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Wale Adetula: Society’s Role in Pressuring Women to Get Married

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It might sound very clichéd but I have come to realize women are one of their own greatest problems. Before you roll your eyes and rush to close this page, give me a little bit of your time so I’ll make you understand why and how I came to this conclusion.

A few days ago, I received an anonymous mail from a regular reader on my blog. The mail was rather long but I’ll spare you the drama and summarize as follows:

The writer is a young lady aged 24, graduate, done with NYSC and employed. She came to the conclusion that something must be seriously wrong with her. Why? Her second boyfriend in three years recently broke up with her and as if that wasn’t bad enough, she just found out he is getting married in a few months.

I must have sat expressionless facing my laptop for a few seconds after making it to the end of her email. I guess I was expressionless because there was an on-going battle in my head, as I couldn’t immediately decide on what to feel and how to express those feelings. Some minutes later, while still on the laptop, I opened up a word document and decided to capture my thoughts as follows.

Why on earth does a 24 year old think something must be wrong with her because one of her two exes’ is getting married? At 24, quite like the young lady, I was done with school and NYSC and I was on my first job but I remember still feeling very much unachieved. Why? Because I knew what some of my mates in other parts of the world had already achieved at that age. Even though I was only an entry-level employee at my office then, I had serious ambition to rise as high and as fast as possible and I was damn ready to do all I needed to do to achieve my goals. Outside my day job, I kept myself busy with other personal projects, not because I was idle but like I said, I already knew I was behind no thanks to the Nigerian educational system but I wasn’t going to sit and moan about that, I had a plan and I was going to execute it.

I’m sure you already wondered if any of this affected my social life. The answer is ‘no’. In fact, I remember having the bulk of my previous relationships during this period. Not because I was particularly skilled or anything but I WAS 24. Do not underestimate the energy that comes with that age. I did things then that I can only dream about doing nowadays.

Of course being in a relationship or staying in one then was not in any way a priority for me and I’m sure most of you will put that down to the fact that I’m a guy. But then again, man must not live by bread alone – everyone (especially at that age) can sure benefit from some form of companionship. In fact, I knew having an active social life was key to achieving my set goals so I made sure never to lag behind in that regard. However, as with most things in life, being in a relationship then had its benefits as well as disadvantages. As a result, whenever I was involved with someone who for one reason or the other things didn’t work out with, I saw it as a blessing in disguise.

I tell most people I try never to regret because it’s simply a waste of time. There’s a lesson in every single thing we do in our lives. Think of your worst relationship ever – yes, that one. If you can be very sincere with yourself and think hard enough, you’ll realize that one thing you learned from being with that person. Rather than sit and moan about leaving a relationship, I would spend some time to figure out the lessons I learned from it and move on.

I’m not saying moving on is easy – especially if it was a relationship that really meant something to you. And on top of that, if you find out some weeks later that your ex is getting married, it can pain. But what is done is done and as long as there’s no way to get back with the person (especially now that they’re getting married), the cold truth is, you need to move on. Cry and wallow all you want but the one thing you should NEVER EVER do is blame yourself or think something is wrong with you.

We all go on about how our society in Africa and indeed Nigeria puts extra pressure on our young women to get married, and have kids but the question I put before us today is, who makes up the so called society? It’s people like you and I and from what I’ve come to realize and contrary to many opinions, women, far more than men constitute the majority in the so-called society that puts this pressure on our women.

In all my time on this beautiful planet of ours, I can count how many times, if any at all, I’ve heard of a young man in the same scenario as the woman who wrote to me. And it has nothing to do with age. A 30-year old man who by many standards is fit for marriage will most likely not even see a big deal with breaking up with one girlfriend, talk more of thinking he has a problem… because his ex someway somehow happens to be getting married weeks after.

African men also get desperate about marriage so don’t get it twisted but the question here is why is the margin when compared to the age women begin to freak out, so wide? The simple answer for me is – women.

Of course there is the very not-so-little issue of “numbers”. Like the young lady said, that was already her second boyfriend in three years. To this, my simple answer is – and so what? I won’t go into details on how I think a lot of us especially in these parts get into relationships we shouldn’t be in; the major point here for me is, wouldn’t you rather have 10 failed relationships and one long successful marriage than having it the other way round?

