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Roseline Nya: So Why Do Women Have Sex?

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dreamstime_l_31074480I’m beginning to think that women enjoy playing the victim when it comes to their sexual interactions with men. ‘Oh, he lured me into having sex with him’, one says. ‘Oh, he said if I do it, he will do that’, another says. ‘Oh, he said he loves me’, yet another says’. I’m tired of hearing all these excuses from women! They sound childish and silly to me. I’ve only met a few women who have alluded to the fact that they have sex because they want to, and I admire them for it. But to the greater part of the population, why don’t you have sex because you want to and not because a man asked you to?

He was a cute stranger I met at a Lounge on the day I embarked on a mission to understand men’s perspectives on the science of one night stand, which generally refers to a single string-less sex encounter.

The move itself was impelled by **Rachel – a young woman who had cried foul to us, after a man she had only just met talked her into having sex with him, there and then, only to walk away, change his phone number and never contact her.

Who was this man who could convince a girl he had only just met to have sex with him? What antics did he employ? What did he say to her, exactly? What did he offer her? These were some of the questions we sought answers to. Yet, as Rachel’s words built her story, our experienced nostrils caught a whiff of a one-night stand. But the wide-eyed Rachel had been dazzled to believe that her love had finally found her.

An investigation was initiated. How do women save themselves from falling into the trap of deceptive, one-night-stand-seeking charmers? With what do women identify them by? We set out to answer.

Different men with mad love for the women in their lives spoke differently but all pointed to the fact that outwardly, there was no marked difference between a man who is solely out to hump once and dump, and a man who is genuinely interested in getting to know a woman. They said either of the two motives required “influencing” the subject’s emotions toward welcoming one and accepting all that one comes with. Therefore, a woman wouldn’t know unless she’s told what is in the heart or “allowed” to study the relationship over a considerably long period.
That reinforced our support for holding off on sex until you are sure of his intentions.

Then I spoke with the cute stranger and he made that statement. His words rang loudly in my ears. They held seeds of truth in them. Of course it is my place to defend the womenfolk, since I am a woman, and defend I did. But all I said did not reduce the weight of his question, “Why don’t you have sex because you want to and not because he asked you to?” Or, in my own words, “Why don’t you have sex because you are horny or have the hots for the guy and not because of what he said, does or own?”
That way you will not feel exploited if the relationship leads nowhere.

Understandably, the fact that women’s sexuality is constantly under the biased scrutiny of the society makes forming “virtuosity” every woman’s job; because even after much clarification has been given on the subject, most people, including women, still see as contemptible, she who has sexual needs and in any manner or form pursue after satisfying them.

We’re even told that women need emotional connection to desire sex but that isn’t entirely true, because different women have different levels of sexual drive and different levels of sexual freedom, which is why some women are passive about sex, while some are very active in the confines of a serious relationship, while, yet, some others have no qualms about casual sex; even one night stands, which some others are crying to be victims of.

So, to all the Rachels out there, next time you want to have consensual sex with a man, do it because you’re horny, keen, and curious to explore your sexuality. Not because you hope or think that the sex will lead to anything other than an orgasm.

And if that man happens to be a stranger you just met, use protection, but I don’t have ANY advice on how to fight off an axe-wielding, blood-thirsty cannibal; if a one night stand turns out to be one.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime
*Not her real name

28 Comments

  1. Truetalk

    January 29, 2016 at 2:51 pm

    The Nigerian woman is an exceptional specie. She does’t like having sex and when she does, it’s to please a man or he forced her. Yet she complains that her man can’t make her come. She blames the man for the sun not shinning when she holds the key to her orgasm. Ask her if she wants sex she says No, but allows you in WTF. Say what you mean and mean what you say and quit playing the victim. That leads me to ask, WETIN WOMEN WANT SEF?

    • Ewa

      January 29, 2016 at 3:15 pm

      Na who go give us than answer o….

