Quincy Iwediokpulu: Why Do Female Friendships End After Marriage?

Is it just me or has anyone noticed that when a female friend gets married especially here in Nigeria, the longtime friendship between your unmarried self and her takes a dive into the ocean and drowns?

It’s as if, there is some kind of unwritten law that says, “After marriage, such friendship is no longer relevant”; to be frank, when we actually look at it from a logical point of view, it actually makes sense because Hubby is now supposed to be the new bestie.

But, I personally think it is this sudden switch that makes  maids of honor and Asoebis pretend that they really like the cheap gowns and shoes they want to buy exorbitantly for the weddings, because in their minds, they already know what to expect-that as soon as their friend puts on that ring, they are no longer relevant.

So bye-bye….till Jesus comes.

But still, it is really quite unfortunate that one minute you guys are besties, taking selfies and making noise around town, only for Aunty to now marry and you are suddenly expendable.

Aunty is now a ‘responsible’ wife and mother and so, you are not.

This Aunty can now also easily take to the ‘delete’ button on Blackberry messenger and the ‘block’ option on Whatsapp whenever you say something that she does not concur with (something she ordinarily wouldn’t have done if still single), because as far as she is concerned, you are now that friend that she shouldn’t always hang with. After all, ‘Una no dey the same level again’.

Marriage don come.

And since you are not married yourself, there is obviously no possible way you could relate to her position as a wife or even a mother, so what would you two be talking about? like really?

I’ve also noticed that these days, even husbands, parents and in-laws advise their daughters/wives not to hang with their unmarried friends, because these unmarried friends are likely to give ill advice, proffer ill-association, ill-emotions, illicit opinions, ill-conclusions – in short everything that is related to, included and not limited to the giant word of ‘ill’. The single friends are now capable of mass destruction and are likely to tear the marriage apart if the almighty married ones continue to associate with them regularly.

In other words, the intentions of an ordinary single friend are never always pure!

There is even this unfortunate part where a single friend’s opinions no longer hold water, and are considered inconsequential and unsubstantial. If unfortunately that opinion or advice or gesture or whatever, does not meet married friend’s, huzzy’s, inlaw’s or parents’ understanding, it most likely sprung out of jealousy and never really out of pure love and concern.

And who could blame them?

My sisters, our sole crime as single friends is not being married ourselves,

So biko, let us do and go and marry our own abeg.

It is, however, quite surprising though that the same cannot be said for the male folks. In fact, it is when one Oga has even gotten married that the friendship goes deeper and the bond stronger. Men become even closer than brothers and the friendship continues till when one single brother decides to screw with the other brother’s wife.

I believe we all know what happens then. But why can’t the same be said of the women folk? Why do we push away our single friends because we are now married?

I learnt that it is because we women were naturally created to be competitive and so when one bestie is married, she becomes very protective of her ‘achievement’ and wouldn’t want anything to jeopardize it; while for the unmarried bestie, there is always a huge tendency that she would get jealous over her bestie’s ‘achievement’. To be on the safe side, it is considered sensible and wise to just let go of the friendship before water pass garri or monkey begin sew jacket.

But what is your take my people? Is a friendship supposed to hiccup to death because one is married? Why do you think this happens?

Or maybe I’m just ranting because I am not married. Perhaps when I marry, things would change so much that I would start seeing my single friends as cankerworms that want to come and feast on my marriage vows and commitments.

So let me wait and see…

But what about you? Do you think it is a very sensible thing to let go of a long time friendship because you are married? Have you ever been pushed away by a married friend? Kindly share your experiences.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime |  Monkey Business Images Ltd