A Reader’s Guide to Relationships!Posted on Tuesday, April 17th, 2012 at 1:28 PM
By Shola Pacheco
Ladies are often captivated with the so-called step by step approach to relationships, the concept of the “Author’s Guide to Relationships”. The list is endless: “how to know when he’s that into you”, “finding the perfect man”, “making it work” blah, blah, blah…and even more relationship garbage.
Check your library collection, we all have at one point bought one of these relationship guidebooks and bestsellers. We all get so mentally involved with the ideas of relationships portrayed by these authors and yet one puzzling facts remains, has anyone written the readers reality guide as to how relationships really work or turnout? Well maybe I haven’t read one yet.
Other than shifting us from a state of reality to imaginary dreamers, Disney, Pixar, romantic comedies and all the likes of tinsel town’s finest romance stories have done nothing for us over the years. It’s okay to have fairytale views of romance every once in a while. Hey! We all deserve to be princesses and queens don’t we? Unfortunately, relationships aren’t always about “Snow white” who Prince charming comes to the rescue with a kiss. We become so immersed in the manuals dos and don’ts of relationships that we hardly give room for what real relationships are about: commitment, consistency and hard work. A wise woman once said to me “Your measure of return or better still, Return on Investment”, in a relationship, is proportional to the measure you put in…well in a fair world.
Relationships are not a ‘one size fits all’ concept and until we (I speak for ladies here) start to realize that there is no comparison whatsoever when it comes to relationships, they are never what they seem to be from the viewpoint of a third party. Your past relationships teach you vital lessons, lessons you either choose to learn or end up repeating at costlier expenses. Never assume anyone is happier than you just by mere looks. The grass is always greener on both sides or has the capacity to be greener with consistent nurturing.
Every woman has a special list, comprising of, how and what they expect from a man, what he brings to the table et al, but the real question is what are you bringing to the table as a woman? Not necessarily financial, we all have different levels of responsibilities. How well will you be able to support your man when the chips are down? How much further are you willing to push beyond the status quo of the “gold digging mentality” that says a man must do this and this for me to prove his masculinity? And I am not talking about the entitlement mentality type of some men, who constantly demand what they want from a woman. I am talking about the kind of man who the inner woman (not the girl) in you looks at with a 5year vision and you can tell yourself I will be in a better place with him than Mr Temporary.
I have read a few books over the years about relationships and one concept that has stood out has been one of independence. Many authors have made it clear that we shouldn’t be too independent else we become intimidating to men and unlovable. How many times within a certain circle have you heard that phrase “how’s a woman supposed to attract a man with such level of comfort? My question is: does life stand still because you don’t have or find a man? Well you decide. Personally, I believe that one of the greatest discoveries any woman can make, is the pursuit of happiness. It is in the pursuit of happiness that one begins to understand how one can be happy whether in single town, “relationshipville “or married country- and that is only achieved through some level of independence. Companionship doesn’t eradicate loneliness, until you find a happy place in your life, where you can genuinely love yourself, then and only then can you find a place to accommodate someone else and give them the kind of love that you experience and are willing to share.
My advice ladies is simple, ditch the relationship guide books and journals and do what works for you (feel free to even disregard any and/or all the points raised in this article), rather than sticking to someone’s imaginary suggestions as to how to live your life and associations – because honestly there is no definite formula as to what a good partner is and should be. Instead, write your own guide to your own relationships, do what makes you happy and remember that somehow you ‘may’ hurt people along the way, when you make decisions to put your own happiness first rather than to continually struggle to fit into someone else’s idea as to how you should live your life.
Keep working on self discovery and the things you need to do, the rest will fall into place. And the next time anyone tries to make you feel guilty about being you or pry into your business simply let them know ……
RELATIONSHIP STATUS? “HAPPY”