I Missed the Memo and I’m Glad I Did!
Posted on Thursday, August 4th, 2011 at 12:48 PMBy Wana Udobang
Despite the bitter residue from past relationships, I am yet to subscribe to the mantra “All men are cheats so just get used to it”. For my slightly alternative mental mode, I have been tagged naïve and just plain stupid and I wear my gleaming halo with crystals embossed on it. I think somewhere along my journey, I missed the memo, but unfortunately I’m glad I did. For this one, I will survive without the Tee shirt.
Though I am told that accepting it will free me from surprises and disappointments, I often think it is one step away from committing ones self to the hellish dungeon of a paranoid schizophrenic. I imagine, the first thing you do is become a self taught hacker from spending nights decoding text messages and hacking into E-mail boxes. Then you start placing condoms in his travel bags, so he doesn’t bring you the present that is a venereal disease or developing an ulcer from excessive fasting for behavioural transformation and consequently, threatening any and every female around him because you need to protect your territory. It already sounds like a full time job that exerts way too much energy.
I am by no means an expert on the psychology of infidelity, actually I haven’t much of a clue but surely accepting and condoning such behaviour just gives the person license to keep doing it. For instance, it doesn’t help when it is general knowledge that your boyfriend is currently sleeping with a couple of your acquaintances, and you stick around because a few people have convinced you that you are really the one he has an emotional connection with and the others are merely side attractions and distractions.
On the flipside, we belong to a society that places a woman’s relevance on her desirability towards a man and ultimately, her worth is determined by being acquired. As I often say, self awareness is not encouraged. But for some though, it seems easier to deal with pain that embarrassment.
My friend and I recently had a conversation and she informed me that contrary to how most women thought and even her religious affiliations, she believed in divorce. She explained that marriage already had all its challenges, and infidelity was something she had come to realise she couldn’t deal with. I admired her audaciousness because not many would say it, the way she did, or admit that living with it would destroy her. Our conversation got me thinking, and I realised that even in this climate, the woman was still at the losing end because if she left, she would leave with nothing except she is content with just some peace of mind.
Imagine if everything worked for would be split in half, and you had access to your children on weekends and holidays and there was a system in place to execute it, I reckon some men may rethink their actions a bit carefully. Granted, the system doesn’t help matters, but the mantra even makes it worse. I am inclined to believe most times, they cheat because they get away with it and accepting to ones self that “All men are cheats” is just avoiding the real problem.
“Follow her other writings at www.guerillabasement.com and follow her on twitter as Gbasement.”
Tags: Relationships, wana udobang
i totally am with you good bye to rubbish why stay in a marriage filled with deception.
hmmmm
Disbabe I agree with you bare! hy stick around and be afraid of catching some nasty disease. There is this married man I know who is married to a beautiful former model, they have a daughter. She runs a thriving modeling agency and yet the guy do give two girls for outside belle. Na wa O.
“Jare”
Home wrecker! did u have to say that? so what if he did? does it make ur marriage or relationship any better? thats if u r in a rship sef! mschew!!!
HUH? Did you TRULY read the article?
How a be home wrecker?am just stating dat she can live like that and some of us can not.I will not live with knowing my husband is having sex outside unprotected.sum can me a can’t.
Fashion Pro na wa for you o…You know you said this so people can figure out who this couple is…you wicked sa!
Chei…and we all know who you just put on blast. Chineke meeeh? you are wicked sha…lmao afi fashion pro. i bet you are one of her friends consoling her
hmmmmm…. very interesting topic, very different opinions, now let me state mine……
Why do men cheat?…..really, why?
Men cheat simply because they can!! yes, simply because they can, society has made the man, the most pardonable in matters of infidelity and as ironic as it sounds, we women gave them that right, how? with disdain, uneducated and silly mantras as ‘men are all cheats’. Stop giving them the reason to cheat.
In law there’s something about how you cant be accused twice for an offense, when you accused them for being cheats…….even when they aren’t, they then cheat to make you correct!!
Most times women even spend all their time praying against infidelity instead of enjoying their beautiful marriage
There’s no way to proof loyalty, there are only ways to disproof it!
Stop chanting that yeye mantra and change your mindset, not all men cheat!
http://www.memoirsofagoodnaijagurl.blogspot.com
Na small pickin dey worry you. Ask the beautiful ‘model’ wife, how many times she says ‘I do’, maybe she has headaches most nights, too tired other nights. It is not everything that is beautiful that is worth having ol’boy
Preach it girl! The slogan ‘all men r cheats’ just gives them the’ licence’ to go on and women condone it because society has brought them up to accept such behaviour. Good write up!
