Wedding Plans First, Groom Later

Last year I stayed with this amazing friend of mine (she also happens to be my cousin!) who just absolutely loves weddings. She also loves to plan, plan, plan. I thought this normal until I found out she was planning her wedding. By the way, my friend is single… not engaged.. just SINGLE!.

Apparently a lot of single girls are doing this but they are not my ‘consine‘. When I asked for her reason, her response was this: “I need to be ready now so when the time comes we wont waste it planning.” 

I thought it was a whole new type of craziness, but it got me thinking….There are actually people who do this you know?

I have heard of women who have their ring sizes memorized and some who just know what band or artist they’re going have play. But having the entire wedding already mapped out is definitely a first for me.

Have women officially taken the next step to hooking a man to the next level? Having the wedding panned so when you finally get him you don’t waste any time?

To understand this better I asked my married aunt if this was something she did. She laughed and explained that even though she did, it didn’t prepare her at all. She still had to change so many things which more or less defeats the purpose of the idea in the first place. The fact that she had to factor in her husband’s budget and his mum’s ideas didn’t help either. “There’s something about being in that period of actually getting married that throws all your plans out the window.

I took my search a little bit further and asked a few of my friends. Almost everyone said it was perfectly fine to plan their wedding and some already have their plans down. However there was one who said something that made a lot of difference. In her opinion, it’s too early to plan. She broke it down: “If you’re planning your wedding now, it may seem all good and dandy, but you are forgetting a crucial piece; the man. I know women typically believe that when it comes to marriage the man isn’t always involved and the day is all about them. That is a wrong way to enter a relationship let alone a marriage that is meant for eternity. Your husband-to-be might not have the finances or zeal for what you’ve been dreaming about. Would you then say you’ll have it anyway even if he isn’t on board.

That’s her opinion but it raised some points. What do you guys think? Single ladies, do you have your wedding plans locked down and all you’re waiting for is the groom? Where does one draw the line between obsessive compulsion and just being a “girl scout”? If you’re married… tell us how you prepared. Did you just wing it when the time came?

Photo Credit: www.nytimes.com

113 Comments on Wedding Plans First, Groom Later
  • Bleed blue March 25, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    Huh? Is she your cousin or your friend? Or a mish mash of both? #PedanticMe

    • laide March 25, 2013 at 2:29 pm

      that’s not what the post is about!

      • Bleed blue March 25, 2013 at 3:32 pm

        Call police!:)

      • Bleed blue March 25, 2013 at 3:42 pm

        Ah! I see the post has been corrected after my comment! You see Laide, I positively impacted.

        *feeling vindicated* :)

      • Blossom March 25, 2013 at 4:11 pm

        ‘Impacted’? English sha.

      • Bleed blue March 25, 2013 at 5:50 pm

        Lol…Blossom, are you serious? Eya…well, let me educate a sister…love is sharing. The word “impact” can be used as a noun as well as a verb. Impact as a verb means “to strike forcefully” or “to have an effect or impact on”. Impact – impacts, impacted, impacting…these are the conjugations of the verb “impact”.
        As a lot of dear BN commentators say…Google is your friend. Or feel free to check the Oxford dictionary.

        There! I did it again. I positively impacted :)

    • dontmention March 25, 2013 at 6:57 pm

      I love u bleed blue…..hahahahahahahahhaha…..ama call police……u got me with dat one…….lwkmd

  • Kay March 25, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    Lmao!…This cracked me up….That picture is so perfect for this piece….still laughing hard… I definitely don’t know how the mind of some ladies functions but some of them will never come to terms with reality….Who goes to the market without their purse or money in their pocket? Comes back home with NOTHING. …Marriage is not for the fairy tale minded ,it is the point you come in contact with reality, either you are Rich or Poor.

    By the way…let me recommend your cousin friend to my panel beater,she needs some job on her head….he will fix her,so she can think properly…..*still laughing,that picture is crazy*

  • adetutu March 25, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    well all ladies are allowed to fantasize about their dream day but not take it to the extreme, i never knew what i wanted for a wedding i just wanted everything and anything i loved on other brides or saw at weddings. i met my fiance and i actually have a plan for the wedding but the wedding date not set out yet, in my mind i wanted a weddding of about 10million or so but had to think of my husband to be’s pocket and had to cut down all my budget. you need to involve the groom in any planning because some of them love to plan and get hands on but if the groom leaves all the plan for the bride then thats different. my fiance loves the whole process and sometimes i have to remind him its my day cos he gets carried away loool.

    • Mz Socially Awkward… March 25, 2013 at 2:58 pm

      A wedding of 10million Naira… that’s like £40K *gulps*. I’m not criticizing you, by the way, just simply amazed by the rising cost of weddings …

      • Purpleicious Babe March 25, 2013 at 6:29 pm

        wow….£40k is really ridiculous… wont the Govt even tax more… knowing the UK peeps but hey some hve the money…. buh wat about the marriage?

      • Motunrayo March 26, 2013 at 5:35 pm

        Hmmm, my dear, it really is ridiculous. I’m getting married in 4 months and even though I thought we were right on target, I realized after sitting down with my folks to pin down the budget that we were over N9 million already, and i know for a fact that some small small things will still come up. The rising cost of weddings is ridiculous and unfortunately you have to spend if you want anything nice because you can’t control the crowd so you have to prepare for them. Invitation only weddings hardly ever work in Nigeria.

    • Hope March 25, 2013 at 7:31 pm

      It is his day as well!

