BN Hot Topic: Are You a ‘Stalker’?
Posted on Friday, September 9th, 2011 at 12:03 PMBy Glory Edozien
Recently, a 42-year-old Dutch woman made news for all the wrong reasons. She was arrested by Rotterdam police for allegedly making 65,000 phone calls in the past year to a 62-year-old man from Holland. When questioned, the woman claimed she was in a relationship with the man and that the number of calls were entirely appropriate. Unfortunately, the man in question denied said relationship.
Now, my mathematics skills are not what it used to be, so please correct me if I am wrong, but doesn’t 65,000 phone calls in a year equate to 178 calls a day made at about every 7.41 seconds!! Now that’s what I call incessant calling!
I discussed this with a few colleagues and many suggested that although the woman’s actions were definitely extreme, it doesn’t differ entirely from what they have experienced in a few relationships. My male colleague explained how his current girlfriend calls at least twice before he gets to work, 4 times before close of business and insists on either meeting up after work or spending a considerable portion of the evening on the phone, either chatting or talking. I tried to explain her actions as the usual excitement that comes from being in a new relationship but he saw it differently. Another colleague told us about how her ex boyfriend would show up unannounced at her home or at events she had told him she would attend. On one occasion, she had told him she would be attending her friend’s bridal party and he told her he would be going to Ibadan on a business trip. Only for him to turn up at the party and sit next to her all evening, asking her who any guy she greeted was.
Another friend of mine, once confided in me, about how she parked outside a club all night waiting for her boyfriend to come out with a girl she suspected he was cheating with. When he came out of the club, alone, she proceeded to drive behind him to ensure he drove straight home, which he did. Even I will openly admit, with a bit of shame, that I have been prone to some stalkerish behaviour in the past. I once hacked into an ex’s email account and even went as far as sending a few emails on his behalf! Before you judge me, I am sure there are many of us who go through our partners phone calls and text messages. I am also sure more than a few of us leave far too many missed calls on our partner’s and/or friend’s phone.
So here’s your chance to confess! Are you a stalker? Do any of the examples above sound a bit familiar? Tell us about your own stalker tactics. Or have you like my colleagues been the victim of some stalkerish moves?
Let’s Confess!
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Tags: BN Hot Topic
Lol!
Interesting!!!
^_^ Yes yes I’m a stalker but I’ve toned it down a bit now. Before before!!! hm!
Me sef before before, hmmmmmm…lol
This post deserves a blog post in response to it but I shall hold myself back. Stalking, here, is being used interchangeably to refer to the one caused by craziness (i.e. the woman in the news) and the one fuelled by jealousy/insecurity/possessiveness (i.e. the one most of us can relate to).
Yes, I am a proud EX stalker. I had an accomplice too who used to do the same thing and then we would swap notes on the latest techniques to use in ‘catching him out’. Phones have been analysed, text messages scrutinized, Facebook walls stalked, timelines assessed for months back, call durations have been monitored, sent messages have been examined. I could go on and on. The point is this: all those were done in the days of ignorance. No use checking all these things as they only lead to stress and lack of peace.
Any guy/girl you need to monitor so closely is not worth it. God did not fashion marriage/relationships for such stress. Trust me, such stalking involves physical, mental, psychological and emotional stress and even torture. You need to see how one’s heart will be racing when you pick up the phone. I now know: a good man/woman will not give you the need to be so insecure. A good relationship comes with something: PEACE OF MIND.
Now, now don’t get me wrong…occasionally, he might pick a call and then you feel the need to find out who it was he was talking to (trust me, we girls have a way of knowing if the person he was on the phone with just now is an interested candidate and dude was busy feeling all coy and cute). It happens. But it should happen ever so rarely and it serves a good purpose: reminds you that the man you have is someone that is wanted by others but they just cannot have him. It wakens you up if you were slacking before. But it shouldn’t make you go crazy.
On a side but important note, I believe that when we are so secure in our relationship with God, we wouldn’t feel the need to ‘die on top of man’. Seek God’s love and affection first, He, through His Holy Spirit will give you tips and insights on how to be a good wife/husband or how to find a good partner in whose love you can rest assured. Stalking is never the way forward.
http://temiville.wordpress.com/
girl u make sense….
NICE ONE!!!
Yes you nailed it with the last paragraph as a married woman when the spirit directs you, no need for stalking.
lovely way of putting it
So on point. So much wisdom….off to check out ur blog..lol
lol, really interesting. I’m not a stalker though, I apply the “what you don’t know won’t kill you” principle to my relationship, and trust me i look years younger…I don’t bother going through his messages, calls, e-mails, e.t.c…
phone and messages checking……..yes……………. always checking his tweets and wall…………. almost every lady does that. follow him around? NAW
http://lucianochinwe.blogspot.com/
Have you ever thought about the fact that if he’s cheating then you’ll find nothing on his wall and timeline; there’s something called DM/inbox!!!
Sweetheart you’ll find something if the other babe doesn’t know about you. She’s not going to be secretive about it. Believe me , I know.
im not a stalker, im just very curious. lol
Lol! What can I say! I have been a Stalker o! when my boyfriend broke up with me like 2yrs ago, I excessively checked his facebook everytin n even his girlfriend’s Page for a VERYYYY long while before I let go
am currntly duin dat..lol
thumbs up, truth teller. what u dont know wont hurt you. But i dont see anything wrong in speaking to one’s partner six times in a day.
lol@ Truthteller – methinks u either aint as into that guy as you think, or…u aint as into that guy as u think! I mean, even Holly, Hugh Hefner’s ex, got jealous when she saw him talking to what-turned-out-to-be-his-present-girlfriend…and she had already learnt how to share!
I’ve definitely got some stalkerish moves (lol, my bf doesn’t patronize BN) but my check and balance is I don’t jump to conclusions, I just wanna be in the know. I ascribe to the ‘Innocent until proven Guilty’ rule, and even then will only bring it up after repeatedly seeing a need to.
And I’ve had stalkers. There’s this guy who comes up to me every Sunday after church, and has even progressed to giving letters to my family members and CAN YOU IMAGINE, going to my dad’s and elder bro’s office to leave letters, notes and gifts for me (I live in another town). Truth be told, he seems a bit unbalanced mentally though…even scarier!
