Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: Friendly People Are Annoying

It was a little antique shop on a crooked road with cobbled stones. The waft of the creme brûlée fragrance caught my attention and I nudged my friend in the direction of the scent. I’m guessing my eyes had that excited glint of “If I don’t find out what’s in there , I’m gonna spend the next 2 hours complaining that you didn’t let me“. In the next minute we were inside the shop; 5 minutes later my friend was chatting excitedly with the owner. I was tired of looking at candles and little wood carvings, but interrupting the conversation that was going on around me felt like I’d be ending some deep conversation between long lost friends.

“Why on earth do you have to be so bleeping friendly?” I rolled my eyes, grit my teeth and stomped down the path. I don’t know how friendly people do it. They’re always so happy, and cheery and God I envy them so much.

“Is it my fault that you’re such a grouch?”

I think ‘grouch’ is a bit extreme, but let’s just say, it takes some people a longer time to warm up than others. You meet some people and they’re already trying to get in bed with you! No, get your filthy heads out of the gutter… I mean that in a purely non-sexual way.

Being friendly is an admirable trait. It means you’re open, and approachable. Friendly people are often mistaken for nice people, but it comes with the territory. All that openness and people are relaxed around you – enough to start telling you their problems. Friendly people also tend to go over and beyond the regular call of duty. They go out of their way to help you feel better. They’re effusive and vibrant.

And annoying!

Okay, that’s the grouch in me showing. Honestly, I admire friendly people. You meet them on the train and they’re offering you mint, asking you what you do, and where you’re from. They jump right into the mix of things. Some of us need to take our time to study some more in order to find out if we want to start chatting effusively.

Sometimes, it’s not really about the friendliness of the person, but the place where said friendliness is taking place that is the issue. In a work environment *insert stuffy-lawyer-investment banker-type scenario*, the whole shining of teeth and excessive effusiveness is very off-putting. One particular pet-peeve of mine is the “Hello dearie” in work emails! Oh God! WHY? There’s a reason why we’re in a professional relationship and not on a boat  to Elegushi beach! We’re not close like that! Please don’t ‘dearie’ me in a work email!

But if I’m going to be perfectly honest, what does it hurt to be friendly? I mean,  you don’t know what doors will be opened if you crack a smile or tell a joke in that first instance. Being friendly has helped a lot of people get amazing opportunities that they would have lost if they were grouchy.

My sister is very friendly (yes, I know… I drew the short straw from the gene pool). Yesterday, on her way from church, she met a lady on the platform who asked her for directions. Before they parted ways, they had exchanged details of each other’s North East adventures. Last week, she came home and told me about a new friend she had made.

Turns out this lady, who I always see on my way back from my morning run, was Nigerian. My sister also sees her on her way to work. Guess who strikes up a conversation with this lady? Yup, Sister dearest! They’ve transitioned to home visits now.

As much as I secretly admire such people and their ability to speedily kick off things, I hold on to my natural proclivities to be suspicious and wary.  Please don’t judge. I spent a long time in a town where I was made to believe that talking to a stranger means being turned into a stone, or a kolanut.

I’m also not a fan of small talk. It’s very difficult for me, especially with strangers. Remember, I wrote an article about talkative hairdressers {click here if you missed it}. But, I think I’m just being silly, because strangers become friends; and friends become lovers. I look back at some of my best friends and I’m just glad they made the effort, because my life would be so bland and colourless without them.

Maybe being friendly isn’t so bad after all.  This is a lesson I’m learning myself, because my closest relationships today were the result of a slow burning process. I think the only friend I made on the spot and kicked things right off is Shakira – and even that wasn’t spontaneous. Our parents were friends for years, her mother delivered me at birth, so we just kind of kicked things off on that premise.

God! I need to work on being friendlier.

Please share some of your personal experiences with me. Are you friendly? Are you a stone-faced grouch like me? What do you think about being friendly? Or maybe just a fine balance between being a Bebeto and being cold!

It just occurred to me that with every week, I’m stripping away more layers of myself. You guys are helping me reach a certain level of self awareness and I’m so grateful to you. You guys make this column work for me and I’m very grateful.

Thank you for reading, and for your comments. It means the world to me.

Have a fantastic week ahead.

Peace, love & carrot batons!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Bryan Creely