Isio Knows Better: Things Not To Expect When I Get Married

This is true. I know better. I lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, but I do confess that I know better than I did yesterday, last year and a decade ago.

You see, there is this conversation that we all have with ourselves, within ourselves and most times I just listen to mine. So, here’s an introduction to the Isio that is; beneath the surface.

There’s my mind: sharp, witty, caustic, 100% Realist. No nonsense. A ferocious reader; likes to acquire knowledge, highly opinionated.

And there’s my soul: soft, kind, maternal, nurturing, and forgiving. She is the lover, the spiritual one, the deep thinker, very empathic.

And there’s my body: which is where I come in, this vessel, experiencing life. The voice of the mind and soul. Likes beautiful things. Does not like driving, does not like traffic, absolutely detests saliva, sweat and yucky bodily fluids, loves laughing, exotic food and pretty much is concerned with the more mundane things of life. She is the everlasting referee between the caustic mind and the sensitive soul.

This is Isio.

Isio Knows Better is an attempt to capture the shocking and highly entertaining conversation within myself. Now I must say that these conversations happen in various languages, in any situation and underneath a poker face and a hidden smile.

Enjoy!

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So, I am looking at myself in these gorgeous MAI wedding gowns at the 2013 Dream Wedding event. I am reminded at how thoroughly I listen with fascination when I hear people say/ when I watch on TV… that every girl dreams of her wedding day- and starts designing her dress and picking flowers even before hitting puberty.

I am mildly horrified because I know I had no such dreams. Even now as a grown woman I have watched people go mad planning a wedding. Screaming, breaking out (pimples), sore-throat, fights, drama and 50 shades of palaver.

This is what I know for sure of mine:

– It will be intimate and classy

– I will co-design my dress (of course it WILL be white. )

– Please hire a wedding planner. #ICantShout. Abeg.

And then:

– The wedding and reception had better be in the same place. There is NO WAY in hell I am entering a car plastered with “I DON marry o!” and ridiculous balloons blazing through Lagos heat just to go eat rice in one “hall” somewhere. No way, non possibile, mba o, édjuo! Iyèn k’o ti é possible rara!. (That’s NO in English, Yoruba, Italian, Urhobo, and highly emphasized in Yoruba to stress the gravity of the: THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT HAPPENING!)

Ermmmn, not too many people per favore.

Well, at least I hope so. But this I leave to my husband and his family. If they would rather have 5000 people, then, by God, we will have 5000 people there with my blessings, just as they take into account the few points listed below…

– My bachelorette party is non-negotiable. It is happening. Las Vegas.

Actually, they DON’T really NEED to know this part. Let’s just tell them I’ve gone to ‘‘shop’’ for a wedding dress, or something sensible like that, darling. Of course, darling. Don’t worry. I will be good. I will NOT look at anything or touch anything. I promise!

– Any friend or family member waiting for me to come sell them aso-ebi is on a long thing.

Absolutely no way am I going to Lagos Island to “select” shiny material and start “convincing” people to buy. It’s never going to happen. I am NOT saying you can’t HAVE your beloved aso-ebi, but please please please do not make me do it. I will just start crying here for you now. Yes, it’s that serious.

If my siblings/parents or in-laws like that sort of thing then you have my blessings to “sort” yourselves out.

– Did I mention hire a wedding planner?

Oh yeah, this is really important. Hire someone fantastic to handle the “wedding”, (she reports to me, of course) and leave me to handle my MARRIAGE and pamper my man. This is what I would rather be doing. And kindly remember that this wedding is NOT the end of our celebration. There is still the honeymoon, so please temper justice with mercy before you send us an enormous bill.

– Madam Wedding Planner, it had better be the classiest-most-memorable-and-exquisite-event my guests will have ever had. No Half Measures O! Don’t think because I don’t like balloons you will now do my party anyhow… decorating event “halls” with blue and gold N100 per yard bed sheets- squeezed together to form a big “flaawa”. Tsk Tsk!

#ThisWillBeAll #AnUrhoboWomansSlashScorpioGirlsGuideToAPerfectWedding #keepitdramafree #WeddingDosAndDonts #WillAndWillNot
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Isio Wanogho is a top-model, TV Personality and entrepreneur. She is conversant in five languages and has 12 years of experience in the Nigerian entertainment industry. Isio, popularly known by her brand name Isio De-laVega, captivates audiences with her signature wide smile and relatable, quirky personality which endears her to many. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @isiodelavega