Anyhoo, sometimes stalking gets the job done, as in letting u know whether ur partner is on the straight and narrow or not! 65 000 calls a year is OTT though – they should find another name, dat one pass stalking!
calls came about every 8 minutes per 24 hour day. I had a stalker who called about 50 times a day for over 8 years. seriously, this woman needs some help.
Hahahaha! Lovely… But Truth be Told, I Have Stalked Before Oh! And Each Time I Did, I Had My Heart In My Mouth… So I Ask My Self Why? MUTE. Lol!
@Tiki, i adopt the same approach as Truthteller and i am into my husband! Its a personal choice and mind you it also suggests a level of trust.
The truth is dat…. u do dat only wen the guy has given u a reason to doubt him. i dont do dat but once i was dating a guy for 2years. he was always going thru ma fone, suspecting me for the needless thing and i never went thru his fone. the day i decided to do it…. the first message i saw was * i feel like f**king u right now. i almost collapsed, this is a guy dat i thot was a saint.
my point is dat, u shouldnt stalk but sumtims its needed just to knw where u stand
lol @ i almost collapsed
lllloooooooollllllll. wot a “1st message” to read. imagine the 10th one
Lol really imagine, na ur own funny pass
I totally agree wit you.
Jesox! Seeing things like that can literally make you SICK
I feel awkward right now, cos i’m so guilty of this act. on twitter, i stalk my crush on twitter, face-book and all possible social networks just to get a peek if he likes me back. well i feel i’ ve toned down a bit with this stalking attitude becoz its really embarrassing
i was a stalker to my ex wen i suspected he was seeing another girl, it strted wen he mistakenly left his laptop on and slept off. being bored i decided to play card game on his laptop only to find a picture folder on his desktop and on opening it i saw pictures of my ex and the girl in different photoshoots in his bedroom and car, my stalking helped me a lot coz he kept denying to his mum who was abroad that there was nothing of such and am lying, so to proove my point i gave him the usual cal on a thursday nyt and frm his jittery response i could tell she was around, i then left for his house very early on friday morning without giving him a cal of my comming since he would av left for work, on getting to his house ,i knock and the girl asked who was at the door, to avoid suspision(coz she alredy knew about me)i answered back that i was his sister’s friend since i was certain his sister will be around too. on oppening the door, she was damn shocked and ran to his bedroom and strated crying and calling her friends coz she didnt know what next could happen then right there i called my so called boyfriend and told him he didnt tell me he had a visitor and then he flared up that y didnt i tel him i was comming and i told him that since he claimed that i was lying, i have decided to seek out the truth myself. and then i left before he came back coz i didnt want any unnecessary embarrasment. today i am happier coz i discovered the truth myself a, walked away and saved myself from a disastrious hartbreak.
sometimes it works, it depends on how u apply wisdom and courage so that u dont mess things up out of suspision.
*now grabs a bottle of heineken, turn the volume of the home theatre up, dips hands into suya, balances well on the chair waiting to read the next comment* BN comments and commentators are therapies for my ailment. I like it here.
lol. you are a clown!
yep a big one at that lol
lol… i like the way u phrased that… lol..
Me too man love the comments…. lol. and I tend to read all and give my verdict..
Nice one. But “65,000 phone calls in a year equate to 178 calls a day made at about every 7.41 seconds” should read “65,000 phone calls in a year equate to 178 calls a day made at about every 7.41 hours”. Stalker behaviour, yeah, but roughly a phone call every 7 hours is not as bad as your article made it look. Lol. I personally cringe from making or receiving many phone calls.
Yikes. I miscalculated myself. That’s 7.4 calls per hour. Okay that is kinda ridiculous still. Lol.
Just shush ok. shuuuuuush
I thut I was d only who stalkd my ex.atimes,I stalkd him cuz I wantd to knw if I was at a loss lettin him go.I thank my stars I really let go.so stalkin counts wen U̶̲̥̅̊ become obsessed!
If the guy seems dodgy or you don’t trust him… why not dig around as much as you can, hehe. Facebook has made it harder for people to lie these days, but also easier for us to stalk
I think it’s probably annoying for people on the receiving end of a ridiculous number of calls and texts from their partners, I think a lot of people would find it offputting!
going through his text messages yeah, his dialed, missed and received calls yay but sometimes its crazy what i find but it only ends up hurting you. i ask myself why bother? i stopped doing all that and im grateful i did even if sometimes the lure is there to go snooping
Seriously, I don’t know how any woman stays off her man’s phone or social network page! As for me I cannot. Though I’m trying to stay off both, it’s pretty hard cos it’s just not who I am. I don’t know how any man can claim to love woman so much and have such incriminating stuffs on his phone. I know what I see on his phone. It helps me realise where I stand.
I once dated a womaniser n had no option but τ̅☺ stalk him… I had no peace in dat relationship.dat was in ♍γ̲̣̣̥ 200 level…d relationship last a year…after dat I Neva tried it again…am married now…wen I n ♍γ̲̣̣̥ husband started he stalked me.always calling n going thru ♍γ̲̣̣̥ missed calls, BB messages,yahoo n FB messages n I enjoyed it at first but it got τ̅☺ a point I had τ̅☺ put a stop τ̅☺ it.now he doesn’t do it anymore.
i am not a stalker but i call my fiancee often when i really miss him
No 1 stalker here, i do and will still do…it helps alot, sms, dailed calls, received calls (call time nd duration), missed calls, fb, emails (i hv all password) he doesnt even kn, twitter, bbm, watsupp, laptop, pictures,……name it. i check all conversations with his friends both male nd females..everytin. Call me any name u like, dats hw i check on my man. I AM ONE.
I’m a very curious stalker! I have many pseudonyms and aliases. One time when hubby and I were dating, we had ‘issues’ and stopped talking. I stalked his email @ cybercafes for hours on end. Eventually, I found what I was looking for: mails between him and another girl. What?!! My eyes almost popped outta their sockets. He denied there was anything going on and claimed he did it cos he knew I had been snooping….oh well, I still have my doubts about that story but I’m d one who is d wifey today!
