BN Prose: Missing Mother’s Love by Beré

Posted on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013 at 8:45 AM

By Beré

It was 11:48pm on March 15, my twenty-first birthday and the third time I stared at my phone patiently waiting for your call. It was a special day for you because that was the day you had me. I only grew up to learn it was a special for me too because I was born. I believed you. I enjoyed the day yearly because you taught me to celebrate it. You taught me that it was mine. I was confident and comfortable because I could turn around and see you there.

But as years flew by you left me with shadows of your existence. I tried to build you back and you let go of my hand. My faith became the last thing hanging on. I guess one day I will be forced to give it all up. I wished you could see between the lines and appreciate the beauty you possessed. But something tells me you plucked out your eyes yourself and burnt it to flames. If only I could make you understand how much love I wished to share with you, but you hid yourself so far away, such that it is almost impossible for you to find yourself. You used to mean the world to me until you stopped caring. I was at a youth conference when the speaker was talking about how the less you hear from someone you care about, the more you miss him or her.

To give an illustration, she said, “Everyone please stand. If your answer to my question is yes, please sit. My question is: when was the last time you heard from you mother?”

“Today?” About a hundred people sat. “For those seated, how much do you miss her?” And someone replied, “I could do with a day or two free from child duties you know.” Everyone laughed. I did too.

“Yesterday?” About fifty sat down. “Do you miss her?” Another answered, “Haha! Nope she would call today anyways so I might as well look forward to it”.

“A week ago?” about 5 people sat, including some of my married friends. “How much do you miss her?” “A lot” I looked around and there were three of us left.

“Three weeks?” I was the last one still standing. Although I had assumed the folks behind me maybe lost their mums, I guess even those dead may spiritually contact their children on earth to see how they are fairing. With fear of being judged, I silently sat. Was it better for me to lie or for me to stand confidently in pride of the decision you made? At the end of the class, the speaker came to apologize to me that she didn’t mean to publicly embarrass me. She knows I may be going through a lot and if I needed a mother, she will always be here for me. And I said to myself, “what are you talking about?” Just as if she read my mind, she replied, “when did you lose your mum?”

Shocked at the question I got, I became speechless. I just stared at her as she apologized again for being so direct. I excused myself from her presence and thought to myself. Is that really what it looked like? Was it weird not to call your child anything more than 1 week especially if you are alive and have legal custody? You hadn’t called in 5 weeks, I was only standing for the third-week roll call and people already thought you were dead. I have always had so much to tell you. I pick up my phone, pull up your profile, stare at the screen and put it back down. The relationship hasn’t been built strong enough for me to discuss my happiness, my excitement, my relationships, my thoughts, my career, etc. with you. Nothing. You do not know jack about me, and you don’t care to know.

I do not wish you dead but is it profitable to have a living corpse? My heart cringes every time I see you. And when you finally call… oh! You finally did call two days after our special day.You forgot.

I answered with confidence and joy and said “hey mummy…”

“How are you?” she said

“Fine ma”

“How is school?”

“Good.”

“Are you doing well?”

“Yes. Everything is fine.”

“Okay. I just wanted to know how you are doing. Sorry, we just had so much going on, I didn’t mean to forget your birthday.”

“Thanks ma. I’m very well”

“Hope you had fun.”

“Haha. Yes”

“Okay. Let me talk to you later then. Take care of yourself.”

“Okay.”

“Alright. Bye.”

“Bye mum.”

Tears roll down my face. Was that it? I looked at the call length and it read 00:02:37. Two minutes and thirty-seven seconds. I attempted to convince myself that this wasn’t true. I live everyday through each difficulty on my bended knees praying to God for strength. I imagine you believe my life is a bed of roses. I pray hard through each activity with little or no empathy from your angle. I play the role of a sister, a brother, an aunt, a daughter, a son, a father and a mother and still study and attempt to excel. I am so busy being someone else that sometimes I forget to be me, a young girl. What time is there to enjoy my youth? But I am determined to. My friends say to me, you seem to be so strong, and I say it is Jesus. They look at my parents and say wow! Behind every great man there is a great woman. A beautiful smile rides across my face.

