The 5 Things Love is NOT

“I don’t believe in Love”

Coming from a level-headed, intelligent and passionate young female, that revelation came as a shock to those of us who were privy to the confession.

I mean really, how possible is it for anyone who was born in the Mills & Boon, Sound of Music, Jerry Maguire ‘you complete me’ generation, to not believe in love.

It’s almost like a five year old sweet-toothed child saying he or she does not believe in Santa Claus.

We grew up loving love. Love was heralded to us as the end result of all life’s pursuits in all the fairytales and romantic novels we would have done anything to exchange for our own realities.

Even in adulthood, beaten down by disappointments and cynicism, we still on some level, believe that our very own ‘happily ever after’ might be lurking somewhere in the relationship with the next guy or lady.

Centuries and now even millennia have passed, and the one thing that has never gone out of Fashion is Love.

Oh Love, how lovely thou art!!

I know at the end of this article, some of the more hard-headed readers will drop brash, realistic comments about how the Unbeliever in love is in a better position than those of us Love hard or die trying fanatics; nevertheless, I shall not relent, and will go ahead to tell you, my fellow Disciple of Love, the 5 things that Love is not, to help us in our noble quest.

However, before I proceed, I want to give you this one Pre-tip for FREE: Love is NOT confined to the romantic mould we have believed all our lives that it can only be found in. Love is everywhere, in every type of relationship, waiting patiently to be discovered by those who are open to it.

Alright, now here we go:

Love is not Demanding

Giving is at the very core of all that Love is. Whether or not you are getting compensated, in any form of physical or emotional return, the Lover does not relent in loving. All of humanity is wired to ‘want’ something from the next person, but a Lover’s nature seeks to give of himself to another. So if you find yourself constantly complaining or feeling a lack of fulfillment because you are not receiving a desired expectation from someone you claim to ‘love’, then I’d suggest that you dig deep within, and ask yourself the really tough questions.

Love is not a Feeling

Oh the mushy feeling that we have been conditioned to believe is Love. How many times have you felt the ‘I’m woozy enough to jump over a cliff for you’ feeling, and then six months down the line, you experience a horrified or disgusted tremor when you see the same person? True love is eternal. It is intangible; it cannot be grasped, felt or captured. It is a willful decision, followed by actions, in which one commits himself to the uplifting of another, even in spite of your own self.  Love doesn’t begin when two people whisper ‘I love you’ to each other in a dark enclave. No, love is more likely to be present in a situation where a woman is looking at the man who has been feeding her garri for the past year and it doesn’t seem like the situation is even going to change, yet she strokes his cheek and lets him know that she’s in this for the long haul. Yeah, love can kinda look unattractive like that.

Love is not Controlling

Being aware of the fact that you have another person completely under your influence does not give you the moral right to manipulate them in whatever way that suits you. Emotional blackmail and all those other tactics do not exist in true love.  A Lover genuinely desires the best for who he(or she) loves, whether or not it is convenient for his own comfort or not. A Lover sees an opportunity to have his way, but instead chooses to do what’s best for the other person. He gives himself up for who he loves.

Love is not Complacent

Love always seeks to bring out the best in another person. It doesn’t get comfortable in the mediocre, but challenges the innate potential which is resident in the heart of the person being loved. Love does not tell you you’re right when you’re wrong. Or remain silent when he should speak up, for fear of the possible outcome on the relationship. The motives of love are always rooted in the goodness which birthed love in the first place. Love inspires another to be all that they can be and more.

Love is not Be-Grudging

Love accepts everyday as brand new. It forgets the wrongs of yesterday, and joyfully anticipates the rights of today. It looks upon the one who is loved with the hope that his goodness will shine through. There is no Love without Faith. It’s impossible to love someone and yet have absolutely no faith in the good that is in them. You can’t love someone and yet be constantly suspicious of them and expecting only the worst from them at all times. Yes, Love will accept the weaknesses of another, but be committed by Faith, to helping the person find strength in their weaknesses. Love forgives even before an offense has been committed.

So to all my fellow Love Disciples, I stand shamelessly on this platform and holla the war cry of Love. We shall be beat down, we shall be bruised; we shall be scorned, we shall be shamed. Yet through our hurts, through our pain; the Love in our hearts will be our Desert rain.

Photo Credit: Foto Search
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Tari’s blog is www.tariere.blogspot.com; also follow TariEkiyor on Twitter