LOL! what?! U have ur doubts but its ok cos u r the wifeey today?? loooool. Ok, so i’m guessing u think he’ll stop once you are the wifey ehn??
I would never give anyone that much control over my life. This woman in Holland is suffering from what might border on mental instability, who will call a stranger this many times claiming a relationship without being an unraveling mental case? The woman don colo be dat!
This is my opinion, IF you have to do that much work then please reevaluate your relationship and your mental/emotional state because no one should cause you to take such undignified and might I say ILLEGAL steps simply to maintain a relationship…real or imaginery!
I agree with Truthteller! I love my husband like no man’s business but when we were dating and subsequently engaged, I did not pick up his phone except to glance at it to let him know who was calling him if he was indeposed nor did I check his email/fb/voicemail and now that we are married, I don’t do it either unless he tells me to anwer the call or respond to a text for him….there is no need to because I am very secured in my relationship, same goes for him too. If I had to do all of that then where is the trust? I have broken up with people, I never felt the need to show sit in my car watching their home in the cut just to see what or who they are doing, I have go way too much pride for that kind if ish. If a man/woman doesn’t want you, do you think stalking them is going to make them come back? No! A stalker only gives that person they know a reason to think they made the right decision by dumping them in the first place and if the person doesn’t know the stalker, then it’s cause for alarm and an immediate need to call 9-1-1!
Stalking never ends well, someone either ends up in jail or six feet under – check out Fatal Attraction with Glenn Close & Michael Douglas and Obsession with Idris Elba and Ali Larter.
Very well said Naveah, this is what most women need to realise, what is a relationship without trust?
there is no crime in stalking, when u do, do it correctly. especially when u suspect u r @ risk in any r/ship. here r some helpful tips…lol
*check car mileages
*call register
*laundry baskets
*make eye contact when talking
*watch him/her undress (u may find toilet roll hanging somewhere)
*show a care free attitude
my 2 cowries tips
hvnt heard abt the others b4 except the car mileage part…..bt why would u expect to see toilet tissue hanging out from somewhere? jst curious
are you really giving people stalking tips… o.O
LMAO!!
I admit i am guilty i still do it sometimes, with my ex i would hide my number, call and hang up. check out his page on FB, check through his drawers, the day i called at his place unanounced there was a babe there. Another ex actually told me i was calling him too often i felt bad, but it has helped me now.
I will only do it now if the person has given me reason to doubt him
I am guilty of stalking. I did stalk my ex because of her naivety and yet she ended up with one of “those guys” .
Funny! I was askin a lady awt until some two weeks ago, She gave me ha nos & said I cld cal ha. I really cared ‘bwt ha n I’ll call ha, send ha sms n mails on Fb. I went as far as checkin awt her page on Fb 2 view whose status she commented on n stuffs but I didn’t add ha as my pal on Fb. I just had to stop wen she sent a mail saying i ws pestering her with my calls n sms’s. Me?! A Pest!
what the…..!!!!!! English pls…..the abbreviations aint funky!!!!…@-@
whattt!!! this is just plain laziness or lack of how to write english!
Kindly write in full english or get lost. It riles.
i’m going to drift off the stalker case abit ..pls bear with me;
i dont know why girls have this attitude of being proud to say that you fought with another chick that was sleeping with your man and won cos he married u at the end.
no you did not win. if you had to fight the other chick for him to stop cheating on you, am sorry but u dint not win. you lost. its that simple.
i know youre proud to say that you are his “main chick”.. , that your not the other girl..
if youre in a relation, YOU DO NOT get to fight off the other girl for sleeping with your man.. HE made you a commitment vow, the other chick DID NOT. she owes you NOTHING!
and you wonder why men keep on cheating on you, the reason is cos you never FULLY blame him, always putting some blame on someone who is not in your relationship.
and you should know this, its sad that he’s cheating on you but you know whats even more sad; that you have this kind of mindset.
if a man cheats on you, ALL, and i mean ALL the blame should go to HIM and not on how attractive or slutty the chick he F#cks is.
Are u angry @ someone????
Exactly! This is what is called ‘a Rant ‘!!!
u can like to put this on paper and send it to the woman in question abi?..#justsaying
Sorry, Pam but I beg to differ slightly. In as much as I understand your view point, no woman with any class should be bragging about having fought her cheating boyfriend’s side piece and “winning” the title of wife and a ring because that is nothing worth bragging about; yet let’s not make excuses for blatant wrong doing. I do not believe that the woman should go scott free, a home wrecker needs to have some accountability too. The man should bare a majority of the blame but any woman who knowingly steps in the middle of an existing relationship no matter the state of that relationship is smeared by the dirty brush, sorry she doesn’t get a pass! Yes, the man is the one that took the vows and of course, owes his wife the respect and commitment but it takes two to tango! If a woman knows that the man she’s messing with belong with another, why can’t she turn him away? Is that woman so carnal, so base and controlled by her lady bits that she can’t let her conscious overrule her lust? Are good men so rare that sisterhood goes down the drain? There are women out here that look out for the glint of a wedding band! There are women out here who see it as a challenge to go after a married man and make him succumb to their wiles, it makes them feel good about themselves in a twisted way. There are women out here who would rather share love than live without even if it means another woman and her children are suffering for it. And there are some women out here who just don’t give a damn and will throw out some crap like “if you could keep your man, he wouldn’t come after me!”
When a married/involved man approaches a woman, that sister should ask herself (1) IF this was my husband, how would I feel if he stepped out on me (2) IF this happened to my sister, best friend, mother, cousin, auntie, how would I feel? (3) Is this the action of a spiritually cognizant human being? (4) Am I my sister’s keeper
Pam, don’t get me wrong a man who cheats on his wife instead of working out their differences should bare the full brunt of his wife’s wrath but if the woman causing the pain is anywhere close, that wife should not be denied the right to slap that b**ch in her home wrecking face!
hmm. well said. the thing is ive never actually been an”action” kind of girl so by default i try to keep my relationship issues IN my relationship.
i’ve been cheated on before by someone i trusted, i was so furious, at him for not being faithfull, at my self for not realizing sooner( should have stalked?) and… to someone looking at my relationship from an outside v.point , some blame might go to d chick.but for me, right then, all i could think of was how much my partner had betrayed my trust, with whom he did it with, i couldnt care less.
