William Ifeanyi Moore: The Bitter Pill of Honesty in Relationships

A lot of ladies are quick to say they want a guy to just keep it honest from the start, to that I call bulls*it.
The average man knows exactly what he wants from a woman within the first fifteen minutes or ever less of talking with her. We have the sister zone (AKA no bang zone, ever), the friend zone (AKA no bang zone but please don’t be wearing them short shorts around my house), the friends with benefit zone (AKA I find you attractive but not in a relationship way), the sex zone (AKA I don’t want to be seen with you in public and would rather text than call you), the relationship zone (AKA I can see myself building something with you), and lastly and most rarely, the marriage zone (AKA I barely even know you but I am so attracted to every fabric of your being I could put a ring on your finger and triplets in your ovaries like RIGHT NOW). Most guys can think of at least one girl that put this juju on them.

The bitter truth is that, everything is not for everybody and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is expecting to make it to everyone’s relationship or marriage zone that causes quite a lot of trouble. I always tell my friend that if there was polite way to ask a girl if she would like sex with no string attached, conversations would be cut to one sentence and telecommunication companies will fold up. Ladies, I’m sure you know that guy that says hello whenever you change your DP, the one that tries to divert every conversation to something flirtatious or outright raunchy. He really just wants some sugar but cannot think of a way to say this.

Now, I like to think as the supposedly more emotionally intelligent of the specie, women are not blind to these things. Hopefully you guys too can sense what you want from a guy and also what he wants from you. This is not to say you are not permitted willful ignorance and flat out denial, but at least, somewhere inside, it can’t be so difficult to tell when a guy wants to really build something with you and when he wants only a piece of the pie. Save of course a few snakes that will pretend to be something else. I really don’t know why guys do this.

So my question is what makes it so difficult to simply ask people ‘what do you want?’ or ‘what are you looking for?’. Instead we play this game of presumptions and assumptions (can an English graduate tell me what the difference is between these two words?) only to get in trouble on the way after assuming one thing when the other person had another thing in mind? Is this because deep down we dread rejection so much that we treat it like that bank balance that you know is so low you rather not just check to see what exactly it is? Or is it because not defining anything gives us room to manoeuvre zones without being trapped? It has come to my understanding that these days we are so afraid of commitment that telling someone honestly that you are trying to lock them down can actually cost you the relationship, especially when they consider it too early to be thinking so far. Also no girl wants to be told point-blank that you only want sex from her, or that the possibility of more than sex and friendship is zero. For most men this is a fantasy.

All in all, the truth can be a bitter pill to swallow, but is this method of silence till things are very concrete the best to work on?

As always, feel free to let me know what you think.

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