And I laugh to myself. If only they knew.

Photo Credit: nusocialimc.blogspot.com

Be Sociable, Share!

Tags: ,

  • Custom Search
  • 35 Comments on “BN Prose: Missing Mother’s Love by Beré”

    Comments
    • olateju juliana September 24, 2013 at 9:17 AM

      smile….

    • Bleed blue September 24, 2013 at 9:37 AM

      Wow! This is my mum right here! Cosmopolitan, swaggalicious mummy with hardly any time for her only daughter. And unfortunately I’ve stopped caring. We haven’t spoken in 6 weeks, but I guess we will talk at some point soon.
      I have learnt to love from afar.

      #SadTruth

    • Anonymous September 24, 2013 at 9:42 AM

      You can always call her everyday if you miss her! I would give anything in the world to talk to my mum once in five weeks! Death is the finality of every relationship my dear. If she’s not dead, there is hope. If you miss her, pick up your phone and call her. Some of us will never have that opportunity again in this life. RIP my sweet Mum!

    • Tayo September 24, 2013 at 9:48 AM

      hmmmm “orisa bi iya kosi” (there is no gods like a mother)

    • X- Factor September 24, 2013 at 9:49 AM

      Beautiful piece…(Emotionally draining though)

    • Iyke September 24, 2013 at 9:54 AM

      Love of a mother …. When I think of you…I think of why being alone…without you, is no longer the rule…the matter or measure of life’s trust. Because of you…being alone is not being…existing now requires your presence or the idea of you…odd isn’t it? Mom, I am drunk from the fumes of your exploding kindness…dizzy and at a loss for expression…please tell me there are no side effects to concern myself with…

    • deediva September 24, 2013 at 10:14 AM

      My mother is the most important person in the world to me, if I don’t hear from her in 3 days I get worried. My mother is the reason I am who I am today. She is wonderful,kind,loving and selfless. My mother is my heartbeat. I’m married now, but I can’t still imagine my life without my mom. Once my mom says its gonna be okay I feel certain it would be okay. Îya ni wura ko se fowora.

    • GreenDiamond September 24, 2013 at 10:23 AM

      Beautiful piece right here.. although it is a prose if this is a true story.. please pick up ur fone and call her as much as u can try and build d relationship if she won’t. my life use to be a bit similar to this but i decided to be d 1 to make an effort. atleast try den u will know u ve done ur best.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian September 24, 2013 at 10:30 AM

      What of children like myself who find it hard to be emotionally expressive? I cringe every time i think of hugging any of my family members or friends especially my mum. I do not expect affection or care and i feel a bit surprised when i get it from anyone. I am not cold and unfeeling. I care gallons. I just do not show it.

    • Abiola September 24, 2013 at 10:44 AM

      my mother…my greatest cheer leader…ki ni mi bi ko se iya…igi leyin ogba mi…i talk to my mother everyday, i mean like 20times in day..shes my closest Gee, my paddy of life..Mummy, i know u love,i love u too*in olamides voice*

    • gloryhaaa omoh September 24, 2013 at 10:47 AM

      lovely piece… feels like myself in the story….but i love my mom very much.

    • frances September 24, 2013 at 10:50 AM

      Sadly,a lot of mother-daughter relationships are like this…

    • Chic September 24, 2013 at 11:04 AM

      I can so relate to this unfortunately for many kids with African parents this is the reality. It’s like the minute you are grown the roles are reversed and they expect you to do all the calling and checking up. Barring a mental or severely handicapped disability the parent is the child’s care giver no matter how old the child is that s ould never stop. As a mother if you do not hear from your child in a few days or weeks it is your duty to call and find out how that child is doing it doesn’t matter if she is 15 or 50,

    • estee September 24, 2013 at 11:37 AM

      My sweet mother I LOVE YOU,you’re are best.long live to her.for all who have lost there sweet mother may her soul continue to rest in God’s perfect peace.

    • Beauty September 24, 2013 at 12:01 PM

      sad if the story is true pls call ur mom

      • Chic September 24, 2013 at 1:22 PM

        Why can’t the mother call the child no be she born am?

