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“To Her I Owe Unconditional Love, To Her Dream I Owe Support” – Ferdinand Adimefe reflects on his new role as Husband to his Mrs Lily

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In February 2013, BellaNaija brought you the deliciously sweet ode of Ferdinand Adimefe to his then fiancee, Lily. {If you missed it, click HERE} Ferdy and Lily tied the knot last weekend and he has chosen to tell us about the road travelled so far. Their love is so infectious. Read here and bask in some of the awesome beauty of true love.
***


Last week, Saturday, I tied the knot with my heartthrob. I got married to the most exciting and wonderful woman in the world after two years of friendship and about a year of courtship. In my last post, here, I wrote about Miss Lily Cooper (Okpapi actually) and how deeply I love and cherish her. This time, I’ll share a medley of thoughts on what I’ve been learning through this most challenging season of our lives.

My wife and I tend to be countercultural in many ways, but this wedding has proved that these kinds of ideals have very few converts. Honestly, getting married in Naija is a lot of work. (I must state at this point, with a gun to my head, that Lily has the franchise on all the suffering and weight loss from the wedding planning). At the beginning, against better reason, Lily and I jettisoned the idea of an intimate wedding after we tried to come up with a guest list. We did our best to avoid the Aso-ebi trap, but lo, the Parents had great plans for the wedding too. We also felt that a bridal train spending so much on expensive gowns that would never be reused would be a waste. In exchange, we got quite an earful from the conservatives

There is a plaguing cultural undertone that sees marriage as the end all and be all. Definitely, marriage is a good thing, but not the ultimate. Beyond the memorable wedding this turned out to be, I want to enjoy the best married life I can have. Truly, most times I am super excited and happy about the life ahead with Miss Cooper; sometimes a tad anxious about whether I’m really prepared enough to handle this next phase where so many men have fallen.

Love is a beautiful thing, but it can come with thorns occasionally. I’m tempted to reiterate here that love is not enough after all, most couples who got divorced must have loved each other like Miss Cooper and I do. We all hear too often that it takes more than love to keep a marriage together and make it work. To this I can only echo the prayer of Mother Theresa, “God doesn’t give us more than we can bear, but I wish he wouldn’t trust me so much.” I believe we choose the kind of marriage we want, when we make that resolve, providence is mobilized in the form of God’s grace that is sufficiently deposited to strengthen that resolve.

When all the bliss of the wedding becomes a portrait on the wall, the gifts are unwrapped and then fantasy becomes fact, what will keep me coming back? I understood when some person said “getting married is a good thing; it’s the ordeal of living together that brings all the troubles and heartaches” yet without a doubt, there are benefits in marriage, in fact in the last weeks I have seen a little bit of it. You know that three lettered word, the very best part; you get to do it whenever.

FerdyLily_002-copyMy house has also gone through some kind of feminine makeover-a distinct touch in every space. But the adjustment takes time and effort. New rules apply; you need permission to keep late nights with your friends. You don’t spend your money the way you like; you would have some explaining to do afterwards. You would be forced to eat, even when you don’t feel like it. Some of this can be incredibly difficult. It can drain all the butterflies in your belly. I believe it’s a different kind of love we need at this point. Like Maya Angelou said it is that kind of love recognizes no barrier, it jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at a destination full of hope.”

I want to adopt this kind of love. Hollywood has not helped much in this regard; every romantic movie ends with finding true love and living happily ever after. What they don’t tell us is that the Prince and Princess lowered their expectations and live happily ever after and that is one out of every ten. I know Lily won’t always make me happy, she would do things that will simply be over my head and vice versa but my duty is to love irrespective of how I feel. Like they say, in the end, it is not what you feel but what you decide to do with your feelings.

While it is on the basis of love that marriage is consummated, it is on the altar of humility, commitment, sacrifice, patience, forgiveness, trust and hope that it will survive. Most of the things on this list, we struggle with but we have very little choice in this matter. These things reinvent love and keep the flames alive. Marriage never works until one person decides to love the other no matter what.

The biggest success in every marriage is forgiveness and by it we become masters of our fate. An Arabian wise man once told me to “Take all the blunders in one fist and blow them all away.” Let the wind take them away.

