BN Hot Topic: Your Ex, Her Next! What is the Position of the Mutual Friend?

Very few things in life leave me perplexed. Having been forced to grow up quickly, I take a lot of things in my stride. Nothing is really new under the sun- just the perspective with which you view it. So, when my friend buzzed me to inform me of her latest conundrum it was really funny and interesting.

Here’s the gist. Her friend, Molade recently got engaged and she was super excited for her (as 21st century girls get when they see a huge or not so huge rock on their friend’s finger.) So what’s the problem? Well, Molade’s affianced one used to be the boyfriend of another friend named Ngozi. In fact, Ngozi and Emeka dated for almost 7 years. You know, one of those relationships where people start asking them annoyingly “When are we coming to eat rice now?” . Everybody and their Momma knew Ngozi and Emeka. Christmas parties, family picnics, weddings, class reunions – they were always together! Anyway they broke up and not long after, Emeka and Molade start dating. Not very long after, he proposes to Molade.

My friend then buzzes me saying, “I don’t know whether to be excited for Molly or be sad for Ngozi. I’m confused” I said, what’s there to be confused about? Your friend is engaged, besides she didn’t “steal” Emeka from Ngo. She had no part in the dissolution of the union.

Often times, there’s the issue of how to behave when an ex has moved on. There’s the awkward disposition here and there. Someone’s pretending like they’ve gotten over the hurt, or someone’s trying to show that they’re actually in a better position post the break up…. but nobody thinks of the mutual friend.

Whose side should she be on? Where should her loyalties lie? Should she hold the hands of the person who has just found out that her long term boyfriend has not only moved on but is getting married, or should she be excited for her friend who has just gotten a catch and is happily planning her wedding?

What do you guys think? What would you do if you were my friend? Have you ever been in that situation? What did you do?

Let’s discuss!

Photo Credit: mommynoire.com