Chiugo Akaolisa: Taking a Break

Just like everything in life, relationships require a lot a work (so I’ve heard). What starts out as a mushy, butterflies-in-stomach, love obsession can sometimes fizzle into an unending loophole of fights and constant quarrels. The more time you spend with the person that has your heart, the more you learn about their good and ultimately, bad sides. You know, the sides you never saw when you were standing in the rain, professing your love.

In an attempt to salvage what is left of the relationship, some couples suggest a break. In theory, taking a little break may help to revive the relationship, so that you can return to each other stronger and healthier. But in reality, its main aim is to test the couple. The time apart should reveal if the relationship is worth saving or not.

Sounds easy enough, right?

Some die hard people cannot let go of a relationship until it has died all kinds of death (physical, emotional, logical, and mental). Creating distance then becomes necessary in deciding (without the pressure) if it is all worth it.

Personally, I avoid breaks like the plague. I opt for honoring the good memories created and leaving when things are still ok than taking a break and ruining what little respect I have for my partner. There is a better chance of returning to ex boo if the breakup wasn’t that brutal than dragging it out until it is. Distance will most likely create new issues rather than fix the old ones.

Taking a break has its benefits. Granted, if the time apart actually allows for renewed affection and changed behaviour, then I am all for it. Being apart from your partner can truly show you what you are missing when they’re not beside you. I know of couples who spent time apart and remained in each other’s lives only to come back and commit completely. The distance revealed that they couldn’t live without each other, hence, their aim was achieved.

However, a major problem with taking a break is the fact that it has no rules. Until someone writes the book “Taking a Break 101”, there will always grey areas. Neither party knows exactly what to do, how long it is supposed to last or boundaries not to cross. All it does is create a relationship limbo where nobody knows what is going on. Certain questions will always arise: Can we see other people? Is sex off the table for us? Will you change? Can I still call you like before? Can we still harsh out our issues? Etc.

Another major problem I have with taking a break is that it is easily misinterpreted.

Some take it as a cue to go out and test the waters. Sometimes, breaks can make you see the single life as more desirable than it actually is. Once you have had your fill, the relationship then continues. Infidelity that happens as a result becomes a ticking time bomb.

It can also be a coward’s way of ending a relationship. One person holds hope that things will get better while the other has already moved on while still enjoying the benefits of the other person’s affection.

It is then important to weigh your relationship and decide if it will survive a break or if it is better to call it quits. If taking a break is a better alternative, it is very helpful to set ground rules and adhere to them. Learning to accept whatever happens in the time apart and knowing when to let go can never be overstated. Most importantly, make time to fix the problems that called for the break in the first place.

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go”― Hermann Hesse.

Goodluck!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Jason Stitt