  • BIBIE March 25, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    Well my friend & roomie during masters did the same thing. She said she started during her masters days and even tho she had just started this relationship. well, it ended in marriage #good for her. But! in my opinion it did not prepare her. First things Nigeria and its economy is a very “imporrant” factor. Like it or not even your rich Prince Charming may frown when you want to run him bankrupt bcos the way weddings are now going? Hmm>Decor:500,000, venue: 750,000, small chops: 500,000 and we avnt even mentioned the food! and trust us ladies now…. We still want a gown by Kosibah. Okare! Then d family will scale d Groom and his family dry yet you will still pay for guests hotel rooms. Afterwards (2-week honeymoon in Dubai), you may drink garri without groundnut/sugar o! sofree sofree.
    Meanwhile i already have a playlist of my wedding songs if that counts #winks. Hehehhehe

  • Funmi March 25, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    People just have messed up priorities and a lot of it has to do with peer pressure. You would think most people outgrow that need to impress others as they become more mature, but age is really just a number. So many women want to have that wedding they see in magazines or be the talk of the town when the fact remains that THE WEDDING IS JUST ONE DAY. Fine, it’s a day that produces beautiful pictures like the ones we see here on BN all the time and if you can afford to go all out, go for it. Still, we need to get our priorities straight. If you’re already thinking about the flower arrangements for your wedding before the boyfriend even shows up, something is wrong. In the end, the BMPro make-up, Vera Wang dress and Louboutin shoes will have to come off and you’ll wake up next to that same guy the next morning- morning breath and all. It’s what happens from then onward that you should be worried about.

    • Just sayin.. March 26, 2013 at 2:35 am

      Took the words right out of my mouth.

    • impervious March 26, 2013 at 9:10 am

      PREACH!

    • Kelechi April 3, 2013 at 5:56 pm

      That’s the point, what comes after 1 is more than 2, it goes to trillions… Tnx.

  • adaeze March 25, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    IM A GREAT WEDDING FAN. I ABSOLUTELY LOOOOOVE WEDDINGS!!!!!!!!!I HAVE A FEW PLANS ALREADY IN PLACE AND I KNOW THAT MY HUSBAND TO BE HAS A PART TO PLAY IN THE DECISION, BUT THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT I BELIEVE IS MY DUTY TO TAKE CARE OF AND ALSO, I HAVE STARTED SAVING TOWARDS IT, SO I CAN CONTRIBUTE EFFECTIVELY..I DONT THINK THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG IN PLANNING AHEAD.

    • lola April 2, 2013 at 3:18 pm

      i totally agree with you.marriage is not just about the man spending.the woman have got some spending to do too.nowadays, most brides do take care of their gowns and other pety stuff that mater to them.the woman have got a role to play with regards to “spending money”.

      am out!

  • Nimi March 25, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    I have heard of saving towards it. Basically opening a savings account to put away some money for the wedding. Which I also do. But actually planning the wedding is news to me.

    This cannot be healthy! To me it’s got disaster and disappointment written all over it. Let the whole idea of proceeding with the plans in place to get married, not block your judgement when it comes to choosing the said Groom. This really cannot be healthy.

    The thought of the bf’s reaction when he finds out that his gf (not yet his finance) already has their wedding all planned out, just got me laughing. From a female perspective, I must admit that if I found out that my man already has our wedding all planned out, it would kind of scare me. That sounds like someone who wants to control everything and has not considered me in any way. This thing called marriage is supposed to be about 2 pple o. So what if he does not agree with the Plans you made? Does that disqualify him as Mr.Right?

    Not healthy ladies, not healthy at all. Besides there is only so much one can plan for. No give urself hypertension o, lol! Biko, just let God’s will be done!

  • Tiki March 25, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    To say I even have an idea of what I want my marriage to look like is a lie. One day I want to elope, the next day I want my whole family there. Then I want it to be on the beach, then in the biggest church available. The only constant is the man – consequently, if you remove the man, the equation does not exist. I think your cousin is silly and setting herself up to be either a bridezilla or very disappointed

    • durrrrr March 25, 2013 at 5:09 pm

      TIKI MIMI….na only you fit look marrate in dat direction
      lef d ngah make ie di dream jorr

  • Gertrude March 25, 2013 at 2:54 pm

    Lol! I’ll admit I really like weddings and own a pinterest account that features lots of pretty wedding things with the hope of one day planning weddings for a living. However, I have zero interest in planning my own wedding right now. Even though sometimes I think, “oh this would be nice at my wedding”, I always make sure to come back down to planet earth where I am as single as a dollar bill and cannot perfectly predict my future.

    • Verona March 26, 2013 at 12:53 pm

      You got me laughing joor… Lol

  • Ajoke March 25, 2013 at 3:02 pm

    I think a lot of girls fantasize about their wedding and stuff like that, myself included. However, I don’t really think it makes sense to have it all planned out because nothing ever works out as planned.

  • Priscy March 25, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    I have refused to allow myself plan how I would love my wedding to be simply because I am still SINGLE. But I know when the time comes, I would cross that bridge well.

  • Priscy March 25, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    I have a friend who have already bought wrappers she would sew after getting married, she has bought kitchen utensils as well, she recently started buying baby cloths and diapers but she not in a relationship. She said when the ‘man’ arrives, then the burden will not be much on him.

    • Oma March 25, 2013 at 3:48 pm

      Chineke…..*shocked face*

    • Blossom March 25, 2013 at 4:16 pm

      LMAO!!!

    • Gertrude March 25, 2013 at 4:25 pm

      I lost it at kitchen utensils! What??? LOL

    • Purpleicious Babe March 25, 2013 at 6:38 pm

      WOW …is that FAITH or pure delusion….???

      I guess each to her own…..

      I think planning can be relative depending on what its been focused on i.e. saving up for the wedding/marriage or purely putting somethings in place but to set ones mind on one thing and plan it out..hmmm change is constant and one has to be flexible o.

      What is in vogue today might not be tomorrow.

      Like everyone its safe to fantasize and maybe consider various ideas on how the wedding should look like but its sometimes never the same.

      lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

    • BC March 25, 2013 at 10:52 pm

      LOl! Lol! I am rolling in my bed laughing! wrappers to wear after the marriage.? *dead* The kitchen utensils brings to memory one girl I knew in secondary school. She was known for telling other ladies to be saving their money for the pots and pans like she was doing instead of spending on this or that. I wonder if she got married right after school. But your comment funny sha.

    • Omo1 March 26, 2013 at 9:02 am

      OMG! Baby cloths and DIAPERS??!!..*eyespoppingout*

    • ozzy March 26, 2013 at 12:59 pm

      thats faith @ work

    • Berry Dakara March 26, 2013 at 1:07 pm

      LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! This takes the cake!