@ Naveah, you are a wise woman…well said, well said…
Well, apart from the resorting to violence bit (slapping, etc). Women should learn the value of integrity and choosing to do the right thing. Cheating and carrying on with an involved person is just not on whatever the circumstances. Its the lowest of the low when it comes to possible courses of actions to take….there are not many worse things to be honest unless one wants to count actions which border on or are acually exhibitions of insanity (e.g paedophilia, etc).
I heard a story recently where a girl was cheating with her ex who was currently with someone he had proposed to on the basis that they had been dating for years before he started dating the new girl and apparently they are meant to be together *tscheeeeew*
Cheating is cheating whatever the circumstances! Statistically, any relationship that starts with unfaithfulness has a less than 1% chance of survival. That is based on facts not conjecture!
C’est finis!
Well i used to doing it ,buh @a point i discovered that i was killing myself,so i decided to stick with what u don’t know wont hurt you. Right now that’s what am applying to my present relationship. I don’t get bugged anymore,if he is for me he will stay,if hes not then he can hit the road with his sorry ass. Life is too short to b doing all the checking up on him, I need to stay Healthy & Happy .
BN aint got no like button here……..i would have like this ur comment.
BN yall definitely need a like button…………….btw like like like like :=)
Amen. Why should I waste my precious time worrying and shortening my life by stressing out about ‘what if’s’ …it’s a waste of time..time that could be spent enjoying myself doing things i love like shopping or yoga or pilates etc
Wow!! Reading these comments make me realize that unstable behavior/ borderline psychotic tendencies exists in Nigerians in leaps and bounds. I better open a “shrink shop” in Naija cos this is viable market right here… WOW!!!
ROFLOL!!! babe you harsh o
i hope when u do u’ll be looking for pple to work for u, cus am available and currently looking for a job
u be comedian mehn…lol
loool…. loves this.. u berra men.. will help u market it too….too many issues..
i had a stalker recently who was obsessed about me. I made a terrible mistake by giving my phone number to him. Even after i told him that i was not interested in having anything to do with him, he kept on flashing{i hate that} and calling my phone incessantly as if i was his life source. I eventually had no choice but to change my phone number[which i have been using for the past six years}. I don’t wish for anyone to be stalked especially by someone who is depressed.
He was flashing too? can you imagine?….sick
i wont classify myself as a stalker but i do check my hubby’s bbm just for the fun of it cos truly if a man/woman want to hide something from u no amount of stalking would help all u need do is trust in ur man and pray he doesnt cheat on you.
@ Pam….we get ur point….but EASY babes….lol….or r u d oda chick?…(yeepa! 4giv me…abeg, no skin me alive)….lmao
LOL. okay.. *blush* i err got a bit carried away.. no i’m not the other chick, but sadly i have come in contact with both types of women.. and this stalking topic reminded me of one case with a friend who goes thru hell and back (frequently) to fight and rescue her “man” from slutty clutches ..
so OKAY .. maybe i’m venting a little.. i’m very sensitive.
there is stalker and being excessively possessive, most of you are mixing it up…
in my opinion phone checking isn’t stalking…if it were we would all be stalkers.
Stalking is worse…its a mental condition….and it doesn’t not have to be with a person you are in a relationship with. i have been stalked, i know the drill…
i ma now copying this post and sharing with my colleague because her boyfriend has stalkerish tendencies. I HAVE SEEN HIM CALL HER 23 TIMES IN AN HOUR…back to back….because she was in a meeting and then when she calls beck he says “why didnt you call to tell me you will be in a meeting first before entering the meeting”…..NOW THAT IS WHERE THE MENTAL CONDITION COMES IN…..that guy is sick…and capable of doing her harm…he wants to own her….
on another note…a key way to let go of phone checking and emails/twitter/facebook (in my opinion and yes i have checked all those before for an ex)…is to realize that jealousy is a waste of time, you can never ever own anyone…they will always do what they think needs doing….
preach! Nino preach!!!………lol
I didn’t see the name of the author before i read the article but after reading, i said to myself ” It has to be the ONE AND ONLY Glory Edozien.
Hardest Chic.
Great article
nino thumbs up, u re on point, my boifrnd use to do dat to me, l have see 60missed calls on my pone bck to bck, l got tired and started cheating on him, which i was not doing before he started with the call, if you dnt trust me, and you keep calling like a mad man then whats the point of not cheating on you? its annoying at times very very.
Glory Edozien stop writing about me!
lol…well i stalked my not-even-an-ex (he asked me out twice and i made serious shakara twice, omo the guy didnt raise the issue again until he moved apartments). i took to facebook to monitor him, always checking his “Relationship status” (Chai Chineke @myself). Anyhoo, i talked to myself after 2 WHOLE years of stalking and ‘Unfriended’ him on facebook (kam zuolu onwem ike) , and i concentrated fully on my existing relationship.
Stalking sometimes is NOT necessary, as was my case.
*now shoves bcgeorge to move over, placing my giant-size pringles in the middle of my laps*
Next please !!!
Lol @ Dominique and bcgeorge
Yes, I have stalked, I hacked into my (ex)-boyfriend’s facebook account and I found out he was married! I was so shocked because in the course of dating him for over a year, I had no reason to suspect him.
I drove to his office and confronted him and he denied it at first and when I showed him proof, he confessed that he was married because he got a woman pregnant and married her the islamic way but they got divorced three months after. (He’s a muslim and I a christian)
It was a blow too heavy on me. I had to call off the relationship.
So my dear ladies, snoop all you can find on your man, stalk all you can, but be ready to face whatever you find.
ok, so pls giv some tips on how to hack plsssss… lol.