Preach it girl! The slogan ‘all men r cheats’ just gives them the’ licence’ to go on and women condone it because society has taught them not to expect better. Good write up!
nice write up!
i cant stand lies,i cant imagine findin out that my husband cheating and i will live in d same house with him…………no it cant happen. i will forgive u bt i cant forget…so long as i live with u or see u it makes me fill inadequate an unappreciated…….i would rather leave and b in peace alone.
*feel
Not all men are cheats…
Rili nyc piece n I share d writer’s view on nt assuming all men r cheats bt it so makes me fil stupid especially wen u av ur fears confirmed. As nyc as d idea of divorce sounds its nt d best n it leaves u n ur children vulnerable to all sorts…
HOW IS SHE A HOME WRECKER? CONFUSED
I am in total agreement with you. Call me a fool but my reasoning is I can’t be in love with a guy, and be second guessing him at the same time. I’ll take your word that you are faithful, until I am convinced otherwise beyond reasonable doubt. Too many marriages begin their erosion in suspicion, which believe it or not, actually pushes some people to cheat! However if you cheat, i’m out….my relationship is supposed to be a comfort zone, not a source of pain.
“my relationship is supposed to be a comfort zone, not a source of pain” – GBAAAAM!! Kai, u deserve a hug
Straight talk……..girl nobi only a hug u deserve a standing ovation go follow am too
abi? I agree with you totally!!!
I so much beleive in d saying dat ”all men r cheats”…n i no most women do too…bcos dia is no lady dat hasnt experienced it or hasnt seen it happen b4….with dat in mind we can comfortable say dat the slogan is TRUE…d next question women shuld ask dem selves is wat r they gono do abt it???….r u going to start jumping from one relationship or marriage to anoda just bcos of dat??….as for me, wat i need from a man is my respect, love n understand… if am gettin all dat from my man,all oda faults can go to hell…but some men r dogs sha…those r d ones i cant cope with….
I have not experienced it EVER. And I have had couple of wonderful relationships. So no, not all men cheat. Stop making generalizations on behalf of all men. You or your clique might have but it is not case everyone
But how can he love you, respect you, understand your fears, hopes and dreams, and then still cheat on you? he’s either lying to himself about feeling those things, or is a ‘dog’, as u put it. Eida way, u on the losing end, and he’s taking the piss.
not all men are cheats…truth is if you beleive it…so shall it be unto you…you could branch out of that circle, change ur mentality about men or you could look truthfully inwards and ask yourself why are u always attracted to and end up with men who cheat…seriously it could be a problem…peace babe!
Speak for yourself Faith. Not every woman has experienced it and certainly not every woman will. The fact that something happens to most people doesn’t mean every single individual in this world would be a victim of that same thing.
Madam Faith… I beg to disagree ooooooooo.. Not all men are cheats. Maybe the ones you have been rolling with… I for one have NEVER been cheated on… And I make bold to say so…. Check the kinda guys u roll with
how can somebody wake up and say all men are cheats. your relationship may be going through thunder but another may be in heaven……….
my advice to all women is that b4 you marry…find out your husbands sexual fantasies…you can ask him if you are bold enough….do not allow religion or church to deceive you….
if you cannot fufill his sexual fantasies quit…..immidiately cos someday he would desire to fufill it by all means….
if you give your man blowjob he ain’t going no where…….also make sure ur weight is in check
SISI EKO, PLS WAKE UP! blowjob ko, kick job ni! my hubby does NOT even like the bj thingy so u cant generalise on that and put people under false impressions. Also, my hubby is happier with my body now that i’ve put on weight after our daughter than before and keeps trying to jeopardise my weight loss attempts. Just get a man that understands, loves, respects and is willing to do anything to keep you. I have seen ‘dogs’ who became saints once they found the b*tch they couldnt do without! duh
R u sure he’s nt jeopardising ur weight loss attempts cos he doesn’t want other men to admire u…duh…think again
nothing wrong with what notaplayer said nich…both of you are say the same thing….urs doesn’t like a bj so he wont go outside cos the missionary he likes yo are giving him….hers prolly loves a bj so he wont go outside cos she’s giving him….@Nich my dear church doesn’t deceive us anymore oh!!…at least my church doesn’t…they teach and preach *it* cos it has wrecked many a home….xtian babes loosen up…open ya eyes seriously…keep the weight in check…look beautiful….change ur hairdo’s as often as possible and yeah…pls dont kid ur self….experiment in ur marital bed…its undefiled….be your husbands mistress!!