    • Mariaah March 26, 2013 at 6:05 pm

      Nna mehn she don kolo!!! What??!! Even diapers??

    • d2 March 27, 2013 at 11:59 am

      a friend? or you

    • babylawyer March 28, 2013 at 2:21 pm

      i don’t know about the baby cloths and diapers, but the kitchen utensils makes economic sense, good cookware just keeps getting more and more expensive each day, and if she doesn’t marry(… well I hope she does because it obviously seems very important to her) she can use them herself

    • Noms April 10, 2013 at 2:29 pm

      That’s to the extreme. Oghene…I have wedding songs, the theme colour(which I have had to change) bridal train all chosen and praying for the groom to propose ,but to start buying diaper…that way too far. Biko.

    • subulola May 4, 2013 at 11:43 am

      if some ladies have their way, they’ll book the food the wedding guests will eat in advance and also, start filling their food store for ‘when the marriage actually starts’ – #beRealistic

  • lol March 25, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    If u are involved in planning weddings a lot, its almost inevitable that u’ll have some thots abt yours. Its perfectly normal. Think about it, when u were younger, u saw ur older sister’s

  • Nneka March 25, 2013 at 4:03 pm

    I’m guilty of planning my wedding without a groom. Actually I’m barely 21years old but planning my wedding ahead of time is very encouraging and it helps me look forward to my future. It might sound very silly but it’s what it’s.
    P.S. I am still painting a picture of my groom in my head.

  • pynk March 25, 2013 at 4:21 pm

    People are their own worst enemies. THe pressure to settle down is more when you plan a wedding prior to finding a groom. The any man will do syndrome will kick in.

  • R March 25, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    Planning things to a T might be going overboard. It is also risky if you don’t have a partner yet because your mind might be prejudiced when choosing to enter into a relationship. You want to go in a clear minded as possible.

    However, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a general idea of how you want things to be on the special day, obviously keeping in mind that you really can’t guarantee how things pan out till you and your partner decide to tie the knot.
    There’s nothing wring with perusing websites and what not, so far you keep at the back of your mind not to get carried away and too focused on “one day of the wedding” instead of ” a lifetime with the person you love”.

    Some people like to think ahead, whether it be career-wise or saving towards something or having a family, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

    Personally, I peruse wedding material frequently just cuz. It’s pretty, it’s magical and I like it :) I know however to keep an open mind and stay flexible because you really never know what the future holds…

  • xxxx March 25, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    never plan a wedding as a single person, you might jinx it. if you desperate you might make a run decision, and trust me if you get disappointed this might turn out to severe depression. one step @ a time. why dont you channel this enery on planning for others who are ready to marry and make it a business since you are soo passionate, before you know it, yours will come!!!

  • Thanks heaven! March 25, 2013 at 4:48 pm

    What if after going through the pain of planning and planning and then no perfect groom.Am sure some people would say ‘God forbid bad thing’ in their heads…lol

  • Jinxed March 25, 2013 at 4:57 pm

    While I was growing up I used to fantasize about the kind of man I would want to marry(always wanted an older guy),my wedding gown,cake,ceremony,the kind of house we would live in,the first time we would have sex and get pregnant and so on and so forth.But Alas!,although I ended up with an older guy,but I didn’t have that big wedding I’d always fantasizes about just because we were warned against having a big one even when we tried to be disobedient,a lot of things went wrong and we just had to obey!.Thank God for His mercies!

  • Jinxed March 25, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    Sometimes things don’t just work out as planned.hopefully will have a big renewal of vows maybe 10years down the road

  • Jenny March 25, 2013 at 5:27 pm

    Jennifer can talk now, if i’m correct her surname has changed now, so she’s married. Or maybe it’s another Jennifer. This post just has a condescending married woman tone to it. No offense, but correct me, if you want. If planning is your thing, go ahead and plan. As long as you are planning for the right reasons, and your reasons are genuine and noble. Who is someone else to tell you different? If it helps you feel better and hopeful, makes you happy, and helps you hold unto your faith of what you want, I say go ahead. These women here laughing, and sneering won’t be there to hold your hand or comfort you when you start feeling sad about being single. On today’s Atoke post, a lot of the comments talked about wishing to find love bla bla bla. If your way of delaing with it is to plan and pray, oh girl i’ll buy you a wedding planning book. Especially if planning has worked for you in the past, why stop now. If you hear the stories of some people who have planned even when they didnt have 0% of what they were planning for, and people told them they are crazy/deluded, you will be shocked at the miraculous results they got. I read a book on Vision Boards years ago, and it changed my outlook. Before I used to scoff at such people, lets just say I’ve been convinced otherwise many many many times. Esp when a friend started planning for a nursery after the doctors told her she’ll never conceive. If it’s not for you, no problem, but dont sneer at other people’s paths to their goal. Unless the person ends up marrying your brother sha, then you can tell him she planned their wedding before they even met. Lol

  • Chic March 25, 2013 at 5:36 pm

    The best laid plans…lol. My friend had her entire wedding planned complete with a wedding scrapbook where she put down her ideas almost seven years later she is still single and unmarried. @BIBIE mentioned something that caught my eye people are still paying for guest’s hotel rooms in this day and age? As for me unless those guests are my grandparents and his too plus our immediate family members as in mom, dad and blood siblings everyone else can sort themselves out. Exceptions are if you contributed to my school fees, feeding, clothing and shelter then we may consider you. Paying for guests hotel rooms and possibly flights in this day and age and economy when you are still renting or are yet to finish off your mortgage is not wise unless you are a Dangote, Alakija, Adenuga and the likes.

