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End of the Road…

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Here on Bella Naija, many of the writers, including myself, have spent a lot of time writing about how both men and women feel when we break up and how to cope with the heartache that follows. While I think these topics are worthy of discussion, I think there are still many of us, who need to learn when to stop putting plaster on a broken relationship. Now I am not in anyway advocating that you abandon your relationship at the first hint of trouble, but I do think sometimes we can clearly see the signs when things aren’t working out but we choose to turn a desperate blind eye.

A good male friend of mine once told me that ‘every relationship must not end in marriage’. At first I didn’t understand what he meant. Surely, when you reach your mid-twenties the goal of most relationships is marriage. But now I clearly see what he was talking about. I think ‘some’ of us are so fixated on the expected end result we forget all together the necessary process needed to reach the goal.

I have no shame in admitting that I too have recently been a victim of this mistake. When I met Lanre, I could almost swear that he was a personal gift from cupid himself. He was good looking, had a good job, religious, charming and quite intelligent. We had an instant connection. He loved my articles, laughed at my very dry jokes and thought I was the sweetest thing ever created. I won’t lie to you all, I had already started thinking about wedding venues and asho ebi colours! It was all going extremely well.

But then as time went on I realised something quite disturbing. Lanre and I were both stubborn. The slightest argument turned into a full blown, no holes barred fight. He was not as sensitive as I’d first imagined, neither was he as caring. At first I put it down to the ‘normal’ relationship blues and carried on. Very soon I found myself accepting to do without the very things I knew I WANTED in a relationship. The calls and visits became so infrequent it was almost like he lived out of town. He was always in a bad mood and it became almost impossible to see him without going on my knees first. I was lonely in my own relationship! Anytime I complained, I got labeled a nag. But the longer I ignored it, the more I felt like something was eating me up inside. But I still stayed, hoping that things would somehow change.

So one day, after I hadn’t heard from him for over 48hrs. I decided I’d had enough. It was like the pieces of my brain suddenly cemented together and I realised that I was a big fool! Why was I willing to stay in some sorry excuse of relationship when I was far happier before I met him? Why was I prepared to keep compromising on the very things that I knew I needed and deserved just so I could be ‘Lanre’s girlfriend’. Haba! Enough was enough. So I called Mr Lanre and called it quits. At first I thought I was making a huge mistake, but then I quickly realised that continuing to be in a relationship that brought nothing but quarrels, mistrust, tears, arguments and disappearing acts was the first mistake I had made. What if we got married and he didn’t come home for two days? What if we got married and then had to bring up children in a quarrelsome home. No. We both deserved far better than that!

Off course the usual heartbreak and sadness followed, but hey, I have realised that heartbreak does not kill, it only makes stronger. When I think back on the decision I made, I am happy because I know life has taught me too many harsh lessons for me to keep on repeating the same ole mistakes. I have come to a point where I know exactly who I am and what I want and deserve and I am not prepared for anyone to tell me any different. Do I miss Lanre? Of course I do. But I am wise enough to know that flogging a dead horse won’t bring it back to life.

Today, I am back to my single happy self and Lanre and I are good friends. That relationship wasn’t meant to end up in marriage, but who knows maybe the next one will.

Photo Credit: library.thinkquest.org

Glory is the host and executive producer of Inspire Series, the web talk show which uses the collective stories of everyday women to inspire others. She believes women are https://www.canadianmeds4u.com/category/buy-antibiotics-online/ more than hand bags, hair, make-up and other externalities and is passionate about about pursuing purpose and living above societal conformities. She is also a day dreamer, and romantic at heart who loves TV, food and family. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @inspiredbyglory and read more from her on www.inspiredbyglory.com

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