Busola Adedire: Right Person, Wrong Timing

The last time I attended a wedding, I told myself that every couple deserves some kind of award for making it to the altar and then, they can get another one for staying married years later. Relationships are no doubt beautiful, but the complexity involved to get the altar part is still a mystery for many to unravel. Apart from the sparks, fight or flight responses and dozens of butterflies, you still need a bit more to kick start a serious relationship. I have heard so much about bad timing and to be honest, I am slightly on the fence about this one. If you had asked me a couple of years ago what I thought about the ‘bad timing’ excuse for break ups, I would have called ‘BS’ on it. But now, I am approaching my mid-twenties and I have realized that life happens, and at certain times different people want different things out of life.

I call it being ‘emotionally unavailable’: recovering from a bad breakup or betrayal, getting a degree, looking for a job or stability, even relocating to a different city or state. A friend of mine told me how his relationship of 7 years went down the drain because he was relocating to a different state. He ended the relationship simply because he was not willing to take chances with long distance. One school of thought would argue that if he really loved her, he would have done his best to make it work. Another would argue that at that point in his life, he would choose being rationale over love because he was a student at the time.

As an individual with OCD tendencies, I understand it when people would rather focus on ambition and career before getting to the love part. But in a way, I also feel that it is easy to miss out on a lifetime opportunity by taking this route. After all, what will last does not come easy and there is always a price to pay for everything. Life itself is about taking risks and chances. Sometimes, it is good to be open-minded simply because you don’t know it all. I used to think that you need to be ready not just emotionally but also financially, to be in a fulfilling relationship. To a certain extent, you do but most times all you need to do is ‘show up’. If we keep waiting for the right time or the perfect person, we may not find it. Life is not static, and things are always happening.

It is not rocket science, when two people cannot make it work at all or anymore, it is simply because one person wanted something different. A case of bad timing is rather the one where two people are on different pages, and there is no way it would work if one person does not feel ready enough to commit. You cannot hold it against them; you will need to wait for a different moment. No amount of forcing something to work, and how great the potential seems, will make it work. When you want something to work and the timing is not right, the best you can do is to wait it out. If it is really for you, you will have it. And there are exceptions to the rule, the ones you meet and although the timing is not ideal… you just know that they are meant to be something in your life. You cannot place your finger on it but you know there is something different about them, you know there’s a chance, feel there’s potential, and maybe in the future you could be something great together. I have heard of a man who set his eyes on a total stranger, and even without uttering a word to her he was deeply convinced that was his wife. Three years and a kid later, they are still together.

Essentially, TIMING does matter! The right person and the right timing are often mutually exclusive. You can have the right person at the wrong time and equally you can have the wrong person at the right time that they become the right one. Those people who really get to the finish line are those who have decided to run their race at a simultaneous pace with one another. And just like the John legend song ‘everybody knows’, nobody really knows how these things work. It could be God, it could be resilience and determination, it could be finding the right person, it could be the right timing and it could be all of the above. So, you tell me… What do you think about ‘bad timing’? A myth or a reality?

Photo Credit: asburychurch.org

__________________________________________________________________________________________
Oluwabusola Adedire is a graduate of Medical and Pharmacological Sciences, an enthusiast on social issues, and loves to inspire people about life, God and Love. Find her on Instagram @hrh_oluwabusola and on Twitter @HRH_oluwabussie