  • Opsy March 25, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    It’s normal for girls to dream and makes plans for their weddings long before the Big Day arrives. It’s part of girlish fantasy. Some go a step further to write the list of guests(I did that *covering my face*),choose colour of the day,plan destination and all without acknowledging that it takes two to tango. The man may not like the plans and all. Like I said, it’s girlish fantasy. The reality is far from that. I got married as a mature bride and had to throw away all my girlish fantasies when the man finally came. To start with, he didn’t have so much money and we had to plan around his income. Being mature too, I had lost all those fairytale wedding idea. The traditional wedding was strictly between both families with few friends in attendance and the Church Blessing was also small. In the end we had a beautiful wedding with loved ones in attendance without breaking the bank. Let me also add that one of the reasons why my husband married me was that I mentioned to him during a casual conversation that my husband will marry me within his means, whether I earn more than him or not. He took that discussion seriously and it endeared me to him. Before then, he had met girls who had elaborate wedding plans and since he didnt have such money, he eased off. Learning point is that it is good to daydream about having an expensive wedding but be careful to voice such thoughts when you are with your man as it might be a show stopper. If the guy has money and is willing to spend, let it be his idea. In all, I wish us all happy married life as the wedding is only a celebration while the life afterwards is the real deal.

    • Purpleicious Babe March 25, 2013 at 6:41 pm

      Good advice…. thank u opsy. x

      lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

    • Sonia March 27, 2013 at 11:36 pm

      So he loves u bcuz u gave up ur dream to soothe his ego? I dunno why women feel like they have to hide and protect a man even when unnecessary.

      • Mo March 28, 2013 at 6:18 pm

        Haba Aunty Sonia! Is that what she said? Plese read again before you start blessing us with your opinions, he liked the fact that she wasn’t materialistic! Biko that is a good thing!

  • Ready March 25, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    Lol. I won’t lie, I have wedding dresses saved on my computer. I also have color palettes, bridesmaid dresses, and decor options. I have a bf and we’ve discussed it and we’re on track even though the actual engagement hasn’t happened..got my ring finger sized at Wed Expo tho’ and I’ve told him the size. I like pretty wedding stuff, he knew my like for pretty wedding stuff when we started dating…to me it’s like saving pictures of dresses you know you’ll sew at some point. Call me crazy? I disagree.

  • MrsA March 25, 2013 at 6:04 pm

    Its fine to fantasize about your wedding.
    Just be aware that the reality of the situation might be 100% different to your idea of what things might be.
    From experience its better to concentrate on the marriage and not the wedding.
    Its just 1 day and people will criticize you no matter what you wear, serve or play. Don’t even get me started about In laws. Save yourself the headache and don’t take it too serious.

  • oyefunke Adewoye March 25, 2013 at 6:36 pm

    Some ladies do it Ooº°˚ ˚°ºoo.
    Before I got married I have always wanted a very small wedding after all its for people to come n eat rice. ℓ☺ℓ.
    But I had always wanted a particular wedding dress by Alfred Angelo and I also wanted a very lovely ring that will make u wanna look again but when the real planning came, I had to fashi my dream wedding dress bcos I am gonna wear it on that day so why waste so much. I still got the wedding ring I wanted but it was mini war btw me and hubby.
    Sincerely, I don’t think everything turns out the way u dream about it.

  • Sara March 25, 2013 at 6:36 pm

    Pintrest is home of women from around the world planning their future weddings. It’s ok to collect possible ideas but to plan every detail :/ Anyone remember the character Joan from Girlfriends? She bought a wedding dress and other wedding materials in her early 20’s but found herself still single in her mid 30’s

    • Iffy March 25, 2013 at 7:58 pm

      So you! are the fly on my wall,innit? lol!I just spent the entire day catching up on girlfriends…Joan is a nutcase walahi! Shame the series just came to an abrupt end like that….but i digress…
      It’s okay to plan…but just be aware…that things may change and fast too!lol! For instance,my ex of 6 years whom i could have sworn i was getting married to is in the Adenuga-Dangote-Alakija league, and come and see your girl na,planning bellanaija meets ovation meets 21st century glamour wedding.Money was not an object…Fast forward a year later,newly engaged and about to be married (this time for real) and i have found out that all those my plans wont fly rara…I’m just going to cut my cloth according to my material biko..cos if na by size,e no go reach,lol!

  • T.S. (www.titisule.com) March 25, 2013 at 6:50 pm

    I think there is something fundamentally wrong when you spend time more time planning for your wedding than your marriage. It is ok to dream about weddings but to put pen on paper for wedding plans without a fiance seems odd to me.

  • Chic March 25, 2013 at 7:41 pm

    Come to think of it why do people stress so much when planning weddings I have helped plan and coordinate two family member weddings and to be honest most brides/families usually the brides’ bring stress to themselves with outrageous demands. As for me my wedding will be planned as if it were one big birthday party life is to stressful enough to be worrying about what guests will think of my decor etc

  • Chic March 25, 2013 at 7:42 pm

    Oh and colours how does one have sleepless nights over what colours to have *shudders* I like things easy sha no stress lol

  • Miss Eloquent March 25, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    Don’t get too caught up with your wedding in the absence of your husband to be..There are more important future affairs to plan..I’m single and have definitely had mental episodes of what my wedding would be like..and even what my future husband could possibly look like. To be honest, it leaves me tired, confused and shallow. Plan for now- educating yourself, improving your culinary skills, self discovery and character improvement. When the right time comes, trust God to give you and your partner the wisdom and resources to plan a beautiful wedding to the glory of his name.

  • Cheks March 25, 2013 at 9:20 pm

    what exactly do you mean by planning? does she already have a hall booked 4-5 years in advance? has she contacted a planner, caterer, and or designer? No biggie, if someone has a theme mapped out in their heads. Cant help it if ladies are surrounded by websites like Bellanaija and bridal magazines. There are people who have already have their names chosen for their kids they’ve never had. no biggie, as long as you dont call off the engagement because you cant have your dream wedding or you ONLY get engaged so you can have a dream wedding. :)

  • fife March 25, 2013 at 9:21 pm

    I took some notes down, like the DJ, the cook, how the location would be(outside), the decors and who would be on my train. I had an idea of what I wanted for my day. It makes it more easier and somethings changed along the way of the planing but I knew what I wanted and I didn’t have to run around when the time came. after compromising with the hubby, it took us less than 5 months and we were married. Having ideas is good.