    • eniola September 24, 2013 at 12:45 PM

      I don’t even know what to say, judging by the kind of relationship I have with my mum. I haven’t spoken with her in over two weeks now and it doesn’t feel awkward. She’ll be coming to my state of residence in two days and I’m already dreading her visit. But if I don’t hear from my dad at least twice in 1 week, *ko ti e le pe to yen* (it can’t be that long). I’ll call to chat him up myself.

    • Anny O. September 24, 2013 at 12:58 PM

      My mum is d most ANNOYING person I know. I jt don’t even know how to explain my relationship with her or my dad recently. She never want to hear my opinion or any of my siblings weneva there is an issue. She always feel like a mini god. To all parents who treat their kids like piece of crap, ask urselves this, who will wipe ur ass when u r old?

    • Me too September 24, 2013 at 1:03 PM

      It’s my birthday today and the tears fill up my eyes again. If mummy was around, she would have called by now to wish me a happy birthday and pray for the new year. It’s well nevertheless

      • Mz Socially Awkward... September 24, 2013 at 2:28 PM

        Happy Birthday, honey. Even though your mum’s not here, I’m sure she’ll want you to enjoy a really lovely day today.

    • Zayt September 24, 2013 at 2:56 PM

      @ abiola, totally agree with u. my mum means the world to me. speak to her every single day of my life, @ least thrice daily. cant go a day without speaking to her oo. I got it so bad for her that if I call her and she doesn’t pick I begin to PANIC. luv my mum dearly. God bless and keep her for me. *runs to call mum*:D

    • iseeu!!! September 24, 2013 at 3:05 PM

      omg! i think i know u! we went to sec school together if u r the ”chidiebere eze”,.,.class of 07, abuja???dont want to mention d school!is this u??

    • Funmi September 24, 2013 at 3:12 PM

      Cherish what you have, sisters hmm once “mum” has added RIP. you cant call her from the grave. Istill miss my mother terribly even after 6yrs. Who calls who is so immaterial. pls

    • Ayorinde... September 24, 2013 at 3:55 PM

      I lost my mum wen i was 16, i am 28 and i tell you it feels like yesteday. the funny truth is d fact dat a day had not gone by since i lost her dat i hadnt any cause to miss her. I crave her like a baby would crave for mother’s breast milk each seconds. I thank God for wat i am today, buh if momma was alive i’d have a better life. Wen i’m asked to make wishes hundreds of times “i’ll wish development takes us to a realm where we could spray some ointments on dead-bodies (my mum) dat dey could jst ve life again. I pity dos woo kip grudges wit der mum,i bet u dont have an idea wat it feels like to be motherless, especially wen ure at a point wen no1′s got ur back. Wen some1 says to me” i’ll be der for u lik ur mama will” my first request would be “Can u wash my mentrual panties! (i guess dats wat most people will dread) But my momma will do it over and over again, she’ll fight my battle (all i ve to face alone naw), she’ll wake up @ d middle of d night to pray for my success(wile i snore), she’ll fight publicly not minding woo is watchin if sum1 dares to wish me bad, she’ll pretend to cook even when she had nuttin in the pot all to make me believe der was hope for food till i dose off, she’ll trek a long distance to save d little she has for my upkeep, she’l defend me anyday, most of all she trained us to be contempted and neva sell ur pride 4 money “ur pride is ur glory” she says!. OMG i’m in tears!y do u ve to leave mummy! YYYY!

      • emperor September 24, 2013 at 6:00 PM

        You just talked about my mum right there. Died 7yrs ago, buried 2days to my much awaited 18th birthday. I cant talk much. When I see ppl quarelling with their mum, i laugh in latin, they dont know what they ve got. It doesnt matter who calls and who does not. The day my mum left us was and has been the bleakest day of my life, its still like yesterday. That woman gave her life for me and my siblings. Now i have become something, she is no where to be found just to reap small, just little of her efforts. Life is so unfair. RIP Ifedichenwanyi!

