Aunty Bella: Miss. Drained from the Pain

This is one of the most heartbreaking Aunty Bella letters we have received.
Miss. Drained from the Pain, sending you hugs from us.
BellaNaijarians, please help!

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Please I’ll like to send a post to the BellaNaija team to be posted in the Aunty Bella column. Please? I sincerely hope you don’t mind the length. Thank you

Stupid, foolish, embarrassment, big for nothing, as old as you are, idiot, disgrace, wasted effort…

These are a few of the words my so called father has used to describe me. I am 25 years of age and up till this moment, at this point of my life right now, I don’t know what I have done to my dad to warrant his negative attitude towards me. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled to make him accept me, I’ve struggled to please him, I’ve struggled to make him show love towards me, heck I’ve struggled to build a bond between us.

I sincerely wish I could start my life over again and just happen into a different family/home entirely. I am the only daughter of my parents and the first child at that. The level of discord I have experienced is too much for a young girl like me. Sometimes i think the man would be much better off with me out of the picture. dead. Win-win for both of us, me-will no longer be at the receiving end of his madness and him- will no longer have me to treat with such bitterness.

I got into a bit of trouble back at Uni and had to be sent home briefly, this incidence will be the never closing door to all the hate and disappointment this man must have probably felt towards me. It’s a miracle I didn’t take my own life back then.

I am a crier, I cry over little things because i would rather let out tears than pick a fight or speak brash words at someone. My dad has picked up on my crying abilities and uses it against me. He uses this perfectly emotional reaction to cover up the real problem that is our non-existent relationship.

Many a time, I have wished the man dead just so I can heal and find closure, but for my mum and siblings. I pray for mercy and grace everyday. I am sincerely fed up and ready to run away. I am tired of watching my mum defend me every time for nothing. She doesn’t deserve to go through this.

I’ve never understood and I’ll never understand this father-daughter bond people talk of, because in all of my years, my dad has hugged me twice. No big deal really.
My mum has painstakingly tried to convince me many times that I’m his only daughter and he has no other female child outside. She has sworn upon her life that he is my father and no one else. I find that hard to believe as a part of me wishes i were adopted so at least i can understand why he’ll treat me this way. If truly i am not his child, I can forgive and forget.

I have just acquired a second degree and have been home for barely 2 months and i cannot begin to describe the level of unfulfillment that rests upon me everyday because i have been told i am a lazy failure because i haven’t gotten a job. I am not taking life seriously because the unemployment rate in Nigeria is no respecter of my masters degree.

I’m not using this medium to beg for a job or to ask for pity. I just want someone to encourage me. I need to know that I am not at fault and that there are people who have had to deal with emotionally, psychologically and verbally abusive parents. I need to know I am not alone. Please help me heal. Please.

And a note to parents and soon to be parents or guardians: Please treat your kids/ wards right. Be mindful of what you say to them, this will go a long way in building their confidence levels. Most importantly, Ask God specifically to love and nurture your children.

I wish everyone a lovely and fruitful week. Amen

Thanks Bella. God bless you. Please i will like to stay anonymous.

Goodnight