Fola Daniel Adelesi: Finding Purpose Before Finding A Spouse

Since everyone is getting into the special love mode it just might be the perfect time to put this out in some people’s faces. All our lives revolve around love and because of that, decisions on love are some of the most important decisions we will ever make in life. Picture the fact that you might take that decision in just a few months but you have to live with it for more than fifty years if God grants you a very long life.

Some have rushed into it without remedy and a few others have the remedy. There are those who are still battling with theirs, but I think I want to help some people who are not yet in it take a proactive approach. We spend a greater part of our lives dealing with either results or consequences. Those who have peace are those who are dealing with results and those who have lost or are about to lose theirs are the ones dealing with consequences. Please take precaution right now so you will not have to deal with consequences.

Each time I get the opportunity to advise someone on whom to marry, I always want them to see that the first and the most important thing is not with that person. It is with you. All sort of people keep asking who they should marry. They want others to teach them how to choose or get the right man. They even go looking for tests that you can give every man or woman in order to get the right spouse.

If you know all the right principles for getting married and you know what to look out for in a marriage, you will still have troubles without purpose being factored into the equation. The man may be rich and the woman may be beautiful. It does not mean you will have a peaceful or restful marriage. There are so many rich couples who are breaking up and saying they are not compatible. In fact, the word compatible has been messed up by people called marriage counselors.

Do you want to know the best person for you to marry? The first thing to do is to find your own purpose. Until you find your own purpose, every other thing you have known about marriage is secondary. Why is that? It is so because you are going to live with that partner for the rest of your life. You will also want to spend your life fulfilling purpose. If you are going to spend the rest of your life trying to fulfill purpose then you must spend it with someone who either shares your purpose or understands your purpose.

As for the women, one of the Holy Books says you are a help meet. How will you ever know who to help when you have not found your purpose? You need to note that it is not everyone that you can help; just like it is not every job that you can do. You can only do the jobs you have trained yourself to do. It also means you can only help the man that you have been wired to help. When you don’t find your purpose before trying to find your spouse, you will be trying very hard to help the wrong person.

When you share a common purpose, it will be easier to stay together for a longer period. This is because there are times the body chemistry might just take a short vacation. When the body chemistry is on vacation, what do you do? What will hold you two together? If you have found couples who stuck together, and I am not talking about people who just live together because they have no choice, you will realize that something kept them going apart from the body chemistry.

As a man, when you know where you are going in future, you will not have a problem deciding who can go with you into that future. I dare say that many are simply confused about this all important issue of marriage because they have not sorted the issue of their purpose in life.

When you now try to get into marriage without first understanding your purpose, what you are trying to do is to lead without a direction. It’s like a pilot trying to fly a plane without a compass. His life, and that of those he will fly, will be at stake. You don’t go into these kind of things expecting miracles! You sort it.

If one person also goes into the marriage with the knowledge of his purpose, two things can be expected. The person of purpose MIGHT influence the one without purpose or worse still, lose the purpose. The other scenerio is that a strong willed person goes into marriage with purpose and is trying very hard to buy over the other person. He or she keeps meeting with resistance and then clashes come. You will start hearing, ‘he or she does not support my dreams or ambition. He’s a dream killer.’ He or she is not a dream killer. It’s just that you want the wrong person go go along with you on a journey they don’t understand!

I have not said much even though there’s a whole lot more to say. I only believe that the little I have said so far can save someone from the worries of many years to come. If you will take my advice then find purpose before finding a spouse. It will make your life a lot easier!

Photo Credit: rollingout.com

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Fola Daniel Adelesi is a professional public speaker who also trains other speakers, an author, business consultant and highly skilled master of ceremony with excellent poise and diction. He was on the Debaters TV reality show season 1, presented ‘You Can’ on Radio Continental in 2011, did motivational segments on Galaxy TV from Dec 2008 to August 2009 and has authored 3 books including Writing Business Proposals.