  • ade March 25, 2013 at 9:57 pm

    I am a married woman in my 40s and I must admit I started planning my wedding day in my final year in secondary school, when I met my boyfriend and foolishly thought we were going to get married. Even though the groom changed, my ideas for my wedding remained with me till i got married 7 years later. My colour theme (yellow and blue), the intimacy of the day, venue( my only uncle’s big compound) and the number of bridesmaids (just 2) never changed. There’s nothing wrong whatsoever in having dreams and in planning your dream wedding, as long as you are willing to be flexible with the groom, his family and yours. I was lucky that I had people around me (God bless my big sister) who believed in my dreams and didn’t try (not that much anyway) to change anything. There’s nothing wrong with planning, just be reasonable with it.
    oh, by the way, I also named my children whilst still in secondary school and very single( God bless you Oluwasegunfunmi Ayokunnumi) and I bought loads of baby clothes before I met my husband(thank God he wasn’t freaked out, he loved my faith and our baby came 2yrs after we met).
    I also bought a lot ( and I mean A LOT) of kitchen utensils, bathroom and bedroom accessories. Some of which we are still using till date.
    I say each person to his or her own. If it makes you happy(like it did me)…..go ahead and plan girlfriend….nothing do you jare.

    • Omo March 25, 2013 at 10:23 pm

      Ese Jare. You and @Jenny above talked a lot of sense. Some people rolling their eyes now, just don’t get it. Whatever floats a single sister’s boat abeg.

  • newbie March 25, 2013 at 10:05 pm

    All those people saying plan your marriage instead of your wedding, how do you plan a marriage with someone you haven’t even met? At least with a wedding there are certain things that are constants – the ceremony, the venue, the dress, the food, the colours, wedding transport, bridal party etc. with a marriage, where do you start withoug knowing what the other person is like?

    • dede March 26, 2013 at 3:07 am

      The wedding planning still depends on the husband and his family. It’s not entirely up to the woman. The hall, the colour, the band, the rental, the MC etc is a joint decision. But a marriage, you can start learning how to be a good christian/muslim wife. Read the bible for what is expected. A man must meet you ready if not he will say you’re not wife material and pass you by.

  • Specs March 25, 2013 at 10:27 pm

    Ol’boy this one pass me!! I am personally giving praying for husband 100% attention (Husban come forth from whence you hideth in Jesus Name!!)Even if we like we get married at Ikoyi LG office…at this point, I don’t care. And as far as fantasies go. I more daydream and plan on how I’d combine my work-life while trying to stay a traditional wife by all means possible, what our home would look like and other things I consider more practical. But to each her own jere….I have never being a big fan of events where i’d be the center of attention anyways!

  • ibukungeorge March 25, 2013 at 11:06 pm

    Nothing wrong in planning at all.and am guilty of that big time!Am single but I know exactly what I want to wear on my wedding day.the ring,the aso oke,the bouquet etc.and I don’t have to break a bank to make my dreams come true.I can compromise venue and every other details of wedding but can’t compromise the gown,the aso oke and the rings.

  • natty March 25, 2013 at 11:13 pm

    I have my entire wedding planned in my head, everything apart from the colours and the venue, i want a big lavish wedding, but it sha depends on our budget. My wedding song of the week is justin timberlake’s mirrors, no here cometh the bride for me oh!
    i don’t see anything wrong in planning, it narrows your choices jor !

  • dede March 26, 2013 at 3:04 am

    If only more time is devoted to praying to God for a husband instead of all the frivolous spendings on a wedding that does not in anyway add to the strength of the marriage itself. I am married now but I can tell you I was guilty of making yeye lists of this and that. The only difference is I had a b/f while making all that list and was just waiting for the question. Tell your cousin to pray more for the husband that will share the list with ther.

  • abi March 26, 2013 at 4:31 am

    this wedding wahala sha. im getting married later this year and in the course of planning I’ve had to remove my eyes from my fave dresses cos they are not within our budget. so planning (the i wishful thinking type) is all well and good but reality will modify it.
    Apropos of nothing, is $1600 too much to spend on the wedding dress? (btw i’m currently an unemployed postgrad student)

    • A.E.I March 26, 2013 at 5:01 pm

      Babe,
      If you are an unemployed graduate like you have said, N256,000 is OUTRAGEOUS to spend on your wedding gown!! (Xpt you’re marrying Mike Adenuga’s son, then that would be fine i guess)
      Look, you’re going to wear the dress only once anyway. Get something exquisite but simple….you can even make a Fab dress for about 50/60k (i know cos my close friend makes amazing wedding gowns).
      Spending should always be about fractions and percentages. Always ask yourself: What fraction or percentage of my income is this expense?
      All the best!

      • Tuesday March 26, 2013 at 7:17 pm

        Lol….there goes the PRUDENT A.E.I haha

    • Motunrayo March 26, 2013 at 6:00 pm

      Depends on what you want. I’m also getting married in a few months and even before trying on dresses I knew what I wanted and it costs over $2,000. I tried on other dresses when it was time but nothing felt right until i tried on my dream dress. I knew I couldn’t spend so much on a dress without cutting something out, so I changed my centerpieces and used the money saved to buy my dress. If you really want something you need to push things around if that’s what will make you happy. Just don’t go into debt to do it.

      • nenyibabs May 22, 2013 at 3:52 pm

        The only problem with that is this: at the end of the day, you wont know what to do with the dress. I told myself that I would get my dream dress at no more than 60k. and i started hounding david bridals to know when their sales come up. over the years, i had an idea of when sales come up. Turns out i was lucky, he proposed in december, we fixed our date, and 1st thing, I went to db to order my dress during the xmas sales. Finally, i got my dress, and my brides maids dresses at less than half the price. Yay me!!

  • Miami March 26, 2013 at 6:18 am

    Oh well! I only Know for sure that I want a cinderella shaped dress for my wedding. I also know I will want two dresses (which i can afford) and I don’t want a noisy white wedding. Traditional marriage, I can’t control. Anything outside of that, I leave it to God and Mr. Right. Some ladies just frustrate themselves by making exquisite plans. That’s why when the hubby doesn’t eventually come when or how they expect, they have mental breakdown. Buying utensils is off radar mehn!