Thank you… Find out what he likes (and he should find out urs too). If either can’t, and neither is ready to compromise.. better quit o… cuz sex, food and weight are major issues… not the only reasons y but if u can get dat sorted, u have @ least sorted 1/2 of the issues u both might have… and pray
I just remember the last relationship I was in. I became a world class hacker! It did not matter how many times he changed passwords on his cellphone or email I would crack it like Tom Hanks did the Di Vinci code! The stress and trauma I let myself go through in that relationship was just too much. To be honest I think I went a bit crazy but thats a topic for another day LOL!
At the end of the day the mantra “all men cheat” is just silly. Not everyone is the same be they male or female. Its all about personal choice. Certain men dont see it neccesary to keep it in their pants, and by you staying with them and playing detective and bodyguard all at once, you are basically saying that its fine by you that he cheats.
You teach a person how to treat you.
i agree totally, you teach a person how to treat you!
Hm! I’ve gone through that hacking phase too o but mine can’t be termed hacking cos the phones were unlocked but I know what you mean by stress and trauma. I almost ran myself mad with speculatins and assumptions. Totally not worth it. PRAYER IS THE KEY O. Only God can direct and give complete peace of mind.
NOT ALL MEN ARE CHEATS…….I AM NOT! I HAVE NEVER DONE IT AND I DAILY PRAY FOR GRACE TO HOLD ON!………..Please why dont we dare to believe we can have the best…..because the best of Sane,God fearing and correct men and women are available everywhere( Not disputing that we have more sore thumbs though)
Wow…different thought patterns! I don’t think Wana should be chastized for this article. She doesn’t in anyway mean that all men cheat by the way. She’s only trying to dis-abuse our minds from the norm, so quit the hating and move on. If your relationship is working and your man aint cheating, I think this article is not meant for you. Personally, my belief is that only weak men cheat, so a man that cannot tell his partner about his sexual fantasies and then goes out to cheat is nothing but a WEAKLING! Shikena..
@Nich, I don’t think its about the sex or blow job alone cuz guess what there will always be another woman who can give a better blow job. I don’t even think it makes so much sense to stress so hard to keep a man. The issue of cheating is largely a matter of personal values. So I implore we ladies to search for a man who has a lot more than just what we see physically…lets look out for value!
THANK U…. I agree
@ nich, why is it the woman that have to go the extra mile to keep a man?
This one you all are talking about sexual fantancies and the way a woman should look good dat ur man wont cheat,so why do thy cheat on women like jennifer aniston,j-lo,tiger woods lovely wife,blake lively,arqutte,clintons wife,eva longoria and the rest of them.it shows shows some men are either possessed and need to cheat they need to be delivered from the claws of the devil.cause any man created in GODS image and likeness and knows the word of GOD wnt cheat.FAITH i dnt get you do you know that if your man i scheating and you know and you stil stay you can get infected with watever hes carrying its differebt wen you dnt know,is it not when you have life you can eat money.TICKI you av said it all.NICH it aint all about sex cuse in your sixties dats not wat will keep you both together
nice write up, i used to believe all men are cheats but changed my mind about that. if u wanna believe all men are cheats ladies then your man will cheat on you. what’ll attract me to a man is his control and what will keep me loving him is his self control ! he may err once (i mean just once) and u’ll forgive but i’m not gonna tolerate it as a way of life. and if we as ladies are supposed to accept it, then why cant they accept that women can cheat. we also get turned on when we see some guys we admire but we can control it. guys better control urself or someone will commit a crime!!!
she may be right after all, all men are cheats…notice the all and the men…the sad thing is she wasn’t referring to gay men..it includes even honest men, but i think that no man can cheat without a woman…
Nice topic,,,all men are cheats is true,,cos they believe they can get away with it but they cant stand their woman cheating,,,,,,,,,,,,,Fools
Wana,by this,i’v become ur fan 4 life! i am personally tired,sick and disgusted by d silly small minded mantra that all men r cheaters. Am a full blooded guy and I HAVE NEVER CHEATED! yes,i see chicks i dig and it ends there. I know guys who r in there 20′s and they r virgins and proudly so! Just because u fell 4 a guy who has been peddling d same line that works on women doesnt mean that there are no God fearing,faithful and chaste men out there. Issue is that when d show up,ladies would simply say he isn’t my spec bcos he doesnt look like GQ material. Fat nonsense. Ok, when she finally finds him,she conviniently confines him 2 d friend zone. How spectacular can foolishness be? R u supposed 2 marry your enemy? Forgive me 4 being blunt,am a single and tired of being a victim of havin 2 explain that it isnt a ploy 2 get chicks in my bed. This is my 2 kobo reply 2 d rantings on this article. If u r pissed,hit me on kimqhc@gmail.com.
This ur e-marketting wey u just take style do ehn… ogalaa!!
(y)
Cool goizzz!!!
