Chiugo Akaolisa: Love is Not An Idea

Imagine that you meet the man/woman of your dreams right now who is everything the doctor and prophets ordered. Every single criteria you have ever imagine is presumably present and you form a love connection. Physical attributes- Check. Heart of gold-check. Intellectually sound- check. Financial stability- check. Next step is to meet Mama. Why not?

The operative word in the story above is “presumably”. After months or years of dating you realize that your moon and your stars is not exactly what you thought him/her to be. Here are some potential problems you realize that have given you a rethink:

• For starters, he/she does not share your religion and is not remotely interested in converting.
• He doesn’t make as much as you imagined. Not enough to buy that house in Banana Island.
• He/she is from a broken home which means the tendency to run is present.
• She cannot cook. *pause for dramatic reaction*
• He is too close to his mother
• Her troublesome mother is still alive- Mother-in-law wahala
• Her family is not as rich as yours so you may need to contribute to her family’s welfare
• He/she is the only child of many years. Bareness alert!
• He/she is not willing to change his/her dress sense to suit yours.
• How dare your partner not even support your political party?
• He/she moved locations (Island, Mainland, Out-of-country)- Long-distance relationship
• Relocating to your choice environment is out of the question for him

I am sure you guys can come up with a lot more limiting criteria.

The first question I want to ask is this: When did love become an idea? You were willing to move the earth for this person until you found that that your perfect picture has a smudge. Simply because the person does not fit into the idea or impression you have created in your head, shouldn’t make your feelings towards the person change. Basing your emotional attachments on abstracts that have been created in your head makes it hard for prospects to measure up. Don’t complain when you find yourself dating the same kind of people who always leaves you less than you started.

The other question is: When did you become God? How are you able to predict all these potential, imagined threats as impending doom? Have you become so certain that your partner cannot make enough to buy your dream home in the future or she cannot learn to cook for you? As long as the person is willing to compromise for you, you should be able to bend your stringent list to accommodate them.

Love is not an idea! It is a feeling and it does not come with criteria and checklists. I’m not saying that there aren’t some real deal breakers, but you have to be certain that what you are running away from poses real problems in the future not ego problems.

Get out of your head and into your heart

Goodluck!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Sam74100