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ThreeSum asks, “Do Men Lose Respect for Women who Give it Up on the 1st Date?”



ThreeSumIt’s episode 3 of ThreeSum!

The hosts are Lydia, Tunde and The NoiseMaker – Yemi Akisanya.

ThreeSum is produced by ToksVisions.

This week the panel is asking, “Do Men Lose Respect for Women who Have Sex on the First Date?”



  1. Missy J

    April 14, 2015 at 12:19 am

    Do women still have respect for a man who asks for sex on the first date??

    • 1 + The One

      April 14, 2015 at 6:34 am

      Thank you! That is the question to be asked!
      For me, I would probably lose whatever respect I had for him!

    • Seriously

      April 14, 2015 at 11:44 am

      Yemi Akisanya, Toksvision expand your horizon. Your topics are too redundant and one sided. It’s always women this or that. I guess, you are the male Toke.

  2. Ade

    April 14, 2015 at 12:52 am

    Gosh why must we try and sound American for heavens sake? The accents just put me off.

    • Na me o!

      April 14, 2015 at 4:08 am

      Well they may have lived in the US for a while. This was shot in the US. Though I laughed when Yemi corrected him on his name lol
      In many cases it just happens. I haven’t lived in naija since I was 11, I am 35 now, so 24 yrs, you really can’t expect my normal accent to be like that of the 11 year old child I once was.

    • jojojo

      April 14, 2015 at 4:54 am

      cos they are actually naturalized americans of least 15years or more

    • Seriously

      April 14, 2015 at 11:47 am

      What is more pissing off is how you expect Nigerians who have lived in U.S to still have nigerian accent like they live in Nigeria. Some nigerians manage to keep it but most Nigerians adapt to the new environment they are in which there’s nothing wrong with.

  3. star

    April 14, 2015 at 1:05 am

    Do men loose respect if they also give it up on the first date?No . this is the question we should ask ourselves and why the answer is no.
    so over double standards . if a girl says she’s only had sex with 5 guys all her life, she would be called a slut, a hoe,a whore. But if it’s a guy he is called a sharp guy. I know guys who have had set with at least 30 girls, but they are quick to call girls hoes and thots.
    We need to raise better sons in this country.

  4. lol

    April 14, 2015 at 1:10 am

    But pls the guys on this show. Will you want your sister to bang whatever guy she met on the first date.
    Honestly you can have sex BUT NOT ON THE FIRST DATE!!!
    as much as I don’t want double standards it is true. It is different.
    The comment the guy made about women how women put too much value on the vag. Pls who caused that. Like really.

  5. VeryAngryNigerian

    April 14, 2015 at 1:14 am

    My own question be say…..guys if it’s not always about the goodies, why does it pain u so much when the girl gives you none.?…..I mean some guys will go from Prince Charming to grumpy leprechaun in a matter of seconds if bae ain’t giving it up……. I mean serious mean mugging-I’m -about -to -throw -myself -on the floor and cry like a baby look.
    Dating is a weeding out process….u go on dates to determine if you want another one…..if the date goes well, that means there will be another one right? ….if u enjoy the person’s company so much, there will be subsequent dates….and somewhere along the lines one thing will lead to another….so why the rush? Or yll insecure that the chick might not like you? Check your insecurities bros.
    Let’s forget about respect or no respect for a second, sometimes a date is not enough for a woman to determine if she wants to start a relationship with a guy……some can tell quickly…. others it takes time.
    And there’s something they call sexual responsibility, some women go on 3- 5 dates a week , do you want her to be riding 5 D’s a week? Are you all ok?
    Guys be acting like sex ain’t everything when we all know that’s what y’ll live for……dass why e dey always pain u when u get none.
    All you want a woman to do is feed u, fcuk u and be quiet …..mtchewww…….guys be forming gentlemen since before 1600…….like we all don’t know it’s all about offing “payint”……

    • vivian

      April 14, 2015 at 11:48 am

      “Laughed and died” @ ‘payint’
      well said!.

    • scarlet

      April 14, 2015 at 4:35 pm

      @VeryAngryNigerian i have died from LOOOLing alone in my office like a mad person and resurrected to leave a comment! what are you? basket mouth? you sense of humor is off da hook. still LMAO!

