The True Art of Cupid’s Little Helper

If you’re a young single babe,(let’s use 25 as our benchmark right?) I’m sure you would have heard this really annoying question before, “Why are you single?”

Let’s do a run down of possible expected answers

“I’m a black widow spider and I kill my suitors”

“Studies show that singles live longer due to the minimal use of the heart muscle(s). I want to live young”

“I’m emotionally immature and I can’t seem to keep a relationship”

Is there really an answer to that question? At the risk of sounding like a professional spinster, I think people need to stop asking it because I don’t think there’s a right answer and most of the time the person asking that question isn’t really close enough to you to be asking but somehow or the other they find the need to ask. Some even go further and propound theories as to why you are actually single where they find your answers inadequate.

“You don’t go out enough”

“You’re too skinny! African men like their women THICK”

“Have you thought about doing anything about this your pimples?”

“You need to lose weight o. You can’t find a man like this”

and my personal favourite

“You need to start attending mid-week service in church”

Moving on; there’s another group of people who feel they’re “do-ers” and not just “talk-ers” and so they get proactive. They try to introduce you to people, you know; Cupid’s Little Helpers.

Anyway, certain people take this route of being proactive and not just about talk, and they try to introduce you to someone they feel you can get with.  This in itself is not a bad thing because at least they’re not just paying lip service to your “single status”, the problem comes in when cupid’s messengers have more misses than hits!

A few months ago my friend sent me a message on my birthday “Babes, someone saw your picture on my DP and the person wants your pin”, I replied that I wasn’t really interested in meeting random people and her response was “Last time I checked, you were single so please what is your problem”. I kept all my inhibitions to myself, as I wasn’t ready to get into that conversation at the time. Next thing  I knew I got a “contact request”  with all those funny symbols which render words illegible. But hey I was single and these things shouldn’t matter right? Okay, so dude proceeds to chat “I heard it’s ur buffday. Yhu luk pweedi

Oh Father in Heaven!!!

My first thought was “How have I ever offended Fisayo (the said friend), and why would she do this to me?” I would like to believe that when you take up the role of a match maker you must have to pretty much know enough of both parties to be able to make an informed decision as to who to pair with who. Anybody who knows me knows that speaking properly and spelling properly is a big deal to me. I’m sorry if I’m not a “cool kid” but how can you think that it is alright to set me up with someone who chats and spells “you” as “yhu”? I’m sorry! Please keep your hook-up.

As you grow older the pressure from the hook up is even worse, the person they hook you up automatically assumes there are some invisible boxes you have to unknowingly tick.

“What do your parents do?”

“How many kids do you want to have?”

“Are you one of those career women?”

Dude, I only just met you last week!

I know of instances of where people give stories of happily-ever-after after they’ve been “hooked up” so maybe there’s a formula for how these things work. I may be pushing it here but how many of those things really work? I mean, numbers, ratios, percentages and all that.

There may be something about being single that elicits some form of pity but it’s imperative that we remember as friends and family, that being single is not a disease. Yes, there are those lonely nights but I’d sooner watch my favorite shows (Suits, Necessary Roughness and Game of Thrones) alone spend it with the dragon-breathed person you’ve ‘graciously’ hooked me up with.

What do you guys think about Cupid’s little helpers? Do they really help or are they simply nosey and annoying? Are you one of Cupid’s little helpers? How do you know what dude to hook up with what babe? I mean is there a system to this thing? What’s your success rating?

Let’s talk!

Photo Creditjohnny-b-animation.blogspot.com

106 Comments on The True Art of Cupid’s Little Helper
  • didi July 9, 2012 at 11:19 am

    VERY TRUE…… ITS REALLY ANNOYING THE WAY CUPID HELPERS GO ABOUT IT. MY AUNTY ONCE TOLD ME “GET PREGNANT FOR THAT GUY, HE MUST NOT GO OH”. I FELT LIKE SLAPPING HER.

    • Geemayree July 15, 2012 at 8:01 pm

      Hahahaha. Very funny. That must have been pretty annoying

  • Abs July 9, 2012 at 11:30 am

    My first thought was “How have I ever offended Fisayo (the said friend), and why would she do this to me?” That cracked me up silly. :) Fisayo is just a busy body. People just gotta mind their own business. Nice piece.

    http://www.abadawoode.blogspot.com

    • Asking Questions July 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

      Fisayo is a friend who means well….but probably didnt engage her enough in order to screen candidates.

  • OY July 9, 2012 at 11:30 am

    lol @ “I heard it’s ur buffday. Yhu luk pweedi”
    its hilarious,anyway i think as a single person its good to keep an open mind,just generally give people the benefit of a doubt not compromising your own standards though.Be open to meet people, Be open to “hook ups” cos u never know….