Forget about your sexual body count, let’s even assume these relationships are non-sexual, most women still fuss about being in too many simply because of “what people will say”. Which people? The same people who’ll count how many celebs showed up at your wedding or the same people who’ll count months from the day of your wedding to the day they notice you with a baby bump? These people will never ever stop counting – it’s what they do. But once you find your happiness, you’ll be amazed at just how quickly these same people will turn around and leave you alone.

A lot of women reading this would have spent significant time dwelling on why and how come the ex of the lady who wrote to me, moved on so quickly to the point of marriage merely months after breaking up with her. This fact is not lost on me, but I chose not to focus on the various scenarios that could have played out with her ex and his fiancé before, during and after their relationship and instead, focus on the fact that he was probably never right for her in the first place.

If most of our women choose to ignore the ever present chatter from their kind and focus on themselves, maybe, just maybe, this so called pressure on them will ease up.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Michael Zhang

54 Comments

  1. *Real* Nice Anon

    April 14, 2015 at 5:40 pm

    Sigh! Another marriage topic on BN.

    • Thatgidigirl

      April 14, 2015 at 6:23 pm

      double sigh! I’m sending an article to BN on “BN ROLE IN PRESSURING WOMEN GENERALLY”

    • Sean

      April 14, 2015 at 6:52 pm

      Guys take it easy. Scroll on to other topics if you don’t care about another marriage article

    • letmetellyousomething

      April 14, 2015 at 7:04 pm

      Whether you like it or not, many people actually find these articles relatable because it applies to them. and guess what, YOU are included in that group,because you clicked the page so I am guessing that you read it anyway. it is rude for you to comment on bellanaija and criticise them for posting these things.

      Bella naija, please keep posting them jare. dont mind these haters.

    • letmetellyousomething

      April 14, 2015 at 7:08 pm

      FURTHERMORE, at the end of the day, it s is called BellaNAIJA… The Nigerian society REVOLVES around marriage and it is a sad truth but we cannot ignore it! if you are a nigerian in diaspora maybe you dont understand but for many in nigeria, it is necessary to try to encourage women to stop thinking they are worthless because they are not in relationships. Heck even me that I do not live in nigeria but i have nigerian friends, i find myself thinking about why i am not in a relationship all the time SO THIS ARTICLE WA A BREATH OF FRESH AIR TO READ!

      Stop with the hate and start encouraging change like bellanaija and wale did by sharing this post.

    • Tee

      April 14, 2015 at 7:21 pm

      Why you mad tho?
      Why did you open the page tho?
      Why did you comment tho?
      Lol!
      Im in my mid 20s still in college, had to relocate and start over again. I broke up with my boyfriend in Naija after 3-4 years. I’m seeing somebody! Yes I want to get married and have kids! Most of us do! But why the rush? Are you trying to have 20 kids? If not? What is it? In this time I dare somebody to tell me they are having more than 3 kids, if you are your daddy must be dangote. Hiss. If women are worried about getting to old before they have kids! There’s nothing wrong in having kids in your 30s! Most of us would prefer in the 20s, but what does this really change ? Make do of your 20s have fun, relax, set goals, achieve your dreams! Just chill! When the time is right it would happen.

    • Ann1

      April 15, 2015 at 2:11 pm

      I’m having 5 kids…

  2. Gem

    April 14, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    I agree with you. She’s 24, she has a lot to look forward to. Sheesh! We cause our own problems at times. So he broke up with you, eh he? He wasn’t meant for you, you probably dodged a bullet.. Have u thought of it like that? I’m 22, a doctor and I’m about to serve. When I tell people I have more on my mind than being married, they say I’m a feminist. I have nothing against being married but we should stop putting undue pressure on ourselves. Live, be young, be independent, have achievements. The man will come at the right time. Just chaiilll!