  • Amaka March 26, 2013 at 10:14 am

    I don’t see anything wrong for a lady to have ideas in her head about her wedding day. it helps her know what she wants that day. it makes things easier for her when the time comes even if her finance cannot accomodate she knows the alternative she can go for. it is ok for her to look up in wed magazines and websites to get ideas. it shows that she has faith that one day she will get married. that is faith at work. it builds her hope and believe that she will gett married one day. but this should not occup

    y 50% of any ladies time. ladies should on other aspects of their lives – education especially because when you are married you will not have as much time as you have when you are single.

  • ebony March 26, 2013 at 10:27 am

    well, i ve my colors down pat. the musician is a saxophonist that played at my friends wedding. i ve the phone number of my alaga(engagement tins). reception will be at mambilah hotel,. i am not going to ve plenty bridal train, nor do aso ebi(i no fit kill my self). i am still contemplating if i shld sew or buy my dress but my groom left for canada so i am groomless but not perturbed lol…. anyhoos, i believe its better to plan now cos u might get confused later when the time comes..

  • Opsy March 26, 2013 at 10:46 am

    Talking about cooking utensil, I had my rice cooker and other stuff I had saved up hoping to take to my husband’s house. Several years down the line, I was still waiting for Mr Right to show. I found it depressing that instead of enjoying the things I had bought, I was waiting. One day, I got angry and started using those stuff. It is good to plan but know when you are going over the edge. Live your life to the fullest and do what makes you happy. Buy a car, a house, travel, improve your education as long as you can afford it. Marriage is a means to an end not an end in itself. The mistake most girls make is that they think marriage is an end. As in, all you do after you leave schoool. They don’t think of a trade, employment and other activities to improve themselves. They wait for one prince charming to sweep them off their feet while they are in school or immediately after school. Life is not always so easy.

    • Eniyan March 27, 2013 at 11:52 pm

      Even the term “husband’s house” makes my skin crawl.
      Tbh, I see all these comments and can’t blame u guys… U are told from when ure a baby that a man will come n take u to his home to make ur life complete, of course you’ll find urself preparing for that… It’s just psychology…

      Right now I just think all this nonsense in our upbringing must stop. Little wonder most women don’t feel complete w/out marriage and becoming Mrs.

  • Peachy_mo March 26, 2013 at 10:54 am

    @ebony, please gimme your alaga’s details (let’s not waste it!)

  • Peachy_mo March 26, 2013 at 11:14 am

    The only thing I’ve always fantasized about is my wedding ring(s). Growing up, I’ve seen plans take shape, cut, adjusted, widened, narrowed etc to the point of disaster! so I took the cue and channeled little energy towards my rings. Now my day is approaching, all ring ideas are out of the window & I’m back at the drawing board (lol) ironic isn’t it?

  • Grace March 26, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    :) Interesting,as i type this,i already have my own wedding planned though am in a relationship buh cant tell when its gonna be(i mean the D day)my bf doesnt even know abt this plan(funny me…..smh)i have got a budget which i pray not to exceed and do u know my husband to be(whoever he is if it happens not to be y present bf)is part of my plan? I have choosed the color of the day for both TM and white wedding:),my kinda wedding gown,my ring,how much am gonna be spending on catering and drinks,hall,cake(which my own sistar is basically gonna bake:))just name it…so it doesn sound weird at all. Sometimes,i just think i can personally sponsor my own wedding,,,,,lol(buh i cant o…)my budget is about 1.5m(and do u know i have cut alot of cost too?hmmmmm). I have everything set,just wedding for the groom:)

  • blaze March 26, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    Thanks BN for at least updating the photo credits even though you will not approve my comment :) We just need to acknowledge where we get our ideas (articles, pics, etc), its only fair.

  • Lola March 26, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    I didn’t have a plan for my wedding. The only thing i knew for sure was the colour for the wedding. I am getting married in May and i can tell you that nothing goes according to plan. There are so many things to be considered. One striking thing that i have realized in this planning phase is that it is not only about YOU…. Your family.. more like your mum, his mum, they are the ones that decide a lot of things. So i decided not to give myself HBP, i have allowed her (my mum) to do as she pleases, trust me that was the best decision i made… i have so much peace. i just asked that she should just leave a few details to me ie my wedding dress, outfits and rings etc. Also i realized spending so much on a wedding dress is a waste of money… so i had to pipe down on my dream wedding dress for something more cost effective but still stunning and beautiful. I am not having bridesmaids, i dont have the power for them and the stress that they come with (i learnt this during my sisters wedding). Just my nieces, nephews and hostesses.

    • funto March 28, 2013 at 5:00 pm

      Mrs S. to be is that you *runs away*

  • Doris March 26, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    I quite agree with most of the commentators here…I also fantasied about my wedding and how everything was going to turn out on that day and luckily for me most of my dreams came true while some didn’t because while i was fantasizing on how that day will be i never thought about the grooms pocket until i became engaged and we had to work around his budget and mine of course… At the end of the day it turned out beautiful than i expected. There is nothing wrong in planning ones weeding before the d-day because it helps to prepare you towards that institution called Marriage.

  • ij March 26, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    nothing wrong with having an idea of the kind of wedding you want , saving pictures, writing lists, ideas or whatever , i have a friend who is not too crazy about the wedding but after the wedding , she has started acquiring(unconsciously at first, but started looking at it as an investment) solid kitchen equipment like a good food processor that can do a million things, solid kitchen knives , Egyptian cotton sheets, slow cooker , her ceramic pan set is very impressive , paella cooker nko? she has it

  • henrietta March 26, 2013 at 4:00 pm

    It is well o, all these comments sha. For me, the man is there but no date yet. I have started my plans like who and who wud be my girls, food and my cake designer shikena. Is that bad?