I had the exact experience. At the time, the guy was a suitor. I don’t add BFs & Suitors on my social networks cos I like a bit of space. I was really liking this guy and out of curiosity, I went to his Facebook page and there it was hidden in plain site. The dude was married. When I confronted him, he gave me a sob story of getting the girl pregnant while he was in Belgium for his masters degree. He never married the girl but he loves his son, yada yada yada. I say to hi, if you are really being truthful with me, change your relationship status to single and he refused. He works in a bank and I went there to make some transfers. When he came out to say hi to me in the banking hall, I asked the teller who was attending to me if he was married and she confirmed it.
I was so shocked because in the course of dating him for over a year, I had no reason to suspect him.
So what were you doing together in that whole one year that you could not discern he was married, this is what happens when a relationship is all about outings and sex!
Unny article! I have to admit have done a bit of stalkin myself. After I broke up with my ex I opened a dummy facebook account and I sent him arequest that he accepted, that way I was goin through his conversations and I also had the password to his email addree, which I used ‘well’ loL and I saw many pathtic msgs his present girl frnd was sending to him. Altho I av to admit stalking is not a good idea, you only end up raising your blood pressure. And tanx to DEWOWO for the crazy tips LOOOl
LOL!!!!
I tried to stalk my ex for 2 weeks,. Whew! was hectic.lol
Isn’t fun.
Sometimes its worth it,most times it isn’t.
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Most times stalking doesnt help cos most pple cover their tracks well….
why is it tht whn we stalk, they always come up innocent…i stalked a bf once, he told me he was at home with his nephews n i didnt believe him, so i drove to his house to see if his car was there…and it was, as i was doing a u-turn to leave he came out with his nephews…i sped off quickly…but later im convo he did mention tht he thot he saw ma car earlier! a few weeks lata n the r.ship ended! iv neva stalked again!
the guy in that pic has the bushiest eyebrows i’ve ever seen lol
stalking on the other hand has its pros and cons…..which if ignored can be both beneficial and disastrous to both pple involved
I’ve never been a victim of stalkerish behaviour. In my last (and only) relationship I was really insecure and I read my boyfriend’s phone all the time. It partly ruined the relationship lol.
People, we need to check ourselves constantly, let’s please not lose our common senses over “love”.
Some crazy dude stalked me from my first year to my final year I. Uni…he always happened to find my room each session. It was horrible…I really thought the guy was unstable. Another one started stalking me in third year till I left school. Had to change my number after Nysc.. Its never fun and I don’t subscribe to doing it for any reason.
*Now running to disable my “fake” FB account*
Men, the comments are making my day!
Being a snoop is not good o…but it usually applies when the guy gives u a reason to snoop. Like someone said, when u have to do all that snooping to be sure of ur relationship then its time to re-evaluate the relationship.
Did it with an ex who’s stories weren’t adding up so much, and it ended up ruining the relationship. I have vowed never to snoop again or date/marry anyone who will give me a reason to!
For me, what you don’t know, wont kill you,(especially in the case of stalking). Yes, i stalked once in my relationship. And ive still not fully recovered…. i found out my oh so loving bf had cheated on me with the very same girl i had complained called him too often….. of cos, he said the age old lie then ”she’s just my friend”. till i saw lewd email exchanges. walahi, the shock could have killed me. In retrospect, what gave me sanity was the fact that it was over 6months before i ”snooped” and he had sent her a mail to say she should please stop calling and he didnt want any of it anymore, with a couple of insults from her end thanking him for using her and dumping. This chic then stalked me with numerous messages which is what made me snoop in the ist place. because, one, she was supposed to be just his friend and all of a sudden, she was always checking up on me…. i had that funny feeling in the pit of my stomach….. Anyways, i digress…. Forgiving him was the hardest thing ive ever done in my life, just because i saw msgs that suggested how he struggled from that temptation. Moral of the story, when you go snooping, be rest assured, there is something wrong with your RELATIONSHIP.
The thing is, much as we might try to deny it, stalking (or snooping as I’d rather call it) is necessary. I’ve been saved from making a fool of myself by it. I almost got into a relationship with a guy earlier this year only to discover (through snooping) that he was in a long term relationship which was well on the way to marriage.
If I had snooped in my former relationship, I would have been saved a lot of heartache. I discovered after about 3 years in the relationship that he had been in another relationship in the same period as ours. I coukd have found that out in the beginning if I had only snooped.
The idea is that it should be done earlier in the relationship while you are trying to know what kind of person he is, but as time goes, trust should be built and you should put a stop to it.
lol @ the comments though.
I dont stalk, have never stalked and most likely wouldnt..
WHY: TO be honest, I am incredibly secure (thank God). I have no suspicions, and if I do will pray about it. I trust myself and I believe if the relationship is committed to God, I believe he will lead me right. If i have any jittery feelings, he will tell me where to go.(Trust me he does, so thumps up DADDY we are a TEAM, NO shaking). Happy smiles.
Over all, stalking is not my thing i.e. checking his phone, texts, fb page, emails etc. Dont really care jor. But I can be very clingy ohh…. as in love my phone calls… lol. apart from that nah am good.
So to all the stalkers out there… eku ishe ohh..na well done ohh.
U come across as really young.lol. I hate clingy bfs! Ewww! Like seriously dude get a damn life and stop calling every damn time. And heck no staying on the phone for an hr plus?? For wat na?? I love my sleep biko. LOL!
Such juvie things.. checking phones and social networks and going by peoples houses. No…we monitor bank accounts and credit card purchases over here. I want to know who you wen to dinenr with and spent $300 on. Set them up with people and try to catch them in the act. This can be very deep. I am a stalker
Sis, u harsh o
Lmao…..omg…u re hilarious
Hahaha! Wow @ the comments! I can bet that the really pathetic stalker moves are mainly babes that live in naija….too much damn time on their hands mehn! LOL!