  • esther July 9, 2012 at 11:34 am

    I thinl cupid’s little helpers/messengers are sometimes useful and sometimes not neccesary.its more like a 50-50 thing,but like you said they should know both parties well before trying to hook them up…I taught I was the only person that get’s irritated with messages like “ssup hun” absolutel ridiculous if you ask me

  • Ngozi July 9, 2012 at 11:36 am

    Sometimes they do have good intentions but they let their desire to ‘hook a friend up’ surpass the need for them to actually look properly into the’suitor’. Every hook up I have experienced has always turned out to be a cock up but perhaps this article has given me the explanation for this
    ““I’m a black widow spider and I kill my suitors”

  • Lady M July 9, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Loooooooool @ Didi. Anywho, love this article, just about sick and tired of that question “Why are you single?”. It is so embarassing really, like you’ve got some sort of weird disease that miffs people. Don’t ask a girl that please!

  • MTS July 9, 2012 at 11:54 am

    Well there is a formula to it you can’t just hook up some random person with your friend or relative just because they are single. Both characters must have been tried and tested by a neutral party to come to a conclusion that they are a great match. It worked out for me very nicely my best friend hooked me up with his cousin at first I was reluctant but I finally agreed that was the best decesion I ever made. He isn’t perfect but he suits me perfectly.

  • chinco July 9, 2012 at 11:54 am

    *sigh* I don’t even know where to start from, ‘yhu'(lol) took the words right out of my mouth. It really is annoying though when ppl think its all your fault when u r single. Should I be blamed for having a good taste? Why should women always settle?

  • Joygal July 9, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Nice piece.So true about the Cupid’s little helpers. It becomes so annoying when they begin to ask why marriage aint in your plan at the age of 26, why you are just career-oriented, not going out to mingle then they suggest attending church programs, weddings, birthdays or get-together and why one is too choosy. Common we are all different, whatever will be will be, and most importantly at God’s appointed time too.

  • April Laugh July 9, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    LMAO!

  • iphy July 9, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    lol…nice one…get preggy for a guy just to hook him is a no no.enjoy being single and have fun.u will wish for d freedom u have now someday!

  • AA July 9, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    I am currently happily married to my ‘hook up’. It doesnt always turn out bad. Initially i wasnt interested, but after his persistence and PATIENCE. It was obvious…
    You just have to be patient and not throw out every potential ‘hook up’. However the cupid messengers need to know whom to try and match.

  • Toffee Temptress July 9, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    I was a Cupid’s Helper…. I was a match maker for 4 years AND I was single for most of those years. Countless failed matches later I had one success story; an ’09 hook-up got married over the weekend. Now I have retired with a shred of dignity!!!

    I suggest Cupid’s Helpers out there match make only when asked and please butt out immediately numbers are exchanged or you’ll be on the receiving end of countless late night phone calls.

  • bella July 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    The most annoying part for cupid helpers helpers are when the match make u with just any guy because you are single. Recently my aunt connected me to someone who saw my pic on her facebook wall and before I will say jack she said the guy is a bobo oh. Most times they over do it and am begining to hate it more.

  • Nomy July 9, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Am glad am reading this piece! Just last night, a guy who i had known for just a week asked me if i never wanted to get married or to put it in his exact words “Nne stop feeling you are young, are you not praying for a husband? So why are you being mean to me?” And we disagreed just because he wanted to roll around in the hay with me just after one week of our meeting! I tire for guys generally! NO! I don’t have to marry you and NO i don’t need your help finding someone else! Shikena!

    • Nnena July 9, 2012 at 6:22 pm

      too funny reminds me of a guys who asked if I didnt realize I was getting to the “critical age” so I better stop ignoring his advances. My dear I will remain single than be with a guy who thinks he is doing me a favor

  • Nanny July 9, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Very Inspiring

  • QueenofEverything July 9, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Well I have set my nearest and dearest straight and they know not to even dare! The most annoying question is: You’re a graduate and you’re working, what else are you waiting for? I hope you’re not being too picky? :| As a matter of fact I am, if I am going to be with this person for the rest of my life, I’m sure there’s no rush.. Jeez!

  • TEE July 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    Thanks for the article i laughed out so loud @ work…..
    Most people try but i’ll say they don’t study the 2 parties before hooking them up…. Thanks MTS for your comment.

  • bonita July 9, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    Cupid helpers mean well only that sometyms they go extreme. well am currently dating a guy who was introduced to me by my friend and am so loving the ride…

  • Olanike July 9, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    ROTFL I can completely relate to this write up.

  • portable-oge July 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Meeen,lwkmd! ur article is so on point! I would rather b single n wait for Gods appointed time than please all d good intentioned pple n be in hell!Frankly speakng,cupids lil messengers can b so annoying!

  • @ajiriavae July 9, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    A friend of mine told me about how she was accosted by a fellow parishoner in church who instisted on praying with her about getting a husband and how she was resistant to it because at the time she was more focused on her career than finding a man. None the less she played along so as not to seem rude. That same day she met he man she later married. My point? While a lot of so called Cupids may bring up the subject to mock or are just being busy bodies, keeping an open mind can sometimes cause something good to happen.
    http://ajiristyle.blogspot.com/

    • Princess of Zion July 13, 2012 at 4:40 pm

      WOW! What an amazing testimony!! Cupid’s helpers can be one of two things- 1- Helpers of destiny e.g Abraham’s servant who found a wife for Isaac 2- Matchmakers with no skill.

