Winifred Adebayo: 5 Reasons Why a Break Up May Feel Like the End of the World

It starts with the hair-net parade, followed by a pact not to bath, couch camping and finally the house swimming with tissue paper from tears. I’m sure the men have an interesting equivalent of how break-ups are mourned.

One thing remains the same: a good number of relationships end with at least one party feeling like their world has ended. What’s more heartbreaking is this suicidal-break-up becomes a pattern in people’s lives. So, here are five reasons why a break-up will definitely feel like the end of the world.

Forfeited Dreams
During that honeymoon stage of a relationship, not everyone knows how to differentiate between a compromise and a stupid sacrifice. Whenever, you give up an ambition, a career, or an aspiration for a relationship you ASSUME is altar-bound, you have made a stupid sacrifice. If that relationship fails, the years you gave up and the opportunities you let slide will either never come back or take a very long time to come back. Those forfeited dreams will definitely make a break-up seem like your world has ended.

Lost Identity
Lost identity is attributed to this pseudo-married complex that is rampant today: when people perceive themselves as a person’s spouse, while still single. As a result of this misplaced self-image, the decisions made, the friends kept, the places visited, and everything around becomes built around the boyfriend/girlfriend. The result is simple: since that relationship/person has become the pillar that holds your life, when that relationship/person goes you will fall into pieces. The break-up will make the obvious clearer; you have no life without the person.

Premature Steps
As subjective as this may seem, there are actions that are taken too early in a relationship that can cause a break-up to hurt a lot more. Whether it takes six months or six years, there are things that should only be done when two people are clear to a certain extent that their futures merge. To mention a few – social media publicity, attending intimate family events together, and any form of financial agreement should only take place when there’s no doubt on BOTH SIDES that this is a life-time journey. If any of these happen to early and one party walks away, it hurts a lot more and is harder to deal with.

Sex
I am fully aware of the arguments that exist on this issue, and I know there will never be a resolution. Regardless of what we think or choose to believe, there is no relationship that sex doesn’t add an extra layer to. The intimacy shared in that union is not one that can be overshadowed with logic and many words. In the comfort of our solitude, we all can attest to the fact sex is one of the best gifts to humanity. When shared with someone who has made no legal commitment to you that break-up will really hurt.

Dependence
The moment a relationship/person makes you feel better about yourself, and/or meets your basic needs (food, shelter, and clothing), there is TROUBLE. If that relationship ends, you’ll feel really lost.

It’s true ‘relationships’ are a compulsory yet seemingly complicated part of life. However, when people embrace themselves as individuals and make God the center of their lives not human beings, they fare a lot better. A relationship should add value to you not define you. Break-ups happen for a multitude of reasons. Most times they bring pain but it shouldn’t always feel like life has ended.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Michael Zhang