Aunty Bella: Miss. Mom Can’t Stand Bae

Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.

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Dear Aunty Bella

I’m dating this amazing guy who is madly in love with me as I am with him. Now, my mother is a very judgemental person and a strict christian so in the past she has discredited some of my friends for things that are either superficial or beyond their control i.e family background.

My mother doesn’t like him for the following reasons: He’s not from the same tribe as us, he’s mixed race, his parents are not married or living together (however their relationship is very amicable), and his educational background is not up to par (he’s still in school doing distance learning).

Another thing is that we are from different social classes but he is intelligent and he hasn’t had half the opportunities I’ve had in life, so his life didn’t work out in the best way but he’s still remained positive and hardworking.

I love this guy because he’s a good guy, honest, kind and has a good character. However, my mum keeps bugging me about the relationship and has told me that if I eventually marry this guy, our relationship will be strained and I won’t get an inheritance from my father if he agrees with her; and at the end of the day, they might not come for the wedding.

She is always so tense and upset when she talks about him. She says that he’ll be like his father and that he’s no good. Now, I know all these things should be considered when dating, and when I started dating him they were issues for me; but I see a different man from my preconceived notions. He has a good relationship with his family and siblings and he is a really good guy.

We’re both in our early 20s, so we’re not really talking about marriage but he is someone I would like to marry. My only problem with him is his future prospects and I’ve already told him about this.
I told him I might not be able to marry him if he can’t provide a certain lifestyle for me as a wife, and he has agreed that money won’t be a problem. But my mother still says that even if he has money tomorrow, she can never like him or his family.

I obviously think my mother hates him for a very superficial reason. My family appears together (successful parents, rich family, christian, etc) but my parents have never been together for more than a few months. I literally grew up without my dad because he was rarely around, and my parents are basically married but living away from each other. And I’ve sworn to never marry a man like my father or be like mother who has never been happy in the marriage.

I would like to hear other people’s experience and suggestions. My mother’s judgemental attitude towards people is very annoying and driving me crazy. Thanks.

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