I have to be thoughtful in my new role as a husband. To her I owe unconditional love, to her dream I owe support; to her friends and family I owe acceptance. I should nurture her to be self-confident in every way and to bloom in my garden. She has to be Proverbs 31 woman, a woman of virtue and favour. I need to earn her trust and confidence in trusting my decision making process. I will protect my marriage from even my straying eyes. I must give my kids the opportunity to enjoy the sanctity of a stable home because when the chips are down, the blinds are down and you are all alone, family will always be there.

This is the task I have before me now I have said “I do.”

Photo Credit: Demi Olubanwo Photography
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Ferdy Adimefe is a freelance writer,  media and communications strategist and Curator of the Creative Nigeria Project. His passion is to help creative people everywhere achieve profitability.  

When Ferdy is not busy, he is hanging out with Lily and close friends, working on his next book, taking French and salsa classes, and pushing his knowledge of God.) 

93 Comments

  1. Okechukwu Ofili

    July 26, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    awwww “I have to be thoughtful in my new role as a husband. To her I owe unconditional love, to her dream I owe support; to her friends and family I owe acceptance. I should nurture her to be self-confident in every way and to bloom in my garden.”

  2. Hurperyermie

    July 26, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    HML

  3. nana

    July 26, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    oh wow. wise man, i wish you and your wife well

  4. Toyin

    July 26, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    He makes me believe in Love again. This is a man that stayed true to his heart and sees his union as Him and Her against the world and not each other! Its not about perfect people coming together, its about 2 imperfect people accepting each others imperfections! I wish you both a Long, Happy, Prosperous, Healthy and Successful Marttied life 🙂

  5. Nkkoii

    July 26, 2013 at 1:15 pm

    Ferdy ‘Ladi Adimefe is a real man. A true Nigerian man.
    May God bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; may the Lord turn His face toward you and your home and give you peace always, Ladi. This is my prayer for you. Amen!!

    • AllWeNeedIsLove

      July 26, 2013 at 5:29 pm

      a true nigerian man is not a compliment in my opinion….to be honest i’m not sure i can define the term ‘a true nigerian man’ #nuffSaid #notCriticingYou O #UrChoiceOfWords caught my attention

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      July 27, 2013 at 2:21 am

      Agreed. I would rather support the applause of him being a “Real Man In Every Sense”.

      And… Choi!! See rendition of love & commitment … thank you Lord that there are still Real Men With Good Sense out there in this upside-down world.

    • Bliss

      July 30, 2013 at 11:43 pm

      I believe that the term ” true Nigerian man,” is apt. Never mind that the image of that man in our minds eye is oblique because it often feels like he is non existent. But I believe that the unadulterated version of the Nigerian man as God intended him to be is very much like Ferdinand and more( he’ll totally knock your socks off).

  6. D

    July 26, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    I laughed at “eat even when you don’t feel like it” my hubby complained about that after we got married. He never used to eat 3 meals/day then we got married and I fed him until he had to complain

    • Cynthia

      August 20, 2013 at 7:54 pm

      I worry, though, that we feed our husbands to….obesity, potbellies and heart issues. Just because a guy says he’s not hungry doesn’t mean he’s eating some other woman’s cooking. I’ve met men who say that despite having eaten while hanging out with friends or attending a business dinner, they are expected to eat when they get home even at midnight! And if they won’t eat, na wahala. Maybe many of us don’t mind the potbellies, sha. But I’d like to stay trim for myself and my husband, and I hope he’ll want to stay trim too.

  7. Chizzy

    July 26, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    Aww….can’t believe this is coming from a man, God bless your heart.

  8. AW

    July 26, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    I just LOVE LOVE this write up. A lot of people thing marriage is about the aso-ebi, expensive gowns, to-die-for pictures with people “oing and ahing” over how memorable and beautiful the day was. Don’t get me wrong, weddings are meant to be beautiful and memorable, however that should not be the main focus. The question is, do couples put into their marriages the same amount of sweat and blood they put into organising a designer wedding? Everyone can achieve a designer wedding SCALED TO THEIR POCKETS, but can everyone achieve a successful marriage? It takes HARD HARD work,(i should know, i am still at it after 13yrs!) compromise, forgiveness and knowing which battles to fight and which to concede. Because there is no manual or guide on how these things work, I have learnt that it is best to marry your friend because he will always have your back, if not as your husband, then as your friend.

