Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child? Comedian Wale Gates shares his Parent-Child Violence Experience via Twitter

We often pride ourselves with this thing called ‘African Culture’. However, we find that it is often used as both a sword and a shield for a lot of unsavoury acts. Domestic violence and child abuse are some of the things that are masked beneath the veil of ‘African Culture’.

We share our experiences of how we dare not try some things with our parents, or else, we’d be beaten black and blue. Even when you listen to African American stand up comedians, you hear them talk about how parents ‘whoop the black out of you’.

This morning, Nigerian comedian, Wale Gates shared his personal experience on Twitter. There are a lot of questions raised. One of them is the quote that says ‘Spare the rod, spoil the child’.  However,  how does one find the balance between not sparing the rod and domestic violence?  Is any and every kind of beating justifiable? Do you think parents who employ this mode foster more fear than respect in their children?  Or do you believe that the end justifies the means, thus if a child turns out okay then the parents deserve a pat on the back for whatever method they used.

Please read the tweets below and share your thoughts.

One

It might come has a surprise but I have a little sympathy for the young guy that murdered his RCCG dad.

— Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Two

Its easy for some of you to focus on just his actions but not what led to it. Years of probably constant beatings in the name of discipline — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Three

His preacher dad was probably no different from mine. Whose idea discipline was to descend into unnecessary Over The top beating.

— Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Four

I know the bible says spare the rod and spoil the child, but I’m sure there’s a common sense line somewhere. — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Five

My dad only beat the back of your leg #calf with a cane which left you with scars that lasted awhile unfortunately I wore shorts to school — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Six

The long lasting scars were more painful than the beatings cos everyone in school saw it and knew how I got it. Soon it progressed — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Seven

As I got older late teens it progressed to heavy slaps, heavy slaps 4nothing major. Like not washing his car 2his standard. Got 7 for that — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Eight

One nite at the age of 19, we had alittle disagreement so little it was pointless. And b4 I knew it my dad was raining blows & slaps….. — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Nine

All I did was just guard my face and took it, but he didn’t stop. I was backed into their bedroom, fell across d bed with his nails digging — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Ten

In2 my neck (kept long nails) I finally pushed him off. He rushed out of d room & I stepped out to see where he was going I saw a man (dad) — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Eleven

Running towards me with a coke bottle, I ran back into the room locking the door behind me. He kicked the door in rage saying all sorts — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Twelve

Unfortunately the door held, mum in shocked stepped in. My brother stepped in reminding him he was a church deacon n he cldnt act like that — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Thirteen

I still sometimes wonder what would have happened if I cldnt lock the room door or he got to me, one of us wld have been badly hurt at least — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Fourteen

Its easy to sit online and judge the young man but when faced with senseless beating justified by religion & culture u might snap too. — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Fifteen

Some of the kinda beatings our parents gave us, we won’t give our enemies let alone our own children that’s how you know it was wrong. — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Sixteen

Let me point out I was a regular child, I didn’t smoke weed, steal or crazy stuff like that. I was a restless & playful child notin more — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Seventeen

Some people say I FEARED MY PARENTS, u are not meant to FEAR your parents. Respect them Yes but Fear? No. I dnt want my daughter to FEAR me — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Eighteen

That boy dt nite was a cornered battered animal, he was 21 no need2 beat him & bite him. He was no different frm an abused wife. He snapped — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Nineteen

In saying all these my dad came to watch me perform last year in Atlanta while I was on d LWKMD comedy tour we hadnt seen or spoken in 12yrs — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Twenty

Infact 2yrs earlier 2011 while in America for a show I picked up my phone and called him I knew that for me to move on I had to forgive. — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Twenty-One

We get along well now, I actually believe he’s a better man now. He’s on my FB page, leaves comments & sends me prayers. Which I appreciate — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Twenty-Two

Once again although he was wrong, I have some sympathy for the young man. There was no DEMON involved he only reacted to an abusive father — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Twenty-Three

Anyway enough of the unnecessary story about my life. I mean who gives a shit you say. — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Twenty-Four

Even a continuously cornered a dog, sooner or later that weak dog would bite you. — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Twenty-Five

As a father myself now I do things differently now. My daughter would respect & love me not fear me. I don’t wanna be FEARED. — Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Twenty-Six

My wife on the other hand hardly got beaten by her parents and she turned out very well with better morals than me. So beating isnt d answer

— Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Twenty-Seven

Most of the strictest parents who constantly resort to beatings are actually very religious people. Dy wanna beat d ‘demon’ out of u.

— Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Twenty-Eight

BTW my mum beat us too but she hardly crossed the line and by the time I was in SS1 SS2 it hardly happened I was too grown & strong anyway

— Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

Twenty-Nine

My simple question is: Would you beat your child the same way your parents beat you? If your answer is NO, then you know they were wrong.

— Wale Gates (@walegates) July 9, 2014

This was an interesting response from one of his followers. It makes one think about the position of parents on their methods of upbringing.

@walegates and for some strange reason they’ll believe you turned out alrite cos of the way they treated you.. smh — Mariann (@obygal) July 9, 2014