Isio Knows Better: The Value of a Phone Call

I sincerely lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, but I do confess that I know better than I did yesterday, last year and a decade ago.

Isio Knows Better is an attempt to capture the shocking and highly entertaining conversation within myself. The conversations between my mind (the sharp witty one), my soul (the lover and the spiritual one) and my body (the playful one concerned with the more mundane things of life). She is the eternal referee between the caustic mind and the sensitive soul. This is Isio. So, here’s to making private conversations public.

Enjoy!

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These past few days have been gooooooooooooooooooooood! It was the Sallah Holidays and while I lay yanfu-yanfu belly-up in my Pjs on the couch watching Criminal Minds (I swear it is not because I think Shemar Moore with the piercing, twinkly eyes is hot) my phone beeped many times, heralding several incoming instant messages.  I paused the show and picked up the phone.

I mused.

In these glorious days of unlimited data, it would seem that many have become totally dependent on the free messaging platforms that a number of apps give. Apps like BBM, Instagram, Whatsapp, ChatOn, Facebook, Skype, Viber, FaceTime and so on.

What then is the value of a phone call?

It would seem like it is hard for some to make phone calls anymore. It appears that once the monthly value of the needed gigabytes has been paid to the network providers, dazzit! Bye bye phone calls, hello PINGs! In truth, they fall into several fascinating categories- if you think about it.

There are the “K-ers” Never mind that it’s brash, with the “KK’s” and what not.

There are the “abbreviators”. Good AM. Good PM. Hv for have. Sn for Seen. Cs for because. Y for why.

Then there are those who communicate with symbolic letters. Those baroque/elaborate letters that look like ancient Aramaic symbols. Alarming stuff.

Then there are those who don’t really have anything important to say, but seem to derive a juvenile pleasure from bombarding you with IMs. Don’t believe me? Okay. Please judge for yourself.

Please, warrisdis?

HUMAN BEING 1 (11:38pm):

Hi

Hulloooooo!

Sup

PING!!!

PING!!!

PING!!!

PING!!!

PING!!!

PING!!!

PING!!!

PING!!!

YOU: (8:00am)

Hi, saw your messages last night, is everything okay?

HUMAN BEING 1 (8:01am):

Everything is fine, just hailing you.

YOU: (8:02am)

Awwww, thank you.

Now consider HUMAN BEING 2 (02:15pm):

Baby

Boo

Sweetie

Hun

Honey

My honeyboo

Luv

Booboo

Babyboo talk to me nauuuu

(Coming from a non-boo these endearments are quite disquieting. But nothing is worse than next statement… that is- if you are like me…)

Isio Baby…

(OHHHH GODDDDDD! AHAN! WHY, WHY, WHYYY DID YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT?!

Words cannot describe how I absolutely, completely, wholeheartedly DETEST being called Isio-baby… Why? No reason. I just I hate it with the hatred of the Pharaoh that refused to let the Israelites go. (Multiplied by ten billion).

 Shuo!

In the split second that must pass after that oral plague has departed from the speaker’s mouth- a white-hot slice of migraine first hits me between my eyes. For sure I will grit my teeth. And rub my eyes. And just PAUSE. 10 out of 10 times I will ignore a repeat offender. But if it happens to be a first, then I will politely request to be called simply by my name. No baby attached).

Let’s flip the coin and talk about a business communication or enquiry. Why should anyone spend hours typing and staring into their phones when they could just call, get all the information needed in a fraction of the time and get it all over and done with? More information covered in less time.

And what about those who wait until you are online to tell you something REALLY important, especially relating to work? Babe/Oga, you have my number… CALL! Mba o! They would rather wait three months until you change your display picture and then gush about how they were desperately trying to reach you at the time, but na wa for you sha…your BBM messages didn’t deliver!

And then there are the online police, walahi you cannot ignore messages anymore o. They send you a BBM message and per chance you haven’t read it, they immediately go to your Instagram page and type.

“Madam, what’s up? READ YOUR BBM AND REPLY ME NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!”

Kai. Calm down biko. No vex. It is my fault for downloading the said app. 

And then there are The Professional Broadcasters. BBM and Whatsapp seem to be their weapon of choice to disturb the peace of their contacts. Buy-this, buy-that, look-at-the-sun-it-is-shining! PHCN-has-not-taken-light-in-24-hours-nawa-o-end-times! Add to that some personal rants, some doomsday predictions and threats if you don’t forward to seven people before midnight. Add that to the many more topics that keep your phone beeping and that will surely deplete your battery. (Thank God for mobile chargers though).

And then there are those who disappear and reappear eons later and try to woo their former boo where they left off, usually using WhatsApp and BBM to rekindle the dead flames. WhatsApp, BBM and Facebook don suffer for yeye behavior hand sha. Again, using free messages to address such issues with someone you claim to care about says a lot about the seriousness with which your apologies would be addressed. I have heard guys complain about a certain girl they once loved and left- who has refused to take them back even after they had apologized. With what? Facebook? After eight months? You never start. Neglect is not an aphrodisiac.

Na wa o. As we advance technologically, it seems our social and communication etiquette is diminishing. We type, type, type and then type some more. Some don’t even know how to carry out a proper conversation with another human being; many others don’t seem to how to act when they are around someone they desire. Most people don’t even know how to behave like evolved beings in public and in private.

Again I ask, what really is the value of a phone call?

Like I told a male classmate who once complained about his girlfriend’s recent bothersome attitude. He felt she was haranguing him about not calling her often enough even though he always reached out to her via BBM and WhatsApp. Plus he almost always picked up her calls anyways. He didn’t understand what she was on about and threw in the “women are so complicated line” a few times.

I simply explained to him that one phone call is equal to twenty messages. It doesn’t matter whether you don’t like to stay for lengthy periods of time on the phone. There is a reason why an SMS is called “Short Messaging Service” and Instant Messages are just that. However you slice it, a call is more personal than a BBM or a WhatsApp message. Best is when you combine and use a bit of this and that to communicate and connect to someone.

That’s the value of a phone call to me.

A girl once confessed to me that she was not only suspicious, but didn’t take seriously any suitor who NEVER called with their credit but always used BBM Voice, Skype, Viber and FaceTime to talk to her. That’s the value she placed on a phone call.

What’s yours?

And a truly terrific Tuesday to you, as always. xx