Aunty Bella: Miss. No Love for the Bird in Hand

I’m a Lagos based lady who schooled in Osun state.During my final year, I met a guy (Mr A) and I gave him my number. We saw like three times before I left school and instantly he asked me out but I won’t date any guy till about 6 months… so I know if he’s for real.

So during this time, he calls but not every time. He made me understand that he wants to go get married by the following year. My reply was that it was not in my agenda to get married soon, as I planned to go back to school for another degree. I made it clear; then he told me that it was not a problem and it didn’t disturb my plans since we won’t have a kid right away.

During these six months, I didn’t develop any feelings for him and I opened up to him that I don’t have feelings for him. I didn’t even like him, and I told him to find another girl; but he insisted that I’m his wife.

I warned him that there isn’t chemistry and I don’t picture myself with him at all. I have tried and I can’t force myself to grow a feeling that has refused to develop.

During my days at the NYSC Camp, I met another guy (Mr. B). We are of different religions. We became friends and close that we could talk about anything: sex, relationships and other stuff.

I really like him but didn’t tell him. I told him about Mr. A, but he didn’t say anything about it. He encouraged me to follow my heart.

One day, I went on a date with a new guy, Mr. C – who I just met. I didn’t really like him; plus he was below my standard – education wise. I told Mr. B about my date via chat, and I was like I wouldn’t like to date this guy at all. Then he asked me what my reasons were. I told him that if he wants me to go out with this new guy, I would, because I trust him and that I trust his judgement because he is my very good friend.

Then he asked me if I just put him in a friend zone. I was confused and I asked him what he meant by friend zone – I wanted an honest answer. He explained himself that he really likes me but he is not sure of dating me because he doesn’t know if he would be a good boyfriend and that he doesn’t want to lose our friendship… if the relationship fails. According to him, it was the reason he hadn’t popped the question of whether I would date him.

I was a bit disappointed and shocked because I was waiting for him to ask me out but he didn’t and then I closed the chapter. When he asked me for my views on the situation, I replied that I honestly didn’t know what to say. Then he said okay and we moved on from the issue.

My problem now is that Mr. A is still waiting and assuming that I’m his one and only and I’m just using him to while away the sorrow of not having to call my own – because all my friends have their guys who call. I don’t want to be the only single girl among them, and that is only reason I’m still picking his calls.

So I’m really confused because I cry inside everyday, because I haven’t found my own man who I would like to fall in love with. I’m tired of being single and lonely but I can’t force myself to have feelings for someone I don’t like.

Please Bella team, help me because I have been thinking about this too much. Maybe I would never be able to find Mr. Right. I don’t eat and sleep.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime