Girl Spice: Letter to My Naija Guy

My dear Naija Guy,
I am writing this because I really like you, and more than anything I want you to be man I will spend eternity with. I don’t want an American Man, a British man or a South African man for that matter. I don’t have anything against them but if I were to choose, it would be you, my Naija man and I want to help you win my heart. So, please listen carefully.
You are a great guy in so many ways but you still need to work on a few things. I know you have good intentions and really want to get me to fall in love with you. Well, here are some tips to help you as you try.

First of all do not take me to a drinking joint (popularly called “Garden” in Abuja) for a first date or even a second one – worse still with your friends that I do not know. The reason is simple I do not like alcohol.

Don’t get me wrong I don’t have anything against anyone who drinks, neither do I think it’s a bad thing. I just don’t like alcohol. The ethanol, the hydroxyl (forgive my chemistry) in alcohol is what I do not like. That burning feeling you get in your throat like you just swallowed smoke? I hate that.

Another reason is that, I only just met you; so I would love to go on a date alone with you so we can talk and get to know each other. All that shouting and laughing with your friends is not my thing. I’m a little conservative. Maybe, when we start a relationship and I am comfortable with you I wouldn’t mind doing the drinking joint with you and your whole clan if it makes you happy; but for starters let’s stick with quiet places.
It doesn’t have to be expensive or fancy (you would get more points if it is though), just some place quiet.

Please do not try to show off in any way that would be totally repulsive. Don’t even try to throw names around. I don’t find it attractive.

You would be picking up the bills for dates. I am not Dutch. On this one, I am proudly Nigerian.

Now after a couple of dates and you discover you still want to get closer to me, and perhaps take the friendship to another level (I mean ‘have a relationship’ with me), you need to lift more than two fingers typing on your phone to chat me up. Make a little more effort, use all five fingers, lift up your phone and call me. Once a day, or once in two days would be just fine. If you insist on texting me especially if we live in different cities, I’m afraid that’s where you will remain: On my BBM. I might like you yes, but I would not take you seriously.

I know you get attracted by what you see; it’s a man thing, you were wired that way. It’s okay to see a beautiful girl and get all smitten but remember it doesn’t work that way for me. You have to do some work to make me fall in love with you. Before your mind start running in a million places. It’s easier to catch my attention than you think.

Just reach beyond what you see and find the real me inside. Find out what music I like where I grew up in, ask me about my job, tell me about you, and tell me about something weird or funny or strange that happened to you that day or any other day. Let’s talk – have a real conversation.
Trying to converse with me by asking questions like “Have you eaten? “What did you eat? Send me a picture of you now” will totally bore me.

Save all the endearments (Baby, Boo, pretty) for when we start dating. Calling me that does not make me feel special in any way. My reaction most times is “eww”. When I fall for you and we start a relationship I would be the first to call you “Baby”, so chill.

I know you really like me and cannot wait to win my heart but try and keep all that aside first and be my friend. I promise there would be no dull moment with me in your life. So many more things I would love to tell you but I’d save it for another day. I’m not promising I would fall head over heels in love with you, if you do all these things. However, I would definitely lend you an ear.

If it happens that I fall in love with you, I promise I’d be the best thing that’s happened to you.

PS: On the day you propose, be sure to put the ring on the fourth finger of my left hand and not the middle finger.

Love always, Girl Spice

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Orangeline