      You can usually identify which your’s is. Some have genuinely done their research and have been led by God, others just do it without much thought.

      Regardless, just be careful and remain faithful while waiting.

  • pynk July 9, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    we can all relate. THe truth about hookups is to do it subtly. Invite both parties to an event of some sort. Casually introduce them and move the hell on. Some folks make it seem like u must end up with the person they hook u up with, some others are just intrusive etc.
    With hookups – we all meet people one way or another, so not quite opposed to it, its just how one goes about it.

  • Desire July 9, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    I like to find my own mate so hook ups neva worked for me. There is something so desperate about being hooked up that i couldnt bring myself to consider it for any reason. Am glad cupid didnt need any help finding me.

  • shakara July 9, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    nahhhh i dont do hook ups, i like to go on date with guys guys that have seen me and liked what they saw, i feel more secure, wen its a hook up, both parties have very high expectations and the guy kinda knows u willing to mingle, i kills the chase and leaves me with little or no shakara. i love my shakara o the beggin the wining dining amd keeping him in suspense…..

  • Miriam July 9, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    Therez no harm ln tryn buh try not to kiss all the frogs b4 u find U̲̅я Prince

    • Naaaa July 10, 2012 at 6:04 am

      If you put a ‘T’ after ‘bu’, will you die?

      • leo July 10, 2012 at 2:49 pm

        naaaaa im so laughing and falling off my chair at the office….

      • Mz Socially Awkward… July 10, 2012 at 2:50 pm

        HAHAHAHAHA!!! Chei, I go die for laff in this office oh…

      • Ikunkun July 11, 2012 at 3:26 am

        Lmao…..you just made my freaking day mehn!!!I can’t stop laughing, i’ll be telling this joke for a long time to come….:D

      • Ugofrances July 11, 2012 at 4:09 am

        this is too funny!!

      • IVORY CHI July 11, 2012 at 10:09 am

        LOOOOOOOOL………..!!!! for dayyssss

  • iamfascinating July 9, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    lol. This marriage thing is not a race o.

    http://www.thestunninglady.blogspot.com

  • Ebenezer Mr Scrooge July 9, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    Suits, Necessary Roughness, Game of Thrones??? I haf die!!! Bebe, yhU sound rovery… Chai!!! I loff yhU talk ya own!!! Sorry for taking the piss but I seriously don’t understand why people are of the opinion that human relationships are an exact science… Its humans we are talking of here… In my early 20s, my (older) buddies tried hooking me up times on end… There was always an issue… Many-A-Pretty faces but weak conversation, I believe there was this one time the conversation descended to the point that “do you like malt???” Became a subject… Met my fiancée at a very awkward place and we had a very awkward conversation… But there and there, we connected… I believed she was the one and have never looked back… I can relate to you… Trust me, you don’t have to lower your standards… Will be waiting to hear you met the guy who ticked most boxes and made you do things you swore you’d never do… Stay Blessed… Oh, and if TheGoodWife isn’t on your playlist… YhU ha missin tinz!!!

    • RIRI-ROSE July 9, 2012 at 11:04 pm

      Mr Scrooge, lol. nice one bro!

    • mary July 10, 2012 at 12:28 am

      oooh, I loooooove The Good Wife. My husband is a lawyer, and he too says, thats one of the best legal based TV show we’ve had in a long time. You should also add White Collar to the list, well you are not female, so Matt Bomer’s looks won’t do anything for you. Tell madam to watch it instead. lol

    • slimgirl July 10, 2012 at 11:35 am

      Lol @ do you like malt. I can’t stop laughing at that.My boss had to ask me what was so funny since i have not met my target.

  • eloho July 10, 2012 at 12:10 am

    LMAO! ‘yhu..’ i thought i was the only one that hated it! And display names with so many smileys! ARRRGHHHH! Lol! I stay away from match-making friends oh! I don’t appreciate it much. I think if a friend is subtle about it, like having an event and inviting both of us over without stating that she’s match-making, that’s cool. But ones both parties know, this event is for us to hook up, it kills the excitement!

  • mary July 10, 2012 at 12:24 am

    You know its funny about the age thing, when you put your benchmark at 25, i think without knowing it, you are also adding to the pressure that women feel, when they are approaching 25, or when they have passed the 25 age mark. because, people just think, ah, once u have passed 25, thats it, your chances for marriage are steadily declining. It would have been great, if you put no age at all, single is single. At any age, you still get hook ups. I got married at 29, and I remembered at 26 or was it 27 some guy was yarning dust, about me being over 25 now o, so I should take him seriously. My response to him was bros, you are over 30 too o, in fact approaching 35. U mean since all these days no woman has agreed to marry you. Mehn, something must be wrong with you o. U better go check yourself very well, I mean for a guy, over 30, there must be something girls are seeing and they are running from you. If they are not running, it means, you yourself haven’t found a good woman yet, so what is it about you that makes you attract un-marriageable girls, me sef, add me to the list of girls that have taken to their heels. Lol. He never spoke to me again. Good riddance.

