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Ferdy Adimefe: To Lily With Love… My Fellow Adventurer

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I remember like yesterday when we took the solemn vow to love each other no matter what. I am certain now that much of the import of those words were lost on me. Really, I must confess that these eventful two years tested those vows with little or no decency. But I found out one thing; our enduring love for each another has triumphed. Yes, I am learning each day of the true meaning of marriage, of the cost of love and the pains of sacrifice. I am learning that love is not always as tidy and airbrushed as we think. Our idealized version of romantic love is perhaps the real enemy of real love.

Each day, I learn that marriage isn’t just about giving up a carefree lifestyle and coming to terms with new limits, but also enjoying the joy of a partner committed to your life as much as you are. I am learning how to always pass my plans and choices through the filter of ‘us’.
You come first. It wasn’t a choice I made; it was a reality I accepted. It is a blessing to be married to my best friend, my biggest fan and my partner-in-crime. To be with someone you can be totally free with is the truest gift of love. Moreso, I am super proud of the family we have created. This beautiful small world we have is my most important consideration.

Today, we share the joy of raising such a lovely and energetic son, Kayima. I believe no duty in my life is more sacred than my role as a father. It is not lost on me that my supreme responsibility is to love you with a sacrificial, purifying, caring and unbreakable love.

Each marriage is as unique as the people who join their hands together. Ours is uniquely us. We have been through many adventures; those days when the car wouldn’t start, when the rent would go up and our savings was at an all-time low. Those days were hard. Those nights that we would drag each other into unpleasant arguments, instead of simply walking away, weren’t always fun. But I see that we have become stronger and better after every wobble. Although, it has been challenging, it has also been far more rewarding. I wouldn’t trade where I am for any other place. I wouldn’t trade you for any other person.

With you, I can take deep breaths and be myself because the more openly we discuss our differing expectations; the more we create a vision for a lifelong happy marriage. I believe in our marriage and I reaffirm my love for you and renew my vow to you. I know that a good marriage requires hard work and I am willing to give that much.
There is little to say that you haven’t already heard, and little to give that is not already given. Your beauty, heart and mind inspire me to be the best I can be.

As the years go by, I am more honest about my tendency to drift away and get lost changing endless business goals. I vow not just to grow old together, but to grow together, to make my accomplishments ours, and your challenges, mine. I promise to love who you are now and who you are yet to become.

As time passes, I promise to be willing to face change as we both age. I promise to spend each day working to become a truer version of myself, and I will do my utmost to help you do the same.
May we have many adventures and grow old together.
Love,
Ferdy

24 Comments

  1. Me

    August 5, 2015 at 1:39 pm

    Awww!!! Lily and Feddy!!!

  2. Alem

    August 5, 2015 at 1:47 pm

    Wow this is a lovely tribute

  3. T

    August 5, 2015 at 1:53 pm

    May God keep your love, hope and happiness alive, and may you truly grow old together in love. Amen

  4. hephie brown

    August 5, 2015 at 2:23 pm

    eeerrrrrrmmmmmm

    • lady T

      August 5, 2015 at 2:35 pm

      bad belle, what is eeeerrrrmmmmm? *rme

  5. Aibee

    August 5, 2015 at 3:11 pm

    At first I wondered ” Errr, why are you telling us? Write a note to your wife”. Then I realised, this letter is as much a challenge, as it is a promise. It is a man challenging himself to do better, to be better, as a husband, father, lover, friend etc than he was before. It seems to me that in making this very open promises and affirmations to Lily, Ferdy is putting himself in the public space, making himself accountable for his actions. Knowing that if he cheats on his wife, is violent or abusive towards her in any form, he will be called out for it and he will lose face, not only with his friends and family, but also in the eye of all of us BN readers who have seen their wedding pictures and his many letters to Miss Lily. I don’t know this couple from Adam, but thy sure do have my best wishes for a happy and fulfilling life together.

