Ask FVO!: My Friend Wants to Plan My Wedding

BellaNaija is pleased to announce a new column for our special readers – Ask FVO! Funmi Victor-Okigbo (FVO)  is an expert in Event planning & management, and is now a  BellaNaija contributor.

Need help planning a family dinner, birthday party, seminar, wedding, board meeting, concert or just curious about how the professionals do some of their amazing tricks? If you have a burning question, just Ask FVO and get a focused, clear, no-nonsense answer!

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Hi FVO,
I am getting married soon and my very good friend just started her own event management business. As you can imagine she has little or no experience. I’d like to engage a more experienced tried and tested wedding planner for my wedding. How do I tell her without breaking her heart?
Fadeke.

Hello Fadeke,
Congratulations on your engagement and your upcoming wedding! You’re not alone in this dilemma; lots of ladies are in this same position as we speak. It’s a very sensitive issue and must be handled with care. Even if your friend were an expert, mixing business and friendship is usually a tough one and can try even the best of friends.

Before you start making emotional decisions please remember this is YOUR big day and with weddings/events there is no dress rehearsal, you have only one shot! Do you really want to trust your wedding to a rookie friend or not?

Having said that, your relationship with your friend has to be properly managed. Remember to be firm but kind. Prepare yourself for any emotional blackmail or pleading. Stand your ground.

First of all have a sit down with your friend and you may choose to do the following:

Be direct with her and tell her you value your friendship too much and you don’t want to risk what you have… just in case you don’t agree during the planning process. Tell her it might get so bad that by the time you walk down the aisle you may not even be speaking to each other (it’s very likely this happens)

Tell her you are proud of her and the fact that she is taking a big step starting her own business, but she must understand that you are not the only one getting married and your husband’s family may not be as forgiving, if things don’t go well, so you’d like to protect her from the backlash just in case.

Tell her she will play an important role in decision making anyways, and having the planner report to her is a better role than being told what to do!

Tell her this is an opportunity to learn from the best in the industry and by working closely with the planner, she may be able to learn a few trade secrets

Throughout the wedding make sure you tell anyone who cares to listen how important she is and how incredibly supportive she has been throughout the planning, everyone loves to be appreciated.

If you feel this won’t work give her some other roles that might making wedding planning difficult. Tell her you’d like her to handle something more specific and planning the wedding might be distracting.

Get her to do the first reading in church, make her one of your bridesmaids, if she sings well get her to do a special song….ANYTHING just keep her away from planning your wedding!
Good luck Fadeke!

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Send your questions for FVO to askFVO(at)nosurprisesevents.com stating your name and where you are writing from. The editor reserves the right to edit submissions for content brevity and clarity. We regret that we cannot provide individual answers to questions sent in and cannot state at which exact date answers would be published.

We look forward to reading your emails and tweets with questions.