Chiugo Akaolisa: Fight the Good Fight

I am a classic avoider which means I run away from all forms of futile arguments that can lead to fights. When I can’t help it, I try my best to avoid low-blows. I have seen the damage it does to people’s morale so I’m not a fan of it. I am also not a fan of keeping people who do it around me, it may be infectious. Who knows?

That being said, I have heard that there is nothing more exhilarating (short term) than winning a futile argument. You know, that amazing feeling when you get the last word in and the person you are arguing with slowly backs away, succumbs to your line of reasoning or even apologizes.

People who love to fight live for this feeling and most stop at nothing to achieve this.

This is usually fair when the person you are arguing with is clearly wrong and willing to admit it but where problems usually develop is when there is a moral grey area; that awkward spot where both parties have a valid point. No one wants to surrender: no victor, no vanquished.

When this type of situation presents itself, the devil creeps in and advises you to bring out your loaded gun and aim for all the weak points and past mistakes of your nemesis, with the hope of making your point and declaring victory. You wait for that perfect moment to let out all you have been holding in and usually it cannot be taken back.

Stop! Don’t do it!

This is the number one killer of most relationships and friendships.

Dirty fighting is when couples or friends argue with hostility and contempt enough to intentionally humiliate and hurt their opponent. Once relationships enter that dreaded zone, it is hard to recover the purity of love once felt.

Fighting dirty may bring about temporary feelings of success and euphoria but long term, it is extremely destructive and unhealthy, especially for people in relationships who claim to love themselves. If you love the person you are with, what is the benefit of seeing the person get hurt in the aim of winning a fight? I mean, how do you expect someone you just called a “worthless good-for-nothing” in the last argument feel when the peace has been restored? A million compliments will be traded for that one hard-to-forget insult.

The most hilarious is when lovers or friends bring their misunderstandings out to social media, letting absolute strangers weigh in on a fight that would have been better sorted by taking the moral high ground and calmly talking out their differences.

Let’s get one thing straight: Everyone fights. Even the best relationships have gone through their fair share of squabbles. Its how you fight that decides everything. Anger is a natural reaction to an upsetting situation but humiliating words and flying fists don’t have to accompany it. Take a step back and only return when you are calm, even when you think you are right. This is an important trick most women need to learn. You never want to be seen as a warrior (I had to learn it too).

It is important to fight fair and resolve conflicts amicably. Whenever you sense an argument brewing, put away all the verbally abusive words and employ constructive reasoning. Walk away if you don’t trust yourself to keep calm and please, for the love of God, keep it away from social media! It never helps.

“Whenever you are confronted with an opponent, conquer him with love.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

Goodluck!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Daniel Raustadt