  • Cali March 26, 2013 at 4:18 pm

    Lol..pple and weddings sha :) better to get(have) the guy first for me before planning this and that.There is no biggy in wedding planning when event planners plenty for town…but if its the issue of your personal what I want and what not well that’s up to you to decide….besides you have to tell them what you want, how you want it then they can now advice you on how its…bla bla bla wateva ….okay truthfully am not bothered…I think coz I have ideas already haha…. ” The man shld come first Umbhork lol

  • Aibee March 27, 2013 at 11:53 am

    I already have every detail of my wedding planned save for the date and the venue. I started putting this together about a year before I met my fiance. Everytime I see a wedding on BN or other sites with things I like, I save the pictures, webpages etc on my laptop. I’ve been keeping aside some kitchen utensils too – small things like china and crockery. I think the idea is to be quite flexible and realistic about your expectations. I know I can’t afford Monique Lhullier or Pronovias. My dream designer would be Veluz Reyez but the logistics of making a wedding dress in Philipines would be too hectic so I saved the pictures knowing that I can trust Bridely and Rose Blossom to save the day. I know I want only 2 bridesmaids- my sisters. My groom can have all the men he wants! I have a theme picked out already which mirrors the personalities of my boo and I. I’ve got prospective vendors in mind – MUA, decor, photography etc. I went to Great Ife after all and lots of my schoolmates and friends are enterpreneurs who render the services I need. Le’boo already popped the question and we have a range of months in mind but I know the actual planning won’t start until about 6months to d-day so I’ve covered a lot of the bases already. I just try to have fun and enjoy myself whilst waiting …
    Speaking of being flexible, I already had colours picked out for the events and just asked le’boo about the colours. Imagine my shock when he said his family always picks their colours. So imagine if his family picks purple to the red I already picked for my family . . . Colour riot. I know my mum will agree with my colour choice so I just decided him and his family can pick the colour for one of the events- Trad or White wedding whilst I and my family pick the colours for the other event. Of course I’ll provide the inlaws with a base colour – probably gold. So it all still blends with my dream theme. I can’t shout.
    As for the lady who is buying diapers and baby clothes – what if the diapers expire?

  • Grace Tsumbu March 27, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    Hmmmmmmm nothing wrong in planning even though sometimes things don’t go the way we expect them to in terms of quality and standard. This kind of planning is bound to make you depressed if things don’t go as planned.
    gracistumbuli.wordpress.com

  • Enigma March 27, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    Weird! I don’t even know if i want to get married.

  • Zero March 27, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    Totally agree with Jenny…Its her pleasure ‘n it’s free world…It could just work for her by making the actual planning much easier. It’s true you never know when you’ll meet Mr Right. I’ve been exactly like her over the past 2 yrs making plans even when i knew I wasnt ready at the time and somehow, last xmas, I met the Man of my dreams and we are setting the date for early next year..He wants the me to make all the arrangements bcos he trusts my judgements and ideas and whenever I tell him what I have in mind, He asks me if i have been a weedding planner before my current job and I just laugh..It sure helps gurls….It’s just like reading about a course way before you start taking the lectures and with better understanding of the whole picture, you blast the exams..haha!!!!!

  • Mimz March 27, 2013 at 6:17 pm

    Plan all you want in your head or on Pinterest. But when the time actually comes, almost nothing will go how you imagined for many reasons:

    1. Who you’ll be at the time and where you’ll be in your life. Your priorities are most likely going to change. C’est la vie!
    2. The kind of partner you end up with (could turn out to be completely different from who you might have imagined)
    3. Finances. Weddings are generally expensive! Nigerian weddings are eyewateringly expensive!!
    4. PARENTS!!!!! Never underestimate the power of family and the say that they (may) have…

    It’s all play until it comes down to the real thing! It’s nice to dream o! But just know you’ll more than likely have to rearrange everything you’ve planned.

  • oluchy March 28, 2013 at 11:39 am

    Well, l know how l want my wedding day to be n all that though its subject to change. lts good to plan ahead of time o. but don’t go overboard wt things.

  • holla March 28, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    Planinng as always bin my tin(roll eyeball if u like)already picked d. Names of ma would-be kids even d. No of kids I want 2 av,buh wedding plans????av nt realli channelled ma energy towards dat jere!am more abt aw ma home is goin 2 b lyk.4 dos u av dere weddin mapped out already its nt bad afterAll ladies live in a world of fantasy

  • sandy ok March 28, 2013 at 4:03 pm

    planning is a proof that you are success oriented. even though some things will change when the groom is available and a date set, thing is you will be mentally prepared to go through the motions if you have the basics mapped out already.

  • Chouchou March 28, 2013 at 7:23 pm

    I know someone who did that. She had all the information, pictures of possible decoration themes, aso ebi, cake, reception venues etc saved in one folder named “ICAN docs” on her laptop (she didn’t want her boyfriend to see the pics and hit the road running). I didn’t think it was anything strange until the day she put a call through to a popular wedding planner to discuss budget things and dates. I mean, for someone whose boyfriend was obviously not anywhere near marriage ready it was a bit much. Anyways she broke up with that guy and her Mom hooked her up with the son of a friend. They got married 6 months later and that folder came in handy afterall. Which reminds me…I should probably do mine as well, all part of confessing positively and step of faith abi?

  • Halle April 5, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    If the planning makes you happy then why not? I took a lot of time before i decided to get married and by the time I was ready ,there was no man!!! So guess what I did? i knocked myself out planning my wedding before I met the man. Hell, i even bought myself the perfect wedding gown( ofcourse I could always sell it if he refused to come along :) and yep, i did get some little nit nacks for my kitchen too. I practically planned the whole wedding and it kept me sane those lonely days. And a year later, he did come along! Everyone said I was the most stree-free bride they had ever seen – but why not? I had done all my planning a year before. My wedding was perfect, my dream gown was perfect! My groom was just toooo perfect( and he never suspected a thing !!!!) BTW, we’ve been married for a year. So dream on girls… norring spoil!

  • fife April 5, 2013 at 9:30 pm

    Respond to abi:1600 is not tOo much for a wedding dress, the only problem is that , you have to reduce your budget due to your unemployement. I had a budget of 1000 for mine and I paid just $820 for it. Be flexible with your budget. Enjoy and congat .

  • damilola April 8, 2013 at 10:33 am

    I absolutely love weddings and I can plan for the whole of Africa, when I was younger my sister and I will just sit on Saturdays and pick out wedding dresses, it’s fun and I don’t see anything wrong with it

  • ZayRow April 11, 2013 at 4:33 pm

    Okay… So this is my first post ever on BN… I’m really hoping it won’t be too long.