    • annonymous September 24, 2013 at 6:01 PM

      well i just av to comment,fighting back tears,,my mum left us since i was 8, i’m 25 now, still trying to bring myself to just come to terms with her.
      i wish i wish i have better mum! everybody see me has a strong girl beautiful and hard working with virtues,brilliant name it but i wish all these came from my mum.
      my mum was never there either for me or my 2 siblings, its been difficult since she left.
      it been hard! really hard! but God has been pulling through he has but i missed her and i am sure my siblings too do same.
      i share your pain sis!
      i do

    • OLUWATOYIN September 24, 2013 at 6:24 PM

      My Dear Thank God o cos there re people wit worse mums,try ur best to build a lovely relationship with ur mum,its not too late.I didn’t have d mother daughter realationship from 5yrs cos my parents split since then,.my mum comes around to check on me n my brother always tho but it was not like it.now m grown n I cherish every min I spend wit her,I started building my relationship wit her wen I was eighteen we quarell at times tho ,now m 25 n we chat like paddies,She is my bst friend she could give me her last kobo or anything just to make me happy n not ,now m woman n I understand y she left us wit my dad maybe if she didn’t leave she might not b alive today.I am thankful to God to hav come to this world through such a kind hearted woman. .she is the most beautiful thing to me n the thought of loosing her someday scares me silly .may God bless n protect her always n grant her sustenance from where she least expect from,grant her long life in good health to eat from dthe fruit of her labour.I pray so for all our mothers.may God change them for the best.

    • heyhey September 24, 2013 at 6:49 PM

      how cute. i used to wish for a caring mum but i had to make due with what i have. my mum is a good woman yes but i feel because of all that she has been through she just doesnt know how to show love. shes caring in her own way. she’ll stay up all night to pray for myself and my siblings. besides that shes a really bad mother. but i have learnt to compensate for the things she lacks. so that i would not be like her. sometimes i feel its the whole church thing that makes her like that but we can never be sure. ooh well what can i do. i still love her and i can never wish her dead. i hope one day she’ll calm down and act like a mother to me but till then. i have learnt not to expect anything from anyone. i am fully aware that due to her behaviour i have some flaws and i have zero to none trust in people but im working on that

    • true talker September 24, 2013 at 6:49 PM

      hmm..very sad! But like someone said, where there is life, there is hope o. There’s a proverb that says…people who complain about their mothers should go ask those who dont have mothers. The fact is no one is perfect. Try and mend this relationship not for your sake, but for the future, for your kids. Like someone rightly said, DEATH is FINAL; there’s no time to say I am sorry. There’s no part 2. So please make amends while there’s still time. Let her know how you feel and see what comes out of it. If not, have your peace..knowing you have done what needs to be done and love from afar. Wishing you all the best and praying things work out.

    • redz September 25, 2013 at 4:59 AM

      Fantastic and very well written piece!

    • Zayt September 25, 2013 at 8:51 AM

      @iseeu, no. didn’t school in abj

    • I love My Mum September 25, 2013 at 2:05 PM

      I love love my mum! We actually talk everyday even though I am married. Infact my husband is so jealous he finds ways to separate me from her but he can only try cos IT WONT WORK.

      May God bless you real good mama!

    • kenora September 25, 2013 at 8:12 PM

      after reading through.l felt sad,bcos my mom left us a year ago,the day she left was like a dream….anytime l go through people’s pics seeing them with there mom.makes m jealous sometimes..l think u can call ur mom,even if she refuse to call,no matter the differences btw u guys….

    • Ayeesha September 26, 2013 at 10:53 PM

      I feel like this is an extract from my diary. I love my mum
      so much but I don’t have a relationship with her. You would think
      the one with my dad would be better either. SOmetimes I wonder why
      I’m so angry or bitter. And when people say I’m so mature, I laugh
      in my head and say “well you didn’t have to grow up young”.
      Sigh

    • Hmmm September 29, 2013 at 11:24 AM

      Well i never knew my dad n my mum is useless she only cares about her siblins and their children. I am an only child n grew up in a single parent home. Last time my mum txeds me was june n she tx me abuse lol. I cut her off since last year cuz she wanted to run my life with her siblins n force me to marry someone i dont want to. She never listens to me n we dont have a relationship. Tbh i dont care for her anymore i have my peace of mind. God is my mother & father so my life is perfect n i love it that way.