    • CYNTHIA

      April 15, 2015 at 12:00 am

      I JUST LOVE UR COURAGE

  3. @edDREAMZ

    April 14, 2015 at 6:03 pm

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said…
    .
    This is one of the reasons am happy am a dude and nothing of this nature will ever affect me….
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

  4. goodiebagman

    April 14, 2015 at 6:06 pm

    Wale, get yourself a job/proper hobby. And if this is it, then you and the noisemaker are losing in life. Your aburo just won the masters the other day. Leave babes to write about these topics abeg

    • aurora

      April 14, 2015 at 9:24 pm

      na wa for you o
      the kind of comments BN approves sef, meanwhile they dont post my harmless comments

    • AAsh

      April 15, 2015 at 6:03 pm

      We are all created for different purposes. It’s not nice hiding behind a computer screen and bullying others………A thousand likes for Wale’s article……you dont know whose life has been saved by this medium of encouragement!
      Kindly be more subtle when you pass messages across!

  5. tunmi

    April 14, 2015 at 6:16 pm

    The reason why it’s the members of the oppressed group that are the said group’s”worst enemy” is the effect of that oppression. When in fact, the oppressor is the worst enemy: racism, sexism, patriarchy, colorism, etc. See blacks in the US for example. They are even harder on themselves because they have been conditioned for hundreds of years in a racist society. The same goes for women. This idea that a woman’s worth is tied to a man has been around for centuries and has spread tremendously. And it still rears it’s head in different forms. Women end up being the police of that idea, they enforce it because that is what they have been taught, what they have seen, what had been glorified since time immemorial. Perhaps with the next generation we can see the effect of feminist and gender equality approaches.

  6. Sigh

    April 14, 2015 at 6:30 pm

    Marriage in Nigeria is sooo overrated. I know so many unhappy women with cheating husbands -and those ones will be joining to pressure us single and free ladies in our 20s. Please shift, misery loves company gan.
    That being said, I know many lovely marriages as well (as far as one can see from the outside). All in all, it’s better to be single and free than to be stuck in a bad marriage.
    May God help single ladies find the right mate AT THE APPOINTED TIME and not rush into a miserable union.

  7. young lady

    April 14, 2015 at 6:36 pm

    Wow…..superb

  8. Ibukun

    April 14, 2015 at 6:43 pm

    Really Nice Article. God bless you Wale. I wish women will stop letting pressures get at them. People will forever push you. At 24 marriage was the least thing on my mind, I wanted to pursue an Msc and finish my professional exams. One basic thing ladies, is that Marriage doesn’t define you. You’re not devalued simply because you’re single. The mistake of calculating your worth by your relationship with a man, is the cause of plenty abuse women go through.

  9. Ife.O

    April 14, 2015 at 7:25 pm

    This article makes a lot of strong points. I have always wondered why people complain that society puts pressure on women to get married, as if this”society” in question is not made up of you and I. Honestly, social media does not help too. It must hurt to see the whole world “moving” and you “stuck” in one place. That being said, I don’t necessarily agree with discarding the worry of someone who is eager to get married. I feel it’s also kinda inappropriate to say that people of that age are chasing careers and what not. To each his own. That’s a mantra I try to remind myself every time so I don’t judge people. If a woman really wants marriage, what’s stopping her from being “desperate” about it? If for instance, an upcoming musician or even a regular person wants a goal, they go to any lengths to achieve such goals some times. Same goes for people who want to get married so desperately, for some reasons, they WANT it really much and maybe even NOW, yeah such people should not be made to feel a type of way. It’s just that, as with every other thing in life, moderation is necessary. You can’t because you want to eat meat, call a cow “uncle”. That’s a Yoruba proverb lol. Point is, desperation can come with very dire consequences, so people should always watch out. Whether it’s that 2030 model of car you want, a fast rising music career, to head a company, or to get married, desperation sometimes comes with hard costs.

    • Yamaha

      April 14, 2015 at 9:17 pm

      Desperation for anything is not ideal! Whether marriage, kids, job, whatever, desperation is not ideal! Desperation leads people to take desperate measures, and we all know what that amounts to.