    • ayo August 22, 2012 at 2:15 pm

      hahahahahaha…u got me laughing mehn….good for him

  • Maegan A. Whisnant July 10, 2012 at 12:48 am

    Sometimes cupid helpers don’t know when to stop. My aunt is a perfect example. I have a boyfriend, but this lady is still trying to hook me up.

    • Ikunkun July 11, 2012 at 3:33 am

      ooopsy!You should have figured that she aint feeling your beau….right???

    • Papa July 13, 2012 at 1:50 am

      I bet your boyfriend is underprivileged…lol

  • Ijaw Woman July 10, 2012 at 1:03 am

    I am very much guilty of being cupid’s helper oh and I am very unapologetic about it. Infact, if i had my way sef, i’d start a match-making agency. Unfortunately, none of my efforts have yielded any results yet :(

    The sad thing is, when I’m on the receiving end, it also never works. I have resigned to my fate – I’ll never meet some1 via the hook up channel. Just because it’s me.

    But for those who do not have as “stringent” requirements as I do (eg not caring how “you” is spent or how punctuations are used), I will by all means hook them up jor. The worst that’ll happen is they won’t click. End of matter. Shikena.

    I think you’ve been rolling with the wrong cupid’s helpers tho. I usually thoroughly analyze the likelihood of two people complimenting each other before I do the deed. Stick with me bebe and all your worries are over :p

    You have to understand that it is the intention of a cupid helper that you’ll be happy. Surely there’s no harm in someone wanting you to be happy, or is there? :/

  • Abiola O July 10, 2012 at 1:56 am

    Abeg, where is the like comment for this article??????There are so many fisayo’s in my life right now actually

  • ify July 10, 2012 at 6:22 am

    lol at Maegan A. Whisnant she is trying to tell you she doesn’t like your bf or she thinks you can do better…please all the cupid helpers out there holla at me……….

  • Moyo July 10, 2012 at 9:16 am

    I can’t stop laughing ”yhu look pweedi”…““I’m a black widow spider and I kill my suitors…I think some cupid helpers mean well. I know people who this has worked well, and I am definately one of those, but I know where to stop and i dont do d ‘yhu luk pweedi” kind of guys

  • Temmy July 10, 2012 at 10:03 am

    I can’t get over the ‘yhu luk pweedi’… Lol… But seriously I don’t understand why people won’t spell correctly! And all those smiley things before writing your name on bb! Eeeish! I just can’t wait for it to all stop!

  • A. Vee July 10, 2012 at 10:13 am

    LOL! And I thought I was d only one who STRONGLY DISLIKED twisted spellings! Na really Oh Father in Heaven! lmao
    Anyways, I don’t have much to say because these so-called helpers have not tried nonsense with me… yet
    ..but as for attending more mid-week services (just to meet a “good” man), BAAAAAA!!! you can like to seat at home-plenty snakes in the church these days.. (God forgive me)

  • bellybutton July 10, 2012 at 10:58 am

    I am the typical example of cupids whatever gone bad. My cousin hooked me up with a guy who I totally misjudged and ended up being married to him. It turned out that he misrepresented himself to me and chopped my money well well. Now I am getting a divorce after one and a half years of marriage at Le 25,000,000 (Sierra Leone) which is about $6,200 (USD).
    Duya una nor fall for nor arranged dates with these wolves in sheep’s clothing!

    • Mz Socially Awkward… July 10, 2012 at 2:57 pm

      That’s a very unhappy ending … you must have passed through (probably are still passing through) some difficult times, I pray there’s another chance at making a great match in your future.

  • MissA July 10, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Gosh! Am such a serial Cupid’s Helper… No successful match done yet duh! Heeeheeee!

  • TG July 10, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Thank you ooooo! There are so many fisayo’s in my life right now. Someone hooked me up with a “living bible believing brother” (is there a dead bible??) and he said the spirit of God told his spirit that i am “the one”, i told him i don’t feel the same way. God cannot be an author of confusion, the spirit must move together…….the brother vex o! say why i come bring spiro inside the matter. Apparently as a man he’s the spiritual leader. #SIGH# Another hook-up from a relative ended up with me sitting for an awful 30mins in front of a guy who chewed gum with his mouth open through out our entire conversation. Only thing i heard him say clearly was ” i like having my way…even if its by force”. Na there the tory end, i carry my self run.
    I know my family and friends mean well but……sometimes it is a bit much.

  • tomeloma July 10, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Guilty of the match-making thing, but I can’t seem to help it bcos I have a lot of girl friends complaining about their status and I also have male friends moaning as well as, and methinks the best thing to do is to introduce them to each other, zero success so far ..instead you end up being friends with only one of the parties (happens all the time)

  • Inez July 10, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Hilarious post! I love you for this. I’ve received one of those “yhu luk pweedi” chat ups. Deleted immediately of course. Using funky texts is okay, writing ßα̲̅ßγ̲ talk isn’t.
    Then the compulsory church attendance is sung to me from every corner these days. They made it worse ’cause I just stopped going. Never been a church-y person, anyway.
    Geez! I love been single. Being in a relationship is good, but honestly the peace of mind that comes with being totally single is priceless.