  6. Nia

    August 5, 2015 at 3:33 pm

    Very sweet but bobo wait oh you don cheat? Wetin you do tell us if nothing then mehn you are one in a 1000 to take time out to appreciate your woman publicly :chop knuckle

  7. Olofofo at Gbeborun Inc.

    August 5, 2015 at 3:38 pm

    haha trend alert!!! Let me just say I am chopping popcorn ahead of bad belle comments towards anyone stupid enough to copy this trend.
    Sappy loveinwantintin posts like this gets old fast. #Fact.

  8. Dr. N

    August 5, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    Awwwww.
    Uplifting to see an example of a happy marriage.
    Cheers guys

  9. Ifeoluwa

    August 5, 2015 at 4:58 pm

    This is a real man

    ifealako.blogspot.com

  10. Ifeoma

    August 5, 2015 at 8:17 pm

    AwwWwwwwwwww I love LOVE!!!

  11. Monitor

    August 5, 2015 at 8:26 pm

    Did some people even read the letter? This is not a sappy loenwantintin happy marriage post, but a look at an honest man and his very human, complicated marriage. He is calling out himself, and is willing to make it work, for that I applaud him. And I say, welcome to the club. May you indeed grow together, and grow old together. Amen.

  12. tombari zabbeh

    August 5, 2015 at 10:51 pm

    Happy anniversary ferdy…lovely piece. Very deep and brutally honest!
    Wishing you many ‘forevers’.
    Tom.

  13. Prince

    August 6, 2015 at 8:12 am

    Marriage they say is tough and many young people are wrapped in unrealistic expectations of marriage. This post seems to be painting a honest, authentic and realistic picture of marriage..
    The writer is a pastor who loves to share his thoughts and hopes to use his stories and struggles to inspire hope and healing in the lives of people walking similar challenge.

  14. Taipan

    August 6, 2015 at 8:38 am

    Soibi!!!!!! i remember when you made the choice ….it was a difficult one, see where you are now…This is awesome!!!

  15. Glory Edozien

    August 6, 2015 at 9:51 am

    Dear Ferdy,

    I salute you for this post and for depicting the challenges of marriage and what propels you to keep your vows. In today’s world where all we see are either negative aspects of marriages or the airbrushed impressions, it is good to have an honest view of the commitment and drive marriage requires, especially when it’s coming from a man’s perspective.

    ‘I am learning that love is not always as tidy and airbrushed as we think. Our idealized version of romantic love is perhaps the real enemy of real love.’

    That line says everything and I will keep its meaning with me. Thank you for sharing

    I pray God gives you grace, wisdom and strength to keep and renew your love daily. Thank you Ferdy…and off course LOADS of love to you Lilly xxxx

  16. Yetunde

    August 6, 2015 at 10:59 am

    Very honest piece young man. Thanks for sharing……. However, I think it is better to be private with things relating to your family. You can still advice people without putting yourselves out there. I honestly learned a thing or two from your article but taking her out to dinner and telling her all these privately, assuring her of your walk together, letting her know you both would be better with all the trials would have been a better idea. You can then come here and write an anonymous article to encourage us young married couples. I honestly think you should not give room for unnecessary talks……even though bad belle people will forever remain….. #My2Cents.

    • Kay

      August 6, 2015 at 12:12 pm

      You made great sense here. Some things should be private.

    • Gbemi

      August 6, 2015 at 12:59 pm

      I Concur!!!

    • Uzoma

      August 6, 2015 at 1:04 pm

      u spoke my mind….protect ur family’s privacy….too much info….

    • carl

      August 6, 2015 at 1:33 pm

      wooloop. wooloop…. how does it consine you…biko…….Gerarahiaaa!!!!

  17. Nedu

    August 6, 2015 at 1:26 pm

    while some of you know it all may not appreciate the openness and sincerity of this message, there are some of us who are looking to better understand the concept of marriage as we struggle in our private life’s. Please allow the piece, say your word and walk on by…. nice one ferdie.

  18. Tosin

    August 18, 2015 at 5:56 pm

    let us with a gladsome mind…

  19. Jennietobbie

    February 7, 2019 at 8:44 am

    Eti-Osa decides introduced me to Ferdy!!

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