Let’s do a run down of possible expected answers
“I’m a black widow spider and I kill my suitors”
“Studies show that singles live longer due to the minimal use of the heart muscle(s). I want to live young”
“I’m emotionally immature and I can’t seem to keep a relationship”
Is there really an answer to that question? At the risk of sounding like a professional spinster, I think people need to stop asking it because I don’t think there’s a right answer and most of the time the person asking that question isn’t really close enough to you to be asking but somehow or the other they find the need to ask. Some even go further and propound theories as to why you are actually single where they find your answers inadequate.
“You don’t go out enough”
“You’re too skinny! African men like their women THICK”
“Have you thought about doing anything about this your pimples?”
“You need to lose weight o. You can’t find a man like this”
and my personal favourite
“You need to start attending mid-week service in church”
Moving on; there’s another group of people who feel they’re “do-ers” and not just “talk-ers” and so they get proactive. They try to introduce you to people, you know; Cupid’s Little Helpers.
Anyway, certain people take this route of being proactive and not just about talk, and they try to introduce you to someone they feel you can get with. This in itself is not a bad thing because at least they’re not just paying lip service to your “single status”, the problem comes in when cupid’s messengers have more misses than hits!
A few months ago my friend sent me a message on my birthday “Babes, someone saw your picture on my DP and the person wants your pin”, I replied that I wasn’t really interested in meeting random people and her response was “Last time I checked, you were single so please what is your problem”. I kept all my inhibitions to myself, as I wasn’t ready to get into that conversation at the time. Next thing I knew I got a “contact request” with all those funny symbols which render words illegible. But hey I was single and these things shouldn’t matter right? Okay, so dude proceeds to chat “I heard it’s ur buffday. Yhu luk pweedi“
Oh Father in Heaven!!!
My first thought was “How have I ever offended Fisayo (the said friend), and why would she do this to me?” I would like to believe that when you take up the role of a match maker you must have to pretty much know enough of both parties to be able to make an informed decision as to who to pair with who. Anybody who knows me knows that speaking properly and spelling properly is a big deal to me. I’m sorry if I’m not a “cool kid” but how can you think that it is alright to set me up with someone who chats and spells “you” as “yhu”? I’m sorry! Please keep your hook-up.
As you grow older the pressure from the hook up is even worse, the person they hook you up automatically assumes there are some invisible boxes you have to unknowingly tick.
“What do your parents do?”
“How many kids do you want to have?”
“Are you one of those career women?”
Dude, I only just met you last week!
I know of instances of where people give stories of happily-ever-after after they’ve been “hooked up” so maybe there’s a formula for how these things work. I may be pushing it here but how many of those things really work? I mean, numbers, ratios, percentages and all that.
There may be something about being single that elicits some form of pity but it’s imperative that we remember as friends and family, that being single is not a disease. Yes, there are those lonely nights but I’d sooner watch my favorite shows (Suits, Necessary Roughness and Game of Thrones) alone spend it with the dragon-breathed person you’ve ‘graciously’ hooked me up with.
What do you guys think about Cupid’s little helpers? Do they really help or are they simply nosey and annoying? Are you one of Cupid’s little helpers? How do you know what dude to hook up with what babe? I mean is there a system to this thing? What’s your success rating?
Photo Credit: johnny-b-animation.blogspot.com