As fo me, well..I wont exactly call it stalking but I checked on my ex I dated back in my uni days. Checked his laptop and phone and that was really helpful. Found out that the babe he called his cousin was actually a side chick. And she knew about me but was happy and content to be in the dark! Women sef! Anyway I needed more evidence b4 i made up my mind…so i did more spying..then there was no FB but hi5 existed, so yea I would check messages and all. Even made contacts with people he knew and had them check the said babe and his movements. As soon as I got enough proof still without his knowledge or confronting him oh….one evening I sent him a text and told him i didn’t feel like being his gf anymore. Just like that! i was done. Immediately my phone started blaring with his calls and he was asking me why, panicking and asking if he had offended me. I didn’t tell him what I knew or found out. I was determined not to give him the satisfaction of knowing he crept out on me! I just gave him the answer that I was tired of him and bored! I knew it hurt him! but I kept a straight face while saying that! Till today he still doesn’t know why I broke up with him. 5 years has passed and he still thinks I woke up one morning and broke his heart! Nonsense! I let him think that. Funny thing is after I broke up with him, he stopped seeing the other babe. Apparently the babe wanted marriage. and he no do…buhahahha!
My current boyfriend now, I used to check his fb wall before or ask who the babe standing next to him in a tagged picture is…this was like months of us being friends, not even dating yet. Now, I dont stalk him. Don”t check his phone or messages, except he asks me to do that for him. I don’t worry about where all who he’s with. And I think it’s coz we were friends first for a long time before we decided to become exclusive. All his female friends know me and he makes sure they know who I am to him. His male friends know me too and we have mutual friends. Sometimes he is possesive over me asking who a guy calling me is or checking if I get to where i’m going safely. I don’t think that’s stalking, I think it’s caring.
I think as u get older and mature u realise that PEACE OF MIND is PRICELESS!
I got a stalker on my tails. One year after marriage, my husband’s ex is still stalking me. When she first started she was just extremely friendly to me, I didn’t know who she was because she introduced herself with her middle name. Until one day my husband found out she was the “Vicky” I had been singing about. I confronted her and she tried to act fresh like she didn’t know what was going on. She’s still always trying to hang out and all but I just look at her as a nut case.
My mum always told me that “oju to ba ma ba eni kaale kii fi aro s’epin” which means if you are going to have good eyesight at old age, its unlikely that you eyes will secrete pus iwhile you are still young. I don’t believe in stalking your man but I understand that if he’s a dog he might need a “leash”.
However, please if you don’t want to be labelled the craziee or desperado leave your ex alone. And if you stalk, don’t get caught or you will be the butt of all jokes.
Its only a woman dat doesn’t stalk her husband he can tell after 10yrs of marriage that he is gay. If you are lucky and u married a saint, I’m not only happy for u but I’m also envious of you. I don’t tag along with my husband everytime he wants to go to the club or hang out with his friends, but as long as he made a vow to love me and only me on our wedding day (after which we became ONE), I would do the occassional “stalking”. I used to be worse when we were dating but I hv relaxed now. If your partner doesn’t have anything to hide in the first place the word stalking should not even come to their mind. Except its a total stranger you are bugging, I don’t see how going through your husband or fiance’s phone or facebook should be deemed abominable. I believe monitoring your partner’s calls and messages and facebook activities is a good way of keeping sure they are still on track and have not strayed. It might not be 100% effective but its therapy on its own, if you have a good man that is. #justmythots
I don’t stalk my bf’s but I did check my ex’s email account and found out that he had another girfriend. He was such a lying cow, imagine he was on my sofa eating my food and doing the do, if you catch my drift and lying to to the other girl that he was staying over at his Uncles when he came to the states to see me. I got the girl’s number, called her and told her that we have both been played. She took it quite well and thanked me for the heads up. Ialso found out that he had another gf in Nigeria. Needless to say I ended the relationship kia kia, soo glad i did it then because i saw him for the cheat that he was.
I am in another relationship now and no i do not check his phone or email, there is really no need. He gives me peace of mind and we both trust each other a 100% maybe cos he’s been my friend for 10 years now. Like some of the comments here, i agree that if you go snooping then there is soemthing wrong.
Lmao..all dis comments hv made me smile. Thx! Stalking can b fun,but some women sha…my friend once gisted me on how she’d sniff at her husband’s penis to catch d smell of condom or cum,hoping one day he’d slip…mehn,that’s sick nd I sure told her. Stalking doesn’t mean ur partner wouldn’t mess around..I mean am pregnant for a married man whose wife calls him almost every hour!
You really are in a big mess Darling! Unfortunately for you, you have chosen a path that would only lead to unhappiness. And the pregnancy bit, even makes matters worse for you. He is never going to leave his wife for you and if he does, you’d be in a messed up marriage with him!!! Cut all ties now that you can and look ahead at your life as a single Mum. If the God Lord sees that you indeed have changed your ways, He can bring you a man of your own who would love you despite having a child for a married man. I spent years dating married men in my single days, now that i’m older and married, I feel so sad when I remember that what I was doing was very destructive.
You’re pregnant for a married man????? Shame on you!!!! Why did you go out with a married man in the first place? You have laid your bed now you have to sleep on it. Just imagine if you are married and your hubby is sleeping with a lady outside. I hope you will feel so ashamed of yourself. Hope this will teach some silly ladies out there. Don’t go out with a married man because you don’t want commitment/because of their money. I heard of a 29 year old lady going out with 2 married men. Apparently she prefers married men. You better ask God for forgiveness and change your ways and move on.
Eeerm, you need to check yaself! Bad enough that you did what you did but audacity to admit to such behaviour in public…your world don finish oh u this woman!!!!! gbabe! PASHO TI WON FIN NO IYAWO………!!!!!!!
Pls help me. My boyfriend is a stalker.
My boyfriend is a stalker.
I am so guilty of this act, I can’t even write them all. . Some of the comments are so therapeutic. I just keep laughing and laughing.
