I Missed the Memo and I’m Glad I Did!Posted on Thursday, August 4th, 2011 at 12:48 PM
By Wana Udobang
Despite the bitter residue from past relationships, I am yet to subscribe to the mantra “All men are cheats so just get used to it”. For my slightly alternative mental mode, I have been tagged naïve and just plain stupid and I wear my gleaming halo with crystals embossed on it. I think somewhere along my journey, I missed the memo, but unfortunately I’m glad I did. For this one, I will survive without the Tee shirt.
Though I am told that accepting it will free me from surprises and disappointments, I often think it is one step away from committing ones self to the hellish dungeon of a paranoid schizophrenic. I imagine, the first thing you do is become a self taught hacker from spending nights decoding text messages and hacking into E-mail boxes. Then you start placing condoms in his travel bags, so he doesn’t bring you the present that is a venereal disease or developing an ulcer from excessive fasting for behavioural transformation and consequently, threatening any and every female around him because you need to protect your territory. It already sounds like a full time job that exerts way too much energy.
I am by no means an expert on the psychology of infidelity, actually I haven’t much of a clue but surely accepting and condoning such behaviour just gives the person license to keep doing it. For instance, it doesn’t help when it is general knowledge that your boyfriend is currently sleeping with a couple of your acquaintances, and you stick around because a few people have convinced you that you are really the one he has an emotional connection with and the others are merely side attractions and distractions.
On the flipside, we belong to a society that places a woman’s relevance on her desirability towards a man and ultimately, her worth is determined by being acquired. As I often say, self awareness is not encouraged. But for some though, it seems easier to deal with pain that embarrassment.
My friend and I recently had a conversation and she informed me that contrary to how most women thought and even her religious affiliations, she believed in divorce. She explained that marriage already had all its challenges, and infidelity was something she had come to realise she couldn’t deal with. I admired her audaciousness because not many would say it, the way she did, or admit that living with it would destroy her. Our conversation got me thinking, and I realised that even in this climate, the woman was still at the losing end because if she left, she would leave with nothing except she is content with just some peace of mind.
Imagine if everything worked for would be split in half, and you had access to your children on weekends and holidays and there was a system in place to execute it, I reckon some men may rethink their actions a bit carefully. Granted, the system doesn’t help matters, but the mantra even makes it worse. I am inclined to believe most times, they cheat because they get away with it and accepting to ones self that “All men are cheats” is just avoiding the real problem.
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