  6. LotusFlower

    April 14, 2015 at 2:20 am

    It depends on the man. There are some men who could care less, while others may question the woman’s behaviour. I can state with fact that I know people who have had sex on day 1, yet they still ended up in long-term relationships and marriages. The men did not run. Most of them were dying to date the woman. It is more than sex. Yes, they had sex, they both enjoyed it, but when a man really wants a woman, nothing will stand in his way of being with that woman. I should clarify that this goes for men who are secure and firm in their beliefs.
    1 example, all the “kim K’s” out there who have their entire business out there still have men who profess undying love for them.

    • Anonymous

      April 14, 2015 at 9:55 pm

      I totally agree. The first time i ever had sex on the “first date” was with the man who later became my boyfriend and now husband; the father of my kids. He is the best husband and father i could have ever prayed for. Sometimes, it’s much deeper.

  7. Mimi

    April 14, 2015 at 2:37 am

    I do understand where the guys are coming from but on the other hand ladies sure have a reason to feel that way! with that being said…. Society is just to darn harsh on ladies but I guess all I can say is do what makes you really happy. If smashing makes you happy… Lol then do you!!!

  8. May Kay

    April 14, 2015 at 3:52 am

    I am no fan of sex on the first date but I remain open and respectful to other people’s decisions. However, it is not the act of holding off on sex that matters, it’s the reason behind one’s decision. If you do or do not have sex on the first date, do it for the right reason. Not because you are drunk or just want to fun or even holding off cause worry about what people will say. Cause hell! people will talk. Be wise and confident about your decision. If you are that concerned or fear losing your self respect then you probably shouldn’t have sex on the first date.

    • iyke

      April 14, 2015 at 11:51 am

      I subscribe to the notion that an honest relationship does not begin with sex, nor is it centered around it. This is something that has been understood for generations.
      Having said that, I wish to also state that the religious and self-esteem related implications of sex on a first date has really messed up peoples’ understanding of their right to choice. In my honest opinion, there is absolutely nothing wrong in surrendering to your passion on a first date. You must have been attracted to him/her well enough to accept to go on a date in the first place. I mean, why feel guilty for an experience that felt so right as at the time it happened even if later there are more complex emotions, responses, and perceptions that may arise? I am an adult and I have had sex on a first date because I was feeling good, open, passionate, and alive. It was my choice and it didn’t affect how I see or feel about her after the experience. My feelings for her wasn’t centered around sex but her intellect.
      So, on balance, as far as it affects a future relationship, it doesn’t make any difference whether you have sex on the first date or not. It’s not a deal breaker for me There are some men who are encouraged and others turned off by such in an early relationship.

  9. Ogonna

    April 14, 2015 at 5:40 am

    These guys are not being honest with themselves. If you were to “gbensh” a babe on your first date would you want to take her home to momma? if you were to “gbensh” a babe on the first day would you want to wife her up? I thinketh not.
    Wether guy or girl, i wouldn’t want to be with someone who gives it up so easily. Shows a lack of self control. How di konji do you shuuuuuu. It can be controlled, nothing like konji took over.
    Its also so sad to see how the value of sex has been reduced. It’s been said countless times that sex is spiritual and not just to satisfy your fleshly desires, You better believe that before you end up entangling yourselves with different soul ties. These things are real.

    • nene

      April 14, 2015 at 2:44 pm

      are you a man? i don’t think so. the men have spoken. i have never had sex on the first date but i’ve had sex on the third date. if a man wants you, whether you have sex on the first or last date, he will still want you.

    • Bruness

      April 14, 2015 at 6:48 pm

      So seriously your idea of a woman to take home to mama or marry is one you didn’t sleep with on your first date. Get over yourself. The truth of the matter is there’s no hard and fast rule to it, it could make or mar the relationship. But like others pointed out, this one sided relationship and marriage questions are beginning to wear me out. Why not ask the ladies if they’d respect a man who asks for sex on the first date, NOW that is something to talk about.

  10. eyong

    April 14, 2015 at 6:10 am

    What a grown woman does with her body is her business. But, wait o, why are they only questioning h woman? Obviously it takes two to make sense happen, so, what does that say about the man? Bigot, hypocrite, no?