Lol
Lol, as in d bobo mean bizness o! Dude u for put pic join
Pray u don’t get some weird babes hitting u up.
kay cee!!o di kwa y!!apparently uve been confined to the friend zone too many times.dont worry,i pray u find a lady who sees u as not only a friend but a brother,lover,gossip partner et al.
@ all of u screaming tele marketing, its not. Am a very blunt person. I didnt want 2 reply some very silly people who’d want 2 test me in d open…
Bro, if u get confined to the ‘friends zone’, it cos u dont get it! U r yet 2 u’stand hw attraction works 4 women. U dont have to stop being a chaste or faithful dude, though, u jus hv 2 u’stand wat it is she wants.
ps: she ait gonna tell u, so dont bother asking. U gatta dig it up? *winks*
2 thumbs up to you Wana!!! I feel like half of the women who condone cheating have low self-esteem and deep down they feel like they are not good enough, the other half are just conforming to what the society dictates. i choose to be above all that, i’m not condemning anyone here, but if i’m too much of a put-together and beautiful woman to be popping antibiotics every other week over a dog of a man. I am more than that.
While i don’t condone infidelity, i am a realist! Before you make divorce your first resort after discovering your husband’s gaming, do have this thought at the back of your mind . . . what gaurantees the next man or husband would not do the same. I don’t want to sound like our mothers who preaches patient in daily dose but ladies . . . Pause and think, this is where you know the world is neither fair or predictable. There is no written formula or law to know someone that is a cheat or would be one. Do watch and pray, and be very honest with yourself when planning to spend the best part of your years with a man. Don’t start as tigress in bed and after the wedding you turn into nun (doling out on schedule and once in a week)!!! Do not paint the wrong picture to a man in order to get the ring and then turn around to be something else and you don’t expect him to cheat?!!!
WORD!!…funny but people tend to work harder on their second marriage and tolerate more than they did in their first…..funny…just watch and pray no one prays for a cheating man…..its God that will direct…guide…keep and protect…
@Qhaycee, you dey vex? Lol! I believe that not all men cheat. I’ve been propositioned by married men and I’ve also seen married men who keep their schlongs in their cotton BYCs. Like most things in life, there is no hard and fast rule to it. Some men will cheat and some will not.
@Nich, it’s not about your giving your man a blowjob or keeping your weight in check. Sometimes, the man klooks outside because he wants company and conversation. How does your blowjobs and weight keep him away then. I believe as women we should do the best we can by our men and trust God to keep them true. That said, I will not tolerate infidelity in my relationship pre-marriage but if it happens after marriage wetin I go do? I pray God gives me the grace to forgive and forget but omo e go hard.
By the way, I read an article where they interviewed Mrs. Ojukwu. she said something which I have adopted. When asked how she copes with being married to a man like her husband etc, she responded along the lines that if he has sex outside the marriage, perhaps while on a trip somewhere, she could handle it and not feel too hurt. If he has an affair (like when he develops feelings for the girl, s concerned about her well being, devotes time and attention to her etc – the stuff man does for his spouse) that’s when she’ll feel hurt.
I’ve modified her approach and for me, if it happens I don’t want to know about it. I won’t go snooping around his phone, computer etc. what you don’t know won’t kill you! If I find out and it’s a one off thing, not a habit, I could handle it. If it’s an affair, smh, I’m not sure what exactly I’d do. People, you know how hard it is to use a condom consistently with someone you have sex regularly with? Men, the man can bring home a VD or worse HIV! God forbid.
@qgaycee, u r totally right………..i totally agree
@ aibee, i am not vexed bt like i told a friend last week, i am not going 2 hv a female child(pls my future wife forgive me) women nowadays r so twisted! First,wt will a woman who believes that all men cheat teach my daughter? Apart 4m constant badgering me and teaching my daughter that daddy cant b trusted,I cant take d risk of pouring all my love into her and watch one idiot boy come and scatter it-my heart will break! @ geez, am not bragging but if i were tele marketing anything, i can do better than this. @arewa. Am with u 100%. If u condone his cheating,something must def b wrong wt u. God didnt spend time and thought and made that beautiful for one man 2 mess wt u and ur head. @ nich. U hit d nail on d head. Most couples dont discuss their sexual compatibilities,when d finally get married,sex that is expected to b transformed into an art of love making becomes a ‘wham bam thank u mam’ affair. Women r guilty of this-learn what d guy likes and tell/ teach him what u like. Men love their fantasies and r ever ready.No blame dt girl outside 4 takin ur man when she can make him cum in more ways than one and have him begging 4 more. I knew this girl in my uni who had a rep 4 ‘knacking’ guys senseless and she’d do a guy once! Guys begged 4 return match,she refused! Today,she is happily married wt a son and some church girls r not! If he likes you fat,then be fat, if he likes you slim, then stay slim. And please,dont give me that rubbish that its hard work but if its an office target, you will surpass target. Like i posted earlier,if u d vex,kimqhc@gmail.com.
e-marketing!!!!!…LOL!!!!!…email at the bottom…lol!!!!!…kai!!