      Anyways back to the mattee(in wizzy’s voice). Yamaha doesn’t know about others, but Yamaha knows that nobody can pressure her into whatever. Right from when Yamaha was a girl of 14, she always wanted to get married in her mid to late 30 and won’t even mind early 40s. Although Yamaha has come to realize that decision was as a result of what she saw growing up. But the decision still stands.Yamaha needs to make enough money and be financially legit before any union. In case bullshit starts, she moves on fine. As for kids, if they come, great, if not, great!! That’s out of Yamaha’s hands. If the world likes they should use pressure cooker on Yamaha. She won’t cook! But again, to each her own. Some have been planning their wedding since 6 and still no hubby. That’s okay though, husbands would come in due time. Be happy and celebrate at whatever point you’re in your life, that’s all that matters.

    • Dora the explorer

      April 14, 2015 at 11:00 pm

      I love this Yahama character right here, always giving me good laughs.

    • The Cha Cha

      April 15, 2015 at 5:40 am

      Yamaha abi na Suzuki,
      Are you sure your name is not Ada?
      That girl that lives in AUH?
      Are you very sure? You sound like her & if you are not Ada please find her & befriend her. You are kindred spirits.

    • Tosin

      April 15, 2015 at 9:43 am

      I like this. I’m mid 30s, and when I think to just do it (because in Nigeria the pressure lool) I keep thinking when I’m older would make more sense. Because right now, marry for me implies divorce, just because life needs to go on.

  10. bumble bee

    April 14, 2015 at 7:51 pm

    God bless you wale!!! I’m in my late 20s, have a decent job, dating a fabulous man, we’ve been together for 5years.. right now, everyone’s on our neck to settle down, i’m like we are going to do it when we want to not when people think we should!!! Anytime they see me, they keep saying ohhh you are not giving him pressure and i’m asking pressure for what? I can’t pressure any man to do anything. They just don’t understand. I’m a beautiful, loving, great, hardworking lady, any man will be lucky to have me.. so when it’s the right time it is… no one can pressure me into doing anything

    • bukky

      April 14, 2015 at 8:14 pm

      I pirry you!

    • Kili

      April 14, 2015 at 11:18 pm

      That epistle of mine is for you!

    • Vicky2

      April 15, 2015 at 4:16 am

      LOL like she cares, talking as if you are significant in her life. People are can be foolish like for real.LOL. Well d message she wrote is for people like u.

    • nene

      April 15, 2015 at 8:34 pm

      5 years? nne what’s the hold up?

  11. Dr. N

    April 14, 2015 at 8:11 pm

    It ain’t d ladies putting pressure on themselves. It’s their momma, auntie, sister, friend, cousin, and their ex’s baby mama. Lol. You may be content but haters won’t let u be. They will convince u that black is white. Soon, u will agree to marry any Tom Dick or Harry just to get them off your neck. The pressure is real, pls don’t make fun of ppl going through it.
    When I was single, I had to take a job in a city where I had no family n pretend to be too busy for calls from aforementioned parties, lol. You do what u have to do to remain sane. I knew what I wanted but there was no need explaining. Now when they visit, they see what I saw in Le boo.
    Cheers

    • larz

      April 14, 2015 at 9:13 pm

      Funny you should say that. I had so much pressure it wasnt even funny after a point. Lets not just complain about it, lets DO something about it. Whenever I see my mum or elderly family members / friends putting pressure on a single person. I am the first to jump to their rescue. I have noticed that if other starts defending those that are victimised, it works a bit better. And even if worse case scenario, we are unable to sway the older generation, let us make sure that we call out our peers that are involved in this disgusting behaviours. In no time, these pressures will be a thing of the past.

  12. passerby

    April 14, 2015 at 9:18 pm

    Dude, you are sooooooo wrong!
    You should have gotten some perspective from the females around you before putting out this article.
    You have absolutely no idea how a woman’s brain works when it comes to marriage. Seriously, u should leave some topics alone.

    • Tosin

      April 15, 2015 at 9:40 am

      please tell me about your woman’s brain. i have boobs and allll (wink!) but i don’t have a woman’s brain.

  13. madamenoire

    April 14, 2015 at 10:08 pm

    Some people want to get married and have babies on time. Some people want to be young mothers and share their youth with their kids. Some people want to have a life partner to share their lives with in the legitimate godly institution called marriage. Forget about pressure from external forces, some pressures are internal. People want what they want and while people don’t always get what they want and most marriages are not even ideal to begin with, let’s not put a clock on when they should want it.