I always have to repeat this statement “I AM NOT A STALKER!!” times and times on end. I was dating a guy 10 years older than me a few years ago. I considered based on the fact that I was only 20 then I found it hard to believe he was completely faithful and innocent as that’s what it seemed like then. When I say I stalked him, believe me I stalked him tire. I viewed his missed/received/dialled calls as well as the durations and thanks to BB you can know how many times the person was called/or the person called. I would read the inbox, outbox, draft text messages. I would go to his computer check documents, pictures, videos, recent documents,view every one of them. I will open a webpage check every website his been to, go to google start typing A-Z and know every single thing he searched for, at least once a week. On the toolbar, I’ll also check for everything he searched for on the search menu. I will make him sign into facebook on my BB facebook app, switch to mobile site let him do his shit, sign out for him happily and when he goes I’ll go back to BB facebook app and check every poke, inbox message, recently added friends, etc…I’m sure you get my drift. On BBM I chose to save all messages, I’ll go back to view history and read it all. Infact in the end, I knew every single girl/woman he was f*ing. Somehow I’ll even know who he was with the night before based on how long his phone was “off” for when I called thanks to my complete understanding of London underground. Matter of fact, I knew every babe he was seeing and even had their numbers on my phone. I’ll block my number and call them 1 after the other if he doesn’t answer my call and try to gather from the “background noise” who he was with. Infact I did not stop at that, I stalked the girls and at one point stalked one of thems friends. Luckily for me, one of the guys was actually sleeping with the guy. I got him to talk about how she gets down and I made sure I did the same to my so-called man then in the hopes he”ll get it all from me and make me ‘wifey’. To cut a long story short, his fiance then called me 1 time and said “he’s a cheater I know his tendencies and all he does”….my response was, “obviously you don’t cause if you did you would’ve found out about me earlier than you did, cause I know you, your siblings, what school you go to, infact I even have you pictures I copied via bluetooth from his phone to my computer.” So to all of you BN readers, what did I gain from this all….NOTHING…absofragalisting NOTHING!! Dude is now married, I still stalk him, the wife, her friends, their families and just reading this post and all the comments have made me realize it’s time to stop. All stalking did for me was constant heartbreak, emotional instability, insecurity and it could go on….Although I do not consider myself a psycho, I can possibly say I was obsessed. To what exactly however, I do not know. A piece of advise I’d give however is…if a man knows you know what he gets up tp, that’s it. He will keep doing it because you know and decided to stay with him…therefore you have two options
1. Stay with him and all the insecurities you might have and at least be assured he respects you enough to keep it away from you, or
2. Stalk, get all the info you want…and accommodate it all
I’ve never tried stalking, I think my EX broke up with me because i chose not to stalk him. He unfollowed me on twitter and unfriended me on facebook and i didnt notice, then he decided to make it an issue that i didnt care enough. Stalking is just a waste of time and it’s unnecessary emotional stress. If the person loves and respects you enough, the person wont cheat. No matter how you check his phone and emails and facebook, he’ll just make up new ways to cheat.
I would not say I’m a stalker but i have had every reason to look through a boyfriend’s phone (well…ex- boyfriend now). And in all honesty i am glad i did.
He went out and left one of his numerous phones at home. I didn’t realise it was there until all sorts of text messages started coming through. out of curiousity and acute boredom, i went through it. I will never forget, my legs literally become weak and slumped on the floor (sounds dramatic, but that’s what happened).
This is the guy that claimed his entire being rested on my very existence.
It was not only one girl there was a number of them that this guy was messing around with. I never confronted him. I just got my things, waited for him to come home. when he did i asked to leave. He knew what happened as he asked if i looked at his text messages, i simply said YES! (*eyes rolling*). I told him that if he called me again my fore fathers spirits will punish him.
I haven’t looked back since. As much as I want to use the principle “want I don’t know would not kill me”…I’d rather satisfy my curiousity and save myself from unwanted stress and anxiety. If i didn’t check those messages I would probably be married to a serial cheater….I CHOOSE PEACE OF MIND!!! so not worth it.
Oh yeah and calling someone every 7.41 seconds that’s not love, that’s obsession. The woman needs Help!!!
wen I broke up wif ma ex 2yrs ago,I turned into dis crazy stalker\crazy person.I would check his facebook like errysecond,call his friends,even call him nd hang up. It broke ma heart over nd over again to know he had moved on,I was ashamed of myself bt I eventually stopped when I got over him.I check up on him occasionally now, bt jus d same way I check up on all old friends!
lol
Cant say that i ave stalked any ex infact i think i am way opposite am normally the stalkee, i just find it ridiculous to scroll to a partners phone, i even avoid answering calls on their behalf. my reason been if i didnt trust i sure as hell wont date you and if while i am with you i find out i cant trust you it either i deal or he is gone. found out from other peoples experience only the stalker gets hurt each new information you get just pierces your heart. on another note some people think it is tres romantic he he he!!!
theres no point! been there, did tht for awhile and now i just dont give a fack! if u decided to stay with him/her despite reasons to suspect, den learn to live with it. now i just do me n if he decides to go do the nasty with someone else, he’ll be giving himself stress trying to cover his ass. ive always been faithful n wld stay so regardless.
I agree with “give me a reason I’ll do it”. If you aren’t married, then its time to evaluate the trust in your relationship. Better to brace yourself & speak out than to waste 2yrs stalking & going nowhere with the relationship. If you’re married, then you have more to worry about & more at stake. Either way, stalking shouldn’t be a way of life. You’re not getting a salary for goodness sake. So why take it up as a way of life? Like I said before, if you’re given a reason to doubt, a little checking up on the person isn’t bad. But 2yrs? Even 6mos is a bit too long. That time wasted could have been time spent taking care of yourself without heart ache.
Have u ever bn jilted. yes or no, then you will know Y i am sking dis ?. there is nothing bad in doing that because we are only trying to protect our relationships. once beaten twice shy
I’ve never engaged in stalkerish behaviour because I simply don’t have the werewithal to deal with a guy I don’t trust but I find this highly amusing.
well dint really stalk but checked up my ex’s fb status like 3 times over the last 4 years….that cant be stalking. As for my fiance, wen we initially started, there was this girl that was all over him even brought him gifts…i checked his phone like 2ce after which I choose rest of mind and expressed my concern about the girl…cos even after having a friendly chat with her and she pointedly asked if we were dating and I answered in the affirmative, she’d still prance around him. She eventually stopped wen he’d purposely peck me openly wen she was nearby, now i hear she’s engaged and I am happy for her…. ur man will give u rest of mind if he trully loves you….end of matter.
but wait o, if the guy gives you a reason to snoop why stay in the relationship? abeg time no dey jawe. looking for something better to do with my time lol
There’s this chic that has been stalking my boyfriend o! he doesn’t hide anything from me. she calls him all the time, texts him, offers suggestions to visit him etc. My boyfriend tells me all these, cos he doesn’t like her. he says he has done everything to make her stop, but she hasn’t. After a while she’ll tell my bf that she’s gotten someone else, then again the rship will pack up, and then the stalking will resume. I usually don’t go thru his fone but once i was with him, and a message popped on his screen frm her, (those kinda fones d messages appear on d screen with the first line of d message) with the words ‘i miss u so badlyy’. it took a lot of convincing from my bf dt day that nothing was actually going on with her!
