need to stop throwing that word around so casually, especially where the opposite sex is concerned. Having said that, I still believe that a very few people have learned to understand the true meaning of that word and I’m thrilled for them. For something so rare and so pure, I sure hope I am blessed enough to find it with a guy someday ; )

    • ngeefavour November 19, 2010 at 5:20 PM

      The onl thing thatcan susain marriage is not only LOVE, you will be fooling yourself if you think i is only LOVE, if you truly COMMITED aand CARE for someone, his happiness without being selfish, forgive and practive Proverbs 30 virtues. Your marriage will last regardless of any ups and down you may face. This is my eleventh (11years) year and i woudnt change my husband for any other man even though he is not the most wealthiest man, but he is wealthy in most things i want. You too can make it work with God on your side.