  • Caliente July 10, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    i can totally totally totally relate with what the writer has penned. i clocked 23 yrs some months back, graduated @ d age of 20 and i’ve got a good job. My younger sister (who is 21yrs by the way) is getting married this month. during her intoduction all i kept hearing was “we’ll celebrate yours like this next year or before the end of the year, afterall you’re done withy school and you’re working” ” what are you waiting for? you want all the eligible bachelors to run away when u start making more money abi?” and i’m like uhhh wat da smoke! are these people for real?

    • Lucy July 10, 2012 at 8:48 pm

      If they run, when you start making more money. Thats your cue my dear, that they are not eligible.

  • Renny Vonne July 10, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    that is the worst!!! Those kind of men that cannot spell correctly despite the numerous years of education they have acquired. I am only 21, and already the pressure has started. It’s not just from parents. It also comes from our peers. Girls are very good at making a cool situation hot for no reasons. They make up imaginary timelines with statements like “by 23 I should be in a serious relationship”. Now that is the real trap for disaster. Anyway, cupid’s little helpers mean well, but they can sometimes do more harm than good! http://rennyvonne.com

  • BeeT July 10, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    Lollll….so true

  • MEE July 11, 2012 at 1:18 am

    A coleague @ work greets me with “see as u fine! Y u never marry,al dis men for Abj no dey see?”Every day @ work.finally matched made me wit one anoying soldier, who called n said, is dis Ann? Wat r d steps I nid to take to marry u? N am serious dt was d first tin he said! I was in a vry gud mood,so I xplained to him dt I didn’t fany his moves. One month later,after plenty calls,we met,went out n he kept actin like a puppy all through, I was new in town n was enjoyinG bin out,so I no look him face weda e dey gist or not.I never heard from him again,not evn a call, n madam matchmaker neva mentioned him, 3months later I saw his wedding card in her house! I went, “ah,no. Dat my friend b dis?? She said no mind d fool, I hear sai e get pikin sef,sai e pregnant one lady for barrack! Tank God sai una no marry sef.LOL! So to shame her more,I said I didn’t ev hear from him after d first day we met, n she went “hmmm the guy say ur grammar too much for am, sai just dey speak big big english,so. Him fear! I looked at d claasy toothpaset pack look alike wedding invite again, d wife looked classy n probably schoOled, I laffed n changed d topic.ds woman’s 36 year old younger sister is still single, n she remminds of marriage daily. N her phrases changes everyday. Kip ur options open bt carry ur brain along. U aren’t married @ 30 dosent mean d world shuld end. Develop ur self in oda areas

  • Bliss July 11, 2012 at 2:40 am

    Honey you are terribly funny. You seriously had me going there :) :)With this your picky attitude, you might want to rent sex and the city re runs and fresh prince of bel air while you are at it because Suits, Game of Thrones and Necessary Roughness(amazing show by the way) simply cannot put out enough episodes to fill the gap in your FREE TIME ;)

  • Stephanie e July 11, 2012 at 10:05 am

    LOL…u all a funny. I personally dont like cupid helpers. They just tend to make the whole situation worse

    http://www.blogsvila.blogspot.com

  • clairebaby July 11, 2012 at 10:35 am

    Love this article!
    I’ve suffered at the hands of numerous cupid’s little helpers. From the time I turned 22, it seemed like everybody wanted to marry me off to their brother/son/cousin. Some had dreams, some prophesied, etc etc. I was literally beating off men with sticks. Just when I had given up hope, one cupid’s little helper managed to drive the arrow of love right into my heart. I met my present boyfriend through my friend and my elder sister, I think it worked out because they are young people like me and my sister knows me inside out and knows the kind of man that would suit me.

  • ije_guy July 11, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    lol. its funny. it actually took me time to understand dat the guy meant “pretty” as in pweedi.wow. what will it take to spell words correctly? cos its d same energy spent. lol! cupid little helpers indeed!

  • Naveah July 11, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    LMBAO @ Okay, so dude proceeds to chat “I heard it’s ur buffday. Yhu luk pweedi” Your friend Fisayo did homeboy a disservice, she should have told him that you don’t like twitterese, he should have stepped up his game and presented himself as a man who is educated, enlightened and educated. The fact that he couldn’t take the time to compose a proper text is the first red flag to go up.

    What I really disliked about Cupids Little Helpers when I was a single lady was the fact that some of them were so CONDESCENDING in their manners, as if they were doing me a favor especially the married ones who think since they got a husband, I was obviously doing something wrong which explains why I don’t have one! Meanwhile, I looked at some of their marriages and quickly read the writing in invisible ink that stated “misery loves company.” There are some that are truly happy in their relationships and simply want to spread the joy around, they want their friends to experience what they have at home, these variety of CLH are not intolerable, they have good intentions.

    My advice to the members of CLH Club is this:

    (1) let the single man or lady be the one to ask for your help! Nobody wants to be invaded upon and made to feel bad about their circumstances especially if they have made the deliberate choice to be single!

    (2) do your research! You are dealing with human emotions, various different personalities and familial/educational/socio-economic/religious backgrounds, you can’t just toss two people together because they are both Nigerian, attractive and single. What do they have in common?

