Aunty Bella: Mrs. Tomboy Daughter

Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.

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This comment was posted by a mother of six. It has only been edited for grammar.

I have a girl after 5 boys! I was so eager to have a girl. Now she is 13 but truly she does not like to dress up, cute things, make up, nail polish etc… She is my opposite. She has long hair but nice eyebrows and long eyelashes… (but) she is not interested in dressing up, nail polish, girly things.

She is an honor roll student, plays soccer for her school and lately when she started menstruating… She is no longer close to me! When I was pregnant with her, I decorated her room, my husband and I bought all kind of stuff, the boys were so thrilled finally they had a sister. Even when I traveled for my work sometimes I buy her stuff, I even buy her Victoria Secret teenager bras, panties (no string though) but regular panties, last time I gave her $300 just to shop for school. You know what she said? “I don’t want to shop.” Then one of her brothers told her how lucky she was to have a mum like me and even having $300 just to shop, she took the money and said, “I will pay you back.” I was in Dubai on a meeting bought her beautiful earrings, and a chain with a small diamond pendant… She put it in her drawer…. I found it and took it back. She does not talk to me much. But the boys are so close to me.

When I asked her if she got her period..like how our mothers used to do in the old days, her eyes become red, because she said nobody does that, and as for her friends, their mothers don’t ask them that. I told her we’re Africans, and she has never been like that.

She was so close to me, even at 12 she used to ask me to read bedtime stories for her.. When she got her period she never told me. EVEN THOUGH I told her about periods.. She hid it until I found out in the bathroom, and told her how mad I was. All this bleeds my heart. My sister told me, “She will change when she turns 18!” I never had a girl and she is the only girl. My husband said it’s because she does not have a sister – like an older sister, but I am her mother…

Sometimes I cry… I come to her room, talk to her. The moment I sit there to talk she takes a long sigh. And takes deep breaths like I am bothering her.. She told me she will go to college faraway and not the Ivy League my husband graduated from and the one the boys went to. Though her brothers are quite older than her but it is (like) the same group…

She does not do like normal teenage girls… Going to the mall or movies with her friends. She said the last time she wanted to go to the movies I have asked one of the boys to chaperone her, and because of that she is no longer interested….

What’s your advice to me? (…) I pray that your lovely daughter won’t turn like mine…

– “Jackie Onassis”

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