@qhaycee that is sexy!
i firmly believe that any woman who tolerates cheating from her man( even if its casual sex or a bathroom quickie) thinks less of herself to condone such nonesence and if you are the type that stops to ponder about your chances in the future with a non-cheating man before you take a hike then you may have nothing left of your self esteem at this stage and because u do not stand for something, you would most likely fall for anything. there is no place in the bible or in any religious doctrine that suggests a man’s DNA to have embedded cells that make him susceptible to cheating. Cheating is a personal decision and there is a thorough thought process before the act is committed where the guy in his mind says “she wont find out” or “opportunity comes but once” or “she will understand and forgive me”. (if your man is cheating, u would def. know which of the above would likely come up in his mind before the act is committed) this is simply because of the free pass u have given him by your most likely unconscious display of an unhealthy self esteem.
It has never been about sex or BJ’s or being skinny slim. its about a man being man enough to love and appreciate a woman that meets his needs and also be man enough to stick with her alone.
my fellow chics, babes and women, wake up to reality. there is a lot of power in your thoughts and what u think of and accept mentally has a lot to do with what comes your way.
all the best ….and thats my 2 cents
” I have seen dogs who became saints after they met the right bitch they couldn’t do without” true words sista.
While many of you are quick to judge…please note that this is
an article Based on perception…it may and may not support your thoughts….
To each his own, men and women cheat, as you make your bed you lie on it. There is no foolproof to life, however most people especially those living in Nigeria even at the begining accept and believe men must cheat, glad to know there are people out there who think otherwise
Me sef did not get that memo either. I refuse to believe that all men are cheats. Besides repeating that mantra is almost like asking for it. Believing it means u’ld turn a blind eye to potential defects in a partner.
As for men cheating ‘cos they can get away with it, I guess in Naija that applies. But in Yankee it still doesn’t stop them o. Think of all them stars that have been taken to the cleaners by their exes for cheating.
Solution for my Christian brothers: spiritual maturity (the kind Joseph displayed).
ok… very interesting article… very interesting comments too.
Though, I do not condone infidelity and I do not accept it. I refuse to generalize all men and say they are all cheat.To generalize all men and say they are cheats implies our sons, our cousins, our uncles, our nephews, our generations are cheats and none can remain faithful to us, our daughters, our mothers etc. I know for a fact my sons will not be a cheat nor my nephews… FACT…….FACT….
Yes, men mess up just like women mess up. Some men fail to take role and position. But for us to use our mouths to generalize them and carry on calling them means we are expecting that of them. Yes, truth be told, lets face fact and say yes in our society men cheat hence women should leave…. Yeah very easy to say but to do it, is another thing.. I am sure alot women in this century will raise their hand up and say I will leave ohh…
Wait a min, what if it was u that cheated??? I bet u would be like me , no, never, what if it was??? or what if it was ur son that cheated?? What would ur response be? Leave, ohhh… is that it.. (God will help us)..
Yes society dictates alot of things such as u suggested “leave a cheating husband ” the fact is, i dont know how these people built their foundation. For a marriage to be a marriage it depends on the person and their principles +convictions. I will not encourage anyone to marry a spouse that is clueless about the degree and sacrifice marriage offers and the fact that it is a blessings and an ordinance from God to man. Mark 10:6.
For those that think its sexual desires that makes a man cheat i.e. wife not pleasing hubby with different styles in bed. I doubt it, why: there are other significant issues that are bigger and more complex that makes people cheat. For instance, a messed up foundation breeds unnecessary issues. That besides my point, sex should not be the main focus in our marriage even though sex is one of many significance, it shouldn’t be our drive..
Why: Two become one, one will chase a 1000, two will chase 10,000 am sure if a marriage has purpose both spouses will be working together to fulfil such purpose. Yes, there are temptations but if u are so preoccupied and busy with important things am sure ur mind will not wander…
Whatever the case, I am a firm believer in positive things no matter how burnt the coffee is.. There is still hope. I know that me ohh, my own husband will never cheat on me, WHY: DIGNITY, INTEGRITY, SINCERITY, GENUINE, AND SELF RESPECT and the MERCY, GRACE, LOVE AND JOY OF GOD WILL GUIDE, GUARD HIS HEART.