    (3) once you make the introduction, please back the hell up! This is where you job ends, you are NOT to follow up, push and prod for updates. And if the single individual asks you to stop hooking them up, respect their request.

    (4) if you have been trying to hook people up for years and you don’t have a good track record of hook ups turning into relationships then marriages then please know when you drop your little arrows and call it quits because maybe you just ain’t good at it. It is okay there is not penalty for quitting.

  • lilly July 11, 2012 at 11:33 pm

    enough of this marriage talks. me sef don taya. Infact once they start with this marriage talks, I just take my heels and start running. Is it by force to get married eh? And this cupid helpers STOP abeg. It’s so annoying. DON’T HOOK ME UP UNLESS I SAY SO (that’s if i have scoped the guy and he’s someone I will like to get to know more).

  • deedee July 12, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Hmmmmm, before i turned 25,i was under pressure to dump my present bobo n go for someone serious. Their reasons were time is going. You are gonna be fat so we need to trick one young man into marrying you before you blow. Younger girls are coming o. So i gave in to the pressure they hooked me up with like five guys. By the time those guys were through with me ehn. Its a miracle how am still sane. Now that I am no longer anxious to get married. Good guys have come and want to settle, even the guys that dealth with me want to settle.

  • ephee July 12, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    was involved once wen a colleage of mine matched mak’d me with his cute friend. after our first date and i was beginning to like him only for him to call me two days after that his ex of three months came back threatening him that she wasnt done with him and she would raise hell if he dares date another gurl. i was so glad he didnt waste my precious time and was at least nice enof to speak out.i bade him goodbye peacefully.

  • ify July 12, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    people think it’s funky writing this way (yhu luk pweedi) , but it’s so annoying and not cool at all.

  • Outraged July 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    They think it is hip and cool, meanwhile, they come across an uncultured and razz. Imagine a comment to an artilce like this, and the writer typed buh. It is people like you that annoy me. I’m so glad someone typed in response, if you put “T” after bu, will you die. I mean, if you can type buh, 3 letters, you may as well type it properly. Its also 3 letter word. Same thing with yhu (you), come on. Luk, an extra letter, and make it look, will it kill you. pweedi, has the same number of letters as pretty. It does my head in, and ticks me off

  • Claire July 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    “Attend midweek service in church” El-Oh-Freaking-El!!!!!!! :D

  • Tiki July 12, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    LMAO on the Spelling pet peeve! It’s a huge pet peeve of mine too. sowie, jisoxx, pweedie, fink, 10x, etc…such a turn-off.

    I truly believe that if you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy taken because happiness comes from within, and not from men.

  • coco July 12, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    i feel you on the idea of spelling and speaking well. i mean i don’t want to end up with a guy that says “whats up now?” that’s soo crass. plus i’m sure your friend fisayo meant no harm. you guys obviously have different interests.:)

  • Chair July 13, 2012 at 2:36 am

    I think women enjoy playing matchmaker. I’ve been dealing with cupid helpers since my early teens and I’ve learned to just have fun with it. Recently, I’ve been saying that I’ll only date a woman who is white,rich, and beautiful . Now, anytime my most recent cupid helper smells ‘white-woman’, my phone rings. I think it’s all good though. I love her for trying.
    What I’ve always found interesting is that the women in my family have never been keen on hooking me up.

  • Chair July 13, 2012 at 2:42 am

    BTW I don’t think the funky spelling is bad. After all, we were all “bread and buttered” in pidgin.

  • Katia July 13, 2012 at 9:51 pm

    All well and good but I think people assuming being single is a pity is quite disturbing. Everyone should have the same respect and appreciation “in a relationship or not in a relationship” I personally find it rude if a friend assumes I ‘m miserable and takes action to hook me up without my knowledge. Some people just wanna be single and some others only ambition is to be hitched. Everyone should be respectful of each individual decisions.

  • Omorewa July 14, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    @ Chair – Good luck with choosing who to spend the rest of your life and raise your children with based on such superficial attributes. I am not at all surprised none of the women in your family want to hook you up. I too would be embarrassed about having a brother who is so shallow. I would definitely hesitate before voluntarily introducing you to any of my friends.

  • Amischa July 15, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Seruzly so mch talk and energy on *pweedi nd nt spellin words correctly, dnt get me wrong nt a fan of twitterase* buh come on dtz nt enuf 2 write someone off they are many other vital issues we actually need 2 consider, wheen it comes 2 judging a guy, its bb chating 4 heaven’s sake u dnt expect him 2 be 2 formal nd all, s me we ladies we need 2 be more accomadating dnt be 2 judgemental, dnt frown @ all faults, never judge a book by its cover, even if a 1st date goes badt, it doesn’t mean d 2nd dAte mite ble, evry lady is quick 2 say am nt in a hurry, I dnt really care, buh really we do, I hope it doesn’t take us 30yrs 2 realise it, nd by then we wud b all grey haired, all fattened up nd be a regular food nd soap opera junkie, nd be wishing we made some decisions differently, am currently dating someone dt I completely wrote off becuz I felt he was d *player, all cute and creme nd alwaiz hd d right words 2 say , I really dismiissed him, buh thank God he didn’t leave all d decision making 2 me nd held on to me strongly, and am realizing now he is s so different and nothing like wat his appearance tells of him. !!!

