Frances Okoro: For Those Who Want To Seize The Bae In 2016

At the beginning of this year I asked my Father… “Lord is my love story coming alive this 2016?”As an obedient daughter I paused, and became silent in a bid to hear His familiar voice.

I was expecting to hear a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ outrightly; but in a classic God behaviour the answer He gave me was something that changed my mindset.

His answer was:
“Do you think that you are ready or there’s still a lot to be done in single hood? Could you be a helper to someone right now or are you the one who needs help? Are you stabilized enough or ready enough to serve a man in marriage?“

At first I paused… Lord why all these barrage of questions to a simple question of “is 2016 the year I would be joined in marriage or not?”
I asked a simple question so please give me a simple answer.

Afterwards I calmed down a bit and the area of my heart that yields to Him came alive. I began to answer His questions sincerely…

(1) It seems like there’s still a lot to do in singlehood right now

(2) I could probably help someone other than myself a little bit but truth be told, it seems to be me just looking for a shoulder to rest on and draw strength from right now.

(3) Am I ready to serve? In the flesh… NO.

And then He spoke to my heart…
From my answer above I again heard His voice that I am basically looking for who I can get the things I need from and not GIVE the things He needs and there is a difference between both things.

And so I asked like a daughter yielded to her Father would ask… Where do I go from here Lord?
What He told me is what I would love to share with you all my fellow sisters today.

There seems to be a mentality that is rife in town right now.
Almost every single lady entered into 2016 chanting #SeizeTheBae.
That chant would probably work for the ones who want to seize any kind of bae but would never work for those who want to seize God’s kind of bae for them.
Let me explain:
When you make up your mind to wait for ONLY God’s kind of man/woman for you, you also have go through the process of getting His kind of man/woman.
And that process includes a renewal of your mind and a shift in your mentality.

The world practically thinks of marriage in the line of what he/she can do for me.
I have been and still occasionally is someone who would say things like “if he was here he would have given me this massage I’m craving…”
If he was here he would have dropped me off with these loads in Ajah…
If he was here, we would have shared the work I need to do to put together my seminar…
And it goes on and on…
We almost never stop to think of what we would do for him if he was here.
So we go into marriage with our list of expectations piled up high for a mere mortal man who stands no chance against a 20 something year old list that has been prepared against him.

Marriages that work don’t start out like that and can never survive with that kind of mind set. God said to me, from now on, let there be a mind shift in your mentality as regards the man.
Start thinking in the line of “I will like to help him with this and that”.
When you think that you are tired right now and would love your man to massage you, turn it around and think of you doing that for him.
You need encouragement and help?
Then think of you giving him that encouragement and help.
Stop thinking about you getting; start thinking about you giving.

Trust me, this was a tough pill to swallow but I am thankful that the correction came at the time it did.

We have so many good Christian ladies with a long list of expectations on what their future spouse should be doing for them…
No one stops to think of what they could do for the man that God sends them.
Too many “getting” going on and not enough “giving” going on.
A marriage set upon that kind of mind set cannot work.

Has anyone ever noticed that the 1 Corinthians 13 type of love doesn’t speak of what the other person does?
It only tells us what our love should be like… so regardless of how the other person behaves, we are expected to love them still.

Marriage is not a place to drag rights…
Marriage is a place to give, give and give of ourselves to our spouses.
Yes, the other person has an obligation to you but you are not responsible for their obligation to you… you are responsible for your obligation to them so that’s what you can focus on and make better.

Some persons would argue that the “bae” isn’t here yet so they can live anyhow they like and only start giving of themselves when he comes.
But no, you can practice this giving and serving others right now with the people around you.
Family, friends, acquaintances, colleagues, Church members… etc.

My point is simply this: If you really intend to follow up on your “seize the bae” chant in 2016, you must get a mind renewal in this area of what marriage is all about.
Marriage is service.

It is a “what can I do for you thing”
And not a “what can you do for me thing”

The very idea of selfishness in marriage, the ‘me, myself and I’ syndrome is a huge part of the reason why we have failed marriages today.

Make an adjustment in this area, start thinking in line of what you can give to the man.
Of how you can be of help to his life. And when he finally comes, both your lives will be better for it.

PS: I would love to hear from you…
Have you gotten/made any corrections on your character recently? As pertaining “seizing the bae”?
I would love to hear from you.
Please share in the comment section below

Photo Credit: Foto.com.ng | Nsoedo Frank