IT can be hard to commit to a woman for the rest of his life, but am sure there are greater goods in keeping ur bed undefiled.
I pray God helps us.
YES SOME MEN CHEAT, SOME DO NOT.. WHY: DIGNITY.
I hate to think my husband would say he doesnt cheat becos he respects me… NAAAA… It aint about me love. its about u, ur values, ur principles, ur standards, ur upbrnining, ur mental state, ur respect and ur goals in life.
T
Speak for yourself Faith. Not every woman has experienced it and certainly not every woman will. The fact that something happens to most people doesn’t mean every single individual in this world would be a victim of that same thing.
You are a very sensible person for all you’ve written, nuff said!
I’m going to keep this real. If you believe guys like qhaycee exist then you’re believing the hype and my dad is the Pope!!
. This ain’t the movies where everything is perfect. Truth is, nothing is perfect in life
FACTS
1) Conventional wisdom states that all men are wanton lustbags ready to rock and fire even if we have no emotional investment in a woman. We are visual while you(women) are cerebral. That’s the way it is. You need a reason to have sex, we need a place!
2) Men are sexually frail. If you combine male sexual frailty with abundant opportunity- every man’s a cheater. P*ssy is POWER, few men of sound mind would turn down a casual sex situation, keep that in the back of your mind. This is why even so-called religious men get caught in affairs from time to time.
3) The thinly disguised implication is that male fidelity is less a matter of virtue than of an absence of opportunity. Those who can will and those who don’t are usually those who can’t
4) Men in relationships have proven that they can commit. Basically, they are KEEPERS. This is why women are attracted to them. It is typical of the human nature-finding the man attractive only because he was taken!
So there it is! I don’t have the solutions so don’t ask me. But if women would understand these facts, all those relationship experts, blogs, websites, ‘agony aunts’ would go out of business. *Kanyeshrug*
Check up my blog-correctpaddy.blogspot.com
Like i mentioned earlier in my post, cheating is a personal decision and you have conformed to the stereotype of all men being like you. snap out of that haze…its what u think of yourself that u have become and like my paddy qhaycee said…i soo weep for your chic..thats if u have one.
it is not a curse but a fact; as u r cheating on your girl,this same treatment will be meted out on your daughter,your grand daughter,your sister,your niece,your cousin,infact every female biologically related to you.you will pick up shattered hearts,endure psychological pain,wipe away tears and listen to every vituperation ever rained on the male gender.i pity you.so because men are visual doeas it mean they are without reasoning?i believe cheating is a process and before it culminates into sex,one has a choice to stop.everyone is tempted but some understand the consequences of their actions(are you saying that all bankers are actually closeted thieves ?).that we are of sinful nature doesnt give us the excuse to wallow in it.
i have never dated a cheat and i never will.i will not tolerate it,sustain it,explain it nor condone it.i believe in the power of the tongue and hence will not utter things that will be detrimental to my well-being.to those who can stay,kudos;to those who cant,thumbs up.
What’s with all the cursing? :-O Why are you trying to kill a fly with a sledgehammer? This shows relational immaturity- not been able to reasonably engage in a discussion with difference of opinions without taking it personally. You don’t have to agree with me but don’t turn it into a war of words or(worst still) an attack on my person!!
What you stated at the begining of your post is not a fact.
My dear they dont mean to attack your person but when u come out in a forum like this with hopeful positive young woman declaring their faith in a few good men out there you have the effrontery to bullet point reasons why men are actually all cheats and ladies shud snap out their haze…..u surely deserve their comments and mine as well….that ur wife will also have very very low moral standards and will see no reason to be in a monogamous relationship with u…but hei doesn’t matter abi after all u are getting some else where so no hard feelings…..cheat on…that you cant control urself doesn’t mean all men cant and i consider it an insult for u to come out and declare all men cheats….u shud be ashamed for ur low moral standards.
Too many big words: embossed in the crystals of subscription caramelization…Couldn’t get past the first paragraph. Go easy chicka…The beauty of magazines is keeping it at the grade 9 level. But I bet the article is amazing
pls which model hubby dey chuk anyhow ( u should see mine grining)
@Nich: Sorry but I am going to have to disagree here! Yes as a woman you should be well groomed and keep yourself in check not only for the relationship but for your self esteem too. You should also try your best to satisfy your man to the extent that your personal boundaries allow
BUT that wont guarantee a man will not cheat on you. Cheating is more about his character as a man rather than how you are failing as a woman. I was in a terrible relationship and I never cheated because its just not part of my personal makeup to cheat on people regardless of whats going on in the relationship.
We all need to stop this thinking that one person can drive another to cheat! No ways, if a person is unsatisfied then talk about it and if that doesnt work then walk away!