  14. #iamhe#

    April 14, 2015 at 10:15 pm

    Am not totally agreeing with what you said, and I won’t put blames either. But I agree with you on the fact that God may have saved her from a danger ahead because he know our begining from the end. I know of a friend that had same case as this girl,though a little different. Mine the guy is from the west and they usually go to find out who their wives and hubbys are. The guy did and couldn’t tell her for months that she’s not the one for him. He only jokingly asked her if she believed in such finding and she said no,he told her he too doesn’t but his family does. Green light no 1.he decided to end things with months after she called n called everyone she kew to beg n ask what happened or apologise all to no avail,some months after she heard his getting married she got sickened the more from emotional trauma. Not even a year passed after his marriage he died,making his chosen wife a girl like her a widow. The holy book isn’t Bonkers when it said in everything give God thanks. I know its not easy pulling through such especially when you have put in ur time and energy,you even had dreams of life with the person but please my sisters learn not to put your trust/hope on a man expect less,if it happens ur safe if it doesn’t ur safe even the creator the all knowing God took life one step at a time in creating.Never jump into conclusion with the present or past because the future maybe nothing like the two. Peer/society has pushed people in and out of marriage. When you set goals for yourself you don’t Let society talk you out of archiving it vis-a-vis marriage. Be sure your prepared in all ramifications. We youths think from our relationships and other peoples marriages we have gathered enough for ours ,how wrong we are,I will end my sermon with this saying of mine#don’t buy things on credit with another mans wages.

  15. Scatterific

    April 14, 2015 at 10:53 pm

    …At this point now,I think i have to start writing a book on the “The difference btw the curly hair of Van Vicker and Ramsey Noah”..cos if all we talk about now is marriage, then we all need some fresh air.

    • Pat

      April 15, 2015 at 4:23 am

      You are crazy! 🙂 You want to tear my ribs here with laugh? “Mind ya sef “.LOL

  16. PD Young Billionaire

    April 14, 2015 at 10:55 pm

    Get married bcos u found a friend…..bcos u found .a soul mate!Not bcos of the society….

  17. xoxo

    April 14, 2015 at 11:08 pm

    Lol. I’m 24 and thinking of how to leave my marriage. Keep calm and pursue your dreams

    • Kunmi

      April 15, 2015 at 3:00 am

      May God grant you wisdom and strength. *hug

  18. Kili

    April 14, 2015 at 11:15 pm

    You are the reason for this article.
    If I tell u how long I have been in a relationship with my partner, you will probably die.
    Yes, we are engaged…. Yes, we’ve pushed the relationship up a step… cos now our parents know each other,call and visit each other……. Yes he loves me and I love him back….. Yes, he faithful….. No he isn’t a cheat. Not all men cheat. Do I want to get married? abso-FREAKING-lutely YES!!! Do I want kids…. YES,YES,YES!!!!!!!!!!
    What is wrong with you people???. Why do u make people feel uncomfortable with their lives??? Tell me the joy in it!!!

    Yes I will get married to the man I want.. The man of my dreams. Who loves me unconditionally ….who will let me be me and not play God in my life.
    The man whom I ll love with the whole of me. Mind body and soul. We will both be happy, we will make it work… And wont be afraid of not being the regular definition of marriage.

    We will have a very small and intimate wedding ceremony, have a lavish honeymoon ( probably come back broke lol) and start all over again.

    Nobody should care I’m single or in a relationship! It is personal for God’s sake.

    So not that u pity her, the money in your bank account has increased ??? Or it has changed the price of fuel at the station??? Ooooh. Abi u want to sponsor her. Pls tell me.

    Chanel your pity towards yourself. I’m sure u need it in plenty doses somewhere in your life! Now tell me. How you feel. Ode osi.

    Care for people when they are sick
    Worry about that your neighbor that has not eaten.
    That your colleague at work you don’t say hello to cos her makeup is on point…ehn that one. Say hello to her tomorrow.
    Chanel your pity elsewhere

    ……….and learn to type properly too.