  9. AW

    July 26, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    *think*

  10. Lami

    July 26, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    AWWWWW! So beautiful. Happy Married Life
    iamfar.com

  11. me2

    July 26, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    Awwwww! God bless your home. Beautiful

  12. Chyka

    July 26, 2013 at 1:53 pm

    So Real…So beautiful! HML….may God preserve your love,friendship and marriage IJN

  13. Eugenia

    July 26, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    HML…..

  14. Ani

    July 26, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    HML… God bless your union.

  15. Eunice Gudi

    July 26, 2013 at 2:06 pm

    Nice piece Ferdy. By God, your marriage will be more beautiful than your wedding.

  16. Madam the Madam

    July 26, 2013 at 2:18 pm

    Such a beautiful couple. I remember reading your list of the 20 things you love about Lily and the proposal story and thought you guys were too cute! I wish both of you a very happy married life, may your love wax stronger and may you reap all the benefits of marriage. I really enjoyed reading this write up, it was so real. Always nice to see things from a man’s perspective.

  17. Concerned_Boyfriend

    July 26, 2013 at 2:21 pm

    “…Marriage never works until one person decides to love the other no matter what.” …Profound!

  18. Godslove22

    July 26, 2013 at 2:31 pm

    Nice…God bless there union

  19. Gracie

    July 26, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    The line that struck me the most is ” I will protect my marriage from even my straying eyes”. God bless and keep your union. HML!

  20. XTY

    July 26, 2013 at 2:33 pm

    so touchn nd true……….gd to know its from a guy….luv wat dey ve!!!

  21. Bunmi Lawal

    July 26, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    Aww, Congratulations Ferdinand and miss Lily Corper.
    I so love this couple.
    l pray that God will continue to keep you together in marital bliss, bless you indeed and enlarge your coast.

  22. Florence

    July 26, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    Nice write up…… God bless this union.

  23. konne

    July 26, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    lovely

  24. Bunmi

    July 26, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    “i’ll protect my marriage from my straying eyes!! now, that’s a real man. he is not in denial of what a typical man does. but he’s ready to compromise. I like!

    • Cvizier

      July 26, 2013 at 7:13 pm

      That is so wrong dear, the marriage hasn’t even started and he is planning on straying. What does that say about him? And point of correction, not all men cheat!!!!!!!!!

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      July 27, 2013 at 2:32 am

      Na wa for you oh. The “straying of the eyes” is bound to happen. What, you think even Pastors and Priests don’t notice all y’all girlies with boobies popping out of your tops and belts masquerading as skirts? Okay, maybe you’re not a girl and even if you are, you haven’t got a cleavage revealing top or skirt with thigh high “shabba” slits but, nwa nne m, temptation is every where.

      At least he’s honest enough to not lie about it and committed enough to already choose to shut the door on temptation when it comes knocking. Heck, even women have straying eyes, no discrimination in this matter.

  25. Mariaah

    July 26, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    I bet this guy wrote his way to her heart and after the wedding he’s at it! Nice… Its good to read from someone who seem like he has everything put together and I wish you and Lily all the best! Remember its the both of you..

    P.s Master Jesus, shey you see this man (exchanges “knowing” look with the Abuja grey sky through the window***) yeah that.. Amen..

  26. Aderonke

    July 26, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    Awwwwww so beautiful! Well said Ferdy

  27. jaynie

    July 26, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    Yeah, so true. I am learning a lot about marriage, and how to draw the line btw fantasies and realities. Love is not enough to keep a marriage. HARDWORK, and COMMITTMENT is. And these can be effective only through God. I must say, ur wife is blessed to have you. God bless your union. HML

  28. cathy

    July 26, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    i so love this

  29. nanciejul

    July 26, 2013 at 3:12 pm

    Awwww….this is a Man after God’s heart, God bless your home Ferdy. @ofilispeaks i see you.