    First of all, let me make it clear… There is the Wedding and then there is the Marriage… The two are different and should never be confused… Ultimately, the more important of the two is the Marriage – nevertheless, I do believe that the Wedding is also important… It signifies the first day of the rest of your life… It’s that one day in your lifetime when EVERYTHING changes… I think every person (bride or groom) is allowed to dream / plan towards that day as much as they want to, without being held out to be psychos!!!

    That Said…

    I have a Wedding Book that I started actively filling up from the 13th of January 2007; it has everything I’d like for my wedding, down to seating arrangements. The contents of the book have changed over the years; they changed when I met my Husband in June 2011; they changed after we got engaged in April 2012, just before our Traditional Wedding in February 2013 and now that we’re working towards our Court and Church Ceremonies, they are still changing…

    Having the book doesn’t guarantee the “Wedding of My Dreams”; neither does it mean I’d been planning for an expensive wedding nor that I only obsess about that and do nothing else with my life; nor that My Husband’s wishes are not considered, because they are (fortunately though, he’s not fussed at all and wants me to have what I want, as long as it doesn’t involve pulling the sky down or breaking the bank)… No. It simply means I have an idea of what I want and I record all my ideas! (Oh… But I am getting my Kosibah Dress sha! Lol!!!)

    In truth, I had the Traditional Marriage Ceremony of my dreams… I looked like a real native bride, which was what I really wanted; but I didn’t dance to Brenda Fassie’s Vulu Ndela (I used Flavour’s Baby Oku (the slow version) instead – and it was quite apt! ). For my White Wedding Ceremony, it’s going to a different story… Because firstly, I’m not getting married in the Catholic Church as I’ve always wanted (My Boo is Anglican); His Church is REALLY traditional, so I can’t walk down the aisle to the song I’ve always wanted to (Celine Dion’s Power of Love – this one was a real dream, abi? LOL!!!).

    Hopefully, for the Reception, I may be able to get away with as much of what I’d really like as possible – but I’ve accepted that since His Mum would be primarily in charge of this, I may not – and guess what? THAT’S FINE!!! You know why? Because ultimately, even though I’ve planned and written down all these plans, I realise that the day may be about ME; but it’s also very much about very many other people – My Boo, His Mum, My Mum (the Dads typically don’t care! Lol!)

    Bottom-line, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with planning your wedding before you meet your boo… Any and all kind of planning is good…

    Before you ask, I do have a book that’s filled with Children’s names… I am praying God blesses My Husband and I with triplet boys and a girl… I know I want them to go to Boarding School (I’m still looking into schools sha) – I plan on being not just a mother but a friend to them… I also plan on not letting motherhood affect my role as a Wife – so I’ve planned on how I’d work around my schedule so that nothing suffers too much (including my full time job as a lawyer). I’ve planned everything from going to the market to cooking days – the way my freezer would be arranged, the things I’d put in plastic containers and those that would be in Ziploc bags… etc. We haven’t started living together yet, I’m not pregnant yet, but I’m already actively looking for a Nanny / Help… Why? Because I don’t want to be a new mother with triplet boys and no help and then be frazzled all the time… So I’d prefer to find someone BEFORE the appointed time and then groom / grow with that person…

    I plan! Every morning when I get to the office, I write down all I want to achieve by close of work and I try to achieve them before I leave for the day – no matter how long it takes. Sometimes it takes longer, sometimes, shorter, sometime bang on time!

    Planning doesn’t always work… Sometimes, the realities of life send me in the completely opposite direction from my plans… Still, I PLAN!!!

    Thank you.

  • olubunmi April 14, 2013 at 10:41 pm

    I guess ur cousin is exercising faith by doing that. Wish her well. Me, I can plan weddings for people without breaking out in sweats BUT my dream wedding is a registry wedding on a Monday morning wth just our immediate families (max 50pple) then breakfast. Chikena!!!!!!! I’ve never been interested in a big wedding for myself.

  • choco May 7, 2013 at 5:29 pm

    I think your cousin has a passion for planning weddings. She should transform it into a full blown wedding planning business. Plus, every now and then, I save pictures of wedding dresses I like, bridal trains, flowers, colors and all. All these are part of planning a wedding and I see nothing wrong with that. I already know who my mad of honor is. Its all part of the girly fantasies but I do think its a problem when you begin to rent d venue, rent/buy wedding dress and fix prices for the things you will use etc.

  • nenyibabs May 22, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    To be frank, its ok. Seriously. I planned my wedding by 2006,everything from colors to vendors to DIY ideas to budget, to the must-have wedding pix, to the songlist. and i planned for 4 venues: lagos, ph,umuahia, owerri,just in case. lol. At that time, I was not even in a frame of mind to be engaged,not to talk of married, but i had to note what and what was important to me. In my own case, i did it for 2 reasons, 1. im creative like that, i am the defacto event planner in my whole extended family,any event from bday to wedding to funeral, its like,wait,let her come and tell us how to do it
    2.all the important events in my life come in a hurry,there is usally no time to plan, so i just have to get ready in advance.(when my wedding came up,i had to do all in less than 2mths)
    All in all, i kept modifying it btw 06 and 08, and by 2012,when i dusted it up,i found out that i really didnt want to change anything. When hubby came along in 2013, it was so easy to fix in what he wanted cos i already knew what i wanted,to the very specifics. Its 2months now after the wedding, and I still get calls and serious raves about my wedding,though the thing no too cost self, wia u see moni?

    the thing is this: know what you want,what is important to u,get ur vision on paper. but not to be too close minded( i planned for 4 venues, 5 color schemes, and put into consideration space for what the groom,his folks and my folks could want). and its fun too, getting to know ur tastes and preferences. And of course, know that its ok for your preferences to change over the years, but u ll find out that the core things still remain.

    And yes, I will be opening my own event management services soon,please God..

  • atinuke June 28, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    @motunrayo,i read thru your comments and seems like you not based in naija,sure u know that alot of your attendees will have this opinion that you`ve really save dup and ready to spend your entire life savings for your wedding,ve been into the biz of wedding planning and counselling for years(advert not intended)…one thing is for sure,most couples end up more broke after marriage,u can never satify everybody and u can have your wedding the way you want ie u can contrl the crowd if u really want to…

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