The sad part is that she tries at all times to play the role oof the model girlfriend. Remembers really important stuff in my bf’s life. Once on his birthday, i had an exam that day n totally forgot calling him. i actually remembered the day b4, but d pressure of my exams n all made me forget calling him early. Only for him to call me around 12noon to tell me that ‘you didnt call me for my birthday, and so so so even called me’. I was so pissed, was he trying to compare both of us or what. it was even more annoying becos it was still early in d day and i could have remembered. Foolish girl even knows about me but has been hanging around for 4 yrs of my 5yrs rship. Women, we are our own worst enemies walahi!
Wow! lol, i only stalked my first bf. And learnt it was bad for me. Never again!
Feeling really silly cos I just carried out a stalkeing operation. As much as I cleared my doubts …it’s has added sm more worries. Jesus sha help us women.
yeah i stalk within reasonable limits sometimes it helps sometime it doesn’t but you will agree with me that information is vital to life. Information management however is a skill we all have to develop to maximize the benefit of the information we get from stalking.
Stalking is not Good as everyone says. But sometimes you need to to know where you stand.I stalk my boyfriend facebook and when i realized i was doing it too much. I unfriended him. because it is just too much. Then the Good bad. i was on a vacation with this guy one time and he kept going picking up this phone calls, and also calling someone. so i decided to cheeck his phone. he was calling and texting this chick while we were vacationing together. totally runined the vacation and what relationship would have been for me.
Wow though. I’m so loving all these confessions.
I haven’t stalked any of the guys i’v ever dated, i don’t read text messages, or go through blackberry contacts and stuff. But i admit i may have stalked the girls i’v suspected them of cheating with..just a little.
All i can say about it really is, the temptation to find out the truth in an under G manner is so strong, but it doesn’t really help. From what i’v heard so far from people, most of the relationships with the “cheating” boyfriends they had to stalk all ended. Why be with someone who makes you worry so much to the extent that you have to spend so much working and precious time stalking? It really doesn’t give any peace of mind, in fact it takes it away. Better to be with someone you can feel very comfortable with, without going FBI on their asses. There’s a lot of dignity in it, i’v come to learn.
Im a stalker and thats cos mama said i should trust no one……………………………. i really wanna stop sha, guess i need help in that angle.
Just reading this piece and just have to comment. Stalking. It depends on how you see it. I’ve been married for 14 years and was in cloud nine from year one till year 5 till I realized, thru checking his fone that I was married to an “ajoje”= “let’s all eat it together”. On this fateful day, I’d come back home from work earlier than normal, when I saw that he’d forgotten his fone at home. Then the fone rang and I truly didn’t want to pick it cos that was never my style. But the fone would not stop ringing and there was no caller ID. It then occurred to me that , he being a banker, it could actually be an important call, maybe a client or a prospect. So i picked the call, answered in a sweet secretary voice that:”sorry he’s not available now, but I could take a message and have him call you back.” The female voice promptly answered me that its ok, she can always call him back! So again, in my sweet secretary voice, i said:”Could I have your name so I could log you into his messages book?” and she goes: “not to worry, I’ll get to see him later”. And the call ended. Being in the corporate world myself, I’m used to clients calling and all that. But there was just something in that lady’s voice that stirred my curiosity. I decided to check his fone, for the 1st time in the then 5 year marriage! Behold, I opened a pandora box!!!! Hubby had all sorts of liasions with all sorts of babes in town. It was a serious eye-opener, I tell you. I’ve always been a believer in see no evil, hear no evil. Plus, being a very attractive woman, he’d always shown me such caring affection sometimes bordering on a little bit of jealousy, which convinced me that somehow I was so important to him that he couldn’t possibly want to mess that up by cheating. Was I sooo wrong?!!! So what did I do? I kept quiet. I started texting return messages to his babes, who assumed it was him. If one said: “yesterday was wonderful, i would reply: “so when can we do that again?” and interesting conversations would ensue. One actually texted that she “wanted to tuck him well in bed for the night and cant wait to see him soon”. He=me, replied: “and me too”. All these went on for quite a while, before I confronted him. I told him his fone revealed he was an “ajoje”, and he needed to submit a negative HIV certificate before he could touch me again. Plus, I lost 1 or 2 kilo’s and became even more attractive and started gisting him about all the gentlemen who “toasted” me, especially at work, Sebi, I’m also a corporate babe. Plus, unlike before, I started accepting more invitations for outings that did not necessarily include him, dressing up and ensuring I had myself a nice time. So, 14 years down the line, we still dey oh, and yes oh, I still check his fone and emails. Not so much for the liaisons (can men change?) but for other infos about his biz, finances, what his people (family) are saying about me, etc. I check everything: In-box, out-box, deleted box, draft box, gbo gboe – oju ni alakan fin sori! (The crab uses its eyes to be watchful). So, In conclusion, if you can handle it, go ahead and pry. Just don’t become obsessed and if you’re married, both should stay on the same page; if the marriage is important to you both, don’t push each other’s buttons too hard. E maa se jeje. Cheers (and keep checking)
Good one.Lady stalkers always loose in the long run
well i stalked my guy by always monitoring his calls. i make shure i check his out goin, incoming, missed calls and even try as much as possible to cheeck his delivery report on his mesage.. infact the time i spent stalking was like being in prisson. i was always living in fear and anguish hoping to catch him right in the act.