  30. msrayraye

    July 26, 2013 at 3:21 pm

    just love love love love did i mention love this post … so nigerian men can talk about their wives like this HML and may God continue to increase ur love X1000000

  31. Lee

    July 26, 2013 at 3:29 pm

    A piece i would love to read over and over again… Pure bliss…

  32. Linorajj

    July 26, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    Happy Married life Ferdy Ladie, Your Union has no choice but to succeed. As I’ll say, “Make UR Marriage A Model” and I know u’re carefully going through that phase and success is always urs for the taking. Thumbs
    up! 🙂

  33. Anonymous

    July 26, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    Lovely! Did he send this from the honeymoon location? *running away*

  34. D'Mamma

    July 26, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    Awwww!!!! this is beautiful. What planet does he come from???!!!!

  35. Peaches

    July 26, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    Awww Freddy, so totful of u to write this out for us to read and learn a thing or two from it…I’m glad i met you in Uniport…May God be the centre of this union. Just saw ur pictures on akintayotimi.com/blog/2013/7/lily-ferdy-white-wedding …lovely i must say.

  36. HenorStag

    July 26, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    Love this! Very cute..

  37. Mp

    July 26, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    Met this guy once when he came to speak to us at a conference. Wish all men could be like him. He’s a really cool dude

  38. teetop

    July 26, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    awwwww dey are both gorgeous

  39. Lynxx & Emma Nyra are Nigeria wackest artist alive!

    July 26, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    Pray for you??

    • IDG

      July 26, 2013 at 4:40 pm

      LOL @ your screen ID.ROTFL

  40. Que

    July 26, 2013 at 3:55 pm

    Just for the sake of Hope- i’ll like to read an updated version in another 5-10 years… wish u both the best journey together. cheers!

  41. AllforReal

    July 26, 2013 at 4:32 pm

    Awwwwwwww!! i am so touched. May God bless your union. Having embarked on this journey with wisdom,i pray that God perfects all that concern you.

  42. Tutu

    July 26, 2013 at 4:58 pm

    woooow. so men like this still exist? So mature about the whole thing…God bless you and your wify and protect you from all harm in Jesus Name, Amen.

  43. Mma

    July 26, 2013 at 5:31 pm

    So sweet. Congrats.

    africansweetheart.blogspot.co.uk/

  44. Chisara

    July 26, 2013 at 5:44 pm

    Congrats dear! God bless your home.

  45. lawrence oluchi

    July 26, 2013 at 6:22 pm

    I so love this write up. May God be with you two. Congratulations!

  46. Blossom

    July 26, 2013 at 6:44 pm

    Lovely! God bless your marriage Lily and Ferdy.

  47. ollamide

    July 26, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    Lily my darl. I’m so proud of u . I’m glad I know you. U are truly amazing. Ferdy dint exergerate @ all. Dey are both so perfect for each other. HML. I can’t wait to meet ur kids!

  48. OmoMakun

    July 26, 2013 at 7:27 pm

    o boy you head dey there o…..Your wife is super lucky. Not too many guys think like you at all. Thumbs up to you bro. I pray that you will exceed every expectation of a great husband to your wife in Jesus name. You’ve got the foundation right…your home is blessed.

  49. Gloria Jacobs

    July 26, 2013 at 7:50 pm

    Awwwww…i can’t stop awwwwwwing….so super cute…..u give me reasons to believe in love. Fantastic piece and all the best.

  50. Tosin

    July 26, 2013 at 8:55 pm

    Have fun!

  51. Abeni Ebony

    July 26, 2013 at 9:16 pm

    And now may the Lord bind you two both with cords of love that can Never be broken, in Jesus Mighty Name! Amen! God bless you Man of God Ferdy, Happy Married Life to you both! I know your wife is proud and blessed to be found by her Boaz.

  52. Elizabeth

    July 26, 2013 at 9:42 pm

    Blessings!

  53. lyn

    July 27, 2013 at 2:01 am

    Blessed by this write-up.eventho my hubby doesn’t really feel this way abt me I’m encouraged by this to hang in there n make it work.God bless ur home

  54. honeymix...

    July 27, 2013 at 2:36 am

    HML, may God bless this marriage with all the best things in life.I also tap into this blessings.very cute couple.

  55. Ada

    July 27, 2013 at 3:30 am

    One of the best, if not the best, words I’ve heard from a guy on love and marriage. God Bless your marriage and may you always come out on the other side of the tests and temptations stronger and more committed to each other than before.