    • Ewa

      January 29, 2016 at 3:15 pm

      *that

    • bii

      January 29, 2016 at 3:27 pm

      Ask Mel Gibson

    • Azabe

      January 29, 2016 at 7:01 pm

      My dear to be honest I think god created AFRICANS to mix. End of story. Coz I had a nigerian girl who used to tell me am not very sexual…I think what she meant is she is bored of the same sweet nothings bullshit…I think she was quite on the verge to turn into dyke as a lot of nyja girls are leaning towards….but my East African love was so etching terribly new for her. And her loving combined with mine, sparked a fire for us. We went thru a whirl wind. Of a sex crazed relationship neither of us could ever imagine the feeling….so…their try something new.

    • Oyin

      January 29, 2016 at 7:41 pm

      @Truetalk

      Women in general are complex. We are in a good mood and the next second it changes. I feel like it but then I don’t feel like it is the mixed feelings I oh through sometimes. Men have a consistent mood when it comes to sex. Nigerian women are not straightforward about sex because of how we are raised and care how we will be perceived. I noticed, I’m currently more open about sex with my Bf(he’s American) than any of my naija exes. I’m sorry, naija men talk and use certain things against you no matter how they claim they are open and don’t gossip. I dated my first bf for a year and a half without intercourse. We did other things though. I told him, I don’t feel comfortable yet. One night, he practically just went for it. Naija men are persistent and I had mixed feelings at that time so I can necessarily say he coerced me. A part of me wanted to go for it than the other part was clouded with omg, what’s going to happen after. So, I didn’t bleed for my first time. He said, “I tot u said, you are a virgin”. I was so annoyed. I didn’t bother defending myself bcos the arrogant dude will go around town telling people he disvirgined me. And I’m not going to go back and forth over my virginity. Till today he thinks I lied about being a virgin. He was a decent guy but he ran his mouth more than he should sometimes subconsciously.

    • Sugar

      January 30, 2016 at 12:19 am

      Sex is good when you own it.i am afraid some nija men both educated n worse when uneducated, are often selfish n dont necessarily do enuf foreplay to get the woman to your level nor satisfy her .so sex becomes painful n not looked forward to.if u screw me well i can hav sex everytime u want or i want.also do not forget the male n female libido are different.the male being on a higher conquer zone.

    • M4

      January 30, 2016 at 1:37 am

      Nah,you have to rephrase it.Like…’wetin African women want’… Cuz most oyinbo women are straight forward with their feelings..Their NO is NO and YES is YES…. Personally as a mature man I get no time to play mind game.

  2. 'Deola

    January 29, 2016 at 3:34 pm

    There is diversity of the womenfolk. I think people should be treated individually not as a collective. It explains all slurs and burden individuals carry about because of their ethnicity, race and gender. That’s not to say ‘some’ things are not stereotypical, but they should be considered carefully and in the light of the specific situation.

  3. YUMMY CHICK CUM MUMMY

    January 29, 2016 at 3:38 pm

    EXCEPT IF M NOT IN MOOD OR WHEN WE V ISSUES AND M NOT HAPPY BUT MY GUY GINGERS ME EVEN AFTER MY SHAKARA,WHICH I MIGHT ENJOY LATER .. LOL..dts is when i feel am not in control of my urges but most times,….. I FEEL I M D ONE IN TOTAL CONTROL OF MY SEX LIFE. I CAN HAVE SEX WITHOUT BEING EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED TO D GUY…….. i v sex wen m horny n wen i feel like i want to….ladies need to take responsibility of their sex instead of playing the blame game ish…….. we both nack ourselves nah, ITS A MUTUAL THING!!!!!!!!

    • unknow shiekh

      January 31, 2016 at 11:59 am

      correct person

  4. American Wonder

    January 29, 2016 at 4:26 pm

    Love sex! I have casual sex most nights, & mornings or whenever I feel like it. Satisfaction rate 100%, no fuckboi needed. Can’t waste my time with one night stands, the sole aim of that kind hookup is a selfish climax but the odds just lead to sexual frustration.

  5. nunulicious

    January 29, 2016 at 4:46 pm

    Maybe we don’t have sex with who we want, because we don’t want to be judged.

    The society will judge us if we even spoke about how we want sex and with whom we want it. How much more if we actually do it!