  11. ATL's finest

    April 14, 2015 at 6:52 am

    Why does Tunde have an eye liner on and eyebrows lined lol.. Smh . These folks need to rethink. However, sex should be an emotional, passionate thing. Who bangs on a dude on the first date when U barely know them? U might as well find U friends with benefits and no strings attached. Especially these days, where every one kinda know everyone hmmm Yes foolish immature guys kiss and tell.. Trust me ” Bros hoes”.

    • ATL's finest

      April 14, 2015 at 6:53 am

      * bros before hoes” like they say.

  12. M

    April 14, 2015 at 7:11 am

    i don’t think respect has anything to do with sex. A lady can bash a guy on a first date and gain the best respect ever and can also lose respect. its all about the individuals involved, How mature are both of them to handle the after math of the bashing cos it can be a two way thing.

    • Jo!

      April 14, 2015 at 9:59 am

      “kpansh” baby, “kpansh”

    • nene

      April 14, 2015 at 2:45 pm


  13. dmode

    April 14, 2015 at 8:14 am

    The truth is most of these girls go on dates to meet a steady lay or a guy they can feel safe with or comfy around or they are just bored and down for whatever comes up…so sharp guys know better than to whip out the D on the first date cos they know every D will hv its day….. Secondly this girls might just be in need of the D so bad but you directing all the conversation to d corridor of fuxxing make em go “uh uh this is a suspecious penis” and turn down the D… morale of the story keep ur D .. if she want it she will reach for it…there is this mad satisfaction you get when ur D is requested for… you cant just whip out mr Alabam crocodile and expect a lady to be excited.

  14. beast

    April 14, 2015 at 8:35 am

    Respect?! even if he bangs her on the 40th date there still may be no respect. Most men do not respect women they bang outside marriage and that is accurate call me stupid or old-fashioned. Ladies please earn your true respect by letting him put a ring on it first. Sex isn’t just any other activity, it is a consummating ritual that should be carried out under the right circumstance.

    • nene

      April 14, 2015 at 2:46 pm

      stay there. this is the 21st century.

    • Girly

      April 14, 2015 at 6:20 pm

      So what will you say about those married men that still cheat on and disrepect the wives they married as virgins?
      Men will respect/disrepect you regardless of many factors. It is only the fear of God that helps us.

  15. beast

    April 14, 2015 at 8:46 am

    Respect?! even if he bangs her on the 40th date respect might still be missing. Most men don’t respect women they shag outside marriage. Ladies should earn their true respect by letting him put a ring on it first. Sex isn’t just any other activity, it is a consummating ritual that should take place in the right situation

  16. Queen

    April 14, 2015 at 8:48 am

    I see no reason why u guys are beefing unnecessary. There’s a question here for us all to leave our comment, opinion or suggestions here u are beefing on those with the accent and those who were born American. All of this doesn’t make sense. Think!!!

  17. Anon

    April 14, 2015 at 8:56 am

    This noisemaker is a real is noisemaker!

  18. Maggie

    April 14, 2015 at 9:26 am

    I think it has a lot to do with respect, some of the guy out there are so irresponsible, they appear to be gentle but once the lady succumb to sex on a first day they think they have gotten all they want and so she is just like chaff. I have one in my office, he looks so gentle but his mouth runs like tap water, any lady he sleeps with he comes to share the experience with other guys in the office even when the lady pass he will point his hand to show he will even tell them to try their luck. what do we call that? It is very simple we are not White, we are Black, we are Africans and we have norms lets not use oyibo mentality and spoils things. My brothers wont marry a woman they have sex with on the first date, it is very simple and I Maggie wont do such no matter how i am so attracted to the guy. i am going to take it one step at a time. So it all depends on the individual, My aunt used to say a woman’s body is her pride, her asset and all she’s got and she will say that is your CBN too, guide it wisely.

    • Bruness

      April 14, 2015 at 7:10 pm

      Yeah you’re right about some guys being jerks when they’ve had sex with a girl on their first date. I had a friend who had sex with a co worker and a friend she had known for ages, he started dis respecting her @ work and she ended up leaving the establishment cos everyone knew about it. Now I have another friend who met a guy @ a party, they went out and made out on their first date, he had blabbed to everyone about it and she heard GUESS WHAT!! One fine evening we were hanging and he came with his friends and said hi and she acted like she was meeting him for the first time, you could feel the guys discomfort, she was so good it got US her friends doubting her sleeping with him. Bottom Line ATTITUDE is everything!!!! We all know how mushy women can be and if you have sex with a guy you genuinely like on the first date and he’s being a PRICK by bragging about it then be a BITCH and blow his ego to the wind.