    • Italian Mistress July 16, 2012 at 1:38 pm

      Goodness gracious! Do you realize how retarded you sound? There’s no excuse for bad spelling or communicating in a way that only fellow retards can decipher.

      As long as there is no word limit, or requirement that you don’t put your education to good use, there is absolutely no justification for typing as you just did.

      Please do better.

    • Naveah July 17, 2012 at 2:53 pm

      I feel sorry for your parents! They really wasted their money IF at all you have EVER entered the four walls of a class room! Look at what you wrote, I can barely decipher it and this is probably why you are excusing Mr. “yhu luk pweedie”. Please stop defending foolishness and kindly find yourself an English tutor, stat!

    • Mz Socially Awkward… July 17, 2012 at 9:41 pm

      Amischa, listen to me very carefully. Illiteracy is NOT cool. Pay attention while I say that again – IT IS NOT COOL. The sad thing is a lot of people today are trying to be hip by writing in this incoherent language that hurts my eyes. Any child I send to school who spells like you do will be severely punished by paying back every cent I spent on their education. Stop trying to be american or whatever the heck you’re attempting to be (“twitterase”?? What is that???) and go find a darn English tutor!

  • Anonymous July 15, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Goodness me, could you read all you typed. Yikes. There is something to be said of speaking proper english please. Communication is important in a relationship. if you can’t communicate, with the person, how will it work. So you should be having a headache reading his messages, because you don’t want to write him off. Please. there is something to be said for having standards, and speaking proper english is one of them. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with that. A lot of the words you wrongly spelled, have the same number of letters or even more than the proper spelling, so why go the extra mile to misspell it? So as to look cool, or what. I don’t understand.

  • Biodun July 17, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    Still rolling around, laughing at TG’s comment “….he said the spirit of God told his spirit that i am “the one”, i told him i don’t feel the same way. God cannot be an author of confusion, the spirit must move together…….the brother vex o!” I just love a woman with a sense of humour! As for those annoying text spellings, don’t even get me started!

  • L.O.L July 17, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    There is really nothing worse than those “supposedly cool” poorly written texts. I would run from that friend that sent him my digits. I have been a cupid’s helper for 2 of my besties that I knew were perfect for each other.However they were in two different worlds that were bridged by me. So I subtly threw a lunch at my house. Casual, food, TV, music and good conversation. I didn’t even need to push them together. They found each other and the rest is history. Now, I’m even regretting it sef because this their love is nauseating.

  • nini July 18, 2012 at 9:35 am

    I think most cupid helpers should adopt L.O.Ls method of hook up by just creating the atmosphere for both parties to interact and build a relationship If they are interested.

  • fondest July 19, 2012 at 11:04 am

    I came across this awhile ago…it should interest you and add volume to your article.

    http://www.ivillage.com/no-time-losers-10-questions-ask-avoid-date-hell/4-b-445010?nlcid=in|05-14-2012|

  • saphyah July 23, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    This is realy interesting! Some will even tell you a woman has peak periods in her life time, and they are limited to 3…and she must utilise same asap! But some cupid helpers can come out with “happy ending” tale. :-)

  • almostengaged July 24, 2012 at 1:01 am

    lol! it’s also especially annoying when newly married friends start dishing advice on how to hook a man and all. i just want to slap the smugness off their face!

  • Busayo July 25, 2012 at 9:20 am

    I am laughing sooo hard at this story and the comments that followed because they just remind me of my personal experience just last week.

    In my opinion, I think most of Cupid’s little helpers mean well. In fact, I feel it is a noble thing to do. Where the issue arises is where the personalties of the two subjects of the proposed hook-up are not checked for compatibility before the hookup attempt. In some of these cases too, it may just be that the cupid’s little helper has innocently judged the character of one or both parties wrongly.

    That said, I don’t see anything wrong in hookups, I’m single and it is my opinion that single people should keep all avenues open. It’s not a do or die affair, but you never know. However, one must be prepared for the misses. A good friend of mine tried to hook me up with a guy last week. The first conversation I had with the guy, he told me he believed I knew the reason why he had my contact detals, he therefore expected me to respond like an adult. A few minutes after he told me I should send four of my pictures to him asap. (like I was under some fitmess test, of course I didn’t). The following day he told me he couldnt marry a banker (I’m one) so I should start thinking of another job and that he expected I would move to his house in a shortwhile because he had no time to waste and needed to know who h’e’s marrying.(I fought the urge to hang up on him). I subsequently politely told him off. Now that I think of the punk, I just laugh soooooooooooo hard. It doesn’t make me feel low or pathetic, I just take it as one of those things and that experience won’t make me shy away from hookups, because really, you never know.

  • @ Writer August 2, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    “Anybody who knows me knows that speaking properly and spelling properly is a big deal to me”

    Writer, most times people try to find excuses for their failures or shift blames on others. Sincerely my dear, you have to look inwards and deal with yourself.

