#BN2015Epilogues: Edie Went Through an Abusive Relationship But is Convinced the Future Holds a Glorious Hope

Last year BellaNaija Features put together an inspiring feature series to round off the year. The 2014 Epilogues featured 10 real people who took an introspective look at their year and wrote about it. This year, we decided to make the call public to our readers. {Click here if you missed it} It is our hope and desire that we will have enough entries to have a story up every day from the 1st to the 31st of December. We have received an impressive number of entries and we hope that you will share yours with us.

We kicked off the series and so far we’ve had the following entries: Jennifer G , Morountodun , Victory, Mayowa ,  Harmony ,Dekky , OJ , Busola , Modupe, The Prodigal Daughter , Adetola, Ayomikun , Omami Jojo , Kehinde , Iember ,  Hadiza , Florence , Amaha , Vanessa , Winifred and Anne-Rose.

We have had an overwhelming response to the call for Epilogues and we’re grateful to everyone who has sent in an entry. We will do our best to share every story we received before the deadline (even if it runs into the new year. Because BellaNaijarians are so awesome!)

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The fact that I am stable enough to write this article today is a miracle. This year was an eventful one for me and 2015 taught me some hard lessons. Let me tell y’all about it.

All my life I’ve been the good child. I did the house chores without complaining, was a straight A student and as the only girl in my family, I learnt to grow up really fast. I had to take care of everyone at home as my mum worked till late at night and we had no maid. When I wasn’t engrossed in home duty, I was in school, where there were very strict rules. Because of this, I didn’t go out much, I was shy and reserved except when around close friends and I didn’t really know how to relate to people. Basically, I didn’t have a social life and I stayed away from relationships. However, I saw myself as a beautiful, strong and confident young woman.

Imagine when 2015 came and I finally had the chance to live away from my home and school for the first time. I had gotten a great internship in another city and I was pretty stoked about it. I didn’t have to rack my brain about what to make for dinner or about tests, projects, term papers or harsh deadlines and I looked forward to it with all my heart. At 21, I was finally free to live my life, eagerly expectant of the other great things life had to offer.

I eventually left home in March. I began my awesome internship and started taking driving lessons as well. I hung out more often with friends after work and on weekends and began to meet new people. In all of this, I couldn’t wrap my head around all the attention I was getting from men at work, church, the mall, but I enjoyed it. In the spirit of trying new things, I decided it was time to enter into a relationship. I really liked the guy. He was much older, gave me his attention, time and treated me like a queen. Life seemed terrific and nothing could have prepared me for what was to come.

In the next few months, the roses faded and the skies were no longer blue. I found myself in an abusive relationship I couldn’t get out of. He didn’t have to throw punches before scaring my soul and taking away the light that was once in my eyes. Suddenly, I didn’t look good enough, my food didn’t taste good enough, I always needed to watch my tone and I couldn’t wear high heels anymore. He picked a fight with me over the smallest things and didn’t hesitate to crush my pride every time he could. He constantly reminded me he didn’t like dating fair girls and how he had supposedly changed his lifestyle for me, so I had to consider being with him, a privilege. Whenever, I dared to oppose him or speak my mind, he would get really angry and block my number for weeks. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I tried to talk to him about it and he told me to my face that there were other fish in the sea and there was nothing special about me. He warned me never call or text him again.

My whole world suddenly turned upside down and slowly, I BEGAN TO LOSE MYSELF. I began to seek for validation in all the wrong places and I desperately wanted to belong to someone, anyone. For months, I looked myself in the mirror and felt I wasn’t good enough. I cried when I remembered all the things he said to me. I began to starve myself and take weight loss pills (which never worked) so that he would like my body. I would drink till I was knocked out just so I could sleep at night and I smoked everything that passed by for the high.

My friends (God bless them) decided it had gone on for too long and staged an intervention. We had a long talk where they told me all the things that were beautiful about me and asked me to give everything to Jesus; he was the only one who could take care of me. Shortly after that, I gave my life to Him, truly and sincerely this time and it has been an amazing journey since then. I found out who I was in Christ by the virtue of my redemption and he has restored the dignity I lost during my dark days. He gave me all the strength I needed to go through that period and I never went back to my ex. I also lost a whooping 15kg through proper dieting and exercise only. I did it for myself, not for anybody and I look and feel even more amazing. I believe God wanted me to go through this now to teach me some lessons and prepare me for the future.

This year I have truly experienced God’s love like never before. It has been so overwhelming and I’m just in awe of Him. He has given my life meaning again and he is slowly moulding me into the woman he wants me to be. With Him, I am convinced that the future holds even more glorious things for me and everything will definitely work out for my good.

We remain ever beautiful in God’s eyes.

Love,
Edie

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Javiindy