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Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: Parental Fibs

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It’s very hard to get over the euphoria of the Nigerian game at the World Cup on Saturday. The joy of the victory was so intense that you’d think we won the entire tournament. We’re Nigerians, we find a way to milk the littlest things. The Nigerian win was a great way to end a week that had been very tedious. I had gone for an interview where I had to sell myself, what I do and what I could offer the organization. After the meeting, the interviewer asked me to stay back for some feedback. He said that whilst I sounded like I knew what I was doing, I kept looking away and I didn’t hold his gaze for longer than 5 seconds. He said that in such circumstances I am to look my interviewer in the face and make my points clearly and directly.

I was really grateful for the feedback because I hadn’t realized I was doing that – not looking at him. When I mentioned this to my friend, she said it was as a result of our upbringing as Nigerians. According to her, we’re raised not to look at our elders in the face, because it’s disrespectful. However, over here, body language is an indication of confidence and the delivery of your words. In Nigeria, we’re taught to keep our heads down in obeisance and in deference to someone in authority. Our parents worked a number on us, and we’re in the process of working the same magic on our own children.

My friend’s son lost his first tooth yesterday and it had been such a long anticipated event. She had told him that the tooth fairy would come for his tooth and leave him something. So, the challenge was getting him to stay out of his room while she transmuted into The Tooth Fairy. “So when do you plan to tell him there’s nothing like a Tooth Fairy?” I asked. She replied with “He will discover on his own. Were you ever told that Santa Claus was a lie?”.

Since I didn’t grow up in a Santa Claus/Tooth Fairy household, I tried to rationalize what she was saying to me in the way I knew it. While we were not told that there was a Tooth Fairy, we had our own version of events that occurred with the loss of a tooth. We were told that when you lose your tooth, you take 7 of the smoothest pebbles you can find, then put the tooth amongst the stones and keep them tightly within your palm. Go outside, keeping your precious tooth from the glare of the sun, spin 7 times (7 has always been the number for scams), then throw the content of your hand on the roof. Imagine that!

Remember the white marks you get beneath your nails from vitamin deficiencies? We were told that we had to flap our hands and plead with the Leke Leke bird to get rid of the marks.

I mean how do you explain the fact that ‘Omotoyiogbon’ is not a real thing, but some mystical non-existent thing your parents ask you to get just so they can get rid of you. ‘Omotoyiogbon’ is literally translated to ‘A child is this old and remains unwise’. I know that between running to get this mystical ‘Omotoyiogbon’ and ‘Arodan’. When you go and ask any other adult for ‘Arodan’, they’d also send you on a further wild goose chase. All the adults were clued into the Arodan scam. I was never around for when all the interesting things happened.

I asked a friend to share some of the parental fibs he discovered as he grew up. His top two responses were: “We don’t have money. This money is someone’s money, I’m just holding it temporarily” and “If you fail your Junior WAEC you will go and train to become a mechanic”.

Parents have said that they employed these tools in child rearing because it was easier that way. Besides, children are very impressionable and tender, it’s not every truth that they can handle or fathom. We can’t blame them for telling these fibs. And as we become parents, we find that these little lies save us from having to answer a lot of inexplicable questions.

Please share some of your most ridiculous parental fibs with us. When did you find out that ‘Father Christmas’ didn’t come from North Pole to the NTA compound. (Or down the chimney for those of you outside of Nigeria). Are these fibs just replicas of superstitions and myths? {We talked about those here}. Of course we must never forget the almighty “I came first in every class”. Every parent came first in every class. Until you meet their classmates!

Have a great week ahead. Remember to smile and be positive. Add value to someone’s life this week and let’s not forget that the Chibok girls are still missing.

Peace, love & cupcakes.

Toodles!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Goldenkb
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Atoke – Writer | Lover | Noisemaker. Twitter – @atoke_

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

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