Chiugo Akaolisa: The Marriage Achievement

Marriage is NOT a real achievement. Keep an open mind as I tell you why.

I have nothing against marriage as I am heading towards it myself but I have a problem with what it has been reduced, actually magnified to.

Marriage is a commitment, a chapter, a union, a desire to start a family, an affirmation of love, a level of responsibility. I tell you, it is everything you can think of… but an achievement worth bragging about.

You cannot use a marriage certificate to get a job, buy a house, run for a political post, effect global change and realize your dreams. Marriage can aid you, especially if your partner is comfortable enough to support your dreams, but it is not a major determinant in becoming all that you aspire to be.

Our culture has led us to believe that once a woman finds a husband and pops out a few kids, majority of her expectations in life would have been achieved. Somehow, a woman becomes incomplete or flawed if she decides to delay marriage or skip it all together. By the age of 30, she becomes a bitter spinster, or a feminist, or an Aristo, or defective because she cannot find a man. Older single men are then labelled as irresponsible or promiscuous.

It is painful to hear those self-righteous married counterparts, parents and men/women who were turned down deriding, insulting or attributing every short coming of a single man/woman to their unattached status. Judgment is also passed to the married women who have decided to become more than a ring. The hurt single ones then spend the time meant for achieving beneficial goals, in a church/mosque crying to God for neglecting them.

In truth, we are mostly carried away by the wedding process and the status of “married”, that we sometimes forget the effort necessary to make the marriage work. The only achievement I will accept, is when you can keep a stable and loving home front after many years.

There are people who have a real potential of achieving great things, but give it all up for marital stability and mommy jeans. Our hopes and aspirations should not suffer be stifled when we put on that ring. As long as you dream it, fight for it. If you do not dream it, be nice to those who do. I respect mothers who have decided to stay home and give proper care to children the same way I respect single women who don’t want any of that. It is not in our place to judge.

I do believe that everyone has been given a talent in addition to whatever level of education received. It is left for us to achieve something memorable with either or both privileges. Marriage should not deter that. When it is time to settle down, do so, put in the necessary commitment and then try and advance yourself. The book of Genesis did say that we should be fruitful, fill the earth and CONQUER it.

Our talents are the gift that God gives to us… What we make of our talents is our gift back to God― Leo Buscaglia.

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