  19. Diddy

    April 14, 2015 at 9:56 am

    Ladies make una no vex,una know se the issue of women/men no be today,check what happened when they brought the adulterous woman to jesus,but they neva brought the guy,abi na only the woman screw hersef,u ask ursef how many polyandry marriage is being practice all over the world,i bet u can count them with your fingers,so u see there must always be that double standard,not only regarding to sex,but also in our place or work,so the issue of losing respect for women has to do with different strokes for different folks,there r guys who will say i wish i can marry this babe and u never toast her but u don screw her for ur dream,so respect or no respect has to do with individual

  20. Jo!

    April 14, 2015 at 10:06 am

    Sh*t! Wasted time, change this babe abeg

    • Vicky

      April 17, 2015 at 3:42 am

      Yup, I find her voice annoying couldn’t watch after a few mins

    • Big Daddy

      April 20, 2015 at 8:12 pm

      Her accent is faulty

  21. Minister Ade

    April 14, 2015 at 10:27 am

    Hey! Go to dates to know each other better. Guys, if you are asking for sex on first date, you are not the serious type… Ladies, never feel bad after you refuse and he acting pissed….

  22. tricia

    April 14, 2015 at 1:24 pm

    To each his own I waited for a year to have sex with an ex trust me didn’t make a difference. He still disrespected me. My current and I had sex on the first date though we had been friends for almost a year and things are great. Respects me a whole lot than the one I was saving myself for ever did. Moral of a story, sex won’t make him stay neither would it make him leave.

    • nene

      April 14, 2015 at 2:48 pm

      gbam. it depends on the people involved. contrary to popular belief not every man is the same, same goes for women.

  23. lat baby

    April 14, 2015 at 1:50 pm

    Abeg, about the accent. The only excuse they have is if they left Nigeria as children or teenagers. I strongly believe any person who has acquired a particular accent till the age of 18, even if he relocates to another country, he’s or her accent can’t be as pure as that of a full citizen of other country. I really don’t blame people who are pissed about the accent because that is what we experience with some of our celebrities in Nigeria. It’s now like what it takes to be an OAP in Nigeria is to have an American accent.

  24. Titi

    April 14, 2015 at 2:02 pm

    My hubby and I made love on our first date…..fastforward 2years later we are happily married with our beautiful twins! Doh! Need I also say that the relationship was just six months old before marriage and guess what I will choose him over and over again sooooo…..It’s not about sex on first date it’s about the individuals involved it’s about the matured minds and how u earn ur respect either wayz.

    • nene

      April 14, 2015 at 2:48 pm

      daz all!

  25. Empress

    April 14, 2015 at 2:42 pm

    In my opinion, women feel like they will lose some form of respect after sex on the first date because of the fear of being dumped after the intercourse. Personally, I really don’t care, if I am sexually attracted to a man and I know he is mature enough to keep our business private,why not but the issue is that most Nigerian men kiss and tell.

  26. nnenna

    April 14, 2015 at 2:53 pm

    See, whether you sleep with her on the first date, or you wait 90 days then disvirgin her; a man that does not respect you does NOT respect you. Simple. It has nothing to do with when the sex happens but the mentality of the guy. If you sleep with an immature “shag and brag” ijit.. Even if it was on the 50th date he will still not respect you. That said, I’m an advocate of ñõ premarital sex. My opinion. I don’t like the idea of fornication. It’s a sin, just as stealing is a sin.

  27. Cynthia

    April 14, 2015 at 3:35 pm

    Nope. Weak

  28. Cynthia

    April 14, 2015 at 3:39 pm

    Get the equation balanced. Get another woman in there. And yes, giving free cookies and milk to the boys in the yard every other day gets tiring and makes the factory experience wear and tear on time. Keep your cookies and milk.

