Tosin Adebola: Walking Away

Summer has gone by so quickly, but not without so many lessons, I’m eager to share. You see, I had imagined my summer on the shores of Montego Bay, and somehow finding the one who would melt my heart away, I know, I know; fairytales are for kids, adults face reality.

My reality this summer was I being confined on the shores of Nigeria, having make-up, cooking, amidst many other classes. Whilst, this was nothing fantastic in comparison to how surreal the previous year’s summer had been, when I was touring the world, I am more grateful now for how it played out this year.

Like any other obviously bored Nigerian girl, I had somehow attracted all the very wrong boys, at the very same time, this holiday. Least I say, when I had to make a choice, it was the seemingly best out of the bunch. You know how we see all those red flags, but play dumb and would rather easily admit to paranoia than the truth. I conveniently walked those shoes too. It went on so long, I justified everything he did, “it’s fine, no one is perfect after all”, “so what if our core values don’t align, there’s a reason compromise is an essential part of every relationship” and the “so what’s” continued. Even if he had said he doesn’t use the toilet, I would have thought “maybe toilets aren’t for everyone after-all”.
The texting, visits, phone calls, long walks, gaming, were all amazing, even if I knew then what I know now, I’m not sure I would have had it differently.

Now fast forward to 4 months down the line, the deal breaker which made me oh-so graciously walk out of the relationship. I’m still very impressed I was able to make that firm decision without looking back, regardless of what my feelings were at the time. Emotional detachment was hard but it wasn’t impossible.

Regardless of my initial reservations, I’ve decided to put myself out there, because this lesson is vital. We all, at different stages in life, either unconsciously or plain old ignoring the signs, get entangled in the wrong friendships, relationships, job, but lack the courage to walk out. It’s unbelievable the things we put up with because of the fear of ending up alone or having to miss the seemingly familiar. Now the truth is this, if you don’t walk out graciously now, it will eventually walk all over you shamelessly. Ask victims of domestic violence how it started.

The longer it takes, the more tendency to make all the unreasonable excuses for inexcusable actions, and the harder your decision to leave would be.

Relationship dynamics can be complex and it is not always black or white, plus this is no call to becoming a quitter and disregarding the need to put in that extra effort. But in the words of Bob Marley, “you’ll need to find the ones worth fighting for”. It is important to know when to fight but more important, when to respect yourself enough to walk out of people, situations, jobs and relationships that are going nowhere. Leave the unnecessary deceit, and need to have it all together, make some genuine evaluation, pray about it, and bid farewell where necessary.

I’m not your average superhero, I cant even pretend to be, if I did it, trust me you can too.

There you go, I want you to share with me some of your experiences/instances where you’ve had to let go? How easy was it?