  6. Noms

    January 29, 2016 at 4:58 pm

    Being that men are always (lol) in the mood, there are times women won’t be in the mood and I guess that’s when they feel cajoled.
    Personally, I know i will be vocal when the time comes…YOLO. I won’t wait this long and not say what and how I want it. Mbaaaa,ijoooo,nooooo
    Dear future hubby, I promise to always be in the mood for you and I will also be a traffic warden when its doing me *winks*

  7. Ada Nnewi

    January 29, 2016 at 5:17 pm

    I have sex because i enjoy sex especially when my partner knows how it’s done…

  8. Tosin

    January 29, 2016 at 5:20 pm

    Nice writing, so I tried to reach your blog. ??

  9. bima

    January 29, 2016 at 5:21 pm

    I had sex with a guy i met a week ago, 2 nights ago cause i thought he was hot and i was horny and he now wants a relationship which wasn’t on my mind in the first place. If i had played the victim i’m sure he would have bailed…..

  10. meanwhile...

    January 29, 2016 at 5:50 pm

    Thank you for writing this article!!! Seriously, I don’t understand why so many women are so keen to make sex a dirty and annoying thing. I love me some penis, and I am not ashamed coz that’s how it’s supposed to be, when you are an heterosexual woman. And by the way, sex is sacred. After all, the first direct order that God gave human beings was “go forth and multiply”, how do you achieve that without sex? So girls, anytime you frown in disgust in the mention of sex with your partner, it’s a sin oooooooohhhh!!! ???

  11. Puzzles

    January 29, 2016 at 5:59 pm

    Different women have sex for various reasons:
    1. because they are horny
    2. because they are in love with the man
    3. because they want money/material things from the guy
    4. because they think they can get the guy to marry them, especially when they get pregnant

  12. olu

    January 29, 2016 at 5:59 pm

    I remember this lady back in college who would always say no when I asked her for sex. Then she would go around telling our mutual friends that I’m a slacker. I eventually asked her why she called me a slacker and she said it was because whenever she said no, I gave up too easily….she wanted me to beg or apply pressure. She said she didn’t always mean the ‘no’ she told me…!

    yea..you heard that right. That’s what the ‘Nigerian’ lady said.

    She laughed at me because I was a gentleman.

    I’m 100% sure I’m not the only male who has experienced this.

    • chi-e-z

      January 29, 2016 at 9:15 pm

      she might be a submissive type. I just found out I tend to that kind of balance. Some like to dominate some submissive some role play a lot of things. anyways I’m a changed person I shouldn’t be talkin bout fornicatin … but when I get a ring it’s on 😀

    • Olu

      January 29, 2016 at 9:47 pm

      Being submissive has nothing to do with being firm ..sorry.
      Your yes should mean yes and no should mean no….especially when it comes to having sex.
      If you say No to me, I will leave you alone. Call me a slacker if you want …your loss for lacking confidence.

    • red pill male

      January 30, 2016 at 10:45 am

      It’s called a sh%t test. Women do it a lot. If you pass the test you get laid. It used to confuse me until I figured it out. Most women truly believe that the vag is some sort of holy grail so if you want it you have to fight for it or at least game your way into her pants. Personally don’t have time for these games.

  13. Rude gal

    January 29, 2016 at 6:18 pm

    I won’t have sex with anyone and regret it except I was raped. It’s either I want it or not. I can’t blame sex on a drunken mood either. If I happens, I allowed. If I don’t want it, it won’t happen!

    • Cindy

      January 30, 2016 at 12:39 am

      Rudegal this your assessment na one kain and I really hope you are just speaking for yourself. So if you are drunk while the other person isn’t, you still believe you are in the right state of mind to have sex? Is okay, I know your type.

  14. Peaches77

    January 31, 2016 at 7:31 pm

    Ah ah! …because sex sweet die.

  15. bebe

    February 1, 2016 at 1:25 pm

    Thank you Peaches77, because the thing is sweet, simple. When I think of it, all the sex I had was because I was curious and I wanted a taste of the the guy’s “wetin call”. I only get angry when the the guy no jus sabi, Why excite me only to turn out to be a “1 minute man”…..Bloody waste of my time….

    • ayo

      February 2, 2016 at 10:28 pm

      Nothing more Annoying than a 1 minute Man!! Sex should Be For hours an extremely Pleasurable so the girl can Always remember it for Ever!! It’s Very Sweet

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