If a man wants to cheat he will do so whether you look like Halle Berry and you are swinging from the chandeliers every night!
@ biodun, shebi na make i reply u make we turn entertainment for bellanaija abi? No wahala… I am not hype neither are some guys i know. I am currently in a community of young people where half of d girls think i am handsome( i dont know what d mean by that). Sex is freely peddled here,someone said its equivalent to what u get in camp. Its not that i dont see dangerously designed females,i choose 2 keep my chastity. If thats hard for u 2 understand, i weep 4 ur chic.
I believe there a re still guys who dont cheat. There is nothing like generalisation in any matter of life. There are still some pretty girls who are still virgins same for guys, not that no one has tempted them before but because they chose not to. Not everyone has experienced cheating boyfriends/girlfriends before, what ever you meet in life handle it the best way you can and always be positive.
Abeg which ex model’s husband dey chuk any how. Una don start this rumor we must find out who she is on Amebo levels. Lols
I believe that no genuine God-fearing man would dare to cheat on his wife for whatever reason. Any man who would cheat on his wife hates his own soul. Men who cheat think that they are being smart by doing so. Whatever a person sows is what he will reap. There are consequences for every action. The downfall of any great man is often caused by a woman he is known to be cheating with. Men take note and be wise. Read the book of proverbs in the bible for more info.
hmh… abeg.. leave matta for mathias. all na story. when it does happen, you guys should come back and tell us what you did. As for me personally, they cheated and i left, if it happened again, i won’t leave quite so fast….i’ll put the fear of God in both of them and weigh the benefits..after all some people stay in business with horrible partners but good profit (mentally, emotionally and materially). No shame there. Afterall marriage and relationships are like business contracts and when some of us start seeing it that way, then our lives will be better
women think about it every problem has a beginning…..we just av to be able to tell d difference between acting and reality during courtship. people don’t change over night who you are is always going to surface from time to time this does not mean we should go snooping around his things give yourself some pride and we also know that what we don’t know wont hurt us lol….i believe if he is my Adam that God created for me he wont ever cheat on me cos Adam never cheated on Eve loooooool!
All I can say is, I love bellanaija!
I would say not all men are cheats but 99& 1/2% of them are. we women should pray to marry the 1/2%.
This is one easy piece, for the kind women who can stay with a cheating man so be it.As for me my man cannot keep his JT in his boxers. We will sit down and have a civil talk. I will release him and give him the go ahead to sleep with any hole out there.
And just leave me the heck out of it.
Because nothing scares me like SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES.HIV et al.
Period.
I completely agree Wana Wana. Its as if cheating on a partner has become socially acceptable…which is very sad. Especially in such a patriarchal society. I will never believe it’s okay to cheat…. NEVER. I have a sense of self worth and respect!
I cant remember the last time i took any kind of shit from any man…..Well the last straw is CHEATING…When he cheats, he needs to pack his bags and leave ASAP
Hmmm… Wana, you’re my girl and I love you and I usually agree with you, but in this case (and without prejudice to your wonderfully written piece), I MUST disagree.
Now, whilst the statement “all men are cheats” is indeed a tad dramatic and extremely generalist – especially since we do not know ALL men, I think the idea really is that “most men (and to be honest, women) are incapable of fidelity” – I put this down to the fact that human beings are not intrinsically “monogamous beings” – and I believe a brief study of the Bible (Old Testament) and history in general will more than likely lend credence to this. Based on this foundational thought, each person can then come to his or her own conclusion.
Having said that, the truth is every relationship will come with its own headache; unfortunately, one of such extremely recurrent headaches is the infidelity of the boyfriend and/or husband. In truth, a woman will more than likely not discover this problem until AFTER she has become the girlfriend and/or wife and in most cases, shared sexual intimacy with the man. Now, one of a few things will happen:
1. She confronts him and he is genuinely and completely purged of his contempt – HA HA!!! Good luck with this one – not that it can’t happen sha, I think I’m just way too cynical to believe that it will be this easy.
2. she gets really mad and throws a tantrum and makes the entire thing into a situation very like a scene from the Young and Restless – when this happens, she ends up staying after he has begged her (and gotten his friends to beg her as well). Once this scenario has played out about three times, in my opinion, she has given the man the “License to Cheat” – he knows that all he has to do is beg and woo and in her case, the longer she stays, the harder it becomes to leave (until the proverbial back of the camel is broken). In my opinion, if a woman is going to throw a tantrum over this issue, she better be throwing it and be moving on…
3. She leaves immediately, no questions asked, no prisoners taken – this seems like what any intelligent, confident woman would do and I do not begrudge such a woman, but I must ask – at what point would you stop leaving? After 10, 15 maybe 20 men? By this time, what would your reputation be? How many people would actually stop to ask you why you have been with so many men? When you eventually find one that doesn’t cheat, will he be honestly able to deal with such a long string of failed relationships? Hopefully he will, realistically, he wont even touch you with a ten foot pole because he would have “heard your gist” and would probably think “ah, me I can’t handle this one, I just want a simple girl that won’t give me headache or cheat on me”. Eventually, you may end up back where you started and you will ask “why did I even bother, sef”… LOL! A bit dramatic, perhaps but this is the way the cookie crumbles.
