“Because I said So”- Qualities of Motherhood

Being a mother is a wonderful thing! But no one told me exactly what it would entail.

Sleep deprivation:  Being a mother means being on duty ALL day, ALL week, ALL year without any off days and/or sick days, and certainly NO pay. I have not slept a full night through in over five years. FIVE YEARS. I am mentally, physically, and spiritually exhausted. Yes, I have sleep-trained the older one but there is nothing, nothing, that keeps my 10-month old from waking in the night. When she does, she crawls over to her 4 year old brother and starts to nibble on his ear, which off course wakes him up! At this point, I know I have to stop pretending to be asleep and save him from her (and vice versa). I draw the line at drugging or gagging them and tying her to her bed, so I fully expect to die of sleep deprivation sometime in the next few years.

The ENDLESS chatter:  Amazing how many times the question ”Why?” can be generated as a result of the simplest request e.g. “Boogie, please come and brush your teeth”. Never mind what Super Nanny says…The best solution to THAT is  …“Because I say so”. I make no apologies.  I have earned the right to use those four words and I have the stretch marks and deflated boobs to prove it. Plus, I bet you couldn’t guess how long a story about a giant booger named Paparetnkw with purple hair, five mouths and twenty arms could be; believe me, it can take days! In the course of four+ years, I learnt how to tune these childish banters out of my mind’s focus; that was until my son found new ways of getting ‘mummy to listen’. The little boy would shake my arm until I yelled at him like a demented serial killer to “Leave mummy the hell alone”. Off course, this is usually followed by the additional job of comforting the now crying and shocked little boy. I feel a certain kinship to The Grinch and just want to clutch my head and wail “The noise, oh the noise, oh the noise, noise, noise, NOISE!”

The Broken Body:  Like I once read somewhere “All the king’s horses and all the king’s men can probably never put your body back together exactly the way it was before you had children”. My bum is humongous. My feet, with each pregnancy, keep expanding like The Incredible Hulk’s. Bye-bye Spring 2011 Louboutins (that’s my official excuse for not owning a pair. Nothing to do with my zero-balance checking account).

The Post partum Depression: IT. IS. REAL. Sometimes I cry so hard at night (especially Friday nights) that my mug (yes, mug cos that’s how I roll) of red wine gets diluted by my tears into some pseudo-ORT concoction. Then I start laughing real hysterically at the mosquito that just perched on the end of my nose. Then I start crying at the fact that I’m laughing at a mosquito …and you get the picture?

The Servitude: The endless housework, the many MANY butt-wiping, nose-blowing, plenty feeding and laundry…  The latter has finally over-taken me. My present laundry philosophy is WASH and WEAR, meaning straight from the laundry basket of clean, I put the unironed clothes unto their writhing little bodies. The clothes get soiled almost before I’ve finished buttoning my work shirts. As for feeding, all I can say is “Thank you, Indo Mie!” I used to stress over all of my inability to cope with being a full-time mom AND a working mom at the same time. But no more. All that counts is that they’re clean and fed and somewhat clothed (yes, T-shirt and diaper IS a complete outfit, thank you very much. Just ask Lady Gaga).

The Mommy Brain: How many times have I driven off with my shoes on the roof of my car? Or searched frantically for my ringing phone even though it’s in my hand? Or  spent an hour asking my colleagues if there is such a thing as “Road constructioner or constructor”? Or spent hours trying to figure out if my change should have been 4 naira or 40 naira?  And before you even think it, yes, I do have a degree, so I ain’t no blockhead. That’s what hours of sleep deprivation, the incessant chirping and constant exposure to mindless drivel like “Yes, my name is Iggle Piggle” can do.

Yes, no one told me that this was mommy hood. But no one also told me that with the birth of a child comes this overwhelming rush of emotion for another person such that I become a blubbering ball of emotion at the enormity of it all. No one told me that the tinkling laugh of my two little people could make my heart soar with such indescribable joy. No one told me about the fierce protectiveness that courses through my body as I watch their (finally) sleeping little faces. I love my babies and my babies love me. And THAT makes all of the above worth it.

Photo Credit: http://madamenoire.com

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This article is dedicated to all the mothers out there, we love and appreciate you all, now and always!