  19. careless

    April 14, 2015 at 11:28 pm

    I have an old classmate who’s elder sisters are not married, but won’t just stop making comments about girls not been married. I just figured most of these people who go about pressurising girls about not been married are involved with an unhappy home, or have sisters who still single. They tend to forget that, those who live in glass houses don’t throw stones…. i’m in my late 20’s and single…. but hey! its not up to me to tell that brother to pop the question
    I just know that I wont wait this long, only to get myself involved with the wrong kinda man. Taking it one step @ a time with the help of GOD!!

  20. Ama

    April 14, 2015 at 11:35 pm

    “What’s Next?”

    Both of my friends recently had kids that more than likely complete their families. They’re both older than me, so it makes sense they’re at a different stage. They met and married their husbands, they have cool apartments and they had kids, all in a nice little sequence. I love watching them build their lives together. It’s a really good thing. When the first one got married, I was in my early twenties. No one uttered anything about me getting married then. But now comments are starting…

    “What’s next?”

    “When are you getting married?”

    “Babies look good on you!”

    “Better get started!”

    I shouldn’t be overly concerned with what they’re saying. They’re only teasing or encouraging me with the next step in my life. It’s harmless! No one means anything by it, it’s just time for me to be heading in the same direction as my peers. It makes sense. I get it.

    But it doesn’t feel very nice.

    Believe me, I am fully aware that I am unmarried and childless. Heck, I don’t even have a real job at this point in time. I’m aware that I’m getting older. I’m aware that I’m not following the same patterns as my parents or my siblings or many of my peers. I’m aware that my biological clock is ticking. OH MY GOSH I AM SO AWARE.

    So when you — friends, family, acquaintances, facebook peeps, Twitter followers — remind me that I’m far behind where one would expect to be at my age, it makes me feel broken. I feel like I’ve done something wrong. I feel like I’m letting you down or making some horrible mistake.

    Instead of relishing in the freedom, blessings and limitless possibilities that this stage of life offers me, I am left frozen, feeling like I’m not enough. Like what I’ve done doesn’t really matter or that I’ve accomplished nothing. I’m an outcast. I’m defective. I’m panicked. When you comment on my life stage as if there was something I could do to change it, it makes me feel inadequate. Most days I truly do love where I’m at right now, but when people question my marital status, I think I’m messing up my chances to do anything worthwhile with my life.

    What if my ultimate goal has nothing to do with marriage or kids or a career? What if my aim was to love people well, and to fully embrace the gifts I’ve been given? Would that be enough? What if my life goal was to simply run the race, to be called a good and faithful servant at the end of it all? Maybe that would mean marriage and children and a thriving career, but maybe it wouldn’t. Is it ok if it doesn’t?

    When you ask when I’m getting married, I don’t have an answer for you. When you hint at me having kids, it makes me jealous of new parents. When you prod about my lack of a stable career, I get frustrated. When you ask these questions, it doesn’t help me grow. It doesn’t help me feel content with where I am. It does more damage than you realize. Maybe you’re just trying to make conversation or small talk, or maybe you’re genuinely interested in my life. For that, I’m very appreciative.

    I would like to suggest one thing, though: instead of asking me what’s next, ask me what’s now. Ask me what God is teaching me, ask me what I’m struggling with, or what brings me joy. I am learning, I am growing, and I am happy. I would love to tell you all about it.

    . I don’t have a husband. I don’t have children. I don’t have ma dream career. I don’t have what people expect I should have, but I am abundantly blessed with absurd, exhilarating, and fantastic things I would have never dreamed up on my own.

    So please, my dear friends, don’t ask me what’s next. Ask me what’s now.

    • Meh86

      April 15, 2015 at 2:14 am

      I remember reading something very similar in an article on a Christian blog. Agreed with it then… Agree wholeheartedly still.

    • Kunmi

      April 15, 2015 at 3:04 am

      I absolutely LOVE this! I think I’ll save some parts of it for the future when the questions start rolling in.

    • Tosin

      April 15, 2015 at 9:37 am

      You’re living the dream, darling Ama.
      Amen to your comment.

  21. Sol

    April 15, 2015 at 12:28 am

    Terrible grammatical construction and word order. This person writes like he speaks.

    I’m surprised that I’m the only one who caught it. Unnecessarily long article too.

