What You See is What You Get! Bad Habits Don’t Just Go AwayPosted on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013 at 11:35 AM
By Project Alert
The Project Alert team is a non-governmental organization which focuses on child welfare as well as women enlightenment and empowerment. BellaNaija is committed to these projects and as such we will collaborate with Project Alert to bring you stories and scenarios which exist in today’s world. The idea is for readers to connect and engage with the stories presented in order to have a better outlook into the issues which are often overlooked. We hope you are encouraged and enlightened by this.
Meeting Ola was one very weird occurrence. I had gone out to buy a recharge card that evening a few blocks away from my house and was coming back full of smiles because I couldn’t wait to finish the chat I was having with my best friend Bisi when I ran out of airtime on my phone. I was heading home when a black Toyota Avalon brushed me off the road and I fell into the gutter. I remember the roar of laughter that came out of different shops on the street as I stood in the gutter, looking confused. I believe people laughed at me hysterically because for years, I had held the title of “the undisputed street snob”. No one offered to help me out of the gutter as they were more consumed with laughter than paying attention to my plight.
Then out of the car, a handsome hunk stepped out. One look at his smile and all the anger I had pent up for him disappeared. He was a sweet-looking young man, you know that kind of guy that shuts you up with his appearance because you would rather just look at him than utter a word. Then he began, “Hi. I’m Ola. I’m so sorry about this.” I was too carried away to hear other things he said. He gave me a hand, offered to take me home to clean-up and then go shopping in one of the finest boutiques in town. Ola was so kind to me that day. For the first time in my life, I actually enjoyed falling into the gutter because it gave me the chance to meet my Prince charming. It’s not every day you meet a man who is really good-looking. We exchanged numbers that day and became friends.
Ola told me he was an IT consultant, he had his own company and was very successful for a 27-year old young man. He had a house at Ikoyi with a garage that housed three other exotic cars. He was the kind of man every woman dreams of and he was in love with me. Within six months into our relationship, he proposed and I accepted his proposal with both hands. Everything was going smoothly until I moved in with him.
After one week of living in his house, the truth began to unfold. I discovered Ola was not your regular IT consultant; he was an internet fraudster who hacked into people’s account to defraud them. He was also a drug addict and had a habit of patronizing strip clubs. The Ola I lived with was definitely not the sweet Ola I met and fell in love with. He snaps at me at every slight provocation and has beaten me up severally. But the thing I love about him is his ability to apologize and make up for his mistakes.
The last time he gave me a black eye, he took me to Paris just to say he is sorry. He’s so sweet and I am so in love that I am beginning to get used to living with a bad guy. Ola has promised to change once we get married. He says I am the only one that can change him and I believe him. Besides our wedding is close and it’s too late to call off the wedding. I will marry him and pray he changes.
Every day, we see women whose lives are similar to this lady’s story. Many women stoop very low to accept marriage proposals from men who batter them even before they say “I do”.
Ladies, you can’t change a man simply because you are his girlfriend or wife. A man that has formed habits over the years usually doesn’t transform over night because he loves you. Your wedding day is not a day of transformation. If a man smokes, drinks, womanizes, beats women, spends recklessly, is addicted to drugs and other harmful vices, there is no guarantee he will suddenly change because he is now a married man. What you see is what you get. Domestic violence will reduce if ladies will take their destiny in their hands and choose their husbands wisely.
Photo Credit: informationng.com
Project Alert is a non-governmental human rights organization established in 1999 to protect and promote the rights of women and young girls in the society, especially their rights to live free from all forms of violence against them. Our areas of intervention are Research and Documentation (R&D), Human Rights Education (HRE) and Support Services Program (SSP) which includes legal aid, temporary shelter services for abused women, counselling, and skills acquisition training. Follow us on twitter @Projectalertvaw and connect with us on Facebook: Project Alert on violence against women | Our website