  56. Jo!

    July 27, 2013 at 8:00 am

    Awwww, I love your Love… all the best guys

  57. favoured girl

    July 27, 2013 at 8:02 am

    Blessed woman hml

  58. Mui Mui

    July 27, 2013 at 10:55 am

    HML Ferdy and Lily. I wish your union God’s special grace and protection. x

  59. mzhadey

    July 27, 2013 at 3:46 pm

    hi everyone am new here that’s y am a lil formal. however having seen toke’s recent Vlog “side chic” and this “aura of love” i wld love to speak to someone who is not gonna judge me but give me some genuine advice. am not gonna paste my story here but i had like if someone can signify and i cld den drop my contact. thanks in anticipation of anyone,s favorable response…..ADE

  60. X- Factor

    July 27, 2013 at 6:41 pm

    Wow!

  61. Anu

    July 27, 2013 at 9:23 pm

    He he he, I feel you o.

  62. Funke

    July 27, 2013 at 11:27 pm

    That is the most honest write up about marriage I have seen in a while. Love it!!

  63. teea

    July 28, 2013 at 12:44 am

    Awwww…..

  64. NNENNE

    July 28, 2013 at 3:48 am

    May God grant you the wishes of your heart and HML to you both.

  65. Rhecks

    July 28, 2013 at 2:18 pm

    Happy married life Ferdy And Lily!! May ur union be truly blessed IJN!

  66. Ona

    July 28, 2013 at 4:06 pm

    Nice piece.

    Wonder why he calls her “Ms Cooper” when her last name was “okpapi”??

  67. Weddingfan

    July 28, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    Am speechless…wish men will appreciate and express theirselves more to their patners..

  68. Deluxe

    July 28, 2013 at 7:18 pm

    Amen to all your desires. Happy married life. u just inspired a soul. Good write up

  69. Lily

    July 29, 2013 at 1:02 am

    All d best,hml

  70. Ugo vanessa

    July 29, 2013 at 8:44 am

    Guy,say it ,mean it and live it…….thats the true meaning of commitment.

  71. JENNIETOBBIE

    July 30, 2013 at 2:45 am

    This is marriage!

  72. dinma

    July 30, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    read d proposal….. hilarious!!!!

  73. Beauty

    July 31, 2013 at 1:16 am

    Chukwu Nnaa biko give me a man with a good heart like this!!! Love is a beautiful thing! I just wish i will marry my friend, after my 2yrs relationship ended with a guy i considered my best friend. Its just been difficult forming new friendships with guys*phew*

  74. leticia

    July 31, 2013 at 3:16 pm

    Amour!!! j’espère avoir un homme comme celui ci! beaucoup de bonheur à vous

  75. Candy

    July 31, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    English please Leticia

  76. DeMorrieaux

    August 1, 2013 at 11:47 am

    yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! 😀

  77. DeMorrieaux

    August 1, 2013 at 11:56 am

    “The biggest success in every marriage is forgiveness”

    Absolutely!

  78. DeMorrieaux

    August 1, 2013 at 11:57 am

    You guys should start coming back to church o. Eh-hen…
    Ferdy will be jumping, Lily limping LOL pele 😉

  79. mama

    August 1, 2013 at 1:35 pm

    all men should read this…..

  80. sobix

    August 2, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    This is real and inspiring!!! love is never enough in any marriage,it takes commitment ,humility,forgiveness, God and other things as he has rightly said.lesson for all couples!!!

  81. iya

    August 2, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    oookkk…i need my own naija man oh.

  82. Adebisi Olugbenga Dave

    August 6, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    Sure say this Ferdy never marry before…nice words on your NEW found ‘duties’…but bros this thing go hard you, but when mastered…YOU BLISS All the way! Best of Life with Lily…

  83. ediri

    August 7, 2013 at 10:13 pm

    Oh lawwd! I need me a mr. cooper <3

  84. OmogeNaija

    August 19, 2013 at 4:25 pm

    Ferdinand,
    I hope you composed your wedding vows yourself?
    Any which way, I wish you and Lily and good life ahead

  85. tope baker

    August 20, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    I need to earn her trust and confidence in trusting my decision making process.

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