    I want my 5 minutes back.

    • spicy

      April 15, 2015 at 9:25 am

      Oh just shut up would you

  22. Odijie's baby

    April 15, 2015 at 2:15 am

    As for me I want to settle down, I really do. Would I have loved to settle at 25? Yes I would but my salary when I was aged 25 – 27 was not up to 100k.
    . I’ve always prayed for financial breakthrough before settling down. I cannot come and kill the guy because I am married to him. When I need to spoil the kids nko? Mummy needs to able to afford these things. Thankfully, I have just gotten a new offer with a multinational but the only problem is that the only man who seems really into me at the moment is from Edo State while I am Ibo. Finding good naija men here in the diaspora can be a bit of a challenge.

    He feels our inter tribal differences don’t matter, but personally I think its a dead end. I am going on 28 and still hoping an Ibo brother or someone close to home comes along. Its just a personal wish , though he feels its silly of me to nurse such a thought in 2015.*sob*

    • Oddie

      May 7, 2015 at 5:59 pm

      It is okay to have a preference but do not let that myopic preference keep you from good men. This idea that ibo must marry ibo or anything else is another reason a lot of women are not married and when they clock 30, they start jumping from one synagogue to another looking for who tied their destiny. Marriage is not the be-all and end all of life but if you desire to be married and there is a wonderful man pursuing you, forget this whole he must be Nigerian or my tribe thing. This is 2015

  23. BlueEyed

    April 15, 2015 at 2:19 am

    Another marriage article, do people still want in on this overplayed subject? It’s 2015 guys the world has spun way past this.
    Secondly, funny how the writer is a young man (probably still in his 20’s) and advising women on marriage?

  24. Tosin

    April 15, 2015 at 9:35 am

    One day I heard this song. Maybe it changed my life. I wish somebody cared to debate/comment…
    “Experiment! Make it your motto day and night
    Experiment! And it will lead you to delight (the light?)
    The apple on the top of the tree is never too high to achieve
    so take an example from Eve – experiment!
    Be curious, though interfering friends may frown
    Get furious at each attempt to hold you down
    If this advice you always employ,
    the future can offer you infinite joy
    and merriment. Experiment
    and you’ll see. ”
    – by the inimitable, irreverent, subversive, Cole Porter

  25. beebee

    April 15, 2015 at 10:52 am

    i think the writer here is angry that his ex is actually getting, he doesn’t want to deal with the fact that maybe she didn’t love him and can easily move on after a few weeks. of breaking up. I see him running away from that real point and inciting that she or other people put pressure on her to get married. maybe being ready and not being ready is the real reason they broke up.

    this write-up is a resentment article. he could have possible won her back or things could have worked them back together.
    she is gone budly

    • Kili

      April 15, 2015 at 1:26 pm

      Ah. No o! Tula Adewale @toolsman is married o. Married to a very fine babe like that. Soooo your assumption is so wrong

  26. miss max

    April 15, 2015 at 1:29 pm

    Our society has made it so, that even your male friends, brothers and other males in your life will definitely wonder what the heck is wrong with you. Some will wonder aloud while others will wonder in action. Guys also get pressure to get married, so please, the pressure is not on ladies alone. Aside that, some people’s ambition in life is just to get married which is why they worry when they are not married yet at a particular age. They get married, then, they begin to worry that children are not coming, I often say not everyone is destined to be married and looking at it logically, it could be the reason why some marriages fail from the onset. Marriage is a bus stop on life’s road, some stop at it, some don’t. But our society has made it a big deal so whether we like it or not, this topic will always come up. It is what you tell yourself that matters in the end.

  27. Icebag1976

    April 15, 2015 at 1:46 pm

    I am going to be 39 this year, I have a five year old son, I’ve never been married. My baby’s dad got married last year and it didn’t bother me because he wasn’t the right person for me. I believe waiting on God to do it right for you is better. I’ll keep waiting because he will never fail me Amen. My major reason to be married is because the bible says the marriage bed is undefiled and I don’t want to continue in fornication before our Lord comes back. So Abba Father I’m trusting in you and will never be desperate by the Grace of ur beloved son Christ Jesus.

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