  29. toltai

    April 14, 2015 at 4:01 pm

    Worry about building power plants,next generation speed trains, How to fly to the Moon…shallow issues..without.dept..#getbusypeople

  30. poison ivy

    April 14, 2015 at 4:09 pm

    I had sex on the 8th date, dude didn’t call for 7 days with the excuse that work was stressful, it was election week…….how busy were you my nigga.
    Meanwhile, my friend had sex on the 1st date, dude has being call stalking her ever since.
    Different strokes for different folks

    • nene

      April 14, 2015 at 7:36 pm


  31. Becca

    April 14, 2015 at 4:14 pm

    Well according to Battabox if naija men can overlook marring prostitutes sex on the first date is nothing. I mean Maheeda, Kim K & Playboy bunnies are married whilst some of you are still looking.

  32. moni

    April 15, 2015 at 2:57 am

    its not balanced. 2men 1woman

  33. Ndidi

    April 15, 2015 at 5:01 am

    My opinion; A big No. I have nothing against anyone who has done this. My thing is if you can put up with the odds that go with this, then go for it. Odds include getting emotionally attached and Mr dude not calling you afterwards, kiss and tell (especially nigerian men), just feeling some weird way about it. For me its more than the respect from the man. If you want more from this guy than just the sex, I say wait it out and make sure you are all on the same page before you take off your panties. But if you are just a bad a## female who can disconnect her emotional mind from her physical body when doing the do then go for it but please dont expect oga to commit afterwards because thats when he’ll think you are cray cray and may disrespect you. We live in a double standard world, also most females like myself see sex as an emotional/physical act whereas a man sees sex as an activity he can engage in without being emotionally attached to the female; biologically men will release hormones for pleasure during sex versus women releasing hormones for attachment. I do not think any woman should be disrespected because she does the do on the first date but yea ill rather avoid sex on the first date and only do it with a guy who is as into me as i am into him for reasons more than just the sex. For me, this will take more than date 1 to figure out. Enjoy your evening 🙂

  34. Pius Emmanuel

    April 15, 2015 at 9:09 am

    Very funny some comments I read and veryangryNigerian is really very angry,, first off sex and love are complicated issues,,while some or most Nigerians take sex as the height of love,to be given only when one is really and truly in love,, some folks in some other part of the world may not, after all statistics says, girls want sex just as much as guys, they just have better control than guys,, it’s no News of how crazy a guy gets when a girl is holding out,, in relations to sex and love,, sex plays little part in “keeping the man” over time most guys will agree with me,, that it being done frequently with just one girl ends the trill of it and trust me they find the one still holding out most desirable as she is the unconquered ship and like a pirate, they scheme to loot her treasures.. on the topic, giving up sex on the first date is base or seen by ones state of mind,, hell most people would scream that she would lose respect,, it is a possible fact to consider but the veracity of it being definite that all guys would is quite indefinite,, depends how she carries herself after that episode which she could supposedly make to seem a mistake,, now the guy has a taste of her,, he’s bound to lose respect for the first 3days and brag to his friends about taming the wild cat that is you until he feels the need to be with you again,, how you play your role from here on end determines how you get treated,, if she plays it right by being a major tease,, I mean he already had some,, and he’s of the opinion that he’s bound to get more, but the thrill of your denial in crazy but sensitive manner will leave him wanting more of you but not getting any,, basic psychology of “messing with his mind”.every guy likes to feel that they think or act better than the man in the trousers,, some actually do,, but trust me,, just one out of a hundred, losing respect is generally based on the girl and how she presents herself,, but for the guy,, he’s bound to lose respect for you atleast till “JUNIOR” goes back to default setting and he wants more of you,, and for the ladies saying “can I still have respect for a man who ask on the first date” sometimes he doesn’t have to ask,, shit just happens. …

  35. moi

    April 15, 2015 at 2:21 pm

    Mr Akinsanya u kinda sound childish in ur posts and u reason in a one sided way! man up dear

  36. simms

    April 20, 2015 at 6:18 am

    everyone talking about the accent yall are ridiculous. fyi Tunde and Yemi were both born in America to Nigeria parents so I don’t see why they should not have an American accent js

  37. #19thcenturyvalueswith21stcenturyrewards

    April 21, 2015 at 9:05 pm

    The first question to be asked here really is: Do you respect yourself as an individual? If you don’t you can never respect anyone regardless of their sex, age, what they do and what they don’t do. (Self-worth check). If you respect yourself as an individual then its easier to respect others regardless of what they do or don’t do. That being said, one who respects himself or herself is a person of value with values and standards. So if you are a person of value there are certain things you will not do and will not make others do because you respect yourself first and respect them too.

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