4. She keeps quiet and doesn’t make it an issue – after all, she may not have found out if something unexpected and out of his complete control didn’t happen. I know this sounds silly at first, but think about it; if your man is cheating but GIVES YOU NO REASON to believe / suspect so; he’s attentive, respectful and caring, shows up when he’s expected and when he can’t, gives you a plausible reason. Basically, if he’s doing EVERYTHING ELSE RIGHT, but once in a while has an indiscretion, or even has an “on-the-side girlfriend” who even realizes that she is naught but that; and you somehow find out that he is cheating, why make an issue out of it?
Each of the four scenarios above has several variations to them, but essentially, I think that they fall into these. For me, as long as my man is not openly and carelessly having not-so-clandestine affairs, I think that if I do find out one or more indiscretions of this, I will stay in the relationship (i.e. scenario 4). HOWEVER, where it becomes public knowledge and fact that awon “Sisi Unilag and Sisi Zenith Bank” are “his girls” and it gets to the point where I KNOW for a fact that he’s messing about because he has stopped taking any precautions to clothe his indiscretions or protect me from humiliation, then I will move – WITHOUT MAKING ANY ISSUES – really because, at this point, for me it is no longer that he is “cheating”, it is that he has lost all respect and REGARD for me as his woman and as a human being. His treatment of me would have become very like that of the African Slaves in the Colonial Era – basically, he has ceased to see me as a human being. At that point, I will MOVE… And I will NEVER look back – if I am married, I WILL GET A DIVORCE and damn the judgment of society or the church – I shall make my peace with God. The Bible says God HATES divorce, but it doesn’t say that one will go to hell if one divorces.
Sorry this is long; just my 2cents! Lol!
I don’t understand myself, my guy sleeping around doesn’t strike me as such a deal-breaker. He shouldn’t cheat, though, that’s just slimy. But I don’t know, only one me, to shag, forever, it’s pretty near impossible.
But say, he’s stressing me out, or I’m no longer interested, then I’ll walk. It could be I’m bored, it could be he’s acting uninterested, or (God forbid) he puts me down, I’ll just move on nice and easy, married or not.
i also didn’t subscribe to d mantra some time ago but having experienced it, i’ve also ditched d memo cos with all my heart i know that all men are cheats. all men will eventually cheat @ one time or d other in their life or @ least consider doing it. take it or leave
considering doing it is not bad sha!
even the pope considers doing it.
Dang, u had to put her business out there fashion pro. I’m surprised Bella allowed you, yet she refused to post my innocent comment about someone’s snotty face being her only appeal… hiss
Relationship na wa o
my husband has been cheating on me since last year and i caught him and the lady is a tailor, got to know that he is having a relationship with the woman who already has a child(not for him), discovered that he bought the woman a shop with all her tailoring instruments and bought her a tokunbo car, was always calling her. it got to the stage that the woman sent me(his wife) mails via my fb account and insulted me,anytime i told him she sent me a mail, he tells me i framed up d mail,me and my husband had a lot of quarrels all the time,lata on she called me on my fone to insult me.it was hard and diffcult, my mother persauded me never to leave cos of my children.my husband’s grandmother dead,and this woman and all her friends came with the aso ebi, it was a sad situation, i was heavily pregant then, he is stll dating the woman and i know well, stores her number on his fone as DEAR, pleads for my forgiveness but hasnt repented.the marriage is just 3 years with 2 kids(TWINS). my mother and father and relatives told me that i MUST never leave cos of my children. am taking shit, i bought my brand new car with my hard earn money, the smallest part in my car, he hasnt bought….the woman in question is older dn me and my husband is 8 years older dn me.people see him at the shop all the time and even his folks are aware of everythg.DO I LEAVE HIM AND TAKE MY CHILDREN OR DO I STAY COS OF MY CHILDREN
My dear, this is a spiritual matter, from all u’re saying i believe your husband as been jazzed by this woman, i’ll advise you see a bible believing pastor or friend to pray with you ,just hang in there my dear prayer changes things. you need to be very very prayerful cos this woman wants you to leave your husband so she can take your place