Busola Adedire: Highly Sensitive People

After church on Sunday I watched as two little girls had a fall out. Girl A and Girl B were having an innocent conversation till their discussion led to Girl B stating that ‘some people can be bossy’ Girl A quickly chipped in ‘like you!! You are Bossy’. Girl B suddenly started to cry. Everyone urged Girl B, to wipe her tears and toughen up. In her mum’s words ‘I have to prepare her for the world, because people might take advantage of her’. I, an observer in this scenario could relate to this on many levels because it is who I was as a child. I cried too much and felt too deeply. Growing up, I have had to ask myself some hard questions about these traits. Certainly this can’t be normal I often thought, till I gained more knowledge and acceptance about my personality.

For people who are unfamiliar with sensitivity, highly sensitive people are people who feel both joy and sadness intensely. Some researchers claim it is a result of an over developed nervous system; others attribute this behaviour to environmental factors. I think these traits could also be genetically inherited. There is a big debate in the world of psychology about these factors and their contributing percentages but that is another discussion for another day.

So what makes a sensitive person who they are?

The Overwhelming Urge to Give Love
I love love, I love to help people. I love going over and beyond for people out of the goodness of my heart. It brings a sense of fulfillment and calm to me which makes me happy. But how do you survive in a world full of darkness, where kind deeds are often misunderstood and unappreciated? This was the one of the hardest things for me comprehend about life. The first time I experienced heartbreak, I cried every night for almost two weeks and vowed that I will never let any man make me cry again. I later realized that such vows are the reasons we have cold hearts in the world. Those who hurt people are not necessarily bad people but, we learn love in different ways and in turn give it back in different ways.

Assholes/bullies/mean-spirited People Are Attracted to Your Light
This ties in nicely with the aforementioned. Let’s think it through logically, who doesn’t want to be loved unconditionally? There is something about loving people genuinely that is incredibly attractive. On the flip side, those who lack the capacity to give love will be attracted to you for this same reason but will constantly put you down for having something they don’t have. A good heart bleeds often and you have to be prepared for that. Ps. Avoid Assholes.

Intuition
This is for the thinkers, the feelers, and the seers. This is for those who can pick up non- verbal clues, and those who feel the energy behind every spoken word. This is for everyone who can see right through deception and fakery. If there is one thing I love about myself, it is the gift of intuition. People lie, energies don’t. There are people I have met and immediately my spirit sets an alarm bell ringing. Of all things in life, the ability to see right through people is a big gift. Celebrate it!

Mood Swings
This occurs because you are processing different emotions at the same time. It ranges from anxiety to depression. Knowing yourself requires you to know your triggers. I don’t like watching the news and I avoid reading daily mail like a plague. Too much bad news can upset me for the whole day, and it is not quite easy telling people to snap out of bad moods. It is also important to keep positive people around you because negative vibes spreads easily. Another way of tackling this is through spirituality and exercising. (Ps. don’t confuse this with clinical cases of depression and anxiety. If you have suicidal thoughts, or constant panic attacks please seek medical help).

Quest for Solitude
Sensitive people disconnect from people from time to time because they need time to recharge themselves as people often drain them. This doesn’t mean they don’t love you, but please respect their space. They also avoid public/crowded places like malls, big events etc. It is not because the hate socializing, it is because they feel overwhelmed physically by human presence.

Masking Sensitivity
What the world teaches us is that vulnerability is weakness, and kindness is stupidity. As a result of that, sensitive people can mask who they are because of the fear of rejection.Rejection is a different kind of demon we all live to fight, and for everyone who have experienced it, the stories are similar. Also, people do develop a thick skin to aggression. However, just because they don’t look hurt or offended doesn’t mean they are not. Masking sensitivity can also manifest in different ways like explosive anger or passive aggression. Therefore, when someone acts out differently from their personality, take some time to understand why.

It May Affect Your Relationships
As you try to adjust yourself to live normally, you will need to do the same for relationships. For other sensitives who don’t know who they are, they could be misunderstood for being crazy because they will act out for unknown reasons. Let your potential partner know that you are a sensitive person. Identify patterns and trends in your life about sensitivity and make your request for space known beforehand.

Boredom
If you are like me, then you probably get bored easily. Find a hobby you enjoy as this helps you to retain your sense of self. Hobbies like creative writing, attending dance classes, gardening, sewing gives you the much needed time for solitude. Ps. people are not hobbies.

Sensitive people are everywhere, and it is always a good idea to be kind to everyone. Other traits of highly sensitive people include artistry, sensitivity to light and sounds, perfectionism and weak human boundaries. Feel free to add more in the comment section below.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime |  Photojogtom