Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: Birth Certificate Age or Football Age

Of all the redundant and meaningless arguments I have seen on social media, the one about a person’s age, vis-a-vis, their look, takes the crown. Picture this: ‘Florence Flurrybuns Celebrates 30th Birthday in Style’ headlines newspapers, blogs and online magazines. Then comments trickle in:

She looks good for her age.

We want her youth serum.

How can she say she is 30? She has to be at least 34.

And of course my personal favourite: This lady was in my brother’s class in UniPort. How can she claim she is 30? Right there, in that instance when those words are being churned out, you can tell that very little brain cells are activated.

The idea of using how a person looks as a gauge of their actual age is ridiculous. People age differently and in different stages. Factors such as life experiences, health and fitness, financial buoyancy… amongst other things, determine how a person looks at a certain age.

One of my friends usually says that women who have had very busy sexual lives look older than their peers. How very sexist! I mean how do you explain promiscuous men who claim that it’s the fact that they’re still dipping their sticks into all sorts of ponds that keeps them youthful and energetic.

The logic of using a person’s class in school might have worked, if people all went to school at the same time (especially in Nigeria)  Okay, let’s look at it carefully: as soon as you’re old enough to go to school, your age becomes a factor to consider. There’s an average age wherein you have to be enrolled in school. In some countries, they try to ensure that the child is old enough to have certain cognitive senses. It’s not quite the same in Nigeria – where everything is a competition – the younger the better. “Oh, Anabel hasn’t started school? Nifemi is already in Primary 1 oh.”

In my time, my father said I wouldn’t go to school until my right hand could comfortably cover my left ear. Short girl. Short limbs. No guesses as to how that turned out. While school might be an indication of a person’s average age, it’s not even an accurate one. There was a girl who was brought to our house from Pandogari at 13. She had to go start from primary 1 when she couldn’t even read her alphabets at 13 .

So, the fact that a person was in your class is not something for you to beat your chest about and make factual statements about their age.

But why is a person’s age so important to other people? I mean, how relevant is your knowledge of my age… in the bigger scheme of things?

Age is used to determine things like respect accorded to a person within certain spheres of social interaction. Because we’re so big on respect, we have made this age business a big deal. But, when did age become an index of common sense? I know a lot of old people who are embarrassingly dim!

The truth is age is nothing but a number. In an ideal world, it should be a marker of experience, wisdom and all things profound. But, that’s sadly not the case. Can you in all honestly compare the child soldiers in Sierra Leone to your sheltered teenagers whose only experiences are deciding whether they want to go to Disney Paris or DisneyLand Anaheim for summer? After all, they’re both 16!

In all of this, we need to revisit how much reliance we place on age as an index of socio-cultural and economic relations. I’ve heard a lot of people say they can’t relate with people of a certain age bracket – just because they’re ‘too young’ or ‘too old’.

I have absolutely none of those filters. As long as I can have intellectually stimulating conversations with you, and we can share a good laugh, I don’t really stop to ask “how old are you?”. It’s not a factor in the formation of my friendships, or relationships.

A couple of years ago, I wrote a piece about the age when one should stop looking for prospects in a partner and when one should actually start seeing action. {Click here if you missed it}. From the discussion that ensued, I realised that age is a big deal… especially when you’re measuring growth, development and societal standing.

Then there’s the thing about lying about your age. Some people believe that they’ll get unfairly judged if their true age is disclosed and so hiding their age becomes a thing. They may have a point, actually.

Age is a major thing in the labour market: how many years of working life span can the employer squeeze out of you before you become old and frail? How close are you to the retirement age that will cost them benefits? If the job you want very badly says application is only open to 25 year olds and younger, your qualification for the job becomes null.

There’s also the premium we place on ‘respect’ in Nigeria. I know a 54-year old man who resigned his job because a 30-year old expatriate was brought in to be his boss. The working relationship was going smoothly until they were at a social gathering and the boss mentioned that he was turning 30 in a few months.

In any case, I believe that a person’s age is what they tell you it is. You can argue with that from here to Jerusalam, and it still wouldn’t make a difference. Unless a person’s age has direct impact on your livelihood, it shouldn’t be such a big deal. Of course this might not be palatable news to people who desperately crave respect based on age and not achievements, or whether they have truly earned it.

What do you guys think? How important is the disclosure of a person’s age to you in the bigger scheme of things? Do you lie about your age? What are the pros and cons of disclosing your age? And just for fun… would you say you look older or younger than your age? Thanks to FitFam, I can comfortably say I look at least 10 years younger! :p Don’t hate… work out more and eat salads! :*

Oh before I go… I promised to announce the winner of the Creative Writing giveaway today,right? First of all, I wanna say a HUGE thank you to everyone who participated in this fun competition. I had such an exciting time reading all the entries. Yes. I read EVERY entry and it was so hard to pick just two people.

I narrowed down 43 good stories, eliminating people who didn’t follow the instructions regarding, grammar, sentence structure and creativity. (Someone wrote Gbemisola shoes) Why? Guys, why?

Anyway, the winners are *cue drum roll*

Rozon Rotimi and Missy
They checked all the boxes and I loved their takes on it.

I honestly wish I could pick 10 more winners because I LOVED the stories by Kunmi O, Temilade Jebutu, Maryam, Oluwadunsin, A.A, Oluwapelumi Simpson,Tierific, Debbie O and Glowing Sapphire (Because he/she used the first line as part of a speech! I waited all week to see someone do that)

A special thanks to everyone who made this competition possible. Mnena A, Uchechi O, BimbsJ, GbemiOO & BellaNaija. Y’all rock!

Peace, love & celery sticks.
Toodles!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Fernandes Borges Michel