    Just because he said “I heard it’s ur buffday. Yhu luk pweedi”-does that mean he can’s speak well or spell correctly? In this age of social networking that takes the whole of people’s lives, you should know that some are fond of doing that, while others just do to sound funny, sarcastic or even to be unconventional.

    You need to open up my dear! A lady complained about a guy like this and today, she wishes one can even come but there is none.

    I have a lot to say but all of them boils down to the fact that we should all open up. You have read so many books and advices from people who are failures themselves on “it is too early”, “when to do the do” “how many times he should call” ” how many times your phone should ring before picking up” “how long you must know him before saying i do” when you really love someone from within you but you are dying within just because of some rules on “when to say yes” “how long it should take”…

    All those unbecoming, misleading, misguiding, misinforming ideas are not in the bible. Do a study of relationships in the bible that led to marriage and let all these hogwash ladies do, stop.

    I do not understand how imperfect beings will expect other people to be perfect considering the fact that they went through different backgrounds, school, society, peer group, upbringing…

    “i too know”, “standards that are uncalled for”, “too much knowledge/education”, is killing my generation. The day you are perfect yourself, give me a call and i will get a perfect person for you. (Not to the writer, just generalizing now)

    • funke August 16, 2012 at 2:33 pm

      Hook me up, ‘ayam pweedie’….lol… I totally agree with you…

  • Ihus August 5, 2012 at 12:57 am

    Be honest here ladies, everyone gets lonely, we all need the companionship at some point. For all the brave talk and ‘fronting’, most of us visit this blog for that very reason. Sometimes your work/life style does not take you around the kind of people/man you would like to meet. Cupids, good or bad, win or lose ain’t the problem, wish they were more. Like someone said, lets loosen up. Love is such a sweet thing, no one wants to settle for less of course. Cupid(s) use your magic wand on me. Am single and searching; ain’t no shame in that. Am dropping a line for sms-just incase he comes here *winks* 08156956202 (I hope nobody sees my mail id or i am totally done for lol)

  • ebony August 14, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Cupid helpers are nothing but nosy people. my best friend introduced me to this guy the week I and my boyfriend broke up. she set up the date and threatened hailstorm if I disappointed her by not meeting with the “true love” she had found for me. and since I weighed the option of sulking at home or meeting with this guy, I chose the latter. the guy was one hour late to the eatery and then he rushed in claiming traffic. i forgave him becos he was really cute. but my jaw dropped when he said” so gist me, what really happened between you and Temi(he even knew my ex’s name)? my “best buddy” told him I just left a relationship. I just wanted to cry all over again. the date ended badly cos he said he thot I still loved my ex and he wasn’t comfortable with that…. believe me, I squeezed my besties neck when I resumed back to work…
    cupid helpers mean well but they should go easy on the info delivery and really just introduce and do nothing more… I am still single tho*winks*

  • diamond August 15, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    lmao @I heard it’s ur buffday. Yhu luk pweedi

  • Phantomscribbler August 16, 2012 at 12:10 am

    Ladies ladies Please!!!!!!
    Its a two way street, there are sharks out there as well as players, I married a wonderful woman, amongst the reasons I asked her hand was that she was not just going to end up as Mrs…., having babies and feeding my relations. Yup! that was a yard stick I had through out my wondering years. I believe that a wife should be able to stand side by side with her husband and if possible higher, having a life not a chain round her neck that the husband yanks at will
    I always wanted to meet my wife, not get introduced or get head hunted by some over helpful flightless Cupid helper.
    Ogechi kamma the Igbo dialect says – and it happens to al who wait.

  • funke August 16, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    This article is about ME…. woooowwww

  • Tee August 20, 2012 at 9:51 pm

    Wow. I couldn’t stop laughing. In my own opinion, I think cupid’s little helpers mean well. But hook ups never work for me. I’m 23 and my last hook up was trying to make me assume the position of a girlfriend without asking me out. Painting a funny picture of me sleeping over at his place, playing a gf role, telling me how other girls send him nude pictures (indirectly asking for mine). Its just funny. Anyway, I enjoy being single. No rush

  • Amy August 23, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    I so love this write up,much thanks to the writer. I can so relate to it as I now have answers for those stupid questions on why I’m still single. As for Cupids lil helpers I think some mean well but I think it takes being smart to hook two people up. Dont sell one party out to the other all in the name of matchmaking. I have felt funny at every of my hook up#that the thinksimdesperatefeeling# I wouldn’t compromise a guy approaching me cos he likes what he sees. Spelling words wrongly whether onpurpose or not only passes one message…immaturity. So why go ahead with someone that childish to spell pretty as pweddi, it’s a total turn off and it’s not abt setting standards it’s about somethings are just not called for. There is nothing wrong in setting a standard for yourself moreover you have come along way yourself why should you settle for less. It’s not about not judging a book by it’s cover,it’s about presentation which is very pertinent. Its like a delicious meal served in an untidy manner,you wouldn’t even be attracted to it not to talk of tasting it. So the person that commented ” @ the writer” should please spare us the sermon. We all know when to give a guy a chance to know him better..issh

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